The Best Dean Cromwell Quotes

Daisy: Are you the goomer who gives away doctor certificates?
Dean: What?
Daisy: Yep, it's you. I'll take one.

Dean: Will you please explain what this little woman wants?
Jethro: Yessir, she wants folks to call her a doctor.
Daisy: And it's high time too.
Dean: Indeed it is.
[picks up the phone]
Dean: Get me Dr. Neimeyer in Psychiatry.

Dean: [Jed is asked to give an acceptance speech upon receiving his honorary degree] You have an inspirational success story for those young people.
Milburn: I think just a simple thank-you would be best.
Dean: Nonsense, we all want to hear the inspiring story of how Mr. Clampett made his fortune.
Jed: Well, I could tell 'em that. It's short. Ya see, Granny was honin' for some gopher gravy. I went down to the slough to shoot one, but just as I cut loose, that little varmint skedaddled, and oil come a oozin' outa that slough just like sorghum out of a leaky hog trough. That's how I made my fortune.
Dean: Perhaps a simple thank-you would be best.