The Best Neil Mink Quotes

Neil: [to the Judge at Tony's hearing] your Honor, the police pulled over some kid and found a baggy with cocaine residue. They also found a gun loaded with hollow point bullets on the floor. Now in order to beat the wrap this sixteen year old punk claims he saw my client drop that weapon and mind you not yesterday but over two years ago. Using it to shoot at cans and impress his friends

Neil: [after Tony places a case of champagne on his desk] what's all this?
Tony: [jokingly] you looked thirsty the last time I saw you
Tony: [sarcastically as Neil gives Tony back a bag of money he asked him to hold for him] Oh, yeah, I knew I left this some place
Neil: [walks to the front of his desk] Anything new?
Tony: You know, keeping busy
Neil: [while lighting a cigar for Tony] Carmela? The kids?
Tony: Good, you know school shit
Neil: You bet that game last night?
Tony: [referring to the bag of money] Yeah, what'd you think I need this for?
Tony: [after sitting down] so, what do I owe you counselor?
Neil: you pay me when I actually have to do something
Tony: Let's hope that fuckin day never comes right?
Neil: It almost did very recently
Tony: [sarcastically] here we go: the Neil Mink lecture series
Neil: well, isn't it fair to say we were staring into the abyss? A very close call with the brush on that murder beef
Tony: I told you, I was home alone
Neil: [jokingly] you and Macaulay Culkin: except neither one of you would've been alone. Champagne's nice. You want to give me a real gift? Insulate yourself from these shenanigans, I told you once already
Tony: [irritated] I do, I am, what the fuck do you want from me?
Neil: [sternly] Use one of the businesses we've got doing something besides showing income on a tax return: spend some time at Garden State Refinery
Tony: Oh, please, do you know what boiling fat smells like?
Neil: you have an office at Barone Sanitation: get your ass out of that strip club and go there
Tony: Alright, I hear ya
Neil: the FEDS are a business, millions of tax dollars in watching your ass. Sooner or later, just like you, their gonna want a return on that investment

Tony: [while they drive to Bobby's cabin in the Adirondack Mountains, while watching her rummaging through her purse] you gonna relax?
Carmela: [referring to the poor cell phone reception in that area, nervously] it's just all this "little stuff", like my phone that has one little bar left up here. I mean, what if the brokers try and contact me? The inspection on my house is on Tuesday and the gas is still off
Tony: [after his cell phone rings] mine works, hello?
Neil: [over the phone] Essex County dropped the charges, I told you it was a piece of shit case: two years old, no "decent" prints, Santa Claus could've dropped that gun in the snow
Tony: [to Carmela] they dropped the charges
Tony: [to Neil, before hanging up] well, I'd say I owe you one" but I'm sure it's more than "one", thanks again

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while in Neil's office, referring to his mother and the airline tickets he bought through the Scatino bust out] I knew I was giving her a bad ticket: That "voice"
Neil: It's done: it's over, my advice now is to put it behind you. If this is all there is, these twenty-three tickets, they don't have "butt-kiss" and they know it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I know it's a small but don't you see? That's the fuckin point, one more minute, if I could've just stood there, saying "Yes ma, ok ma", I hear ya ma", one more fuckin minute I wouldn't be here in this spot. I beat a homicide and I fucked up. I "blew" an "easy one. I "blew" everything
Neil: Tony...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [interrupts him] No, fuckin "Tony", we got federal charges, we got the FAA, before this is over, their gonna pin the Egypt Air "thing" on me and you fuckin know it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [sighs, becoming nervous] Predicates up the ass, fuckin RICO case, thirty to life
Neil: Don't think about that now: you'll make bail. There's no "capital crimes", get on with life

Tony: [after entering his office holding a bag and placing it on his desk] Got a safe?
Neil: Yeah, why?
Neil: [after opening it and seeing it's filled with cash, referring to his attorney fees] You want to pay in advance?
Tony: There's a little more than 400k in there. I want you to hold it for me. This goes down, I'm out of this area code, my wife's gonna come in here once a week for an allowance. You don't ask her any questions, never, ever, refuse her. If she wants it all... you give it to her. She won't do that, Carmela's smarter than that
Neil: And if your gone longer than the money lasts?
Tony: Don't worry, you won't have to go into your own kick. This witness can't remain nameless forever
Neil: [as Tony leaves] I didn't hear that

Neil: [while playing golf] We lucked out with the weather huh? So, how's the life of leisure?
Tony: I'm playing golf ain't I?
Neil: But seriously, it's good your pulling back business-wise like we agreed
Tony: My nephew, I told him, I'm gonna be speaking through him and only through him as time passes
Neil: Good
Tony: And Sil
Neil: Good
Tony: I don't wanna celebrate my daughter's first kid in prison

Neil: [in the back of the Bada Bing strip club at Tony's desk] Somebody's giving grand jury testimony on something
Tony: So Carlo has flipped
Neil: We don't know but subpoenas are flying my hunch is eighty to ninety percent chance you'll be indicted, fucking gun charge I get sick when I think of it plus interstate fraud and if Carlo starts talking homicide, it's not like we haven't envisioned this day?
Tony: No, it's not
Neil: Trials are there to be won

Hesh: [while entering his office in the Bada Bing strip club Tony's lawyer Neil] hey Tony
Tony: Hey counselor, how are you?
Neil: You look good huh?
Tony: You want a drink?
Neil: [Referring to Tony including them in on his pump and dump stock market scheme] no, before we commence a thousand thank you's for Webistics
Tony: My pleasure
Tony: So what'd we stand this month?
Neil: Your uncle's petitioning to get out of jail on a medical pending trial
Hesh: Neil thinks they'll liable to let him out
Tony: Let him
Neil: Maybe as a temptation for you to act, again since you are at the helm it all gets back to putting up bigger blinds really limiting your exposure to potential RICO allegations
Tony: Only way to run a family these days is "bunker style..."
Tony: [after his cell phone rings and answers it] excuse me, yeah?
Carmela: [Over the phone] you're not going to believe this, your sister's here
Tony: Barbara?
Carmela: No, Janice.
Tony: You're shitting me
Carmela: Nope
Tony: Yeah I wonder what the scam is this time. Whatever it is I'm going to be five grand lighter when she rain dances back to the commune. Alright tell her she can stay with us if she wants
Carmela: Are you sure?
Tony: Yeah we'll get Barbara and Tom down from Brewster and make a family reunion out of it but obviously...
Carmela: Your mother's not welcome
Tony: [Before hanging up with Carmella] give Janice my love, see you later
Tony: [to Neil and Hesh] My sisters here from Seattle