The Best Rocket Quotes

Rocket: You people have issues.
Peter: Well, of course I have issues. That's my freakin' father!

Rocket: [to Taserface] What was your second choice? Scrotum Hat?

Rocket: [to Groot] Quit smiling, ya idiot, you're supposed to be professional.

[Groot grows a cocoon of branches to cover his friends]
Rocket: No, Groot! You can't! You'll die! Why are you doing this? Why?
[Groot uses a thin branch to wipe away Rocket's tears]
Groot: We are Groot.

Gamora: [talks to Drax] You don't get opinions after that nonsense you pulled on Knowhere.
Drax the Destroyer: I just saved Quill!
Peter: We've already established that blowing up the ship I'm on isn't saving me.
Drax the Destroyer: When did we establish that?
Peter: Like three seconds ago!
Drax the Destroyer: Well I wasn't listening then, I was thinking about something else.
Rocket: She's right; you don't get opinions.

Rocket: [snickering] I'm sorry. I am so sorry! I just keep imagining you waking up in the morning, sir, looking in the mirror and then in all seriousness saying to yourself...
[deep voice]
Rocket: "You know what would be a really kick-ass name? Taserface!"
[all the Ravagers struggle desperately not to laugh]
Rocket: That's how I hear you in my head! What was your second choice? "Scrotum Hat"?
[Rocket and the Ravagers all fall apart laughing]

Thor: I can't do this. I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't have come. This is a bad idea.
Rocket: Come here.
Thor: [starts breathing heavily] No, no, I think I'm having... I'm having a panic attack.
Rocket: Come here.
Thor: I shouldn't be here. This is... this is ba...
[Rocket slaps Thor in the face]
Rocket: You think you're the only one that lost people? What do you think we're doin' here? I lost the only family I ever had. Quill, Groot, Drax, the chick with the antenna - all gone! Now, I get that you miss your mom, but she's gone. *Really* gone. And there are plenty of people who are only *kinda* gone. And you can help them. So is it too much to ask that you brush the crumbs out of your beard, make schmoopy talk to pretty pants and when she's not lookin', suck out the Infinity Stone and help me get my family back?
Thor: [tearing up] Okay.
Rocket: Are you crying?
Thor: [wheezing] No... yes.

[Groot is playing a video game called Defender. Peter Quill turns to Groot]
Peter: Groot, put that thing away. Now, I don't wanna tell you again... Groot?
Groot: [in a mocking tone] I am Groot!
Peter: Whoa!
Rocket: Language!
Mantis: Hey!
Drax: Wow.
Peter: You got some acorns on you, kid.
Rocket: Ever since you got a little sap, you're a total D-hole.
[turns to Groot, angrily]
Rocket: Now, keep it up and I'm gonna smash that thing to pieces!

Tony: [seeing Thor] What's wrong with him?
Rocket: He's pissed. He thinks he failed. Which, of course he did, but you know, there's a lot of that going around, ain't there?

Rocket: This is Thanos we're talking about. He's the toughest there is
Thor: Well, he's never fought me.
Rocket: Yeah, he has.
Thor: He's never fought me twice.

Peter: You put your turd in my bed, I shave you.
Rocket: Oh, it won't be my turd. It'll be Drax's.
Drax: [laughs] I have famously huge turds.

Rocket: If we're gonna get outta here, we gonna need to get into that watch tower, and to do that, I'm gonna need a few things. The guards wear security bands to control their ins and outs. I need one.
Gamora: Leave it to me.
Rocket: That dude there. I need his prosthetic leg.
Peter: His leg?
Rocket: Yeah. God knows I don't need the rest of him. Look at him. He's useless.
Peter: ...All right.
Rocket: And finally, on the wall back there is a black panel. Blinky yellow light. You see it?
Peter: Yeah.
Rocket: There's a quarnex battery behind it. Purplish box. Green wires. To get into that watch tower, I definitely need it.
Gamora: How are we supposed to do that?
Rocket: Well, supposedly, these bald bodies find you attractive, so maybe you could work out some sort of trade.
[Groot starts walking toward the panel]
Gamora: You must be joking.
Rocket: No, I really heard they find you attractive.
Peter: Look. It's 20 feet up in the air and it's in the middle of the most heavily guarded part of the prison. It's impossible to get up there without being seen.
Rocket: I got one plan, and that plan requires this frickin' quarnex battery, so FIGURE IT OUT!
[Groot removes the panel, which hits a passing inmate on the head and knocks him out]
Rocket: Can I get back to it? Thanks.
[Drax spots Groot trying to remove the battery]
Rocket: Now, this is important. Once the battery is removed, everything is gonna slam into emergency mode. Once we have it, we gotta move quickly, so you definitely need to get that last.
[Groot removes the battery, setting off the alarms]
Rocket: Or we could just get it first and improvise.
Gamora: I'll get the armband.
Peter: Leg.

[a brawl takes place between Drax and Rocket]
Drax the Destroyer: This vermin speaks of affairs he knows nothing about!
Rocket: That is true!
Drax the Destroyer: He has no respect!
Rocket: That is also true! Keep callin' me vermin tough guy, you just want to laugh at me like everyone else!
Peter: Rocket, you're drunk, all right? No one's laughing at you.
Rocket: [points at Drax] He thinks I'm some stupid thing! He does!
[starts to cry]
Rocket: Well, I didn't ask to get made! I didn't ask to be torn apart and put back together over and over and turned into some little monster!
Peter: Rocket, no one's calling you a monster...
Rocket: He called me vermin! She called me rodent! Let's see if you can laugh after five or six good shots in your freakin' face!
[draws a gun]
Peter: No no no! Four billion units! Rocket, come on man, suck it up for one more lousy night and we're rich.
Rocket: Fine, but I can't promise when all of this is over I'm not going to kill every last one of you jerks.
Peter: See, this is exactly why none of you have any friends!

Baby: I am Groot.
Yondu: What's that?
Rocket: He says, "Welcome to the frickin' Guardians of the Galaxy." Only he didn't use "frickin'."

Rocket: That's for if things get really hardcore. Or if you wanna blow up moons.
Gamora: No one's blowing up moons.
Rocket: You just wanna suck the joy out of everything.

Rocket: Do you know why I did it, Star-Munch? Hmm?
Peter: I'm not gonna answer to "Star-Munch."
Rocket: I did it because I wanted to!
Peter: Dick.
Rocket: What are we even talking about this for? We just had a little man save us by blowing up fifty ships!
Drax: How little?
Rocket: [holding his thumb and forefinger close together] Well, I don't know, like this?
Gamora: [skeptically] A little one-inch man saved us?
Rocket: Well, if he got closer, I'm sure he would be much larger.
Peter: It's how eyesight works, you stupid raccoon.
Rocket: *Don't call me a racoon*!
Peter: I'm sorry. I took it too far. I meant trash panda.
[Rocket looks around in confusion]
Rocket: Is that better?
Drax: I don't know.
Peter: [snickering] It's worse. It's so much worse.

Steve: Five years ago, we lost. All of us. We lost friends. We lost family. We lost a part of ourselves. Today, we have a chance to take it all back. You know your teams, you know your missions. Get the stones, get them back. One round trip each. No mistakes. No do-overs. Most of us are going somewhere we know, that doesn't mean we should know what to expect. Be careful. Look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives. And we're going to win. Whatever it takes. Good luck.
Rocket: He's pretty good at that.
Scott: Right?

Rocket: But Quill, beating Ronan... it can't be done. You're asking us to die.
Peter: Yeah... I guess I am.
[pause]
Gamora: [stands up] Quill, I have lived most of my life surrounded my enemies. I will be grateful to die among my friends.
Drax the Destroyer: [stands up] You're an honorable man, Quill. I will fight beside you. And in the end, I will see my wife and daughter.
Groot: [stands up] I am Groot.
Rocket: Aww, what the hell, I don't got that long a lifespan anyway...
[stands up]
Rocket: Well now I'm standing. Happy? We're all standing now. Bunch of jackasses, standing in a circle.

Yondu: You can fool yourself and everyone else, but you can't fool me. I know who you are.
Rocket: You don't know anything about me, loser.
Yondu: I know everything about you. I know you play like you're the meanest and the hardest but actually you're the most scared of all.
Rocket: Shut up!
Yondu: I know you steal batteries you don't need and you push away anyone who's willing to put up with you 'cause just a little bit of love reminds you of how big and empty that hole inside you actually is.
Rocket: I said shut up!
Yondu: I know them scientists what made you, never gave a rat's ass about you!
Rocket: I'm serious, dude!
Yondu: Just like my own damn parents who sold me, their own little baby, into slavery! I know who you are, boy, because you're me!
Rocket: ...What kind of a pair are we?
Yondu: The kind that's about to go fight a planet, I reckon.
Rocket: All right, okay! Good, that's... Wait. Fight a what?

Peter: I have a plan.
Rocket: You've got a plan? Okay, first of all, you're copying me from when I said I had a plan.
Peter: I'm not copying you, I have a plan, that's not that unique of a thing to say.
Rocket: And secondly, I don't think you even have a plan.
Peter: I have part of a plan.
Drax the Destroyer: What percentage of a plan do you have?
Gamora: You don't get to ask questions after the nonsense you pulled on Knowhere!
Drax the Destroyer: I just saved Quill!
Peter: We've already established that you destroying the ship I'm on is not saving me!
Drax the Destroyer: When did we establish that?
Peter: Like three seconds ago!
Drax the Destroyer: Well I wasn't listening then, I was thinking of something else...
Rocket: She's right, you don't get an opinion... What percentage?
Peter: I dunno... Twelve percent?
Rocket: Twelve percent?
[starts laughing]
Peter: That's a fake laugh.
Rocket: It's real!
Peter: Totally fake!
Rocket: That is the most real, authentic, hysterical laugh of my entire life because THAT IS NOT A PLAN!
Gamora: It's barely a concept.
Peter: [to Gamora] You're taking their side?
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: So what, "It's better than eleven percent!" What the hell does that have to do with anything?
Peter: [to Groot] Thank you Groot, thank you. See? Groot's the only one of you who has a clue.
Groot: [Groot begins to chew on a leaf protruding from his shoulder]

Rocket: What did the galaxy ever do for you? Why would you want to save it?
Peter: Because I'm one of the idiots who lives in it!

Rocket: We're the fricking Guardians of the Galaxy!

Rocket: Quill said he stole the Power Stone from Morag.
Bruce: Is that a person?
Rocket: Morag's a planet, Quill was a person.
Scott: A planet? Like in outer space?
Rocket: Oh, look, it's like a little puppy, all happy and everything. Do you want to go to space, puppy? I'll take you to outer space!

Rocket: Nidavellir is real? Seriously? I mean, that place is a legend. They make the most powerful and horrific weapons to ever torment the universe. I would very much like to go there, please.
Thor: The rabbit is correct and clearly the smartest among you.
Rocket: Rabbit?

Gamora: And Quill, your ship is filthy.
Gamora: [She walks away]
Peter: Oh she has no idea. If I had a blacklight, this would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.
Rocket: You got issues, Quill.

Rocket: [scans a small child] Look at this thing. It thinks it's so cool. It's not cool to ask for help! Walk by yourself, you little gargoyle!

Yondu: You like a professional asshole or what?
Rocket: Pretty much a pro.

[From trailer - aboard the Benetar]
Rocket: Who hasn't been to space?
[Rhodey, Romanoff, and Rogers raise their hand]
James: Why?
Rocket: You better not throw up on my ship!

Rocket: I live for the simple things... like how much this is going to hurt!
[zaps Quill, who falls down yelling]
Rocket: Yeah, writhe, little man.

- I can't breathe!
- I can't breathe!
- Canopy, canopy, canopy.
- Rhodey, Rocket, get out of here.
Rocket: Let me up! Let me up!
- Come on!

Tony: Honestly, at this exact second, I thought you were a Build-a-Bear.
Rocket: Maybe I am.

Peter: Yeah, I'll have to agree with the walking thesaurus on that one.
Drax the Destroyer: DO NOT ever call me a thesaurus.
Peter: It's just a metaphor, dude.
Rocket: His people are completely literal. Metaphors go over his head.
Drax the Destroyer: *Nothing* goes over my head...! My reflexes are too fast, I would catch it.

Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: He hates hats.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: On anyone, not just himself.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: [to Yondu] One minute you think someone has a weird-shaped head, the next minute it's just because you realize part of that head is the hat.
Rocket: [to Groot] That's why you don't like hats?

Rocket: [jumps on Groot who is fighting the sentry bots] You idiot! How am I supposed to fight these things without my stuff?
Drax the Destroyer: Creepy little beast!
[throws a machine gun to Rocket]
Rocket: Oh yeah!

Groot: I am Groot.
Peter: Well that's just as fascinating as the first 89 times you told me that. What is wrong with Giving Tree here?
Rocket: Well he don't know talkin' good like me and you, so his vocabulistics is limited to "I" and "am" and "Groot," exclusively in that order.
Peter: Well I tell you what, that's gonna wear real thin, real fast, bud.

Rocket: So, we're saving the galaxy, again?
Peter: I guess.
Rocket: Awesome! We're really gonna be able to jack up our prices if we're two-time galaxy savers.

[the Guardians bring Thor aboard]
Peter: How the hell is this dude still alive?
Drax: He is not a dude. You're a dude. This... this is a man. A handsome, muscular man.
Peter: I'm muscular.
Rocket: Who are you kidding, Quill? You're one sandwich away from fat.
Peter: Yeah, right.
Drax: It's true. You have put on weight.
Peter: What?
[Drax gestures at his chin and gut]
Peter: Gamora, do you think I'm...
Mantis: [sensing Thor] He is anxious, angry, he feels tremendous loss and guilt.
Drax: It's like a pirate had a baby with an angel.
Peter: Wow. This is a real wake-up call for me. Okay, I'm gonna get a Bowflex. I'm gonna commit. I'm gonna get some dumbbells.
Rocket: You know you can't eat dumbbells, right?
Gamora: [touching Thor's arms] It's like his muscles are made of Chitauri metal fibers.
Peter: Stop massaging his muscles.

Rocket: What did you do?
Thor: I went for the head.

Rocket: You speak Groot?
Thor: Yes, they taught it on Asgard. It was an elective.

Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: Asleep for the danger, awake for the money, as per frickin' usual.

Rocket: Does anybody have any tape out there? I wanna put some tape over the death button.
Peter: I don't have any tape. Let me check. Yo, Yondu, do you have any. Ow! Do you have any tape?... Gamora? Do you have any tape? Tape! Ah, never mind. Ow! Drax, do you have any tape? Yes, Scotch tape would work... Then why did you ask me if Scotch tape would work, if you don't have any? Nobody has any tape!
Rocket: Not a single person has tape?
Peter: Nope!
Rocket: Did you ask Nebula?
Peter: Yes!
Rocket: Are you sure?
Peter: I asked Yondu and she was sitting right next to him.
Rocket: I knew you were lying!
Peter: You have priceless batteries and an atomic bomb in your bag. If anybody's gonna have tape, it's *you*!
[Baby Groot grabs the device and runs off with it while Rocket's back is turned]
Rocket: That's exactly my point! I have to do everything!
Peter: You are wasting a lot of time here!
[Rocket turns around and see that both the bomb and Groot are gone]
Rocket: [to himself] We're all gonna die.

Peter: [talks with the rest of the Guardians in private when they are all in doubt] When I look around, you know what I see? Losers.
[Everyone looks at him]
Peter: I mean like, folks who have lost stuff. And we have, man, we have, all of us. Homes, and our families, normal lives. And you think life takes more than it gives, but not today. Today it's giving us something. It is giving us a chance.
Rocket: To do what?
Peter: To give a shit. And I am not gonna stand by and watch as billions of lives are being wiped out.

Thor: You know, I'm 1500 years old. I've killed twice as many enemies as that. And every one of them would have rather killed me than not succeeded. I'm only alive because fate wants me alive. Thanos is just the latest of a long line of bastards, and he'll be the latest to feel my vengeance - fate wills it so.
Rocket: Mm-hmm. And what if you're wrong?
Thor: Well, if I'm wrong, then... what more could I lose?
[Thor walks away]
Rocket: [mutters] Well, I could lose a lot. Me, personally, I could lose a lot.

Star: Here you go.
[Quill presents the prosthetic leg Rocket requested]
Rocket: Oh, I was just kidding about the leg. I just need these two things.
Star: What?
Rocket: [laughing] No, I thought it'd be funny! Was it funny? No, wait, what'd he look like hopping around?
Star: I had to transfer him 30,000 units!
Rocket: [chittering laughter]

[showing Groot how to arm the bomb]
Rocket: All right, first you flick this switch, then this switch. That activates it. Then you push this button, which will give you five minutes to get out of there. Now, whatever you do, don't push *this* button, because that will set off the bomb immediately and we'll all be dead. Now, repeat back what I just said.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: Uh-huh.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: That's right.
Groot: [pointing to the death button] I am Groot.
Rocket: No! No, that's the button that will kill everyone! Try again.
Groot: Hmm. I am Groot.
Rocket: Mmm-hmm.
Groot: I am Groot?
Rocket: Uh-huh.
Groot: [pointing to the death button] I am Groot.
Rocket: No! That's exactly what you just said! How is that even possible? Which button is the button you're supposed to push? Point to it.
[Groot points to the death button]
Rocket: *No*!

- And eat a salad.
- Come on, we gotta go.
- Goodbye.
Rocket: Three...
- Two...
- No, wait!
- What am I looking at?
- Oh, sometimes it takes a second.

Peter: This is weird. We've got a Sovereign fleet approaching from the rear.
Gamora: Why would they do that?
Drax: Probably because Rocket stole some of their batteries.
Rocket: Dude!
Drax: [awkwardly] Right... He didn't steal some of those. I don't know why they're after us. What a mystery this is.