Top 20 Quotes From Tobias Beecher

Colonel: So I hear you're a faggot.
Tobias: Whether I am or not, what's it to you?
Colonel: Lights go out, I don't want you getting any ideas.
Tobias: Trust me, Colonel, I'm never gonna get that horny.
Colonel: As long as we understand each other. Fucking faggots are ruining the military. "Don't ask, don't tell" my ass.
Tobias: I agree. You know, I think the military should stay the way it's always been. A bunch of redneck he-men who murder children and rape women.
Colonel: You making a joke of me?
Tobias: Seems like you're doing a pretty good job on your own.

Augustus: [In Em City] Oz.
Tim: [In his office] Oz.
Tobias: [In the infirmary] Oz.
Vern: [In his Gen. Pop. cell] Oz.
Sister: [In the Gen. Pop. section] Oz.
Ryan: [In the guard booth of Em City] Oz.
Warden: [in front of fellow officers] Oz.
Miguel: [In Solitary] Oz.

Tobias: Adam? Is everything all right? You haven't said a word all evening.
#02W561: Were you a fag before you came to Oz or did you start here?
Tobias: What?
#02W561: I've been asking around, I've heard some stories; are they true?
Tobias: Depends on what you heard.
#02W561: That when you first arrived, you were Schillinger's bitch?
Tobias: [embarrassed] Yes.
#02W561: And then some guy named Keller's bitch?
Tobias: Not "bitch", exactly.
#02W561: Well, then what? His "girlfriend"?
Tobias: People like to reduce things to their most basic form...
#02W561: You're either a fag or you're not a fag. And if you are, you should of told me instead of pretending to act normal; pretending to care about me for the right reasons.
Tobias: [begins to approach him] Adam, I *do* care about you for the right reasons.
#02W561: Stay back!
Tobias: Come on, don't be an asshole.
#02W561: Yeah, you'd like that, huh? You'd like to be up my asshole?
Tobias: Shut the fuck up!

Chris: [as Keller is being sent off to another prison] Don't worry, we'll meet again. If not here then in Heaven.
Tobias: Do you think we'll really get in?
Chris: You and me together? God doesn't have the balls to keep us out.

#00B563: C'mon. Let's go bitch.
Tobias: You're such a romantic. You treat all your women this way?
#00B563: Hey! When I'm horny, the less talking the better.
Tobias: All right, loverboy. Pucker up.
[they proceed to deep-kiss]

[Keller is leaving to stand trial in Massachusetts for a murder he did not commit]
Chris: See ya.
Tobias: [scoffs] When?
Chris: Back here. Or in heaven.
Tobias: You really think we're going to get into heaven?
Chris: Aw, you and me together. God doesn't have the balls to keep us out.
[Keller is pulled away by the guards, zoom in on Beecher's sad face, Augustus begins narration]
Augustus: The worst stab wound is the one to the heart. Sure, most people survive it, but the heart is never quite the same.
[cut to Augustus, sitting in the dark]
Augustus: There's always a scar. Which is meant, I guess, to remind you that - even for a little while - someone made your heart beat faster. And that's a scar you can live with. Proudly. All the days of your life.
[blackout]

Tobias: I didn't kill Shemin.
Simon: Yeah, but you fucked him, though.
Tobias: Once. He was lousy.
[Browne slams Beecher's head against a desk]
Tobias: So were you, Mondo!
[Browne slams his head again]

[Beecher confronts Schillinger after Hank got away with killing Beecher's son]
Tobias: I'm going to kill you, motherfucker!
Vernon: [after the COs pull them apart] Well, I guess you heard the good news about Hank.
Sister: Take him back to Em City!
Tobias: [while being hauled away] COCKSUCKER! You fucking cocksucker! You wait! YOU FUCKING WAIT!
Vernon: [after Beecher is gone] Whew. Got quite a temper on him, doesn't he?

[Schillinger thinks he's going to kill Beecher]
Vernon: You're a dead man, sweet pea.
Vernon: [Realizes he's been set up by Keller and is going to die himself] That cocksucker.
Tobias: DOCTOR NATHAN!
Kenaniah: THAT motherfucker's *DEAD*!
[all the prisoners in the audience cheer]

Sister: I had a thought in the shower this morning - about you
Tobias: You think about me when you're naked in the shower?

Tobias: [flinching away from Keller] Don't.
Chris: You realize we've only kissed once? In all these months... once. All I've been thinking about is kissing you again.
[reaches out to touch Beecher again]
Tobias: [jerks away] Hey, I said don't!

[the FBI names Keller as a possible suspect]
Tobias: No. Not Chris. It can't be him.
Mrs. Beecher: How can you be so sure?
Tobias: I know Chris, Mother. Intimately.
Mrs. Beecher: Intimately?
Tobias: He's my lover.
[Mr. and Mrs. Beecher are horrified]

Tobias: How is love wrong, Kareem? In whatever form it takes, how is love wrong? Especially, here in Oz where there's so little of it. You and I, we love each other. You stabbed Schillinger and Robson for me. But the Aryans say that any sort of love between the races is a perversion. Who decides these things? Who chooses which love is permissible?
Kareem: God.
Tobias: The God I worship... Loves everybody, and he created a universe full of different kinds of people sharing different kinds of love.

Ryan: I'd rather fuck Miss Sally.
Tobias: I wouldn't mind a four-way work Neuter and Pecky.

#01B784: Keller and I fucked last night. It was fantastic. He told me he loves me.
Tobias: Oh, honey, can't you see it's just another Ponzi?
#01B784: Maybe. But I'm in Oz, so what's the difference?

Tobias: You hate the law? Well, I love it. I love the law, even if it didn't turn out in my favor. You know why I love the laws we have in this state? Because it keeps people like Schillinger, Adebisi and Hernandez away from my kids.

Tobias: Father.
Father: Yeah?
Tobias: Have you ever loved anybody too much?
[Mukada looks a little taken aback at the question, Beecher shakes his head]
Tobias: Of course. You're not allowed. I mean, the celibacy thing. I guess my question is, is it wrong to love somebody too much?
Father: Well, I guess that depends on how the love manifests itself. And the answer to your first question is, yes, I have.

Tobias: [about Schillinger's son, Andy] I haven't fucked him. At least not yet. You see, because I was there for him. You know. Holding him, comforting him. I think he's getting a little bit of a crush on me. And I have been tempted to, you know, deep-tongue him a couple of times. But I knew it'd make you mad so I haven't. Even though, he wants me to stick my dick up his ass. And I'm afraid one of these nights, he and I alone, in our pod, well. I may not be able to control myself.
Vernon: You'll be dead before you get the chance!
Tobias: [as Schillinger walks away] Well, you better hurry. Because Keller's getting horny. And I heard O'Reily's been talking about a three-way with Cyril and Andy.

[Beecher is back in Oz, having been set up by Keller]
Tobias: [to Sister Pete and McManus] Same old story. I got fucked in the ass.

Tobias: You creep into my heart, and make my heart BURN!
Vern: You sneak into my mind, and make my head ACHE!
Tobias: Look it's time to face the music.
Vern: BYE bye!
Tobias: Don't slam the door.
Tobias: This is the last duet. Last chance you're gon-na get. No more h-har-mony for you and me. This is the LAST DUET!
Tobias: I'll ever do with.
Vern: Never do with.
Tobias: Never never never never never do with YOOOOOUUU!