The Best The Sopranos, Season 3, Episode 8 Quotes

Tony: Grandpa. Did he ever work for somebody named Trillo? He owned a lumber yard?
Junior: My father was a master stone mason. He never cut fucking wood.

Tony: [Eating while ignoring Ralphie when he approached the table as Christopher and Paulie stand guard nearby] you wanted to see me?
Ralph: [after he cleared his throat when he approached Tony's table so Tony will acknowledge his presence] yeah Tony
Tony: [Pretending not to know Ralphie's wrongdoings] about what?
Ralph: About what? You know, to apologize
Tony: Oh
Ralph: I was doing a lot of coke, I said some things, and I did some things that I'm sorry for. It's not going to happen again.
Tony: [Continuing to pretend not to know Ralphie's wrongdoings so Ralphie can specifically admit each one] what'd you do?
Ralph: [Eventually referring to killing the stripper Tracee in the back parking lot of Silvio's strip club] I was rude when you offered me the drink and I disrespected The Bing with the girl. Like I said I was doing a lot of coke and I gave up that up: end of story and I'm sorry Tony, ok?
Tony: [Before Ralphie shakes his head and walks away] anything else?

- I have wanted this so fucking long.
- Well...
- Well, you know what they say?
- Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.
- 80, um...
- So we gonna have a drink together or what?

- And patient soprano?
- How's all that?
- He offered to escort me to my car.
- I almost fell in his arms crying.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- Chris.
- Paulie.
- Ralphie.

- It's okay. Go see if Meadow wants to go to a movie or something.
- Sure, ma.
- Good dinner.
- I'll tell you a trick.
- Break off a piece of a match...
- In the screw hole so the threads grab.
- I used Elmer's and it still fell out.
- Forget about it.

- Meadow. Meadow, wake up.
- I'm so sleepy.
- You drank too much fucking Tequila.
- Come on, I can't stop now.

- I'm making you captain.
- You are? That's great.
- That's fucking great.
- Anthony, you're not gonna be sorry.
- Thank you.

- Wood trim package,
- GPS, with everything.
- Only 7500 miles.
- I don't think it's gonna last till Saturday.
- Tomorrow? Great.
- No, I'm sorry. I can't.
- We're doing a sales meeting at lunch.
- Okay. See you. Bye.

Ralph: You wanted to see me?
Tony: Sit down. I'm making you a captain
Ralph: [Surprised, excited] you are? That's great. That's fuckin great. Anthony, you're not going to be sorry. Thank you
Tony: [after noticing Ralphie paused for a few seconds] what?
Ralph: I need to hear it was merit and not just because someone was constipated and "blew a gasket."
Tony: You're going to be making a lot more money so don't question it. You want to be a captain? You're a captain
Ralph: Thank you Tony, your right. I wanted this so fuckin long
Tony: Well you know what they say: "Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it"
Ralph: [Before Tony takes a shot of liquor by himself, stands up and leaves] so are we going to have a drink together or what?

Silvio: [referring to Ralph's snubbing of Tony] "Another time, Anthony"?
Tony: Cocksucker turns his back on the boss?
Silvio: That, I couldn't believe.
Tony: Lucky I didn't put one in his fuckin' head.
Silvio: On that front, don't be surprised if Paulie pops the question. Raphie's star is rising. All those unions. Paulie can't come near that kind of cash for us.
Tony: Ralph's a good earner.
Silvio: A guy like that? Loose cannon. He'll be leaving your house, he'll pull a "Jack Ruby" on you.
Tony: Why did I have to punch this fuckin' asshole?
Silvio: Frankly, I was a little surprised.
Tony: Are you gonna start on me now? He disrespected The Bing.
Silvio: So? He's barred from the place.
Tony: He bashed that poor girl's brains in.
Silvio: I hear you. I know. It was a tragedy. The fact is though: she was not related to you by blood or marriage. She was not your goomar. Ralphie's a made guy, Ton'. All things considered, he's got a legitimate beef. Make him disappear, or make nice. You only got two choices. I would suggest something in the way of an apology.
Tony: Absolutely fucking not!
Silvio: Do something public to show there's no bad blood.

- I brought some leftover Turkey and stuffing.
- Keep it. Everything goes through me.
- And these drafts.
- I should be down in boca.
- Drafts? It's like the fucking
- Amazon jungle in here.
- What's the thermostat say?
- Don't touch it!
- All right. Jesus.

Gloria: [while in Melfi's waiting area, gestures to Melfi's office] You waiting somebody in there?
Tony: I got an appointment
Gloria: Did she double book us? I'm usually Thursday but I had to reschedule because of the holiday
Tony: This is when I usually come, I'm trying to... quit smoking
Gloria: [jokingly] Serial killer: I murdered seven relationships
Tony: [after laughing] Listen, your here, why don't you take my appointment?
Gloria: Oh, no I couldn't do that
Tony: It'd be my good deed for the day

- I can't, Jackie.
- What?
- You won't go with me but you'd go with that black guy?
- It's not that I don't want to go.
- I've been hurt.
- Just give me some time, okay?

Ralph: [referring to dismissive response] nothing: he gave me nothing, not a "thank you", not an apology
Johnny: calm down, take it easy
Ralph: he let stand there like a... servant, scrapping, bowing, cocksucker didn't even invite me to sit down
Johnny: posturing: it's part of the "game"
Ralph: fuck the "game", his going down
Johnny: [surprised] oh, what're you fuckin stupid coming in here and talking to me like that?
Ralph: I don't give a fuck anymore. I've given my life to this "thing" and this is the thanks I get?

- Who do I replace him with?
- Good question.
- Great. What's the fucking answer?
- Who says there is one?
- That's what being a boss is.
- Steer the ship the best you can.
- Sometimes it's smooth, sometimes rocky. In the meantime...
- You find your pleasures where you can.
- How much longer, skip?
- I gotta take a leak.

- Whatever.
- I'll be down in a sec.
- A soprano and an aprile.
- So how's school?
- Everything good, right?
- Yeah, gpa's up this quarter.
- Why don't you just bag and come to Dov's?
- Hunter's expecting me.

Carmela: [over the phone] this is so terrible to do on such short notice but I just got off the phone with ma
Rosalie: what's the matter?
Carmela: it's my father: they had some troubling test results, something to do with his white blood cells
Rosalie: oh my God
Carmela: yeah, I know, their gonna have to do further testing to be sure of the diagnosis. Ma said they just want to have a quiet Thanksgiving, they said they would have it: just the two of them
Rosalie: they should be with their family
Carmela: I feel so awful giving you so little notice
Rosalie: don't be silly, I just wish there was something I could do
Carmela: thank you, that is so sweet and of course I'll let you know if I know anything more
Rosalie: ok, take care sweetheart, bye

- What a shame Barry Sanders retired.
- He's a real sweetheart.
- A.j., did you tell them how I served him at Kenny Rogers?
- Colonel Sanders.
- No. At Kenny Rogers. Barry Sanders.
- Yeah, she served him.
- Yes!
- Hey.

Tony: Its 3am, I'm wide awake
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Something specific?
Tony: It's a "management" problem, it's a situation with an underling, now it's partly my fault. But he have never done what he did
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What was it? Could you tell me that?
Tony: Caused an early "retirement" for somebody else, I think he thought he was more important, he fucked up. Now ordinarily I'd just you know, just put him "out to pasture". But his a very valuable piece of man power
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Is it complicated by a personal relationship?
Tony: [Intentionally changing the subject] I've been reading that book you were telling me about The Art of War by Sun Tzu
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Nods]
Tony: I mean here's this guy, a Chinese general wrote this thing twenty four hundred years ago and most of it still applies today, bought the enemy's power, force him to reveal himself
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Interrupts him] I have to ask, are you in any sort of danger?
Tony: No, can I go on? Most of the guys I know read Prince Machiavelli and I had Carmela get the Cliffs Notes once and his ok, but this book is much better about strategy
Tony: [Intentionally changing the subject] Listen I wanted to ask you about that woman that was here today, the Mercedes sales lady
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm very sorry about the confusion
Tony: What does someone like that need a shrink for?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I can't talk about another patient
Tony: It just makes you wonder that's all

- No shit.
- Madonna.
- Tony sees the big picture.
- Oh, little Paulie.
- This prick treating you okay?
- No complaints.
- Little Paulie, everybody,
- I'm gonna buy you an egg cream.
- Come on, sit down.

- I'm not complaining. You asked me.
- He's a frustrating guy.
- I don't know how things are gonna go.
- He might not go away.
- It's not just him. This freon deal.
- We're renovating at the house.
- I got two kids going to college.
- Hey, hang in there.
- You're doing a good job.

- Not as much as Caitlin.
- You see her look at me?
- The lid. From Okla-fucking-homa.
- You're in a frat now?
- Rutgers chapter.
- I came up here to see you.
- Got any more x?
- For you, the first hit's free.

- You have to go with a sales rep.
- Anybody available?
- Dale!
- Yeah.
- I'm going out. 600.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
- Hm-hmm.

- As long as you're okay. I don't know what I'd do if you got hurt.
- You almost died.
- I'm so sorry.
- I should have taken you to vassar.
- You loved that car.
- It's all right.
- Come on, let's get you home.
- No. I wanna go with you.
- You're sure?

- And I disrespected the bing.
- And the girl.
- That shouldn't have happened.
- Like I said, I was doing a lot of coke.
- I gave that up.
- And end of story.
- And I'm sorry, Tony. Okay?

- Hello, Anthony.
- You look good.
- Want a drink?
- Another time, Anthony.
- Another time.

- Terrible. It's a terrible thing.
- Guy was in here twice a week.
- Brought the kids and everything on sundays.
- Artie. Hey, ton.
- I gotta go rotate my pork shoulder.
- You wanted to see me?
- Sit down.

- Calm down, take it easy.
- He let me stand there like...
- A servant. Scraping. Bowing.
- Didn't even ask me to sit down.
- It's part of the game.
- He's going down.
- Are you fucking stupid?
- I don't give a fuck any more.
- I've given my life to this thing.
- And this is the thanks I get?

- What's this, a new suit?
- Hey, how are you? How you doing?
- What's wrong? The skip's here.
- I'm on a roll.
- You'll be on a slab, you keep it up.
- Hey.
- Hey, ton.
- I'm sorry, this fucking guy...

- Listen, it's after-hours. It's dark.
- You want me to walk you to your car?
- No, thank you.
- I have some work
- I have to catch up on here.

Johnny: Ralph Cifaretto came by
Tony: [Jokingly] Yeah, what'd he want? A fully fueled jet and a safe trip to the Pope?
Johnny: His running scared since you canceled Thanksgiving dinner
Tony: [Quoting Sun Tzu] If your opponent is of choleric temper, irritate him
Johnny: He wants to apologize
Tony: Oh really?
Johnny: Would that put this to rest?
Tony: If it's sincere it might relieve me of a very unpleasant decision
Johnny: You know we're about to break ground on the Esplanade, we're talking about millions of dollars here, it wouldn't hurt either of us to have a point man that feels appreciated. I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt to throw him a bone
Tony: Like what?
Johnny: Capo?
Tony: No fuckin way. Never. You heard what he did the poor girl, she just had a twentieth birthday
Johnny: Capo is what he mentioned. I threw cold water on it right away but she was a whore
Tony: You know I don't want to talk about that situation again with anybody, you understand me?
Johnny: It was just a suggestion, keep a happy shop
Tony: Correct me if I'm wrong, didn't you say you weren't going to stick your beak in?
Johnny: Can't two friends talk?

- I did?
- I'll come back next week. No problem.
- She can have my appointment.
- It is hard getting away from work.
- See?
- I could see you tonight at 7?
- Yeah, yeah. Thanks.
- How hard was that?

- Not as many as you think.
- Call Rosalie and cancel with them.
- Thanksgiving? Why?
- Just do it.
- Enough of this shit.
- I just talked to her. What do I say?
- Fine, I'll call. But my excuse won't be nearly as nice as yours.
- Goddamn it, Tony.
- What, your stomach still?

- See you.
- Jackie, come on, vassar. That band.
- Come on, double or nothing.
- Yeah, rack them.
- You said you were gonna take me.
- Go sit down.
- Ha, ha, ha.
- Fucking brat. Meadow!
- Goddamn it!

Ralph: [while in a diner] you see that shit before? The look on Tony's face when I turned down that drink? Buy me a drink? Fuck you, he knew it was wrong, what he did
Vito: he is the boss: he can do whatever he wants
Eugene: boss or no, you don't raise your hands to another "made" guy. Joe Vul from Mulberry Street, exact same situation, he smacked that guy around
Ralph: rules are rules otherwise, what? Fuckin anarchy
Eugene: at the very least, Tony owes you an apology
Ralph: the money I put in his pocket from construction alone, it should hit his knees, this prick
Ralph: [to Eugene when he doesn't respond] what? You think I'm afraid of that fat fuck?
Ralph: [to Vito] no offense
Ralph: I could see if it was his daughter or a niece of his but all this over some dead whore, he had to been fuckin her
Vito: no, he knew you were fuckin her
Ralph: that's why, that's how he is, like a dog with two bones. I'm supposed to go over there for Thanksgiving, me and Roe
Eugene: really?
Ralph: fuck him and his turkey, I should shove a drumstick up his ass

- You wanted to see me?
- Yeah, Tony.
- About what?
- About what? You know...
- To apologize.
- Oh.
- Sit down?

Ralph: [Referring to Tony canceling the holiday dinner] you hear what he did with Thanksgiving?
Johnny: It's not good Ralph
Ralph: Will you please tell me what I did to this guy? Turn down a drink? I wasn't thirsty
Johnny: Ralph
Ralph: Ever since I'm back from Miami, his up my ass. I'm running with three hands here and it's still not good enough to satisfy this cocksucker and then he fuckin hits me? I'm telling you his not leaving me a lot of options here
Johnny: Don't talk crazy, you want to commit suicide? Pills are a lot easier
Ralph: What'd you think Carmine would say if I want to switch families? Come with you guys
Johnny: Carmine doesn't know who you are
Ralph: You could tell him
Johnny: Ralph. Listen to me, as a friend I know Tony can be difficult, his father was the same, and his uncle. They always need someone to demonize but New York and Sopranos have long standing ties and that's not going to change, not for you or anybody else. You want me to be frank? You brought this on yourself with that girl
Ralph: A. she was a whore, B she hit me, and C that wasn't my kid she was carrying. It was the fuckin coke I should've never started with that shit. Fuckin Miami: it's all over the place
Johnny: Just tell Anthony you're sorry
Ralph: I was high, I admit it and I swear to Christ I'm not doing it anymore
Johnny: [Reiterating to him that he should apologize] "Tony, I'm sorry"
Ralph: Fuck that, what good would that do?
Johnny: It might save your life
Ralph: [Speaking each word slowly to emphasize his point] "he hit me"
Johnny: He was wrong believe me he knows
Ralph: You don't think I know people are laughing behind my back?
Johnny: Talk to Tony. I'm sure he'll make it right
Ralph: At this point? How?
Johnny: I don't know. Would you take capo over your crew?
Ralph: No I wouldn't, no fuckin way

Junior: That's what being a boss is. You steer the ship the best way you know. Sometimes its smooth, sometimes you hit the rocks. In the meantime, you find your pleasures where you can.

- Hey, there are worse ways to go.
- Even still, on the pisciatoio?
- Pretty fucking humiliating.
- It's how Elvis died.
- That guy in Hollywood too. Don something.
- Producer of the Simpsons.
- So there's a vacancy.
- There's a lot of business to do.
- You thought about who it's gonna be?

- And I had carmela go and get the cliff notes once. It was okay.
- But this book is much better about strategy.
- I wanted to ask you about the girl that was here today.
- The Mercedes saleslady.
- I'm sorry about the confusion.
- What does she need a shrink for?
- I can't talk about another patient.
- Just... it makes you wonder, that's all.

- Let's whack this cocksucker and be done with it.
- I'm here to enjoy myself.
- I'm so fucking hard.
- No, Jackie, don't.

- Holy Jesus!
- What the fuck you looking at?
- Cal! 9-1-1.
- I don't feel a pulse.
- I'm sorry.
- Thank you, Tony.
- He was a good man. Never said a bad word about anybody.
- Thank you, Tony.