The Best The Office, Season 5, Episode 10 Quotes

Meredith: I don't mind telling you that I have an addiction. I do. To porn.
Michael: All right, no, no, no, no. That is... The image, I think we all can agree, is very disgusting...

[during the intervention, Michael reads questions to Meredith]
Michael: "Have you ever, under the influence of alcohol, questioned the teachings of the Mormon Church?"
Oscar: Where did you get this?
Michael: I got it on a website. That's not important.

Kevin: Well, Meredith, there was that one time you bought movie tickets and then you got too drunk to go, so you gave them to me. And that was really cool.
Michael: That's... you didn't... You weren't hurt by that.
Kevin: Yep, you said, "affected" by it. Thanks again, Meredith.

- They don't give out black belts for things that are stupid.
- Well, I hope it was worth it, because I'm going to take it apart in about five minutes.
- I think it'll take you a little bit longer than that.
- Really. If I can skin a mule deer in less than 10 minutes,
- I ought to be able to cut my...

Andy: When I was in college, I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was "Puke." I would chug a fifth of So-Co, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, boot, rally, more So-Co, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I'd let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me "Ace." It was totally awesome. I got straight B's. They called me "Buzz."

Jim: Do you take requests?
Andy: Sure.
Jim: Please stop, because we're having a Christmas party.

Angela: I am not going to judge Phyllis for desecrating Christmas. There is one person who will, though, and Phyllis just stuffed him into a drawer.

Michael: You lit your hair on fire today. What about tomorrow? What is going to happen when you come into work and you're dead?
Dwight: I stab her in the brain with a wooden stick.
Dwight: [to the camera] There are several ways to kill a zombie, but the most satisfying is to stab it in the brain with a wooden stick.

- They serve it during ramadan.
Stanley: Mmm. Chewy.
- Hey.
- What's up? Do you take requests?
- Sure. Please stop, because we're having a Christmas party.

Admitting: [Michael drags Meredith into the rehab center] Can I help you?
Michael: I have a deposit. Alcoholic.

Dwight: In the Schrute family, we believe in a five-fingered intervention. Awareness, education, control, acceptance and punching.

- There's a hole in the wall where the men can see it all
- Jim, check that out. What is it?
- That is vodka, and I mixed it with orange juice.
- I call it an
- "orange vodjuiceka."
- Wow, that is delicious. Yeah.
- I can't believe no one's thought of that. I know!

- Merry Christmas. You, too.
- Fa la la la, la la, ka-ching oh. So this is what every day would be like if you hadn't left India?
Stanley: She's burning.
Pam: Oh, my god!
Michael: We got a live one! On fire!

- that for the rest of our lives, no matter the cultural milieu,
- I will always be there to bring you some Christmas cheer.
[Singing] Deck the halls with boughs of Holly fa la la la la, la la la la
- 'tis the season to be jolly fa la la la la, la la la la
- Don we now our gay apparel fa la la, la la la troll the little old yuletide Carol

Michael: I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom. I think I can do it. I did it with Jan.

Jim: They've been in there for 45 minutes.
Pam: I know. If she wasn't an alcoholic before, she is now.

- I'll be down in a minute.
- Could you write down the number of that rehabilitation center that you mentioned?
- Sure. Wow.