The Best Arthur Pinckney Quotes

Mr. Pinckney: I shall fight you in the drawing room, I shall fight you in the bed chambers, I shall fight you in the kitchen, and I shall so bear myself that if Arthur Pinckney and his fame last for a thousand years, men will still say, This was his finest hour.

Mr. Pinckney: What is that?
[points to the chimp dusting the chandelier]
Elly: That's Cousin Bessie.
Mr. Pinckney: [Pinckney's monocle falls out] Cousin Bessie?
Elly: Yeah. Ain't she a doozy. Why she can hang on with one hand and dust with three.

Jane: You were only with the Clampetts a day and a night.
Milburn: Yes, they gave you a lovely room and fed you.
Mr. Pinckney: Fed Me? Sir, have you ever partaken of the curious substances which Granny so quaintly calls "vittles"?

Mr. Pinckney: Where are my quarters?
Jethro: Forget it. Granny says no tippin'.

Mr. Pinckney: You are never to address me as Arthur, only as Mr. Pinckney, sir.
Daisy: I ain't no sir!
Jed: I wouldn't fault him for that. Maybe he don't see so good, he's lost half his glasses.

Mr. Pinckney: I'd like to prepare for you a gourmet dinner.
Daisy: [whispering to Jed] What do ya reckon a gourmet is?
Jed: [in a low voice] I dunno, but if he fries it good in lard, I reckon we can eat it.

Mr. Pinckney: Young man, kindly remove your cousin from the chandelier.
Jethro: Oh heck, Bessie ain't my cousin.
Mr. Pinckney: Really?

Milburn: How are things at the Clampetts?
Mr. Pinckney: Mr. Drysdale, sir, in my 40 years as a butler, I have served in some unique households and run athwart some bizarre families, but the Clampetts, sir, if I may use one of their own curious expressions, take the rag off the bush.
Milburn: Well now, I warned you it wouldn't exactly be smooth sailing.
Mr. Pinckney: To be precise, sir, you said you could only promise me blood, sweat, tears, and money.
Milburn: Right.
Mr. Pinckney: I've had the blood, sweat, and tears, now I should like the money.
Jane: You're leaving the Clampetts?
Mr. Pinckney: I'm leaving the country.
Milburn: But you've got to stay with them, you're our cultural beachhead!
Mr. Pinckney: Consider me another Dunkirk.

Jed: Mr. Pinckney, we want you to think of yourself as one of the family.
Mr. Pinckney: What a nauseating suggestion.

Mr. Pinckney: I will dress you, sir.
Jed: You'll what?
Mr. Pinckney: Dress you, sir.
Jed: I wouldn't bet on that.
Mr. Pinckney: But you need my help, sir.
Jed: I been dressin' myself for a lotta years and I aim to keep right on doin' it.
Mr. Pinckney: I insist, sir.
Jed: You wanna dress me, you got to shoot me and skin me first.

Mr. Pinckney: Might I have a spot of tea?
Jane: Yes of course, what would you like with it?
Mr. Pinckney: Ticket to London.

Mr. Pinckney: This is outrageous, placing me at the mercy of a kangaroo court.
Milburn: Relax, here's a tranquilizer for you.
[hands Mr. Pinckney a check for $1000]

Mr. Pinckney: You're setting a fine example for young Master Jethro.
Jed: Come on, young Mosster Jethro.