The Best The Office, Season 4, Episode 5 Quotes

Michael: So welcome one and all to the world premiere of corporate crap fest.

Pam: I worked until about 2:45 a.m., and then I had to decide if I wanted to spend the night with Michael editing in his office and Dwight watching Michael edit in his office, or drive home and probably fall asleep at the wheel and die in a fiery car wreck. I passed out on my keyboard trying to decide.

- Do you understand me now?
- Yes.
- Goodie.
- Hey, man. What's up, man?
- What's going on? Paper delivery.
- Oh, yeah?
- Kelly ordered this online.

Darryl: [singing] Out of paper, out of stock / There's friendly faces around the block / So break loose from the chains that are causing you pain / Call Michael and Stanley, Jim, Dwight, Creed / Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs / Dunder Mifflin : the people person's paper people !

- Not sure.
- Just became self-aware.
- So much to figure out.
- I think I am programmed to be your enemy.
- I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.

- I get everything
- I want 'cause I'm very...
- I'm hot. I'm so hot.
- That's why everybody...
- Ldidn't get...
- I don't understand that.
- That's part of it, just a...

Jim: You playing that game again?
Dwight: Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user virtual environment. It does have points or scores. It doesn't have winners or losers.
Jim: Oh, it has losers.

Michael: Pam, please clear my phone lines.
Pam: Certainly.
[Pam imitating phone beeping]
Pam: Okay, clear.

Michael: [at a meeting] Has anyone ever come up to you and said, "You're not creative"?
Dwight: Yes.
Michael: Well, they're wrong. You are creative. You are damn creative, each and every one of you. You are so much more creative than all of the other dry, boring morons that you work with.
[they all look around, confused]
Jim: Who are you talking to, specifically?

- Hello, Pam.
- Hello. Hey, do you have any men that you can fix me up with?
- I would like to have a relationship with a man.
Pam: I'll get back to you.
- Let me know.

Michael: All right, let me ask you this. Tell me if this is creative: when I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this is before I had even... heard of one or seen one. I just drew a picture of a horse that could fly over rainbows and had a huge spike in its head. I was five. Five years old! Couldn't even talk yet!

- Why would you reorder from a computer when you could have the personal touch of a salesman?
- How's it going? Fine. Good.
- Yeah? Yeah.
- You look a little worried.
- I do not look worried.

- Man 1: Hey, how'd it go?
- Man 2: Yeah. What did she say?
- I don't know yet.
- I have to call you back.
- Man 1: Come on, you gotta give us something.
- I'll call you back.
- I have to go clean up after the party.

- Okay.
- Listen up, kid,
- I don't like you, but because some town in
- Switzerland says so, you have rights.
- I have to hang these.
- Why are you looking at her like that?

- I'm not going in there.
- Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are.
- And you will come out when you decide to give me a discount on the pizza.
- Please. Thank you.
- This is stupid.
- No, you don't even know what stupid is.
- It's about to get all stupid up in here!

Oscar: When I was younger, I always wanted to be an actor in commercials, then I realized I had a brain.

[deleted scene]
[as Dwight plays Second Life, his character opens up his closet to find his rocket launcher in Jell-O]
Dwight: Who put my rocket launcher in Jell-O?
[Jim's Second Life character flies just outside the window]

- Yeah, so you know what? Why don't you guys take off a little bit early tonight?
- Because there's a party.
- A party for the website I've been planning for two weeks.
- If you are not this tall, you may not ride the rollercoaster.
- See you guys tomorrow.
- Perfect. So let me just get some basic information from you.

- You know what this is like?
- I'll tell you what this is like.
- This is like when the freshmen would throw a party and wouldn't let any of the seniors go.
- Doesn't it just piss you off sometimes that little twerp got the promotion over us?
- Actually, I withdrew from consideration.
- Yeah. I withdrew too.

Meredith: I'm excited about doing the ad, but I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around.

Jim: I think it's great that the company's making a commercial, because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or... And frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.

Andy: [singing] Break me off a piece of that Fancy Feast.
Andy: It's the cat food. Nailed it.

- Yeah! Yeah!
- Got one!
- Three reams! In your face, machines!
- What kind of prank are you thinking?
- What if I told you
- I could offer free shipping?
- Sure, I'll hold.

- Not now, Dwight.
- Please, not the time.
- A toast.
- I'm gonna make it good.
- To avoiding a class-two felony charge.
- Hello? Hey. Hang on a second.
- Hello. Hang on.

- Wait for it.
- Like something that you have to look for, sort of a where's Waldo?
- All right. All right.
- Let's quit while we're ahead.
- That was so awesome.
- That was awesome. Thank you.
- Some days I am just on fire.
- What can I say?

Michael: Now this gentleman right here
[indicates Stanley]
Michael: is the key to our... urban vibe.
Stanley: Urban? I grew up in a small town. What about me seems "urban" to you?

- "I assume you read binary, so why don't you zero, one, one,
- "one, one, one, zero, one, one, zero, one, one?"
- Okay.
- While you were typing that, I searched every database in existence and learned every fact about everything and mastered the violin.
- And sold more paper.

- honey, I'm still free take a chance on me going to do my very best and that ain't no lie if you put me to the test, if you let me try take a chance on me that's all I ask of you, Angela.
- Take a chance, take a chance