30 Best Charlene Frazier Stillfield Quotes

Suzanne: What was that like having a hillbilly Thanksgiving? Did you have turkey?
Charlene: No, possom!
Suzanne: Okay, okay, I was just asking.
Charlene: You are always just asking. I curse the day I ever told you we had an outhouse.

Mary: [about Anthony] It just sticks in your craw that he's made partner, doesn't it, Suzanne?
Suzanne: It's nothing personal, Mary Jo. It's just that there seem to be too many chiefs and not enough Indians, and I think things worked better around here when Anthony was an Indian.
Mary: Well, too bad, kemosabe.
Charlene: You know, I never knew what that meant.
Julia: In this case, it translates as "lazy, inconsiderate White woman."

Charlene: [Speaking about the ugly little incident] Well, What did they say?
Julia: Does matter? They said the usual asinine stuff they always say.
Charlene: I know, but just out of curiosity, what was it?
Julia: Charlene, we always go through this. Why do you have to know?
Charlene: I don't know. It's a sickness.
Julia: All right, Charlene. If you must know. They said,
[speaking dryly]
Julia: "Hey sweet meat. What it is? Mmm-mmm. Strut it out. Bring it on home to me now." Okay?

Julia: Just remember, Clareton is not the only school in Atlanta.
Charlene: What are you trying to say?
Suzanne: What she's trying to say is: you're stupid too. I get that all the time. They think just because we got extra help in the boob department, we got skimped on everything else.

Suzanne: I just can't believe it. Did you all see that? He's got my wig on. That's my wig. He stole it.
Charlene: You sure?
Suzanne: Of course I'm sure. I had that hair grown special for me. I'm just gonna have to report him to the police.
Julia: Suzanne, don't make a big deal of it. Just let him have it.
Charlene: Anyway, he looks real good in it.

Charlene: They're having their convention this year in Atlanta. All the Belles are gonna be here.
Mary: Sounds scary.
Julia: How many?
Charlene: 500. Stay out of the supermarkets.

Suzanne: Oh, Charlene, that reminds me. I saw two things on TV I gotta tell you about. Now first one is, there was a segment on the news about that league of breastfeeding people you like so much, you know, La Leaky.
Charlene: Suzanne, it's La Leche.
Suzanne: Oh, well. Whatever.

Mary: Maybe Bill can put in for a transfer. I hear there's a big base up in Greenland. On second thought, Julia'd probably just strap some snow shoes to her pumps and track you down like caribou.
Charlene: I didn't know Julia had this in her.
Mary: Well, we all have things about ourselves that even we don't know.

Charlene: I hope this next nanny is better. I don't know; I guess what I'm hoping is that Julie Andrews will just land on top of my roof with her umbrella. I just love her. I mean Mary Poppins and Maria Von Trapp. She'd be perfect, wouldn't she?
Mary: You know, when you think about it, Mary Poppins wasn't all that great of a nanny, you know? Stuffing the kids up chimneys and making them dance around on roofs? Today she'd probably be arrested for child endangerment, and Dick Van Dyke with her.

Mary: [the ladies discuss Ursula taking their men's attention] Well, I don't know if we could compete with her even if we wanted to.
Suzanne: Speak for yourself.
Mary: Suzanne, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I saw her bra hanging on the towel rack in the bathroom.
Suzanne: So?
Mary: So you are not top dog anymore.
Suzanne: How do you know?
Mary: Because -- I can get my whole head in one side of hers.
Charlene: Mary Jo! You put her bra on your head?
Mary: I couldn't help it! You know how that fascinates me. Suzanne's cup fits me like a beanie, but Ursula's covered my whole face.
Suzanne: Well, Mary Jo. This just helps to point out the main problem that you people have that I've been talking about. You are not competitive! I mean, here you have this gorgeous girl who gets up at 5:30, cooks your boyfriend's breakfast, then goes jogging with him. And what do you do? You're in the bathroom trying her brassiere on your head! I mean, you're as impressed with her as he is!

Charlene: Wonder what's keeping Suzanne and Anthony?
Julia: Charlene, are you serious? A six-foot black man dressed like Hazel just left here with Suzanne, his co-conspirator to defraud and deceive the United States Government and you're wondering what's keeping 'em? Well. It's been 3 and a half hours I don't think you need to wonder anymore I think it's pretty obvious. They are in prison.

Charlene: Is she in yet?
Julia: Who?
Charlene: The tit monster.

Julia: We believe she's practicing the worlds oldest profession...
Charlene: Monette's a carpenter?

Charlene: Men like Danny are just not walking the streets.
Suzanne: That's good, because men like him would be bumping into each other.

Charlene: [after Julia kicks Imogene out] Well, she finally got fired up.
Julia: Was that what you had in mind, Mary Jo?
Mary: Not bad.
Julia: i guess you just have to find something that inspires you.

Mary: [the third Miss Pre-Teen Atlanta finalist has been announced] Oh, puh-leeze, did you see the hips on her? She could haul grain to market.
Charlene: [chidingly] Mary Jo!
Mary: [begins fanning herself with her program] I am so sorry. I don't know what's come over me.

Charlene: [hearing that Textile City is on strike] Oh those poor people. I mean, they won't be able to work and buy money for food.

[after Charlene turns juror Julia in for discussing her case outside of court]
Charlene: [on the phone] Now Julia, you sound overwrought.
Julia: Yeah, well you're gonna think overwrought. If I miss my dinner with Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter because of this, you're going to pay and pay big. I'm going to find you and hunt you down like a dog! I'm talking about you running through the woods in the snow with blood hounds ripping your clothes off! And remember Charlene, I have your address. You'd be wise to ask yourself "Do I know where my baby is?"

Charlene: [Referring to condoms] I remember my Daddy used to keep a whole bunch of them in his top dresser drawer. I got in so much trouble once 'cause I blew them all up on my birthday. I mean I was real confused about the facts of life. One time my parents were out of town and I crashed my bicycle into this wall and I couldn't find a Band-aid. I showed up at school the next day with a Kotex taped to my forehead.

Charlene: [as Mary Jo and Julia walk in front door of Sugarbaker's] Hey, y'all, were were just talking about you. How was career day?
Mary: Great. There was a big tune out.
[Going over to her desk]
Mary: Julia gave a super talk. I think Anthony was very proud. As a matter of fact, it would have been an almost perfect morning if it wasn't for this one ugly little incident in the parking lot.
Charlene: [Getting up from chair] What ugly incident?
Mary: Oh, it's nothing. Just a couple of hoods got after Julia.
Suzanne: Well, that doesn't surprise me. Hoods love Julia. It's that little sashay in her walk.

Julia: [the mistress asks "big, black, beautiful buck" Anthony if she can sculpt him] All right, that's it. Look, Ms. Langford.
Gaby: Please, call me Gaby.
Julia: No, I won't call you Gaby. You haven't taken the time to learn any of our names.
Gaby: Well, that's not so. I know Anthony.
Julia: That's right, you do. First, you kept us waiting for 35 minutes. And then when you decided you were bored enough to come downstairs, the only thing you've acted the least bit interested in is seducing our delivery man.
Gaby: Seducing? If that's what you think I was doing, then obviously you don't have the artistic sensibility required to work with me.
Julia: No, Ms. Langford. What I don't have that's required to work with you is patience.
Charlene: Julia!
Julia: Because, quite frankly, I find you rude, horny, lazy and dumb.

Julia: [On the phone with Charlene] Hello, Charlene. I just wanted to thank you again for turning me into the judge. Now, the whole jury is sequestered till Lord only knows when, and I am here in Motel Hell, sharing a room with a women with no lips.
Charlene: Julia, I had to do it. We violated that law. By the way, I don't think you're supposed to be making telephone calls. I'd hate to have to report this, too.
Julia: If you are so all fire, heaped up about turning people in, I believe you'll find some overdue library books in my upstairs den. Why don't you just report that too, and maybe you'll get your merit badge, you big 'ole donkey girl scout!
Charlene: Now Julia, you sound overwrought.
Julia: Yeah, well you're going to think overwrought. If I miss my dinner with Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter because of this you're gonna pay and I mean pay big! I'm gonna find you and hunt you down like a dog! I'm talkin' about you runnin' around in the woods in the snow with bloodhounds rippin' your clothes off! And remember Charlene, I have your address. You'll be wise to ask yourself do I know where my baby is!
Charlene: [Julia has hung up] Julia! Julia?
[Hanging up the phone]
Charlene: Oh my gosh, she threatened Olivia.
Mary: What did she say?
Charlene: She said she's gonna hunt me down and hire bloodhounds to rip my clothes off. Now I, I- I thought the judge was just gonna give her a warning, I didn't know she'd be shut up in a motel room. Now Suzanne, you know Julia, I mean when this is all over she'll realize I had to do it and, and- and forgive me, dontcha think?
Suzanne: I think you and your baby should get some black wigs on and get the hell outta town.

Charlene: Anthony, what are you staring at?
Anthony: Oh, nothing. I was just thinking to myself, "There they go, Big Haas and Little Falsie."

Tyrone: [Tyrone watches as Julia frosts Anthony's birthday cake] Man, this is a good looking cake.
Julia: We're gonna have to make one for your birthday. What kind do you like?
Tyrone: I don't know. I've never had a birthday cake.
Charlene: You haven't...?
Tyrone: Naw, but that's ok. I really don't like cake anyway.
Mary: So, Tyrone, what'd you get Anthony?
Tyrone: Some socks. If I'd had the money I could have gotten something from my uncle. He's in merchandising.
Mary: Oh? Where?
Tyrone: Everywhere. Mostly gas stations. He sells jewelry, stuffed animals, air fresheners. When I get my first paycheck I'm gonna buy all you guys ankle bracelets with you names and birthstones on 'em.
Julia: Aww, that's so sweet, Tyrone. We want you to save your money.
Tyrone: Why? It's just green paper with dead presidents on it.
Mary: Kinda has your philosophy, doesn't he Suzanne.

Suzanne: [leaning her chin in towards Julia] Julia, do you see anything else there?
Julia: No Suzanne, I don't.
Suzanne: Good. Cause if I get another one, I'm just gonna have to get a gun and shoot myself through the head.
Mary: Why don't you shoot yourself in the chin? Maybe that way you'll hit the root.
Suzanne: I'm glad you all find this so amusing.
Charlene: Oh c'mon, Suzanne. Don't you think you're being just a little bit shallow?
Suzanne: No I do not Charlene. I don't think it is shallow not to want to go through life wearing a goatee.

Mary: We think that your friend, Monette might be practicing the oldest profession.
Charlene: You think that Monette is a carpenter?

Charlene: What's the matter?
Kendall: Nothing, you just surprised me, taking my hand.
Charlene: You mean because...
Kendall: Yeah. In the hospital even some of the nurses refused to come in my room.
Julia: [sees Imogene overhearing] Imogene, why don't you take that book over to the counter, hun? I'll be over in just a sec to write up the order.
Mary: I can't believe that, I mean if *hospital* people are gonna act that way, how can they expect the public to behave any better?
Kendall: What I want to know is how'd you guys get so smart?
Mary: Well, we read.
Suzanne: And I went to see Julia's and my family doctor, and he told me that you can't get AIDS from touching anybody, you can only get it from sex, blood products and shared needles.
Mary: I mean it just stands to reason if AIDS was airborne, that somebody would've gotten it that way by now.

Charlene: [defending her novelty lingerie purchases] These are gag gifts.
Julia: They certainly make me gag.

Charlene: On phone: I'm sure we can get those recliners in Naugahyde for you. About four to six weeks. Well, we raise our little naugs on a ranch. We have to wait 'til they're weaned.

Mary: And why do you know all the capitols of every country, Charlene?
Charlene: Because, Mary Jo, I love knowledge. As a matter of fact, I yearn for it.