The Best The Office, Season 9, Episode 23 Quotes

Pete: No one recognizes me, but now, all my friends call me "Plop".

Angela: D, it's gonna be perfect! The only people that need to be there are you and me.
Dwight: Oh, and the old man to feed us the cheese that he's been fermenting since the day of my birth. You keep forgetting about him.
Angela: I don't... I don't know why.

Dwight: Do I get along with my co-workers? Well, first of all, I don't have co-workers anymore, I have subordinates. So... have I gotten along with my subordinates? Let's see. My supplier relations rep, Meredith Palmer, is the only person I know who knows how to properly head bang to Motorhead. Oscar Martinez, my accountant, is now godfather to my son. Angela Schrute, my former accountant is now my wife. My top salesman, Jim Halpert was best man at my wedding and office administrator Pamela Beesley Halpert is my best friend. So... yes. I'd say I have gotten along with my subordinates.

- Great, now we've got three hours to fill.
- Okay, hold on. Are you sure mose isn't going to show up?
- Ever since Angela moved in, and mose had to stop sleeping at the foot of my bed, he's been acting pretty weird about this whole wedding thing.
- Mose has been weird?
- That's so unlike him.

Audience: Do you feel that your life feels pointless now that nobody's filming you any more?
Toby: Yes.

- So why in the world does it feel so hard to leave right now?
- It all seems so very arbitrary.
- Iapphed for a job at this company because they were hiring.
- I took a desk at the back because it was empty.
- But [chuckles] No matter how you get there or where you end up, human beings have this miraculous gift to make that place home.

- This is great for me and for Drake. Thank you.
- I don't know, Ryan. Baby
- Drake didn't look so good.
- He'll be fine. I let him suck on a strawberry.
- He's allergic, but he'll get over it fast.
- I had to talk to you.
- You gave your baby an allergic reaction just to talk to me?

Pam: [last line of the series] There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?

Andy: I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Pam: Michael has so many pictures of his kids, he had to get two phones with two numbers, and he pays two bills.
- He's just so happy to have a family plan.
- Where did you learn to dance like that?
- I don't know, I've just always been really good at dancing.

- Minister: As is traditional to the schrutes, the lovers are standing in their own graves, as a reminder that this is the only escape from what they are about to do.
- See, I get what they're trying to do, but why are the graves so shallow?

Jakey the Stripper: Heard you guys needed some pipes fixed or cleaned or whatever.
Phyllis: Angela, special repairman is here.
Angela: Wait, what is this?
Meredith: Shut up! Jakey?
Jakey the Stripper: Mom?
Pam: Wait, wait, what?
Jakey the Stripper: Oh man!
Meredith: No no no no, just do your work. Pretend Mom's not here.
Pam: That seems inappropriate.
Meredith: Give 'em a good show, my little entrepreneur.

Darryl: Everyday when I came into work, all I wanted to do was leave. So why in the world does it feel so hard to leave right now?

Pam: I didn't watch the whole documentary. After a few episodes, it was too painful. I kept wanting to scream at Pam. It took me so long to do so many important things. It's just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could have been. Jim was 5 feet from my desk and it took me four years to get to him. It'd be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes. Not that I'm a tragic person. I'm really happy now. But... it would just... just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this and she said to herself "be strong, trust yourself, love yourself. Conquer your fears. Just go after what you want and act fast, because life just isn't that long."

- and I had to start from the beginning.
- But it all worked out for the best, because I think that I've painted the perfect thing, which is the history of us, all of us.
- And this is for you, Jim.
- And go ahead!

- Susanne: Well, this feels like a good place to stop.
- Let's thank all our wonderful panelists for being here on this wonderful panel today.
- Next week at the Scranton cultural center, don't forget, Irish step dancing semi-finals.
- Winning team to mid-Atlantic.

Erin's: I have a question for Erin.
Erin: Really?
Erin's: Yes, um, the thing I found most compelling about the documentary was your search for your birth mother.
Erin: Thank you.
Erin's: So, my, my question is, um, don't you hate her? I mean, I would, I would just imagine that you were so angry at her that you would hate her.
Erin: Maybe sometimes, but not like *hate* hate. More just like, "Mom, I hate you!" And then she would say "Go to your room, young lady!" And I'd stamp my foot and run upstairs and I have a room, which is really cool. And then we just have dinner together. But I don't know, I'd have to meet her. Thanks.
Erin's: Erin?
Erin: Yes?
Erin's: Oh... oh... Erin?
[everyone on stage realizes this is Erin's mother, and looks at Erin]
Erin: [still oblivious] Yes, is there a follow, a follow-up question?
[long pause, Erin suddenly understands]
Erin: Mom?
[She runs to her mother and hugs her, entire room applauds]
Erin's: Erin, same question, but about your dad?

Pam: I finally feel ready. Athlead is growing.
Jim: Athleap.
Pam: And Jim can jump back in without skipping a beat. We'll come back to this, but I think it's time for us to officially...
Dwight: No, don't say it. You're both fired.
Jim: Dwight, come on. Don't end on a bad note.
Dwight: Don't be an idiot. It's for the severance. The best I can do is one month for every year you've been here. That's the max.
Pam: Thanks, Dwight.

- Yes?
- Um, oh.
- Erin.
- Yes, is there a follow up question?
[Whispers] Mom?
- Crowd: Aw...

- It's not much.
- But if you see it the right way, and that's what you did with this documentary.
- But seriously, you made a nine-year documentary and you couldn't once show me doing my origami?
- Uh, oh!

- I just really wish there was something I could do.
- Michael.
[Softly] I can't believe you came!
[Softly] That's what she said.
- Best prank ever.
- Yeah!

Dwight: Ever since Angela moved in and Mose had stopped sleeping at the foot of my bed, he's been acting pretty weird about this whole wedding thing.
Jim: Mose has been weird? That's so unlike him.

Ryan: I've finally mastered commitment!

- Any time anyone's ever been fired, Toby's blocked it, so...
- Yeah. Yeah, I don't think...
- Toby, wait, wait.
- Hold that thought.
- Here's your cake.
- Bye, bye, Toby.
- At least I got chocolate.

- That's not...
- Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming!
- Now, please take your hay bales to the reception.
- They'll be used for seating.
- Complimentary hay hooks are placed along the aisles.
- Just stab them on in there.

Phyllis: I'm happy that this was all filmed so I can remember everyone and what we did. I worked for a paper company all these years and I never wrote anything down.

Creed: It all seems so very arbitrary. I applied for a job at this company because they were hiring. I took a desk at the back because it was empty. But no matter how to get there or where you end up, human beings have this miraculous gift of making that place their home.

- Oh, I don't know.
- I might turn in early.
- It's only 6:00.
- Come on, everybody's going.
- You have to go, Toby!
- Yeah, come on, tobes!
- Come on, Toby.
- Yeah, I'll stop by.
Pete: There he is.

- It's me.
- It's me.
- I love you. [Laughing]
- I love you, too!
Ryan: We're going to be together forever.
Kelly: We're running off into the sunset!
Ryan: I've finally mastered commitment!

- Okay, I need a drink.
- Yeah, we all need a drink.
- What the...
- There's only dandelion tea and raisins in here.
- Hey, bottom drawer.
- Yes.

Dwight: Michael... I can't believe you came.
Michael: [choking up] That's what she said.

Michael: [to the camera] I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It's every parent's dream!

Phyllis: Hey, Jim, remember flonkerton when you did Office Olympics? It was awesome.
Jim: Thanks Phyl.
Creed: I still have my medal from that.
Angela: Do you even have a mattress?
Creed: No, but I still have my medal from that.

Dwight: Oh, hey, Jim, I forgot to mention. Oftentimes, in Hollywood portrayals of bachelor parties, there are accidental murders. That won't be necessary tonight.
Clark: Great, now we got three hours to fill.

Dwight: [Speaking to camera] PBS, the propaganda wing of Bill and Melinda Gates.
[Looks directly at camera]
Dwight: And viewers like you.

Kevin: Oscar. Oscar.
[crying]
Kevin: I think I'm gay.

Dwight: It was nothing personal. It's just that you were terrible at your job.
Kevin: You're just saying that to make me feel better.
Dwight: No, really. You were terrible at math, and organization, time management, personal hygiene, your internet searches were so filthy, we had to throw out your computer.
Kevin: Is that all it was?

Dwight: I brought in some new faces and one old. I always like Devon. I hired him back after Creed faked his own death in the baler the day after the doc aired. The only person he fooled was Kevin. Then the police showed up. Turns out, Creed was in the band "The Grass Roots" in the 1960's. During that time, the police say he sold drugs and trafficked in endangered species meat and stole weapons-grade LSD from the military.

- "The time of singing has come,
- "and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.
- "Let me see your face,
- "let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet,
- "and your face is comely."
- Minister: I now pronounce you man and wife.

Andy: The weird thing is now I'm exactly where I want to be. I've got my dream job at Cornell, and I'm still just thinking about my old pals. Only now they're the ones I made here. I wish there was a way to know you're in "the good old days", before you've actually left them. Someone should write a song about that.

- people actually dance to this.
- It's in my jukebox.
- None of the money goes to Andy, though.
- Yeah, people hate you.
- I'll go talk to the manager.
- Maybe we should just go home.
- Man: Hey, it's Andy Bernard.