The Best That '70s Show, Season 1, Episode 3 Quotes

Steven: I'm going to write an awesome slogan like "I hate the fuzz" on my ass.
Fez: If you hate the fuzz on your ass, why don't you just shave it off?

Kitty: All families are embarrassing. And if they're not embarrassing, they're dead.

Donna: Mom, why are you doing this?
Midge: Honey, there are lots of things I do to make your father happy that I don't really like.

[about President Ford]
Kitty: You voted for Gerald Ford.
Reginald: Kitty, no one voted for Gerald Ford.

Reginald: [to President Ford, after Eric streaks through the room wearing a Nixon mask] How the hell could you pardon Nixon?

Eric: Uh, well, I believe that everyone's political opinion is valid and worth hearing.
Reginald: Well, that's, that's perfect, Eric. Use that line when you're up for Miss America.

- Hey, Gerry.
- Here's my question.
- How the hell could you pardon Nixon?

Kitty: What is it with you young people and Columbo?

- Yay! Hooray! Yay!
- Ooh! [Gasps] [Thud]
- Yay! Hooray!
- Yay! Hooray!
[Thud] Oh! Ooh!
- Yay! Yay! Hooray!

Reginald: Oh, and, uh... next time don't wear black socks - you look like an ass!

- Now, if we just start to sway back and forth, it'll look like the flag is waving in the wind.
- Oh, god.

- Ahem.
- Mr., uh, president...
- Ahem.
[In slow motion] Come on, red.
- Your dad is bombing.

- it wouldn't be worth doing, you know?
- Good point.
- Oh! And I could write some really great slogan like "I hate the fuzz" on my ass.
- If you hate the fuzz on your ass, why don't you just shave it off?

- All right, son.
- Good night.
- Good night, dad.
- Oh, and, uh...
- Next time, don't wear black socks.
- You looked like an ass.

- Well, you're gonna look like a bunch of idiots.
- A bunch of naked idiots.
- Thanks, kelso.
- It can't go beyond this table.
- If my father finds out what we've planned, he will nail me to the wall.

- Hey, man! All right, you wanna go?
- Yeah, let's go!
- You are so lucky I'm naked, pal!
- Shut up! Shut up!
- There's supposed to be a blue field of stars there.
- Oh, honey!

[in the school cafeteria]
Fez: All this food for 45 cents? It is unbelievable!
[He takes a bite of his food, then pushes his tray away]
Fez: Oh... I see.

[about streaking]
Eric: Don't get me wrong, I'm completely pro nudity, but I think my Dad might kill me and I'm anti being killed.

- and how he's managed to keep them clothed and fed while being cut back to half-time at the plant is beyond me.
- But he doesn't blame the president for his misfortune.
- No, sir. He only blames himself.
- I give you red forman.

- Wee wee!
- Pee pee!
- Wee wee!
- Pee pee!
- Aah!