Top 30 Quotes From Workaholics

Anders: Blake, I know that the smell of weird gets your balls all tingly. But put your blinders on and find Jillian.

Adam: I'm like one of those dragons from Avatar!

Dean: Craigslist "casual encounters" is blocked? What is this,
[bleep]
Dean: North Korea?

Patrick: [after snorting some cocaine] Good snorting Vietnam!

Blake: So now you're on board to hunt? I thought you weren't really down for it.
Blake: But fish aren't animals, they're like the rodents of the sea. Actually I wouldn't mind if we just cemented over the ocean. I hate fish.

Anders: Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these.

Adam: [on Alice's answering machine] Alice, this is NOT Adam, you are a cunt.

Billy: I'm all about banging clits, sucking tits, and taking shits.

Adam: We need to treat her like a real chick, and force her to love us.

Blake: 'Cause the spirit of half-Christmas lives on in all of us. Just like a little baby alien.

Alice: Tell me... how does one screw up this badly?
Robbie: I understand that the results were a little off.
Alice: Oh! Every employee has tested positive for the following: Marijuana, MDMA, PCP, HGH, Lipitor, Adderall, DayQuil, NightQuil... why would anyone take both? Nitrous oxide, Benzedrine, Valtrex, Flomax, Cialis, and birth control! Thanks for bringing that up, buddy! I can't have kids. Don't need birth control! I want you get on your hobby cart and ride your ass out of this office before I grab Orlando's vacuum and I shove it up your ass on full suction!
Robbie: [walks out] It was great doing business with you.

Billy: Empty da nuts!

Alice: [knocking on hotel room door] House keeping!
Anders: Okay, so this is just business, and we're gonna handle this like adults, right?
Alice: Yeah totally.
Alice: FRESH TOWELS!
[kicks door in]
Alice: Alright Don, Where is she?
Timothy: What, who's Don?
Alice: Don't you dare lie to me, I know this is his room. NOW TELL ME WHERE HE IS!
Timothy: What are you talking about? My name is Timothy!
Alice: [Grabs an iron and holds it to her face] I will melt my own face off in front of your children if you do not tell me, WHERE THE FUCK DON "PSYCHO D" WALTERS IS!
Alice: [looks at the man's wife and kids] What do you think kiddies, do you wanna see me peal my own face back like the top of a grilled cheese?
[presses the iron up to her face and everyone screams]
Adam: It's unplugged, it's unplugged!
Blake: [Alice lunges at Timothy with the iron] Wait no no no! I saw the number in a reflection, we're not supposed to be in 252, we're supposed to be in 525.
Alice: [Throws the iron on the bed] ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?
Alice: [starts choking Blake] I will kill you! I will kill you!

Blake: Holy Moley She's a thick bitch!

Adam: It's too late to abort it. Which is exactly what my mom used to say about me.

Adam: Testosterone stinks. I smell like flowers.

Blake: I just wanna screw these two swedes together like Ikea furniture!

Jillian: They called me the dad ruiner in high school!

Blake: Adam, you know our motto. No Ders left behind.

Anders: [Looking at the RV] You guys know what this does to panties? Sopes them, then drops them.

Blake: If we don't learn from History Channel. We're doomed to repeat History Channel.

Robbie: You have till 5 o'Clock to make with Zip, the Flop, the Drip and the Boo-Hoo
Adam: Whats the Flop?
Robbie: The Flop is the penis coming out of the slacks or trousers.
Blake: So then what's the Boo-Hoo? Is that like another poop afterwards?

Blake: Bong. James Bong.

Alice: [knocking on hotel room door] House keeping!
Anders: Okay, so this is just business, and we're gonna handle this like adults, right?
Alice: Yeah totally.
Alice: Freash towels!
[kicks door in]
Alice: Alright Don, Where is she?
Timothy: What, who's Don?
Alice: Don't you dare lie to me, I know this is his room. Now tell me where he is!
Timothy: What are you talking about? My name is Timothy!
Alice: [Grabs an iron and holds it to her face] I will melt my own face off in front of your children if you do not tell me, Where the fuck don psycho d walters is!
Alice: [looks at the man's wife and kids] What do you think kiddies, do you wanna see me peal my own face back like the top of a grilled cheese?
[presses the iron up to her face and everyone screams]
Adam: It's unplugged, it's unplugged!
Blake: [alice lunges at Timothy with the iron] Wait no no no! I saw the number in a reflection, we're not supposed to be in 252, we're supposed to be in 525.
Alice: [Throws the iron on the bed] Are you fucking with me?
Alice: [starts choking Blake] I will kill you! I will kill you!

Anders: Making Joel help all those Chinese people is so loose butthole of you Adam.
Blake: You are so loosest butthole.

Alice: Look, half of these people haven't even graduated high school, okay? They're barely functioning alcoholics.

Adam: You guys ready to get weird tonight or what?
Blake: Fur Sure!

Adam: Dude, are you flexing?
Anders: [blatantly flexing] No.

Adam: You only YOLO once!

Blake: [Anders and Adam are fighting] Break it up! You guys both have boners now. What is going on?
Adam: Wow. It's contagious dude. You're too fleshy, put on a shirt!
Anders: This guy smells great, it's like a coconut oil, what is that?
Adam: Thank you. It's my tanning... it's my tanning cream.
Blake: Boners are down!
Adam: I'm going to ruin you, man.
Anders: I'm going to straight do what I came here to do!
Adam: I'm going to straight WRECK you!
Anders: You're going to die at my feet, you small... minded...
Adam: Okay, I got a boner.
Anders: I got one too. As soon as I said "my feet" it was like, boosh.
Adam: Yeah all the blood just- That happened to me too, that's what's weird about it.