The Best The Office, Season 9, Episode 18 Quotes

Kevin: You go to the bathroom for 45 minutes, and everything changes.

Angela: How much have you revealed on camera about your relationship with the Senator.
Oscar: They caught us kissing on Halloween,
Angela: [gasps] He was dressed like Ronald Reagan!
[slaps Oscar]
Oscar: Ow! Angela! Well, he kissed like Ted Kennedy.
[Angela slaps him again]

Clark: Dude, we're being conned.
Dwight: Go on.
Clark: These chicks are way too hot to be into us. Esther's just pretending to like you so that you'll buy her daddy a new tractor.
Dwight: No.
Clark: Yes. Her sister's trying to seduce me into buying an auger with her.
Dwight: What? Has the warranty expired on the auger you have now?

- The office: An American workplace.
- Coming soon on wvia.
- You go to the bathroom for 45 minutes, and everything changes.
- This is a documentary?
- Oh!
- I always thought we were, like, specimens in a human zoo.

- Yes, and I cheated on you with Dwight.
- It looks like they got it on film. I didn't tell you about it.
- I think that's it.
- I think we're good.
- Done. Okay bye.Loveyou.
- Hey, texaspoon tappa and jasonjasonjason and all the rest of you haters out there, check this out.

Kevin: [Speaking to camera] This is a documentary? Oh. I always thought we were like specimens in a human zoo.

Esther: You didn't think I was just tractor bait, did you?

- I don't even know what an auger is.
- No woman would ever want a man who doesn't know what an auger is.
- Hey. You ready to sign?
- I just need a moment to consider your offer.
- Excuse me.

Dwight: Maybe you're right. Esther is a 10, and the best I've ever done is Angela, who's a 9, and she rejected me.
Clark: A Scranton 9, but, you know, point taken. Hey, let's go out tonight and just score a couple of 4s, huh? I mean, there are no games with 4s.

Andy: Screw you Texaspoontapper!

- What the hell?
- It's okay, guys.
- She's no longer horny.
Andy: Excuse me, dirty birdie.
- What?
- You can have this back at the end of the day.
- Okay.

- was based on a murdered TV star.
- The small scream. I don't care.
- Hey, guys, I just found another promo.
- It's in Danish. Woman: Danish?
- I guess it's gonna start airing in Denmark.
- Oh, my god.