The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 2, Episode 17 Quotes

Ted: That trip is when Marshall and I became best friends.
Barney: With privileges, from the sound of it.

Ted: [after Marshall asks Ted if he wants a ride home with him] Karen and I haven't seen each other since Thanksgiving and we're both really invested in making this long distance thing work.
Marshall: Well, call me if you change your mind; my odometer is going to hit 100K.
Ted: Nah, she'd be so bummed if I left early.
Ted: [Later, in the Fiero] It was totally mutual. I mean, Karen brought it up first, but I... it was totally mutual.
Marshall: I hear ya.

Ted: [Marshall asks Ted if he can give him a ride from Ohio to college] First of all, my parents live in Ohio. I live in the moment.

Barney: How's the Fiero?
Marshall: She's still in triage.
Ted: Wait a minute, she? I thought it was your little boy.
Lily: It goes back and forth. It's like a trannie car.

- Are you still thinking about Lily?
- Yeah.
- Please stop.
Ted: And so Marshall and I thought we were gonna die out there in the middle of nowhere.
- But, funny thing...

- I don't know why I turned on the radio!
- We're going to die.
- Tell me what to do, Ted.
- Relax. You're being crazy.
- Help me, Ted!
- Stop, drop and roll.
- I'm being serious.
- Stop...
- Screaming is fun!

- No...
- Look, can I just have my coffee, please?
- Sorry, we're all out of trays and lids.
- Two tall guys just came through here a few minutes ago and bought 'em all.
[groaning]: Oh.

Ted: Remember the 100K fiasco?
Marshall: Ah, the Fiero-asco.
Ted: Dude, I told you that doesn't work; it's the 100K fiasco.

- When we owned our first house.
- Maybe even the first car our four kids remember.
- Oh, that's so sweet.
- The first car our two kids remember.
- Um, I would like to say good-bye.

Ted: [Narrating the story of his and Marshall's road trip] Then Marshall; who was so busy cheating at Zitch-dog got us totally lost.
Marshall: Where the hell are we?
Marshall: [Narrating] Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I think you skipped something.
Barney: Really? Seems impossible
Ted: [Back to the road trip] Hey, we got some time. What dpoyou say we get off the highway; take the road less traveled... ya know? Robert Frost.
Marshall: Doesn't seem like a smart idea.
Ted: Too late, I'm taking this exit... who's not fun enough now Karen.
Marshall: [Narrating] *Then* we got lost.

- Oh. No.
- No, no, n-n-n-no.
- No, there's only
- .8 miles to go.
- Come on, buddy.
- Buddy!
- Is it cool if I still light these?

Ted: Barney Stinson, Buckle-up!

Marvin Eriksen Jr.: Okay, the Fiero is yours
[Marshall makes a grab for the keys]
Marcus: ...If you pass the final test
Marshall: Come on! I've already shaved my legs and swallowed five dollars in quarters - only 4.50 has come out...
Drive: Just go to the Wiener Burger drive-through and get us 12 cups of coffee.
Marshall: That's it?
Marcus: Oh yeah. But we get to decide what you wear.
Marshall: Agreed! Totally agreed!
Drive: [Marshall pulls up to the drive-through window] You're naked.
Marshall: I'm aware of that.

Robin: Sounds like you had quite an accident.
Ted: Actually, two accidents, if you count...
Barney: Homina, homina, homina!

Barney: [inching along at about 1 mph] This isn't right... God never meant for us to travel at such breakneck speeds.
Ted: Relax, you're doing great. Ignore the old lady on the Rascal; this isn't a race.
Barney: *Guh* Dude! A dog!
Ted: Zitch-dog! Yes! One-Nothing.
Barney: Crap! Whaddo I do? Tell me what to do, Ted.
Ted: Step on the brake... Some time in the next twenty minutes...
Barney: Which... Which one's the brake again?
Ted: The left one.
Barney: Left. Left. Oh man, left. I'm totally blanking!
Ted: Just make the "L's" with your hands.
Barney: Ooooh! We're not gonna make it!
[Radio turns on]
Barney: Wah!
Ted: Why did you just turn on the radio?
Barney: I DON'T KNOW WHY I TURNED ON THE RADIO! We're gonna die, tell me what to do Ted!
Ted: Relax, you're being crazy!
Barney: Help me Ted!
Ted: Stop, drop, and roll.
Barney: Be serious! Stop, drop and roll? Just tell me what to do. Just tell me what to do!
Ted: Throw me the idol, I'll throw you the whip. Screaming is fun! Screaming is fuuuuuuun!
[Both scream]
Barney: Uh! I cant move. I can't... I can't feel my... Uh... We're okay...
Ted: We're okay.
Barney: It's a MIRACLE, Ted!

Lily: [after spilling food in the car] Marshall's going to kill me! This and the difference between "affect" and "effect" are the only two things he's serious about.

Ted: Yeah, you wanna play zitch-dog?
Marshall: What?
Ted: It's a car game. Every time you see a dog, you gotta be the first one to say "Zitch-dog!" I'm pretty good so...
Marshall: Zitch-dog
Ted: Ah... no, I didn't know we had started. But... okay, that's cool you got the first point.

- Damn it!
- You said you were gonna marry me that long ago?
- That is so sweet.
- That trip is when Marshall and I became best friends.
- With privileges, from the sound of it.
- Eriksen.

- Wow.
- Looks like he really needs a hug.
- Ted.

Marshall: Arrivederci, Fiero. You were the freakin' Giving Tree of cars.
Lily: May you rust in peace.
Barney: Rot in Hell, devil steed.

- This Fiero should have made it to 200,000.
- So, let's get it out that door.
- And we'll push it the last .7 miles.
- It'd do the same for us.

Marshall: Hey, light up those cigars in the glove compartment
[Ted opens the glove compartment]
Marshall: They're real Cubans. I got them in Chinatown last year just for this moment.
Ted: Marshall, I'm not saying you were definitely ripped off but these are chopsticks wrapped in napkins.

Mechanic: What a wonderful car. Can I crush it into a little cube yet?

Lily: So you made a life changing decision to not change your life at all.
Barney: True story.