Top 200 Quotes From Tony Stark

Tony: That man is playing Galaga! Thought we wouldn't notice. But we did.

Tony: Can't you just be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man?

Tony: I love you 3000.

[Tony tries to lift the Mjölnir]
Tony: Alright so if I lift it then I rule Asgard?
Thor: Yes, of course.
Tony: I will be reinstituting prima nocta.

Tony: [In hologram message played after death, to daughter Morgan Stark] I love you three thousand.

Jarvis: [Thor has just thrown a thunderbolt on Iron Man] Power to four-hundred percent capacity.
Tony: How about that?

Tony: Come on, buddy, wake up!
- That's my man.
- You lose this again,
- I'm keeping it.
- What happened?
- You mess with time, it tends to mess back.
- You'll see.

Tony: Clearly you weren't actually born here, right?
Steve: The idea of me was.
Tony: Right. Well, imagine you're S.H.I.E.L.D... running a quasi-fascistic intelligence organization... where do you hide it?
- In plain sight.

Tony: What's on the docket?
Natalie: You have a 9:30 dinner.
Tony: Perfect. I'll be there at 11.

Pepper: We got really lucky.
Tony: Yeah, I know.
Pepper: A lot of people didn't.
Tony: I can't help everybody.
Pepper: It sort of seems like you can.
Tony: Not if I stop. I can put a pin in it right now... and stop.
Pepper: Tony, trying to get you to stop has been one of the few failures of my entire life.

Christine: Mr. Stark! Christine Everheart, Vanity Fair magazine. Can I ask you a couple of questions?
Hogan: [whispers to Stark] She's cute.
Tony: [whispers to Hogan] She's alright.
[turns around]
Tony: Hi!
Christine: Hi.
Tony: Yeah. Okay, go.
Christine: You've been called the Da Vinci of our time. What do you say to that?
Tony: Absolutely ridiculous. I don't paint.
Christine: And what do you say to your other nickname, the Merchant of Death?
Tony: That's not bad. Let me guess... Berkeley?
Christine: Brown, actually.
Tony: Well, Ms. Brown. It's an imperfect world, but it's the only one we got. I guarantee you the day weapons are no longer needed to keep the peace, I'll start making bricks and beams for baby hospitals.
Christine: Rehearse that much?
Tony: Every night in front of the mirror before bedtime.
Christine: I can see that.
Tony: I'd like to show you firsthand.
Christine: [exasperated] All I'm looking for is a straight answer.
Tony: OK, here's a straight answer. My old man had a philosophy: peace means having a bigger stick than the other guy.
Christine: That's a great line, coming from a guy selling the sticks.
Tony: My father helped defeat Nazis. He worked on the Manhattan Project. A lot of people, including your professors at Brown, would call that being a hero.
Christine: And a lot of people would also call that war-profiteering.
Tony: Tell me,
[removing his shades]
Tony: do you plan to report on the millions we've saved by advancing medical technology or kept from starvation with our intelli-crops? All those breakthroughs, military funding, honey.
Christine: Have you ever lost an hour of sleep in your life?
Tony: I'd be prepared to lose a few with you.

Steve: Is everything a joke to you?
Tony: Funny things are.

Tony: [Searching for secret door] Please be a secret door, please be a secret door, please be a secret door...
[Finds and opens secret door]
Tony: Yay!

Pepper: Is this about the Avengers? Which I know nothing about.
Tony: The Avengers initiative was scrapped, I thought. And I didn't even qualify.
Pepper: I didn't know that either.
Tony: Apparently I'm volatile, self-obsessed, and don't play well with others.
Pepper: That I did know.

Thor: [sees Thor laugh] You think this is funny? This could have been avoided if you hadn't played with something you don't understand...
Tony: I'm sorry... I think it's funny, I think it's a hoot that YOU don't get why we need this!
Bruce: Tony, maybe this might not be the time...
Tony: Really? That's it? You just roll over and show your belly, every time somebody snarls?
Bruce: Only when I've created a murder-bot!
Tony: We didn't, we weren't even close! Were we close to an interface?
Steve: Well, you did something right, and you did it right here!

Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: Tony, look, I'm sorry.
Tony: Don't be.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: No, I should have trusted you.
Tony: I'm the one who put you in this position. Forget it.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: No, it's your fault. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

[last lines]
Tony: There's been speculation that I was involved in the events that occurred on the freeway and the rooftop...
Christine: I'm sorry, Mr. Stark, but do you honestly expect us to believe that that was a bodyguard in a suit that conveniently appeared, despite the fact that...
Tony: I know that it's confusing. It is one thing to question the official story, and another thing entirely to make wild accusations, or insinuate that I'm a superhero.
Christine: I never said you were a superhero.
Tony: Didn't?
Christine: Mmm-mmm.
Tony: Well, good, because that would be outlandish and, uh, fantastic. I'm just not the hero type. Clearly. With this laundry list of character defects, all the mistakes I've made, largely public.
Rhodey: [whispers to Tony] Just stick to the cards, man.
Tony: Yeah, okay.
[holds up his notes and pauses]
Tony: The truth is...
[puts cards down]
Tony: I am Iron Man.

Tony: Honestly, at this exact second, I thought you were a Build-a-Bear.
Rocket: Maybe I am.

[Captain America throws his shield between Iron Man and Thor, stopping their fight in the woods]
Steve: Hey! That's enough!
[Captain America looks at Thor]
Steve: Now, I don't know what you plan on doing here.
Thor: I've come here to put and end to Loki's schemes!
Steve: Then prove it! Put the hammer down.
Tony: Um, yeah, no! Bad call! He loves his hammer!
[Thor knocks Iron Man back with his hammer]
Thor: [to Cap] You want me to put the hammer down?
[Captain America ducks and holds up his shield as Thor leaps at him, blocking Thor's blow. The impact of the hammer on the vibranium shield creates a massive shockwave, knocking Thor off his feet]
Steve: Are we done here?

Steve: Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?
Bruce: He'd have to heat the cube to a hundred and twenty million Kelvin just to break through the Coulomb barrier.
Tony: Unless Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunnelling effect.
Bruce: Well, if he could do that, he could achieve heavy ion fusion at any reactor on the planet.
Tony: Finally, someone who speaks English.
Steve: Is that what just happened?
[Stark and Banner shake hands]
Tony: It's good to meet you, Dr. Banner. Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.
Bruce: Thanks.
Nick: [to Stark] Dr. Banner is only here to track the cube. I was hoping you might join him.
Steve: Let's start with that stick of his. It may be magical, but it works an awful lot like a Hydra weapon.
Nick: I don't know about that, but it is powered by the cube. And I'd like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys.
Thor: Monkeys? I do not understand.
Steve: I do!
[Stark rolls his eyes, while Captain America looks proud of himself]
Steve: I understood that reference.

Tony: I never got to say goodbye to my father. There's questions I would've asked him. I would've asked him how he felt about what his company did, if he was conflicted, if he ever had doubts. Or maybe he was every inch of man we remember from the newsreels. I saw young Americans killed by the very weapons I created to defend them and protect them. And I saw that I had become part of a system that is comfortable with zero-accountability.
Press: Mr. Stark! What happened over there?
Tony: I had my eyes opened. I came to realize that I had more to offer this world than just making things that blow up. And that is why, effective immediately, I am shutting down the weapons manufacturing division of Stark Industries.

Peter: I don't feel so good Mr. Stark.
[Looking at his hands]
Tony: You're alright.
[Eye widening]
Peter: I don't want to go, please, I don't want to go Mr. Stark. I am sorry, tony, I am sorry.

Jarvis: Yes. Shall I render using proposed specifications?
Tony: Thrill me.
[as Jarvis works on the render, Tony watches benefit at the Disney Concert Hall on TV]
Jarvis: The render is complete.
Tony: A little ostentatious, don't you think?
Jarvis: What was I thinking? You're usually so discreet.
Tony: [gazes at a 1930s hotrod] Tell you what. Throw a little hotrod red in there.
Jarvis: Yes, that should help you keep a low profile. The render is complete.
Tony: Hey, I like it. Fabricate it. Paint it.
Jarvis: Commencing automated assembly. Estimated completion time is five hours.
Tony: [looks at his watch] Don't wait up for me, honey.

Ebony: Your powers are inconsequential compared to mine.
Tony: Yeah, but the kid's seen more movies.
[Iron Man blows a hole in the ship, Ebony Maw is sucked out into space as in the climax of Aliens]

Rhodey: Oh, my God, you crazy son of a bitch! You owe me a plane, you know that, right?
Tony: [chuckling] Yeah, well, technically he hit me, so...

Yinsen: We met, you know, in a technical conference in Bern.
Tony: I don't remember.
Yinsen: [chuckling] Of course not. If I had been that drunk, I wouldn't have been able to stand, let alone give a lecture on integrated circuits.

Tony: Well, then, you must have known my father better than I did.
Nick: As a matter of fact, I did. He was one of the founding members of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Tony: ...Wait, WHAT?

[Stark and Potts carry out an arc reactor transplant]
Virginia: Don't ever, ever, ever, ask me to do anything like that, ever again!
Tony: I don't have anyone but you.

[Pepper uses a repulsor on Killian]
Tony: Honey?
Pepper: Oh my god... that was really violent...

Tony: [to the Cloak of Levitation] You are one loyal piece of outerwear.

Tony: What are you trying to get rid of me for? You got plans?
Virginia: As a matter of fact, I do.
Tony: I don't like it when you have plans.
Virginia: I'm allowed to have plans on my birthday.
Tony: It's your birthday?
Virginia: Yes.
Tony: I knew that. Already?
Virginia: Yeah, isn't that strange? It's the same day as last year.
Tony: Well, get yourself something nice for me.
Virginia: I already did.
Tony: Yeah? And?
Virginia: Oh, it's very nice... very tasteful. Thank you, Mr. Stark.
Tony: You're welcome, Ms. Potts.

Tony: I just want to talk to you for a minute, well, make that 30 seconds...
Pepper: Okay.
[looks at her watch]
Pepper: 29, 28, 27...

Tony: [The strawberry vendor hands strawberries to Tony who's in his car] I don't like people handing me things just put it down there.
Strawberry: Aren't you Iron Man?
Tony: [Driving off] Sometimes.

[after end credits]
Tony: [arriving home] Evening, JARVIS!
Jarvis: [voice distorted] Welcome home, sir...
[Stark stops as he sees a figure in his living room]
Nick: "I am Iron Man". You think you're the only superhero in the world? Mr. Stark, you've become part of a bigger universe. You just don't know it yet.
Tony: Who the hell are you?
Nick: Nick Fury. Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Tony: Ah.
Nick: I'm here to talk to you about the Avenger Initiative.

Steve: But if you put the hammer in an elevator?
Tony: It'll still go up.
Steve: Elevator's not worthy.

Tony: Listen, I know school sucks. I know you want to save the world. But... you're not ready yet.

Tony: This looks important!
[rips out Iron Monger's optic cables]

[from trailer]
Tony: [to Pepper] Things are different now, I have to protect the one thing that I can't live without. That's you.

Tony: [reading from Natascha's SHIELD Report on Iron Man/Tony Stark]
Tony: Mr. Stark displays textbook... narcissism.
Tony: [Stark stares at Nick Fury, who simply stares at him back] ... Agreed.

Tony: See what happens when you hang out with my ex-girlfriends?
Pepper: You are such a jerk!

[from trailer]
Tony: I'm Tony Stark. I build neat stuff, got a great girl, occasionally save the world. So why can't I sleep?

Tony: [after blasting a hole through Savin's chest] Walk away from that, you son of a bitch.

[Stark suits up to chase Thor and Loki]
Steve: Stark, we need a plan of attack!
Tony: I have a plan: attack!

Tony: [about Natasha] Did she have any family?
Steve: Yeah. Us.

Happy: Anything else, boss?
Tony: I'm good, Hap.
Pepper: No, I'll be just... another minute.
Tony: I lost both the kids in the divorce.

Thanos: I am... inevitable.
[Thanos snaps his fingers, but nothing happens. He discovers that the gauntlet no longer has the Infinity Stones, and that Stark used his armor's nano-technology to transfer the Stones to his arm]
Tony: And I... am... Iron Man!
[Stark snaps his fingers, and Thanos' army slowly fades into dust]

Peter: Wait, who are you?
Peter: We're the Avengers, man.
Mantis: You're the ones Thor told us about.
Tony: You know Thor?
Peter: Yeah, tall guy, not that good-looking, needed saving.

[Tony is going into cardiac arrest]
Tony: We have to hurry. Take this, take this...
Virginia: Okay, okay...
Tony: Now you have to take this wire and attach it to the base plate, there.
Virginia: Okay... Tony?
Tony: What?
Virginia: Tony, it's gonna be okay.
Tony: Is it?
Virginia: It's gonna be okay. I-I am gonna make this okay.
Tony: Let's hope.
[She reaches in again and hooks up the new heart machine - CLICK!]
Tony: YAAA-OOOOOW...!
[normal voice]
Tony: Was that so hard? That was fun, right?

Virginia: [walking in on Stark's robots trying to get him out of the Iron Man suit] What is going on here?
Tony: Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing.
Virginia: Are those bullet holes?

Tony: I'm sorry, earth is closed today. You better pack it up and get outta here.

Natalie: I'm surprised you can keep your mouth shut.
Tony: God, you're good. You are mind-blowingly close to this. How do you do it? You're a triple impostor, I've never seen anything like it. Is there anything real about you? Do you even speak Latin?
Natalie: Fallaces sunt rerum species.
Tony: Which means? Wait, what did you just say?
Natalie: It means you can either drive yourself home or I can have you collected.

Tony: What else you got?
Clint: Well, Thor's taking on a squadron down on Sixth.
Tony: And he didn't invite me...

Maria: All set up boss.
Tony: Actually he's the boss.
[points to Captain America]
Tony: I just pay for everything and design everything, make everyone look cooler.

Jarvis: [while Tony is wearing the Mark II Armor] Test complete. Preparing to power down and begin diagnostics...
Tony: Uh, yeah, tell you what. Do a weather and ATC check, start listening in on ground control.
Jarvis: Sir, there are still terabytes of calculations required before an actual flight is...
Tony: Jarvis... sometimes you gotta run before you can walk.

Tony: [Tony is wounded, Steve and Bucky are leaving] That shield doesn't belong to you. You don't deserve it! My father made that shield!
[Steve drops shield]

Tony: Hmmm. Your eyes are red. Tears for your long lost boss?
Virginia: Tears of joy. I hate job hunting.
Tony: Yeah, well, vacation's over.

Tony: [Referring to his father] He did drop the occasional pearl.
Howard: Such as?
Tony: No amount of money ever bought a second of time.

[Natalie Rushman walks in dressed as the Black Widow]
Tony: Huh! You're... fired.
Natasha: That's not up to you.

Harley: Admit it, you need me. We're connected.
Tony: What I need is for you to go home, be with your mom, keep your trap shut, guard the suit, and stay connected to the telephone, 'cause if I call you, you better pick up.
Tony: [about to get in car] Can you feel that? We're done here. Move out of the way or I'm gonna run you over. Bye, kid.
[Tony gets in car, but Harley continues to stand next to it. Tony rolls down window]
Tony: I'm sorry, kid, you did good.
Harley: So you're just gonna leave me here? Like my dad?
[Tony pauses]
Tony: [Casually] Yeah.
[Tony pauses again]
Tony: Wait, you're guilt tripping me aren't you?
[Harley buries head in coat]
Harley: [Innocently] I'm cold.
Tony: [Mimicking Harley] I can tell. You know how I can tell?
Tony: [Sarcastically] Cause' we're connected!
[Tony drives away]
Harley: [Normal voice] It was worth a shot.

Tony: If I were Iron Man, I'd have this girlfriend who knew my true identity. She'd be a wreck. She'd always be worrying I was going to die, yet so proud of the man I've become. She'd be wildly conflicted, which would only make her more crazy about me...

Tony: How did this happen?
Vision: I became distracted.
Tony: I didn't think that was possible.
Vision: Neither did I.

Tony: You throw another moon at me and I'm gonna lose it!

Loki: How will your friends have time for me, when they're so busy fighting you?
[taps Stark with his scepter, but the Arc Reactor stops the effect]
Loki: [tries again, with no success] This usually works...
Tony: Well, performance issues, it's not uncommon. One out of five...

[None of the Avengers can lift the Mjölnir, but Captain America moves it slightly]
Tony: It's biometrics, right? Like a security code? "Whoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints" is, I think, the literal translation.
Thor: Yes, well that's a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one: You are not worthy.
[an attack occurs]
Ultron: [enters] Worthy? How could you be worthy? You're all killers. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. There's only one path to peace... your extinction.

Jarvis: Sir, I think I need to sleep now...
[shuts down]
Tony: Jarvis! Jarvis? Don't leave me, buddy...

Thor: No one has to break anything.
Ultron,708: Clearly you've never made an omelet.
Tony: He beat me by one second.

[the Hulk is on a rampage]
Tony: [in the Hulkbuster] Listen to me, that little witch is messing with your mind. You're stronger than her, you're smarter than her. You're Bruce Banner!
[the Hulk roars and throws a car at Stark]
Tony: Right, don't mention puny Banner...

Tony: I miss you, Happy.
Happy: Yeah, I miss you, too. But the way it used to be. Now you're off with the super-friends. I don't know what's going on with you, anymore. The world's getting weird.

[from trailer]
Pepper: Natalie is here!
[Stark's notary enters]
Tony: I want one.
Pepper: No...

Dr. Stephen Strange: We gotta turn this ship around.
Tony: Yeah, now he wants to run. Great plan.
Dr. Stephen Strange: No, I want to protect the stone.
Tony: And I want you to thank me. Now, go ahead. I'm listening.
Dr. Stephen Strange: For what? Nearly blasting me into space?
Tony: Who just saved your magical ass? Me.
Dr. Stephen Strange: I seriously don't know how you fit your head into that helmet.
Tony: Admit it, you should've ducked out when I told you to. I tried to bench you. You refused.
Dr. Stephen Strange: Unlike everyone else in your life, I don't work for you.
Tony: And due to that fact, we're now in a flying doughnut billions of miles from Earth with no backup.
Peter: I'm backup.
Tony: No, you're a stowaway. The adults are talking.
Dr. Stephen Strange: I'm sorry, I'm confused as to the relationship here. What is he, your ward?
Peter: No. I'm Peter, by the way.
Dr. Stephen Strange: Doctor Strange.
Peter: Oh, you're using made-up names. Um... I'm Spider-Man, then.

Tony: They say that the best weapon is the one you never have to fire. I respectfully disagree. I prefer the weapon you only have to fire once. That's how Dad did it, that's how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far. I present to you the newest in Stark Industries' Freedom line. Find an excuse to let one of these off the chain, and I personally guarantee, the bad guys won't even wanna come out of their caves. Ladies and gentlemen, for your consideration... the Jericho.

Tony: Sorry I took your suit. I mean, you had it coming. Actually, it turns out it was the perfect sort of tough love moment that you needed, right? To urge you on, right? Wouldn't you think? Don't you think?
Peter: Gee, I, I...
Tony: Let's just say it was.
[sighs]
Peter: Mr. Stark, I'm...
Tony: You screwed the pooch hard. Big time. But then you did the right thing: you took the dog to the free clinic, you raised the hybrid puppies... alright, not my best analogy. I was wrong about you. I think with a little more mentoring, you could be a real asset to the team.
Peter: To the, to the... to the team?
Tony: Yeah! Anyway, there's about 50 reporters behind that door, real ones, not bloggers, so when you're ready...
[Reveals the Iron Spider Armor]
Tony: Why don't you try that on... and I'll introduce the world to the newest official member of the Avengers: Spider-Man.

[after destroying a Hammer drone about to terminate a kid wearing an Iron Man mask]
Iron: Nice work, kid!

Tony: [Rhodey has just launched the "ex wife" weapon, which bounces off Vanko with no effect] Hammer Tech?
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: [Looks dejected] Yeah.

Tony: [to Steve, referring to his 2012 self] Mr. Rogers, I almost forgot, that suit did nothing for your ass.
Steve: No one asked you to look, Tony.
Tony: It's ridiculous.
Scott: I think you look great, Cap. As far as I'm concerned, that's America's ass.

[first lines]
Tony: I feel like you're driving me to court martial. This is crazy. What did I do? I feel like you're gonna pull over and snuff me. What, you're not allowed to talk? Hey, Forrest!
Jimmy: We can talk, sir.
Tony: Oh, I see. So it's personal.
Ramirez: No, you intimidate them.
Tony: Good God, you're a woman! I honestly, I couldn't have called that. I mean, I would apologize, but isn't that what we're going for here? I thought of you as a soldier first.
Ramirez: I'm an airman.
Tony: Well, you have actually excellent bone structure there. I'm kinda having a hard time not looking at you now. Is that weird?
[soldiers laugh]

Tony: [Covering his eye, looks around] How does Fury even see these?
Maria: He turns.
Tony: Sounds exhausting.

Tony: Previously on "Peter Screws the Pooch", I tell you to stay away from this. Instead, you hacked a multi-million dollar suit so you could sneak around behind my back doing the *one thing* I told you not to do.
Peter: Is everyone okay?
Tony: No thanks to you.
Peter: No thanks to me? Those weapons were out there and I tried to tell you about it, but you didn't listen. None of this would've happened if you had just listened to me! If you even cared, you'd actually be here.
[Tony Stark steps out of the suit to reveal that he *is* in fact there]
Tony: I did listen, kid. Who do you think called the FBI, huh? Do you know that I was the only one who believed in you? Everyone else said I was *crazy* to recruit a 14-year-old kid.
Peter: I'm 15.
Tony: No, this is where you ZIP IT, alright? The adult is talking! What if somebody had died tonight? Different story, right? 'Cause that's on *you*. And if you died, I feel like that's on me. I don't need that on my conscience.
Peter: Yes, sir, I...
Tony: Yes.
Peter: I'm sorry. In sorry.
Tony: "Sorry" doesn't cut it.
Peter: I understand. I just wanted to be like you.
Tony: And I wanted you to be better. Okay, it's not working out. I'm gonna need the suit back.
Peter: For how long?
Tony: Forever.
Peter: [on the verge of tears] No! No, no, no! Please, please, please!
Tony: Let's have it.
Peter: You don't understand! This is all I have! I'm nothing without this suit!
Tony: If you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it, okay? God, I sound like my dad.
Peter: I don't have any other clothes.
Tony: Okay, we'll sort that out.

Tony: What's the stat, Rogers?
Steve: [looks at the Helicarrier tech] It seems to be powered by some sort of electricity!
Tony: ...well, you're not wrong.

Rhodey: [seeing Stark in the Iron Man suit] That's the coolest thing I've ever seen.
Tony: Not bad, huh?

Operator: Stark Secure Server: now transferring to all known receivers.
Tony: Pepper, it's me. I've got a lot of apologies to make and not a lot of time, so... first off. I'm so sorry I put you in harm's way. That was selfish and stupid and it won't happen again. Also, it's Christmas time. The rabbit's too big. Done. Sorry. And I'm sorry in advance because... I can't come home yet.
[pauses]
Tony: I need to find this guy. You gotta stay safe. That's all I know. I just stole a poncho from a wooden Indian.

[after attacking Loki with full weapons activated]
Tony: Make a move, Reindeer Games...
[Loki quietly surrenders]
Tony: Good move.
Steve: Mr. Stark.
Tony: Captain.

[the Marks 8-41 arrive at the oil rig to surround the Extremis soldiers]
Tony: Jarvis, target Extremis heat signatures. Disable with extreme prejudice.
Jarvis: [echoing through the suits] Yes, sir.

Aldrich: No more false faces... You said you wanted the Mandarin? You're looking right at him! It was always me, Tony, right from the start! I AM THE MANDARIN!
[Pepper, glowing with Extremis, swats him away with a pole and looks at Tony, who thought she was dead]
Tony: I got nothing.

Tony: If Thanos needs all six, why don't we just stick this one down a garbage disposal?
Dr. Stephen Strange: No can do.
Wong: We swore an oath to protect the Time Stone with our lives.
Tony: And I swore off dairy... but then Ben & Jerry's named a flavor after me, so...
Dr. Stephen Strange: Stark Raving Hazelnuts.
Tony: Not bad.
Dr. Stephen Strange: A bit chalky.
Wong: A Hunk of Hulk of Burning Fudge is our favorite.

Peter: Let me just say, if aliens wind up implanting eggs in my chest or something and I eat one of you, I'm sorry.
Tony: I don't want another single pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip. You understand?

Pepper: ...and all your distractions?
Tony: Uh, I'm going to shave them down a bit...
[taps earpiece]
Tony: Jarvis. Hey.
Jarvis: All wrapped up here, sir. Will there be anything else?
Tony: You know what to do.
Jarvis: The Clean Slate Protocol, sir?
Tony: Screw it, it's Christmas! Yes, yes!
[One by one the suits explode]
Tony: [embraces Pepper] OK so far? You like it?
Pepper: [crying] It'll do.

Colonel: Give me a suit.
[holds out arms]
Tony: Sorry, they're only coded to me. Don't worry, I got you covered.
[a suit approaches Rhodey]
Jarvis: Good evening, Colonel. Can I give you a lift?
Colonel: Very funny.

Pepper: Who's the hot mess now?
[a call-back to Tony's early statement to Pepper that he was a "piping hot mess."]
Tony: That's debatable. But you look great like this, the repulsor and the sports bra...
Pepper: I think I understand why you don't want to give up the suits. What have I got to complain about now?
Tony: Well, it's me. You'll find something.

[crashes into an apartment to evacuate its residents]
Tony: Hi! Okay, everyone in the tub!

Colonel: We couldn't save the President with the suit, how are we going to save Pepper with nothing?
Tony: Uh... say, Jarvis? Is it that time?
Jarvis: The House Party Protocol, sir?
Tony: Correct.
[the suits activate]

[Tony sees Maya for the first time since their one-night stand in Switzerland]
Tony: Please don't tell me there's a 12-year-old kid in the car that I've never met.
Maya: He's 13.
[Tony cringes]
Maya: No! I need your help.

Tony: [seeing Thor] What's wrong with him?
Rocket: He's pissed. He thinks he failed. Which, of course he did, but you know, there's a lot of that going around, ain't there?

[the Senate committee tries to get Stark's attention while he is making flirty faces with Pepper Potts]
Senator: [finally getting his attention] Mr. Stark!
Tony: Yes, dear?

[Stark approaches his car, flanked by news reporter. One videographer behind him points his smartphone at him]
Videographer: Hey Mr. Stark. When is somebody going to kill this guy? Just sayin'.
[Stark turns around to face the videographer]
Tony: Is that what you want?
[pauses]
Tony: Here's a little Holiday greeting I've been wanting to send to the Mandarin. I just didn't know how to phrase it until now. My name is Tony Stark and I'm not afraid of you. I know you're a coward, so I decided... that you just died, pal. I'm gonna come get the body. There's no politics here, it's just good old-fashioned revenge. There's no Pentagon. It's just you and me. And on the off-chance you're a man, here's my home address: 10880 Malibu Point, 90265. I'll leave the door unlocked. That's what you wanted, right?
[Stark grabs the smartphone and throws it against a column before entering his car]
Tony: Bill me.

Natasha: [all arguing in the lab] Are you really that dense? S.H.I.E.L.D. monitors potential threats.
Bruce: Captain America is on threat watch?
Natasha: We ALL are!
Tony: [to Rogers] You're on that list? Are you above or below angry bees?
Steve: I swear, Stark, one more wisecrack out of you...
Tony: Verbal threat! Threatening! I'm being threatened!

Tony: All right, I've run out of patience. "Underoos!"
[webbing comes down, grabs Cap's shield and cuffs his hands. Spider-Man lands on a nearby truck holding Cap's shield]
Tony: Nice job, kid!
Spider: Thanks! Well, I could have stuck the landing a little better. It's just, new suit... wait, it's nothing, Mr. Stark. It's... it's perfect, thank you.
Tony: Yeah, we don't really need to start a conversation.
Spider: Okay.
[salutes]
Spider: Cap... Captain? Big fan. Spider-Man.
Tony: Yeah, we'll talk about it later. Just...
Spider: [waves] Hey, everyone.
Tony: Good job.

Tony: Thor didn't say where he was going for answers?
Steve: Sometimes my teammates don't tell me things. Kind of hoping Thor would be the exception.
Tony: Yeah, give him time. We don't know what the Maximoff kid showed him.
Steve: Earth's mightiest heroes... pulled us apart like cotton candy.
Tony: Seems like you walked away alright.
Steve: [stares at Tony] Is that a problem?
Tony: I don't trust a guy without a dark side. Call me old fashioned.
Steve: Well let's just say you haven't seen it yet.
Tony: You know Ultron's trying to tear us apart, right?
Steve: Well, I guess you know. Whether you'd tell us is a bit of a question.
Tony: Banner and I were doing research...
Steve: -That would affect the team.
Tony: -That would END the team. Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the 'why we fight'? So we get to go home?
Steve: [Splits wood with bare hands] Every time someone tries to win a war before it starts, innocent people die. Every time.

[while talking to Steve Rogers, Tony Stark notices Bucky Barnes still pointing his rifle at him]
Tony: Manchurian Candidate, you're killing me. We're on a truce. Put the gun down.

Tony: [about Natalie Rushman] Who is she?
Pepper: She is from legal and she is potentially a very expensive sexual harassment lawsuit if you keep ogling her like that.

[sending a message to Pepper]
Tony: Is this thing on? Hey, Ms. Potts. If you find this recording, don't post it on social media. It's gonna be a real tearjerker. I don't know if you're ever gonna see these. I don't even know if you're still... Oh, God, I hope so. Today's day 21? No, uh, 22. You know, if it wasn't for the existential terror of steering into the literal void of space, I'd say I'm feeling a little better today. The infection's run its course thanks to the blue meanie back there. Oh, you would love her. Very practical. Only a tiny bit sadistic. So, the fuel cells were cracked during battle and we figured out a way to reverse the iron charge, bought ourselves about 48 hours of flight time. Uh, but it's now dead in the water. 1,000 light years from the nearest 7-11. Oxygen will run out tomorrow morning... and that will be it. I know I said no more surprises, but I gotta say, I was really hoping to pull off one last one. But it looks like... well, you know what it looks like. Don't feel bad about this. I'm mean, actually, if you grieve for a couple weeks... and then move on with enormous guilt.
[pauses]
Tony: I should probably lie down for a minute, rest my eyes. Please know, when I drift off and be like everything lately, I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I dream about you. Because it's always you.
[ends the message]

Colonel: [sees Trevor] THIS is the Mandarin?
Tony: I know, right? It's embarrassing!

[Pepper is reaching into Tony's chest cavity]
Tony: Okay now, the copper wire - you got it?
Virginia: Yeah, I've got it.
Tony: Now pull it out, gently, and just make sure you don't touch the s...
[BUZZ!]
Tony: AH! - i-i-i-des!
Virginia: Sorry, I'm sorry!
Tony: Don't touch the sides, that's what I was trying to tell you before. Now, just gently pull that out, and whatever you do, don't pull out the...
[Pepper pulls out the end, Tony's heart monitors go off]
Tony: The magnet at the end of it. See, that was it. You just...
Virginia: What?
Tony: What I was trying to tell you - no, don't put it back in! Just put it over there, we have to hurry...
Virginia: What's wrong?
Tony: Oh, nothing, I'm just going into cardiac arrest, because you...
Virginia: *What*? I thought you said this was safe!
Tony: ...just yanked it out like a trout!

Tony: [narrates] Some people say progress is a bad thing. But try having a magnet in your chest keeping you alive.

Tony: Am I making you uncomfortable?
Virginia: Oh, no, I always forget to wear deodorant and dance with my boss in a room full of people I work with in a dress with no back.
Tony: Well, you look great, you smell great. But I could fire you if that would take the edge off.
Virginia: I don't think you could tie your shoes without me.
Tony: I'd make it a week.
Virginia: A week, really? What's your social security number?
Tony: [he pauses]
Tony: Five...
Virginia: [smiling] "Five?" You're missing just a couple of digits.
Tony: Right, the other eight. Well, I have you for the other eight.

Loki: The Chitauri are coming. Nothing will change that. What have I to fear?
Tony: The Avengers. That's what we call ourselves; we're sort of like a team. "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" type thing.
Loki: Yes, I've met them.
Tony: Yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that one. But let's do a head count here: your brother the demi-god; a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend; a man with breath-taking anger management issues; a couple of master assassins, and YOU, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of them.
Loki: That was the plan.
Tony: Not a great plan. When they come, and they WILL, they'll come for you.
Loki: I have an army.
Tony: We have a Hulk.
Loki: I thought the beast had wandered off...
Tony: You're missing the point! There's no throne, there is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for us but it's all on you. Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we'll avenge it!

Tony: [picks up terrorist, throws him to civilians] He's all yours.

Tony: It's Christmas. Take 'em to Church.

Tony: [to Bruce Banner] You really have got a lid on it, haven't you? What's your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bag of weed?

Tony: Pepper, uh, how big are your hands?
Virginia: What?
Tony: How big are your hands?
Virginia: I don't understand why...
Tony: Get down here. I need you.

Steve: Stark, are you seeing any of this?
Tony: Seeing, still working on believing.

[Tony seals Pepper in the Mark 42 armor, then she saves him from falling debris]
Pepper: I got you!
Tony: I got you first!

Tony: What's the vibranium for?
Ultron: I'm glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan...
[blasts Stark]

Tony: Stop stopping!

Aldrich: [referring to Trevor Slattery] You have met him, I presume?
Tony: Yeah, Sir Laurence Oblivier.
Aldrich: I know he's a little over the top sometimes. It's not entirely my fault. He has a tend... he's-he's a stage actor. They say his Lear was the toast of Croydon, wherever that is. Anyway, the point is, ever since that big dude with a hammer fell out of the sky, subtlety's kinda had its day.

Scott: Hank Pym did say to never trust a Stark!
Tony: Who are you?
Scott: Come on, man.

Pepper: I'm taking a shower.
Tony: Okay.
Pepper: And you're gonna join me.
Tony: Better.

[Stark enters the Mandarin's bedroom. He uncovers the bedsheet, only to find two women. He motions them to be silent before sneaking behind the bed when he hears the toilet flush. The Mandarin exits the bathroom]
Trevor: I wouldn't go in there for 20 minutes!
[Approaches dresser]
Trevor: So which one of you is Vanessa?
[Vanessa raises her hand]
Trevor: Ah, Nessie!
[Throws fortune cookie to her]
Trevor: Did you know that fortune cookies aren't Chinese? They're American, based on a Japanese recipe.
Mandarin: There's some guy over here...
[Stark suddenly appears, pointing a gun at The Mandarin]
Tony: Freeze!
Trevor: [raises hands] Bloody hell. Bloody hell.

Natalie: Well done with the new chest piece. I'm reading significantly higher output and your vitals all look promising.
Tony: Yes, for the moment, I'm not dying. Thank you.
Pepper: [overhears] What do you mean you're not dying? Did you just say you're dying?
Tony: Is that you? No, I'm not. Not anymore.
Pepper: What's going on?
Tony: I was going to tell you, I didn't want you to alarm you
Pepper: [interrupts] You were going to tell me? You really were dying?
Tony: You didn't let me.
Pepper: Why didn't you tell me that?
Tony: I was going to make you an omelet and tell you.
Natalie: Hey, hey. Save it for the honeymoon. You got incoming, Tony. Looks like the fight's coming to you.
Tony: Great. Pepper?
Pepper: Are you okay now?
Tony: I'm fine. Don't be mad, I will formally apologize...
Pepper: I am mad!
Tony: ...when I'm not fending off a Hammeroid attack.
Pepper: Fine.
Tony: We could've been in Venice.
Pepper: Oh, please.

Tony: [about Loki killing Coulson] He made it personal.
Steve: That's not the point.
Tony: That IS the point. That's Loki's point! He hit us all right where we live. Why?
Steve: To tear us apart.
Tony: Yeah, divide and conquer is great, but he knows he has to take us out to win, right? THAT'S what he wants. He wants to beat us, he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience.
Steve: Right. I caught his act at Stuttgart.
Tony: Yeah, that was just previews. This is - this is opening night. And Loki, he's a full-tilt diva, right? He wants flowers, he wants parades. He wants a monument built to the skies with his name plastered...
[Stark pauses; he and Rogers look at each other knowingly]
Tony: Sonofabitch!

Pepper: Where's the kid?
Happy: He left.
Pepper: Everybody's waiting.
Tony: You know what? He actually made a really mature choice. It just surprised the heck out of us.
Pepper: Did you guys screw this up?
Tony: [points at Happy] He told the kid to go wait in the car.
Pepper: Are you kidding me? I've got a room full of people in there waiting for some big announcement. What am I gonna tell them?
Tony: Think of something. How about, um... Hap, you still got that ring?
Happy: [pretends to search his pockets] Do I... I, uh...
Tony: The engagement ring!
Happy: [smirks] Are you kidding? I've been carrying this since 2008.
[takes out the ring and holds it up]
Tony: Okay.
Pepper: I think I can think of something better than that.
Tony: Well, it would buy us a little time.
[Pepper kisses Tony]
Tony: Like we need time.

Tony: Got a passport?
Peter: [chuckling] Um, no. I don't... I don't even have a driver's license.
Tony: You ever been to Germany?
Peter: No.
Tony: Oh, you'll love it.
Peter: I can't go to Germany!
Tony: Why?
Peter: I got... homework.
Tony: Alright, I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that.

[only in trailer]
Tony: [about to jump out of a plane] Okay, give me a smooch for good luck, I might not make it back!
[Instead, Pepper kisses the "lips" of Stark's helmet and throws it out of the plane]
Pepper: Go get 'em, boss!
Tony: [diving after the helmet] You complete me!

Savin: You think you're so smart?
Tony: That's the thing about smart guys: we cover our asses!
[blasts Savin]

[testing his rocket boots for the first time]
Tony: Okay, let's do this right. Start mark, half a meter and to the right. Dummy, look alive, you're on standby for fire safety. You, roll it. Activate hand controls... okay, we're gonna start off nice and easy. See if 10% thrust capacity achieves lift. In three... two... one...
[He activates his rocket boots, which launch him right up into the ceiling, to crash back down. Dummy sprays him with extinguisher foam]

Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: *I* think it's weird. You look like two seals fighting over a grape.
Tony: Hey, you weren't supposed to be listening to that. Get lost.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: I was here first. Get a roof.

Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: [aiming their repulsar beams at each other] Put your hand down.
Tony: You think you got what it takes to wear that suit?
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: We don't have to do this, Tony.
Tony: You wanna be the War Machine, take your shot.

Tony: [to Jimmy, who's raising his hand] You're kidding me with the hand up, right?
Jimmy: Is it cool if I take a picture with you?
Tony: Yes, it's very cool.
[Jimmy hands Pratt his camera and poses with a peace sign]
Tony: I don't want to see this on your myspace page. Please no gang signs.
[Jimmy lowers hand]
Tony: No, throw it up. I'm kidding. Yeah, peace. I love peace. I'd be out of a job for peace.

Tony: Everybody wants a happy ending. Right? But it doesn't always roll that way. Maybe this time. I'm hoping if you play this back, it's in celebration. I hope families are reunited, I hope we get it back and something like a normal version of the planet has been restored, if there ever was such a thing. God, what a world. Universe, now. If you told me ten years ago that we weren't alone, let alone, you know, to this extent, I mean, I wouldn't have been surprised, but come on. The epic forces of dark and light that have come in to play. And for better or worse, that's the reality Morgan's gonna have to find a way to grow up in. So I thought I better record a little greeting, in the case of an untimely death, on my part. I mean, not that death at any time isn't untimely. This time travel thing we're gonna try and pull off tomorrow, it's got me scratching my head about the survivability of it all. Then again that's the hero gig. Part of the journey is the end. What am I even tripping for? Everything's gonna workout exactly the way it's supposed to.
[stands up and walks forward to bend down and look Morgan in the eyes]
Tony: I love you 3000.

Loki: Please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity
Tony: Uh, actually I'm planning to threaten you.
Loki: You should have left your armor on for that.
Tony: Yeah. It's seen a bit of "mileage" and you got the "glow-stick of destiny". Would you like a drink?
Loki: Stalling me won't change anything
Tony: No, no no, threatening! No drink? You sure? I'm having one.

[Wong saves Stark]
Tony: Wong, you're invited to my wedding.

[Abu Bakaar speaks to Tony]
Yinsen: [translating] He wants you to build the Jericho missile. He has everything you need here, he wants you to begin immediately. After it is completed, he will set you free.
[Abu Bakaar smiles and holds out his hand. Tony smiles and shakes it]
Tony: [still smiling] No, he won't.
Yinsen: [also smiling] No, he won't.

Iron: You have *a* big gun, you're not *the* big gun.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: Tony, don't be jealous.
Iron: No, it's subtle, all the bells and whistles.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: Yeah, it's called "being a badass"!

Tony: [Bruce is struggling to Hulk out] Dude, you're embarrassing me in front of the wizards.

Colonel: This is how you've been managing your downtime, huh?
Tony: Everybody needs a hobby.

Tony: [under fire from Obadiah] Time to hit the button!
Virginia: You told me not to...
Tony: JUST DO IT!
Virginia: YOU'LL DIE!
Tony: PUSH IT!

[after credits, Bruce Banner awakes]
Tony: I'm sorry, did I disturb your selective napping?
Bruce: I'm sorry, I'm not that kind of doctor. It's not my department.
Tony: Your training?
Bruce: My temperament.

Nick: You've been very busy. You made your girl your CEO, you're giving away all your stuff. You let your friend fly away with your suit. Now, if I know better...
Tony: [interrupts] You don't know better. I didn't give it to him. He took it.
Nick: Whoa, whoa, whoa. He took it? You're Iron Man and he just took it? The little brother walked in there, kicked your ass and took your suit? Is that possible?
Natasha: Well, according to Mr. Stark's database security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage.
Tony: What do you want from me?
Nick: What do we want from you? Uh-uh. What do you want from me? You have become a problem, a problem I have to deal with. Contrary to your belief, you are not the center of my universe. I have bigger problems in the southwest region to deal with. Hit him!
[Natalia injects Tony in his neck]
Tony: [groans] Oh God, are you gonna steal my kidney and sell it? Could you please not do anything awful for five seconds? What did she just do to me?
Nick: What did we just do *for* you? That's lithium dioxide. It's gonna take the edge off. We're trying to get you back to work.
Tony: Give me a couple boxes of that. I'll be right as rain.
Natasha: It's not a cure, it just abates the symptoms.
Nick: Doesn't look like it's gonna be an easy fix.

Senator: I think we're done with the point that he's making. I don't think there's any reason...
Tony: The point is you're welcome, I guess.
Senator: For what?
Tony: Because I'm your nuclear deterrent. It's working. We're safe. America is secure. You want my property? You can't have it. But I did you a big favor.
[stands and turns to face the Senate]
Tony: I've successfully privatized world peace. What more do you want? For now! I tried to play ball with these ass-clowns.
Senator: [Bleep] ... you, Mr. Stark.
Senator: [Bleep] ... you, buddy.

Tony: [Clint is introducing the Avengers to his wife] This is an agent of some kind.
Clint: Gentlemen, this is Laura.
Laura: [smiles] I know all your names
[Clint and Laura's kids come into view]
Clint: Oh, Incoming. Hi sweetheart. Hey buddy!
[hugs kids]
Clint: How are you guys doin'? Look at your face! Oh my goodness!
Tony: These are... smaller agents.
Lila: Did you bring Auntie-Nat?
Natasha: Well why don't you hug her and find out!

Tony: [puts down a disgusting-looking dish]
Pepper: What is that?
Tony: This is your in-flight meal.
Pepper: Did you just make that?
Tony: Yeah. Where do you think I've been for three hours?

Justin: [about Christine Everhart] She's actually doing a big spread on me for Vanity Fair. I thought I'd throw her a bone, you know. Right?
Pepper: Right. Well, she did quite a spread on Tony last year.
Tony: And she wrote a story as well.

Tony: What's the point of owning a race car if you can't drive it?

[Tony sets a fire in the diner's kitchen to keep out Brandt, she just walks right through it]
Tony: You walked right into this one: I've dated hotter chicks than you.
Brandt: [scoffs] Is that all you've got? A cheap trick and a cheesy one-liner?
Tony: Sweetheart, that could be the name of my autobiography.
[Tony ducks out the back as his hidden booby-trap blows up the kitchen, killing Brandt]

[Tony makes an explosive entrance at the Stark Expo]
Fan: Blow something up!
Tony: What? Blow something up? I already did that.

Tony: My bond is with the people, and I will serve this great nation at the pleasure of myself. If there's one thing I've proven it's that you can count on me to pleasure myself.

[from trailer]
Nick: There was an idea...
Tony: To bring together, a group of remarkable people...
Vision: To see if we could become something more...
Thor: So when they needed us, we could fight the battles...
Natasha: That they never could.

Laura: I'm sorry. Mr. Stark, Clint said you wouldn't mind but it seems our tractor doesn't want to start at all. Thought maybe you might...
Tony: Yeah, I'll give her a kick
Tony: [Enters barn and approaches tractor] Hello, "Deere". Tell me everything. What ails you.
Nick: Do me a favor. Try not to bring it to life.
Tony: [beat] Ms. Barton you little minx. I get it Maria Hill call you, right? Was she ever not working for you?

Jarvis: Mark 42 inbound.
[Stark sees the MK42 armor flying toward the battlefield]
Tony: I'll be damned. The prodigal son returns.
[Stark summons Mark 42 to come to him, but it hits a pole and breaks into pieces]
Tony: Whatever.
Aldrich: You really didn't deserve her, Tony. It's a pity. I was so close to having her... perfect.
[jumps down to confront Tony]
Tony: OK, OK, wait, wait, slow down, slow down! You're right... I don't deserve her. Here's where you're wrong: she was already perfect.
[Stark summons the Mark 42 pieces to assemble on Killian and attach him against the wall]
Tony: Jarvis, do me a favor and blow Mark 42.
Aldrich: NOOO!
[the suit explodes]

Tony: I'm not saying I'm responsible for this country's longest run of uninterrupted peace in 35 years! I'm not saying that from the ashes of captivity, never has a Phoenix metaphor been more personified! I'm not saying Uncle Sam can kick back on a lawn chair, sipping on an iced tea, because I haven't come across anyone man enough to go toe to toe with me on my best day! It's not about me. It's not about you, either. It's about legacy, the legacy left behind for future generations. It's not about us!

Agent: [holding up the Captain America shield] Where did you get this? Do you have any idea what this is?
Tony: *That*... is exactly what I need!
[takes shield, shoves it under coil, measures with carpenter's level]
Tony: There, see? Perfectly level.

Tony: [reading the newspaper] Iron Man. That's kind of catchy. It's got a nice ring to it. I mean it's not technically accurate. The suit's a gold titanium alloy, but it's kind of provocative, the imagery anyway.

[Rhodey and Stark use their armored hands to TRY to budge Thor's hammer]
James: Are we even pulling?
Tony: Are you on my team?
James: Just represent! PULL!

Tony: You know, I've got a cluster of shrapnel, trying every second to crawl its way into my heart.
[Stark points at the mini-arc reactor in his chest]
Tony: This stops it. This little circle of light. It's part of me now, not just armor. It's a... terrible privilege.
Bruce: But you can control it.
Tony: Because I learned how.
Bruce: It's different.
[Banner tries to read the computer screen, but Stark slides the data aside with his finger so the two can see face-to-face]
Tony: Hey, I've read all about your accident. That much gamma exposure should have killed you.
Bruce: So you're saying that the Hulk... the other guy... saved my life? That's nice. It's a nice sentiment. Save it for what?
Tony: I guess we'll find out.
[Banner and Stark get back to work at their respective computers]
Bruce: You might not like that.
Tony: You just might.

Tony: I'm gonna find a heavy-duty comm sat now, I need your login.
Colonel: It's same as it's always been, "WarMachine68."
Tony: And a password, please.
Colonel: Well, look, I gotta change it every time you hack in, Tony.
Tony: It's not the '80s, nobody says "hack" anymore. Give me your login.
Colonel: "WAR MACHINE ROX" with an "X," all caps.
Tony: [laughs]
Colonel: Yeah, okay.
Tony: That is so much better than "Iron Patriot."

Tony: Hey, you wanna see something cool? I pulled something from Dad's archives. Timely. FDR signed the Lend-Lease bill with these in 1941. Provided support to the Allies when they needed most.
Steve: Some would say it brought our country closer to war.
Tony: Steve, if not for these, you wouldn't be here. I'm trying to, what do you call it, a... an olive branch. Is that what you call it?
Steve: Is Pepper here? I didn't see her.
Tony: We are kinda... well not kinda...
Steve: Pregnant?
Tony: No, ha, definitely not. We're taking a break. It's nobody's fault.
Steve: I'm so sorry, Tony. I didn't know.
Tony: A few years ago I almost lost her so I trashed all my suits. Then we had to mop up Hydra. Then Ultron, my fault. And then, and then, and then. I never stopped. 'Cause the truth is I don't wanna stop. I don't wanna lose her. I thought maybe the Accords can split the difference. In her defense, I'm a handful. Yeah dad was a pain in the ass, but he and mom always made it work.
Steve: You know, I'm glad Howard got married. I only knew him when he was young and single.
Tony: Oh really? You two knew each other? He never mentioned that. Maybe only a thousand times. God, I hated you.
Steve: I don't mean to make things difficult.
Tony: I know. Because you're a very polite person.
Steve: If I see a situation pointed south, I can't ignore it. Sometimes I wish I could.
Tony: No, you don't.
Steve: No, I don't. Sometimes...
Tony: Sometimes I wanna punch you in your perfect teeth. But I don't wanna see you gone. We need you, Cap. So far nothing's happen that can't be undone. Please, sign. We can make the last 24 hours legit. Barnes gets transferred to an American psych center instead of a Wakandan prison.
Steve: I'm not saying it's impossible. But there would have to be safeguards.
Tony: Sure! Once we put out the PR - they're documents. They can be amended. I file a motion, have you and Wanda reinstated...
Steve: Wanda? What about Wanda?
Tony: She's fine. She's confined in the compound currently. Vision's keeping her company.
Steve: Oh God, Tony! Every time. Every time I think you're seeing things the right way...
Tony: It's a 100 acres with a lap pool. It's got a screening room. There's worse way to protect people. She's not a US Citizen and they don't grant visas to Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Steve: Protection? Is that how you see this? This isn't protection, it's internment, Tony. Come on, she's a kid!
Tony: Gimme a break! I'm doing what has to be done, to save us from something worse.

Tony: [Dummy, the robotic arm, has made a mess at the kitchen sink] You! I swear to God, I'll dismantle you! I'll soak your motherboard, turn you into a wine rack!
[Dummy looks down guiltily]

Thor: Do not touch me again!
Tony: Then don't take my stuff.
Thor: You have no idea what you are dealing with.
Tony: Uh, Shakespeare in The Park? Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?
Thor: This is beyond you, metal man. Loki will face Asgardian justice.
Tony: He gives up the Cube, he's all yours. Until then, stay out of the way, tourist.

Ultron: How do you hope to stop me?
Tony: Like the old man said, Together.

Agent: Good luck. We need you.
Tony: More than you know.
Agent: Not that much.

Tony: JARVIS, have you heard the tale of Jonah?
Jarvis: I wouldn't consider him a role model.
[Iron Man flies through a Leviathan]

Tony: So, uhh, who's home?
Harley: Well, my mom already left for the diner, and dad went to 7-Eleven to get scratchers... I guess he won, 'cause that was six years ago.
Tony: Hmm... which happens, dads leave, no need to be a pussy about it, here's what I need...
[pauses]
Tony: A laptop, a digital watch, a cell phone, the pneumatic actuator from your bazooka over there, a map of town, a big spring, and a tuna fish sandwich.
Harley: What's in it for me?
Tony: Salvation. What's his name?
Harley: Who?
Tony: The kid that bullies you at school. What's his name?
Harley: How'd you know that?
Tony: I got just the thing.
[Stark ejects a flare canister from one of Mark 42's panels]
Tony: This is a piñata for a cricket. I'm kidding, it's a very powerful weapon. Point it away from your face, press the button on top. It discourages bullying. Non-lethal, just to cover one's ass. Deal. Deal? What'd you say?
[Stark tries to make Harley grab the canister]
Harley: Deal.
[Stark gives Harley the canister]
Tony: What's your name?
Harley: Harley. And you're...
Tony: The mechanic. Tony.
[pauses]
Tony: You know what keeps going through my head? Where's my sandwich?

Steve: Big man in a suit of armour. Take that off, what are you?
Tony: Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.
Steve: I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.
Tony: I think I would just cut the wire.
Steve: Always a way out... You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero.
Tony: A hero? Like you? You're a lab rat, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle!
Steve: Put on the suit. Let's go a few rounds.

Colonel: Are you okay?
Tony: I broke the crayon.

Agent: [via phone] Mr Stark, we need to talk.
Tony: You have reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark, please leave a message.
Agent: This is urgent.
Tony: Then leave it urgently.
[Coulson enters Stark's penthouse, hanging up his cellphone]
Tony: Security breach.
Tony: [to Pepper] That's on you.
Agent: Mr Stark.
Pepper: Phil! Come in.
Tony: "Phil?" Uh, his first name is "Agent."

Senator: My priority is to get the Iron Man weapon turned over to the people of the United States of America.
Tony: Well, you can forget it. I am Iron Man. The suit and I are one. To turn over the Iron Man suit would be to turn over myself, which is tantamount to indentured servitude or prostitution, depending on what state you're in. You can't have it.
Senator: Look, I'm no expert...
Tony: In prostitution? Of course not, you're a senator. Come on!

Tony: We gotta go. Come on, move with me. We got a plan, and we're going to stick to it.
Yinsen: This was always the plan, Stark...
Tony: Come on, you're going to go see your family. Get up.
Yinsen: My family is dead, Stark... and I'm going to see them now. It's okay, I want this... I want this.
[Stark is silent for a moment]
Tony: Thank you for saving me.
Yinsen: Don't waste it... don't waste your life, Stark.
[dies]

Blonde: Tony! Remember me?
Tony: [walking by] Sure don't.

Tony: [to his daughter] Go to bed, or I'll sell all your toys.

[from trailer]
Tony: It's not about how much we lost. It's about how much we have left. We're the Avengers. We gotta finish this. You trust me?
Steve: I do.
[they shake hands]

Tony: [to the Guardians] We gotta coalesce. Because if all we come out is with a plucky attitude
Peter: Dude, don't call us plucky. We don't know what it means. We're more optimistic, yes. I like your plan. Except, it sucks. So let me do the plan and that way it might be really good.
Drax: Tell him about the dance-off to save the Universe.
Tony: What dance-off?
Peter: It's not a thing.
Peter: Like in Footloose, the movie?
Peter: Exactly like Footloose. Is it still the greatest movie in history?
Peter: It never was.
Tony: Don't encourage this, all right? We're getting no help from Flash Gordon here.
Peter: Flash Gordon? That's a compliment. Don't forget, I'm half human. So that 50% of me that's stupid that's 100% you.

Harley: If I was building Iron Man and War Machine...
Tony: It's Iron Patriot now.
Harley: That's way cooler!
Tony: No it's not.
Harley: Anyways, I would have added in, um, the retro...
Tony: Retro-reflective panels?
Harley: To make him stealth mode.
Tony: You want a stealth mode.
Harley: Cool, right?
Tony: That's actually a good idea. Maybe I'll build one.
[Harley accidentally breaks off one of Mark 42's fingers]
Tony: Not a good idea.
Harley: Oops.
Tony: What are you doing? You gonna break his finger? He's in pain. He's been injured. Leave him alone.
Harley: S-sorry.
Tony: Are you?
[pauses]
Tony: Don't worry about it. I'll fix it.

[Stark sits down and attempts to remove the microchips from his left forearm when Harley suddenly appears at the front door, aiming his potato gun at him]
Harley: Freeze!
[Stark drops the pliers]
Harley: Don't... move!
Tony: [Raises hands] You got me.
[Stark looks at the potato gun]
Tony: Nice potato gun. Barrel's a little long. Between that and the wide gauge, it's going to diminish your FPS...
[Harley shoots a bottle off a column]
Tony: And now you're out of ammo.
Harley: What's that thing on your chest?
Tony: It's a... electromagnet. You should know. You've got a box of them right here.
[points at box on table]
Harley: What does it power?
[Stark points the table lamp toward the Mark 42 armor sitting on the couch]
Harley: Oh my God!
[Harley approaches suit]
Harley: That's... is that... Iron Man?
Tony: Technically, I am Iron Man.
Harley: Technically, you're dead.
[Harley hands Stark a newspaper with the headline of the destruction of Stark's mansion]
Tony: Valid point.
Harley: What happened to him?
Tony: Life. I built him. I take care of him. I'll fix him.
Harley: Like a mechanic?
Tony: Yeah.

Tony: Hey, you said one out of fourteen million, we'd win, yeah? Tell me this is it.
Doctor: If I tell you what happens, it won't happen.

Tony: [regaining consciousness] What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me.
Steve: We won.
Tony: Alright. Hey. Alright. Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I wanna try it.

Tony: I thought we were having a moment.
Pepper: I was having 12% of a moment.

Virginia: [upon seeing Stark wearing a machine around his arm] I thought you said you were done making weapons?
Tony: It isn't. This is a flight stabilizer. It's completely harmless.
[Stark is blasted back by the force of the machine]
Tony: I didn't expect that.

Obadiah: You had a great idea, Tony, but my suit is more advanced in every way!
Tony: How'd you solve the icing problem?
Obadiah: Icing problem?
[his suit begins to fail]
Tony: Might want to look into it.
[He raps his fist on Iron Monger's frozen helmet as his suit fails and plummets to the ground]

[as he lies dying, Dummy hands Stark the Mark I arc reactor]
Tony: Good boy...

[Tony tries to embrace Pepper]
Pepper: Don't!
Tony: It's okay...
Pepper: I'm hot, I'll hurt you!
Tony: [touches Pepper] No, you won't. See? Not hot.
Pepper: Am I going to be okay?
Tony: No. You're in a relationship with me, nothing will ever be okay. But I had this twenty years ago when I was drunk, I can sort it out. I fix stuff.

Trevor: Ah, well, I had a little problem with... substances, and I, uh, ended up doing things, no two ways about it, in the street, that a man shouldn't do...
Tony: Next?
Trevor: Then, they approached me about the role, and they knew about the drugs...
Tony: What did they say, they'd get you off them?
Trevor: Said they'd give me more!

Tony: A bomb is not a bomb when it's a misfire.

[last lines]
Tony: [narrates] My armor was never a distraction or a hobby, it was a cocoon, and now I'm a changed man. You can take away my house, all my tricks and toys, but one thing you can't take away - I am Iron Man.

Tony: [recording a log as he tests his rocket boots] Day 11, Test 37, Configuration 2.0. For lack of a better option, Dummy is still on fire safety.
[turns to robot]
Tony: If you douse me again, and I'm not on fire, I'm donating you to a city college. Seriously, we're just gonna start off with 1% thrust capacity. And three... two... one.
[performs test successfully, then lands. Dummy raises its extinguisher arm hopefully]
Tony: Please don't follow me around with it either because I feel like I'm going to catch on fire spontaneously. Just stand down. If something happens, then come in.

Tony: [Puts new arc-reacter in chestpiece] Wow!
[burps]
Tony: That tastes like coconut... and metal!

Yinsen: Did you see that? Those are YOUR weapons... in the hands of those murderers! Is this what you want? Is this what you wish the legacy of the great Tony Stark to be?
Tony: I shouldn't do anything. They could kill you, they're gonna kill me, either way, and even if they don't, I'll probably be dead in a week.
Yinsen: Then this is a very important week for you, isn't it?

Peter: [in a car with Tony] So, to become an Avenger, is there like trials or an interview?
Tony: Just don't do anything I *would* do.
[Peter nods]
Tony: And definitely don't do anything I wouldn't do.
[Peter looks confused]
Tony: There's a little gray area in there and that's where you operate.
Peter: Oh...
Tony: Alright?
[Tony reaches across Peter with his arm. Peter wraps his arms around him]
Tony: That's not a hug, I'm just grabbing the door for you.
[opens Peter's door]
Tony: All right, kid. Good luck out there.

Nick: That thing in your chest is based on unfinished technology...
Tony: No, it's finished - it's just never been particularly effective until I miniaturized it and put it in my...
Nick: No, Howard said the arc reactor was a stepping stone to something greater. He was about to kick off an energy race that was going to dwarf the arms race. He was on to something big, something so big it was going to make the arc reactor look like a triple-A battery.
Tony: Just him, or was Anton Vanko in on this?
Nick: Anton Vanko was the other side of that coin - Anton saw it as a way to get rich, and when your father found out he had him deported. When the russians found out he couldn't deliver they shipped his ass of to Siberia. He spent the next twenty years in a vodka-fueled rage, not quite the environment you'd want to raise a kid in - the son you had the misfortune of crossing paths with in Monaco.

[Tony emerges from the cave wearing the Mark I armour. The terrorists yell and open fire, but their bullets just bounce off the suit. Eventually they stop shooting]
Tony: My turn.
[unleashes his flamethrowers]

[catching eleven freefalling passengers]
Tony: Remember that game, Barrel of Monkeys? This is how it is: we got to catch all the monkeys!

Tony: Can I ask you something personal? If this was the last birthday party you were going to have, what would you do?
Natalie: I would do whatever I wanted to do, with whomever I wanted to do it with.
[cut to Stark dancing around drunkenly in Iron Man suit]

Ivan: You come from a family of thieves and butchers, and like all guilty men, you try to rewrite your history, to forget all the lives the Stark family has destroyed.
Tony: Speaking of thieves, where'd you get this design? You look like you have friends in low places.
Ivan: My father, Anton Vanko.
Tony: Never heard of him.
Ivan: My father is the reason you're alive.
Tony: No, the reason I'm alive is because you made a shot, and you missed.
Ivan: [laughs] If you could make God bleed, people would cease to believe in Him. There will be blood in the water, the sharks will come. All I have to do is sit back and watch as the world consumes you.
Tony: Where will you be watching the world consume me from? Oh, that's right, a prison cell. I'll send you a bar of soap.

Tony: How do you spell your name, Natalie?
Natalie: R-U-S-H-M-A-N.
Pepper: What, are you Googling her now?
Tony: I thought I was ogling her?

Peter: [Peter saves Tony from getting crushed by Obsidion] Hey, man! What's up, Mr Stark?
Tony: Kid, where'd you come from?
Peter: Field trip to MoMa!
[gets thrown by Cull Obsidian]
Peter: Uh, what is this guy's problem, Mr. Stark?
Tony: Uh, he's from space, he came here to steal a necklace from a wizard.

Tony: [Tony has seen the diagram for the atomic structure of a new element; talks about his father] Dead almost 20 years, you're still taking me to school...

Steve: [about Bucky] It wasn't him, Tony! Hydra had control of his mind!
Tony: MOVE!
Steve: IT WASN'T HIM!

Tony: You got a family?
Yinsen: Yes, and I will see them when I leave here. And you, Stark?
Tony: [quietly] No.
Yinsen: So you're a man who has everything... and nothing.

Tony: You know, the question I get asked most often is, "Tony, how do you go to the bathroom in the suit?"
[pauses with eyes closed]
Tony: Just like that.

Tony: Drop your socks and grab your crocs, we're about to get wet on this ride.

[last lines]
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: [in a bar] Reload...
[finishes his drink]
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: Reload...
[someone enters the bar and walks toward Ross]
Tony: The smell of stale beer... and defeat. You know, I hate to say "I told you so," but that Super-Soldier project *WAS* put on ice for a reason. I've always felt that hardware was much more reliable.
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: Stark.
Tony: General.
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: You always wear such nice suits.
Tony: Touché. I hear you have an unusual problem.
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: You should talk!
Tony: You should listen. What if I told you we were putting a team together?
Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: Who's "we"?
[Stark looks silently at Ross]