The Best Anthony Bouvier Quotes

Anthony: Mary Jo, Julia, Suzanne, I'd like for you to meet the Atlanta director of Operation World Hunger, Mr. Guy Whitworth.
Julia: How do you do?
Mr. Whitworth: Pleasure to meet all of you.
Anthony: Yeah, I'm driving Mr. Whitworth this evening, and this is our special guest of honor, Derek. Derek is from Ethiopia.
Mr. Whitworth: That's right, he lost his entire family to famine, and now he's traveling around with our organization telling people about it.
Mary: Oh it's so nice to meet you, Derek.
Derek: Hi.
Julia: Do you speak English?
Derek: Yes. I tell people about my country and other countries where all the children are dying because they do not have food.
Mr. Whitworth: 40,000 children every day.
Suzanne: No, that's not true.
Anthony: Oh yes it is, worldwide.
Suzanne: Well that's unbelievable.
Mary: Suzanne, you should read this literature: every 72 hours the same number of people die of starvation as were killed by the Hiroshima atomic bomb.
Anthony: That's two atomic bombs a week.
Julia: Well I don't know why this isn't on the news every night, I can't imagine a bigger story than this, what? Some politician going to prison? Some movie star getting a divorce?
Mr. Whitworth: Unfortunately starvation's an old story, most people aren't even aware. That's why what Derek's doing is so important.
Julia: What a job for a little boy.
Suzanne: [stands up] May I shake your hand?
Derek: Yes, ma'am.
Suzanne: I just want to say I think you're a real neat kid.
Derek: You're pretty.
Suzanne: Thank you, darling, I needed that.

Suzanne: [to Anthony] Don't forget to stop by and take care of Noel.
Anthony: Suzanne, let me ask you something. In all the times that you've gone out of town, have I ever forgotten to feed your pig?
Suzanne: No, but she has kind of a new routine, and I don't want you upsetting it.
Anthony: What routine?
Suzanne: Every night we drive around the loop with the top down, and then I put the top up and we stop by the Dairy Queen and she gets a Buster Bar, and then we go home.
Anthony: I'll feed her, I'll bathe her, I'll even walk her -- but I'm not taking a pig to the Dairy Queen!

Allison: [annoyed because Anthony has made her his "servant" due to the fact that her name isn't on the lease to the house] Oh forget it, I'm not doing this anymore!
Anthony: Well then just go ahead and leave!
Allison: You know very well I can't leave! Possession is 9/10 of the law if I leave, I don't have any chance of getting back into this house... but you are not driving me out of here, I don't care what you do to me.
[starts to fake-cry]
Allison: Well, I hope you're happy with yourself. Torturing me like this!
Anthony: Oh now, don't start this, now you know that if you had just stayed in the guest room instead of trying to take over the whole house, it wouldn't have gotten this far.
Allison: [still fake-crying] My tears don't mean anything to you, do they?
Anthony: [short pause] Uh-uh!
Allison: [stops fake crying] OK, let's move along to credit then!

Anthony: [in a bubble bath, ringing a bell persistently]
Allison: [walks into bathroom exasperated] What is it this time?
Anthony: I need a hand towel.
Allison: I already gave you a hand towel!
Anthony: Well this one isn't fluffy enough!
Allison: This one is PLENTY fluffy, I fluffed it myself!
Anthony: Well, you need to work on your fluffin'!

Anthony: Ladies, what can I say? It's been a fine afternoon. Happy Thanksgiving. Thanks again for turning me in for murder.

Mary: Anthony, where have you been all morning?
Anthony: The question should be, "Where have I been all night?" I'll tell you where I've been. I was locked in the basement of Suzanne's house!
Allison: Oh, were you locked in there? I thought I heard something.
Anthony: Did it sound anything like someone shouting "Let me out of here, bitch!"?

Suzanne: I would think you would use your popularity and influence for good instead of evil.
Anthony: It's a changing world, Suzanne.
Suzanne: Well, I do not care for it.

Anthony: Oh ALLISON!
Allison: [annoyed] What?
Anthony: My ginger ale isn't bubbly anymore!
[Allison takes the glass of ginger ale, blows bubbles into the straw, and hands it back to him]
Anthony: You know, you are obnoxious.
Allison: I know... I have OPD, it is NOT my fault!

Carolyn: [At a PTA debate] So why bring that kind of garbage
[referring to condoms]
Carolyn: into the public school system?
Mary: Because that garbage helps prevent AIDS. I am certainly in favor of abstinence, but i don't believe that it's realistic. To think...
Carolyn: [Interrupting Mary Jo] Oh, let's quit kidding around, shall we? What you are actually saying Mrs, Shively, is that if your 15-year-old daughter is determined to have sex,
[Anthony and Kendall come in the door]
Carolyn: then you won't mind her going to a dance with a boy who has a condom in his wallet, paid for by your tax dollars. Isn't that correct?
Anthony: We had finished a little early. We thought we'd come by and give her a little moral support.
Mary: What i am saying is, that i have a dear, sweet, funny friend, 24 years old, not very much older than the kids that we're talking about here and he came to me this week and asked me to help plan his funeral because he is dying, from AIDS. Something that he got before he even knew what it was or how to prevent it. I've been think a lot about his mother this week, and what she might give for the opportunity that i have tonight. That we all still have here tonight, because now we know how to help prevent AIDS. And I think that it really shouldn't matter what your personal views are about birth control, because, you see, we're not just talking about preventing births anymore. We're talking about preventing deaths. 25,000 Americans have died and we're still debating. Well, for me, this debate is over. More important than what any civic leader or PTA or board of education thinks about teenagers having sex or any immoral act that my daughter or your son might engage in, is the bottom line that I don't think they should have to die for it. Thank you.

Suzanne: [trying to find a dress for the class reunion] Maybe I have gained a little weight. I don't think it's that noticeable. I mean, it's not like I'm going to enter the banquet room followed by a tidal wave. I'll just wear something that, you know, covers everything up.
Julia: Well okay, but you've gained a little weight in your face too.
Julia: Okay that's it! I don't have to take this. If I wanted to be insulted I could have stayed at home and waited for a crank call! Anyway, you all have certainly made your point. I'll just be going now. That is if you think the streets of Atlanta can stand the strain of *both* me and my Mercedes.
Anthony: Hey Suzanne! You're just the person I'm looking for. How would you like to sign up for a two day food fast?
Suzanne: How would you like fat lip?!

Anthony: I want to know what you're gonna do to compensate Julia and all the others to whom you've brought pain and sorrow.
Tyrone: I guess I don't know yet.
Anthony: Well, you're gonna have plenty of time to think about it. This is your third offense, and they're gonna throw the book at you this time.
Tyrone: I know. I don't even know why I did it.
Anthony: You just wanted to screw up because that's what everybody expects of you. Well I'm gonna surprise you, Tyrone. I'm gonna wait around here for you to get out. I'm gonna come to visit you every week. I'm gonna check on you. I'm gonna hound you like a dog. And when you do get out of here, I'm gonna expect to see something a whole lot better than what I'm looking at now.
Tyrone: You are?
Anthony: Oh, you're damn right.
Tyrone: I can't believe you came. My own sister didn't even come.
Anthony: So what, Tyrone. You think that you're the only kid in the world whose family doesn't care about him? Well let me tell you something. I grew up in a neighborhood where people put cigarettes out on your head. I never met my father, and my mother was an addict who left me behind when I was two weeks old - - I didn't see her again 'til I was nine. Then she wrote and said she was coming. One day she showed up at school after I had told everybody how beautiful my mama was and how she was coming just to see me. You know what she did, Tyrone? She got out of her car. She walked across the playground and picked up some other kid and hugged him and starting crying and calling him by my name. She did that right in front of everybody. I was her son and she didn't even know me. So you see... I've been where you are right now. And if it hadn't been for that one person, my grandmama, loving me and kicking my butt everyday I'd still be there.
Tyrone: I'm sorry I let you down.
Anthony: I'm gonna be here every week. You can count on that, Tyrone.
Guard: I'm sorry, but your time is up.
Anthony: One more thing, man. You know that birthday wish that you asked me about? I wished you were my son.
Tyrone: I love you.
[hugs Anthony]
Anthony: I love you too, man.
[the guard escorts Tyrone out. Julia comes up to Anthony]
Julia: Anthony, I want you to know that I've never been prouder of anyone in my life... than I am of you at this moment.
[she hugs him]
Julia: Let's go home.

Anthony: I know you can be selfish sometimes. A tiny bit vain, petty...
Suzanne: Anthony, there better be a 'but' coming up around now. I'm starting to feel that these honest, heart felt talks are just highly overrated.

Charlene: Anthony, what are you staring at?
Anthony: Oh, nothing. I was just thinking to myself, "There they go, Big Haas and Little Falsie."

Anthony: Julia, excuse me for overhearing, but I just want to add my two cents.
Julia: [laughs sarcastically] Oh please... I just want to hear from EVERYONE on this topic! Call your friends!
Anthony: No no, I was just going to say that you can't force yourself to start dating again if it isn't time. I know because there was a time where I wasn't interested in any romantic involvement at all. The whole idea didn't appeal to me, period... no matter who approached me, I just wasn't interested.
Julia: Really, Anthony. When was that?
Anthony: That was the day I entered prison.