The Best The Office, Season 7, Episode 22 Quotes

Deangelo: Raise your hand if you have a vagina. Raise your hand if someone you love has a vagina.

Deangelo: There he is! Got you coffee.
Dwight: Oh, wow! Thank you. That was so kind of you.
[Dwight puts his coffee in the trash bin]
Deangelo: Not a coffee guy, I take it, huh?
Dwight: It's just that I own the coffee shop. So, once you've seen sausage being made, all you want to do is make sausage, because it's so much fun.
Deangelo: Listen. I've got a sixer. Automatic for the People on the jukebox. Let's hit the park after sundown, come on. Pick up some sausage if you want.
Dwight: [Dwight points to Oscar] I think you'll find what you're looking for over there.
Deangelo: [Talking head] No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. It reminds me of my relationship with my son, except there, I'm the Dwight.

Ryan: My pleasure, my treasure.

- For goodness sake, this is not going to be your last day at the office.
[Sighs] Everybody gets dumped, Gabe.
- Can I give you a piece of advice?
- A little cover-up on your Adam's apple will make it appear smaller, which will make you look less like a transvestite.

Jordan: [Deleted scene; talking head] I do not like working here so far. No.

Deangelo: So, coasting time is officially over. Big changes are coming, and they're coming fast. If you don't like 'em, this is called a door. You can walk right through it. Alright? I'm not here to be your friend. I like my life outside of this place. I live to leave at five. Change number one: Darryl. Per your request, the company is sending you to business school at night. Full ride, deal with it.
Darryl: Seriously?
Deangelo: Stone cold seriously!
[Talking head]
Deangelo: They are trying to figure me out and I don't like it. Once they figure me out, they start to tell me what I want to hear. And I need to quickly figure out who's a good worker and who is simply a good mind reader. Because as soon as I'm hearing what I want to hear, I'm not gonna care.
[Back to conference room]
Deangelo: Change two: Toby, you're getting a new chair.
Toby: Thanks.
Deangelo: Don't thank me. Hey, don't thank me, guy. Okay? And I don't care if you like them.
Oscar: These sound like good ideas. Why wouldn't we like them?
Deangelo: I don't care what your favorite flavor is. Here's a bowl of ice cream, you either like it or you don't. That's my attitude right now in this room, that's my attitude on Ice Cream Thursdays. Alright? Clear? Any questions?
Kevin: This all sounds great to me. But I can see how some people might think that they're bad. I don't know what to think.
Deangelo: That is a stu... an astute observation, Kevin.
[talking head]
Deangelo: Kev's got me pegged.

- See ya tomorrow, boss.
- Later, guys.

- I will be in the break room.
- Okay, that sounds good.
- Thank you.
- Dead man walking.
- Sad? [Fake cries]
- No, no.
- I don't leave till tomorrow, so tomorrow I will be a wreck.

- Phyllis.
- Oh, they're still not done.
- Oh, no, no, no.
- Let me see. Oh, Phyllis.
- Nice try.
- I love them.

- You know, we don't really care about your opinion.
- You're just a tie-breaker.
- Um, Pam?
- Oh, hey, Michael.
- I'm just gonna go to carbondale to price some shredders.
- I'll see you later. Okay.

Deangelo: [deleted scene] If there are any complaints, you can direct them to the garbage. Specifically, my garbage.

Deangelo: You know, I have a cousin who cracked the formula for a certain popular cola that I shall not name. So, I've never had to buy it. True story. I just drink my cousin's.
Dwight: Congratulations on your one cousin. I have seventy, each one better than the last.
Deangelo: You know what... straight up, why don't you like me?
Dwight: I'm just not a suck-up like everyone else around here. Okay? I do my job well, so why don't you just leave me alone and let me do it. Okay?
Deangelo: Oh, no.
Dwight: What?
Deangelo: Okay? I'm going to win you over.
Dwight: No, you're not.
Deangelo: Yes, I am.
Dwight: No.
Deangelo: Oh, yes!
Dwight: No.
Deangelo: Yes!
Dwight: No!
Deangelo: Yes!
Dwight: No!
Deangelo: Yes!
Dwight: No!
Deangelo: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
[as Deangelo repeatedly yells yes in a fast manner, he ran out the break room]

Pam: No, he wasn't sad.
- He was full of hope.
- About Colorado.
- And he was hoping to get an upgrade as an awards member.
- And he said he was just real excited to get home and see Holly.

Deangelo: [deleted scene] Hey, there he is!
Dwight: Here I am.
Deangelo: Hey, while I have you here, my brother scored some major Los Lobos tickets in AC. We're gonna party bus together. Heading down over this weekend. You interested?
Dwight: Can I drive the bus?
Deangelo: Probably not.
Dwight: No, thank you.
[talking head]
Dwight: Deangelo is a fine manager. I give him a B. The only reason it's not a B plus is he makes my skin crawl. Don't know why, just the quality, I guess.

Dwight: Deangelo, tell your whore to leave me alone!

Deangelo: [Deleted scene] Pinball machine, going to the break room! It will be quarter-less. You will not have to put quarters in it 'cause I don't want to hear any bitching and moaning that I didn't bring enough quarters to work to play pinball. Okay? You just reset it 'cause I don't want to hear about it!

- You in tight pants, Michael, are a salami to a black bear.
- Do you understand? Mmm-hmm.
[Scoffs] You're like a giant walking salami.
- Okay, so no salami in the pants.
- How about a pepperoni?
- Any kind of meat you can possibly name. Okay.

Deangelo: No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. It reminds me of my relationship with my son. Except there, I'm the Dwight.

- I will see you tomorrow at lunch.
- I am looking forward to lunch.
- And hearing about what a great boss I am.
- You got it.
- Okay.
- Okay.

- "As a sales executive, as a leader, as a man, and as a friend,
- "he is of the highest kind, quality, and order. Supreme."
- Lots more like that.
- Really repetitive.
- What's this?
- "2:45 behind the building, paintball."
- Oh!

- What happened to you?
- You should see the other guy.
- Jim, where is Pam?
- She's still pricing the whatevers... the shredders.
- But it is already 3:00.
- Right.

Deangelo: Dwight. What's your take?
Dwight: What's the argument here? NBA, WNBA. One is a sport, one is a joke. I love sports, I love jokes. Room for all.
Deangelo: Man, you're smart!

Deangelo: Let's go downstairs, okay? Let's do it.
Dwight: Pass. If I wanted to see a pissing contest, I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop.
Deangelo: Damn it, Dwight! Enough! Get your ass downstairs or find a new place to sell paper!
Dwight: Okay. A little about me... I respond to strong leadership.

- Hot fudge?
- Sounds good.
- Fudge it up.
- I bought this for myself.
- And yesterday, they gave me this.

- Hey, will you guys let me know if this ever airs?
- Thank you.
- All right. Oh.
- This is gonna feel so good getting this thing off my chest.
- That's what she said.

Kevin: He didn't drop a single ball!