200 Best Zelda Spellman Quotes

Zelda: [Zelda sees what appears to be cans moving by themselves, but is actually an invisible Salem moving them about] Salem.
Salem: Salem's not here.
Zelda: Oh, then he won't want me to open any of those cans for him.
Salem: Oh... wait, here he is now. 'Salem, how 'bout some of that Sockeye?' Love some.

Zelda: [referring to Sabrina as a cat] No, Harvey, she's not for sale.
Harvey: Are you sure? She's the sweetest, most beautiful cat I've ever held.

Zelda: Dr. Terdlington, that is so kind of you. Of course you're aware that it's kind.

Sabrina: But are we all aware that he did not fix my hair?
Zelda: And now aren't you glad you're grounded?

Zelda: Sabrina, we have a question, Mr. Pool spoke of your natural gifts and we were wondering are they truly natural or supernatural?
Sabrina: You mean did I use my magic?
Hilda: Bare in mind. We're not accusing, we're just asking.
Sabrina: Well, I did.
Hilda: How could you!
Zelda: What were you thinking?
Sabrina: I thought you wanted me to use my magic more?
Zelda: We do but not when you compete against mortal's, then your magic gives you an unfair advantage.
Hilda: That's why I've been practicing so hard. I wanna win first chair not because I'm a witch but because I have talent.
Sabrina: But I don't have talent. In fact I stink at sports.
Zelda: Well, have you tried something easy like badminton?
Sabrina: [glaring at her] Look, are you saying I can't do this?
Zelda: We're saying let you conscience be your guide.
Hilda: Use your moral compass, or you can borrow mine. Here try it.
Sabrina: [as Sabrina holds it, the arrow points to 'Wrong'] How accurate is this?

Sabrina: Uh, the president of the Science Club is having a...
Zelda: What? What?
Sabrina: The Science Club.
Zelda: Oh, I love the Science Club. I wish your Aunt Hilda had had more science. I think it makes a person organised.
Sabrina: Oh, well, I tried to talk to her about this, but-- Pfft.
Zelda: She grew distracted by something shiny?
Sabrina: Ha-ha-ha. That's a good one, Aunt Zelda. You're pretty funny.
Zelda: Well, you can tell me. I love science.
Sabrina: Okay, well, um, see, this Saturday, the Science Club is having a special...
Zelda: Meeting?
Sabrina: Yes. People will be meeting.
Zelda: Well, you go, then. Women in science, Sabrina. That's the future. You go. And you be the brightest one there.
Sabrina: Um... Okay.

Sabrina: [referring to the repairman] He can't stay. He has a tail.
Salem: What's wrong with having a tail?
Zelda: Sabrina, you aren't a rumpist, are you?
Sabrina: A rumpist? What's a rumpist?
Zelda: Someone who judges others by their rear ends.
Sabrina: No. Okay, not usually. It's not me I'm worried about, it's Jenny.
Zelda: Is she a rumpist?
Sabrina: No, but if she sees a repairman with a tail, she might get suspicious.

[last lines]
Zelda: [interrogating] Mother's maiden name?
Sabrina: Becker.
Hilda: Favorite dessert that doesn't involve chocolate?
Sabrina: There isn't one. How long is this gonna go on?
Zelda: Until we make absolutely sure that you are the real Sabrina.
Hilda: Say whoo-hoo.
Sabrina: [with zing:] Whoo-hoo!
Salem: Impostor!
Sabrina: Back off, fur-ball, or I'm gonna tell Aunt Zelda about the time I caught you in her lingerie drawer trying on her lacy...
Salem: It's Sabrina!

Drell: [referring to Jenny] Does she have a segmented body and ears on her thorax?
Sabrina: No.
Drell: Wanna bet?
[sticking the glass jar containing Jenny, the grasshopper, in front of Sabrina's face]
Zelda: Oh dear.
Sabrina: Jenny? What did you do to her?
Drell: I turned her into a grasshopper.
Hilda: Why?
Drell: Ah, it's either that or a katydid.

Zelda: I hope we don't get caught up in all that red tape.

Zelda: [discussing bedding arrangements] Sabrina, you'll be doubling up with the sugarplum fairy.
Sabrina: Just what I need. A twinkle toes and a sugar rush who grinds her teeth all night.
Zelda: [putting an arm around her shoulder] Hey, now... This is no time to be a Gloomy Gus. The holidays are upon us. We're gonna have a wonderful Christmas.
Sabrina: [hollowly, to herself] Yeah, a wonderful Christmas.
[longing for holiday far away from here]

Zelda: Oh, I'm just irritated with Hilda. Sometimes I feel like I'm living with a small child. Except this child can reach the high cabinets.
Sabrina: You know, maybe you should talk to her. Uh, and I think it would be best if I wasn't around. And amazingly enough, Harvey is willing to take me away to a concert. Oh, you wanna know the time. Friday at 9.
Zelda: Didn't you say you were gonna stay home this weekend?
Sabrina: Possibly.
Zelda: Didn't you say you had a lot of work to do?
Sabrina: You're paraphrasing, but yes.
Zelda: And didn't you promise not to even ask permission to go somewhere?
Sabrina: Heh, that Aunt Hilda's a real pain, huh?

Hilda: [to Sabrina] You have to tell people when you run off to Europe for snacks.
Zelda: [to Vesta] And you can't just take Sabrina out of school.
Vesta: Oh, I'm only here 5 seconds and it's already 'can't' and 'don't'. Doesn't anything ever change around here?
Hilda: We got new fabric for the chair.

Zelda: Now, it shouldn't bother you what Libby says.
Sabrina: It shouldn't but it does.

Dr. Hans Egglehoffer: You have a fascinating brain I would love to study it
Zelda: Oh you're too kind
Dr. Hans Egglehoffer: Mind if I take a few measurements?
Zelda: Don't you want to try the cocktail wieners?
Guy: If you like cocktail wieners you'll love our new cheese log made with one hundred percent cheese and fifty percent log

Sabrina: Why don't you just use your magic to make Geoffrey play better. I mean wouldn't that be a nice thing for him and for us?
Hilda: Yes, but I would never do that.
Zelda: That's right. You must be careful about meddling in mortal's lives. We witches have rules.
Hilda: Who cares about the rules? I just want Geoffrey to keep paying for lessons.

Zelda: But do you know anything about a supercolider conference?
Cletus: No, but then I'm always the last to know.
Zelda: Well, the invitation says 107 and it's engraved.
Cletus: Nice! Who's it from?
Zelda: The Visual Engineers for the Study of Theoretical Activity.
Cletus: Why don't they just shorten it to... V.E.S.T.A?
Zelda: Vesta!

Zelda: You know it's great having supernatural powers but for some things, we could really use a man around the house.

Zelda: All a little too easy, I smell a rat.
Salem: Ooh, a Rat! Oh, wait, I had rat for lunch.

Zelda: You left him outside? You know he's a house pet.
Sabrina: He'll be fine. Salem's the only cat in town that can call a cab.

Hilda: [referring to Warren] I don't believe it! I guess he really was a secret agent.
Sabrina: Apparently, not a very good one.
Hilda: But he told the truth. That's amazing.
Zelda: And very heart-warming. If he ever escapes, you can bet he'll call.
Hilda: Yeah. Oh, I just wish I'd given him my real phone number.

Bob: Anyway, I've got a lot of deliveries to make. Ha-ha. Ho, ho, ho-- Ohh! Oh!
Zelda: You are not going anywhere.
Sabrina: Isn't there someone that could fill in? Like a temp service or a cousin?
Bob: Well, there's always Mrs. Claus, but I can't call her. She works for UPS. This time of year, they're real crazy.

Salem: Let's face it. Classical music isn't the gravy train it used to be.
Zelda: It's not like the golden age. Vienna in the 1700s. In those days there were more orchestras than consumption wards.
Salem: And you were never ostracized for eating a dead rat in public.

Sabrina: No matter what we're labelled Libby will always be Libby and I will always be me.
Hilda: You had to become a geek to figure that out?
Sabrina: Well, it's actually rather complex. I just put it in layman's terms for you.
Zelda: I have to do that all the time.

Zelda: Sabrina, you're not a rumpist, are you?
Sabrina: A rumpist? What's a rumpist?
Zelda: Someone who judges others by their rear ends.
Sabrina: No. OK, not usually.

Sabrina: I'd love to undo it, but... If you can undo this, I can undo that.
Zelda: We can't undo that. There's no undoing a no-can-undo. It's a triple negative. It's magically ungrammatical.

Marigold: You know if either one of you ever has a honeymoon you really must take it in the south of France. On second thoughts don't wait, I wouldn't want you to miss out.
Hilda: Excuse me, I'm in no hurry to get married.
Zelda: That's right. Hilda is single completely by choice because she refuses to settle for any of the losers she's been dating.

Zelda: For the last time, when I push, you pull. Got it?
Hilda: Could you be less technical?
Zelda: Oh!
Salem: Keep trimming that tree, and you'll be able to use it in your car as an air freshener.

Zelda: Boston? Midnight? Rock band? It sounds kind of dangerous.
Sabrina: Oh but it's not! It's totally safe.
Hilda: What's the name of the band again?
Sabrina: The Violent Femmes. Which is completely ironic because there aren't even any Femmes in the band, let alone violent ones.

Zelda: There are two realms, the natural and the supernatural, and it turns out that the immutable laws of physics...
Hilda: You're a witch.
Sabrina: What do you mean I'm a witch?
Hilda: You're a witch.
Zelda: Now, you're not alone. I'm a witch. Hilda's a witch. Your father's a witch.
Sabrina: And I suppose my mom's a witch, too?
Hilda: I always thought so.
Zelda: Actually, your mom's mortal. You see, that's why you're here; so that we can teach you to use your magic.
Sabrina: You know, for a second there, you almost made me forget about my first day of school. Thanks. But... now I've got to go catch a bus to take me to my doom.

Hilda: Ah ha! You were measuring behind my back. You were going to redecorate Sabrina's room without me!
Zelda: I didn't think you'd mind.
Hilda: Why not?
Zelda: Because you're a kind and giving person... And you have no taste.

Sabrina: One more door and we're out of here.
Drell: [collects a pamphlet and offers it to Sabrina] Not so fast. The next test is really dangerous. Our insurance carrier requires you read this pamphlet.
Sabrina: [takes the pamphlet and reads the cover] "So You're Going To Be Frog"?
Zelda: [comforting] I'll go over it with you honey.
[Zelda takes Sabrina aside, Hilda sits on a big sofa and Drell quickly moves next to the sofa's right arm rest]
Drell: [gladly] What 'cha thinking?
Hilda: You're asking *me*?
Drell: [gladly] Yeah!
[Drell gets up and moves to the sofa's left arm rest]
Drell: Can't a... guy ask a girl what she's thinking?
Hilda: I was just wondering... do you think our old flame is still burning?
Drell: Well there's one way to find out.
Hilda: You still have it?
Drell: Yeah. No one bought it at the garage sale. It's over here.
[Drell shows Hilda a heart-shaped cabinet with two gold horses with wings on its doors on a nearby table]
Hilda: [moves to the left side of the sofa] You open it. I'm afraid to look.
[Drell opens the doors one at a time, revealing a lit candle]
Drell: Yes! The old flame is still burning!
Hilda: After all these years!
Drell: You could warm *soup* over it!
Hilda: Maybe what we had *was* special.
[stands up]
Hilda: [proudly] I'm gonna take the test of True Love!
Drell: [stands up] For me?
Hilda: For us.
Drell: [happily] I'll be waiting!
Hilda: [excited] Maybe this could be the beginning of something wonderful!
[Hilda runs over to Door #1]

Zelda: This is Merlin's castle. We better get out of here.
Hilda: Yeah. For a guy who wears a dress, he's a real misogynist.

Hilda: [Hilda and Zelda are making Candy corn in a couldron] May I lick the bowl?
Zelda: Yes. Of course, you'll be horribly burned...

Zelda: Oh he'll be okay. Even before he was a cat Salem always landed on his feet.

Miles: [picking up his books, and in front of him, leggy teacher] Wow. Nice. Footwear.
Zelda: Thank you. I wasn't sure if open toes were too bold for the academic environment.
Miles: Oh, no, I like open toes. Open-toed shoes. I like shoes in general. I mean, I don't have a shoe fetish or anything. I also like socks. But not with sandals.

Sabrina: You know Libby, my mortal enemy? The albatross around my neck? That stinky-faced meanie?
Zelda: Yes.
Sabrina: That's the Libby you've become friends with. And now you've asked her to be my tutor?
Zelda: Honey, I simply...
Sabrina: Wanted to publicly humiliate me? I mean, I understand. Why not? I can't figure out this chemistry problem and I can't even think about trying to pass my elements test. Man, it would feel great to just disappear.

Zelda: [Hilda finishes a piece on the violin] Now take a break, you've been practising that same piece since Mozart wrote it.

Sabrina: I get to vote. I get to vote.
Salem: And I don't.
Hilda: Salem, you're a convicted felon.
Zelda: Not to mention a cat.
Salem: But I wanted to vote to change the pronunciation of Friday to "Fridyah".

Zelda: [on phone] Hello?
Sabrina: Aunt Zelda, you're busted!
Zelda: Sabrina, what are you talking about?
Sabrina: Don't play innocent with me. I know you put a spell on this place, because you don't want me to have any fun.
Zelda: That is not true. We do want you to have fun. Just good clean fun.
Sabrina: That is so sick! Well, you know, spell or no spell, I'm gonna have a spring break so hot it will melt the plastic sofa in the motel lobby.
[hangs up]

Sabrina: [after her request to turn back time is denied] So, where are we moving? I hear Greenland's a groove.
Hilda: Get your books. You're gonna be late.
Sabrina: You don't understand. Aunt Hilda, I'm not going to school.
Hilda: Oh, yes, you are. You can do this. You can't go through life being afraid of things. Toughen up.
Sabrina: But everyone'll laugh at me.
Hilda: Toughen up.
Sabrina: So that's my choice? Toughen up or toughen up? Aunt Zelda, will you help me?
Zelda: Oh, you know I hate to say it, but Aunt Hilda's right. I mean, who cares what the other kids say?
Sabrina: Actually... Libby thought I was a freak even before this happened.
Hilda: See?

Zelda: [referring to Amanda] I hope she wasn't too much trouble.
Stewardess: I'm retiring.

Principal: My grandmother's been wanting me to see someone.
Hilda: I'm sure you'll meet someone nice when you least expect it.
Principal: No, this is "see someone" as in psychiatrist. Although admittedly, I have been seeing quite a few strange things here and there. Mostly here.
Zelda: I don't know what you're referring to.
Principal: Well, strange sparkly things and paper dissolving and staircase slides and a townhouse that looks identical to this Victorian home.
Zelda: Oh, you don't need a psychiatrist. You just have a wonderfully active imagination.
Hilda: You probably feel so free to let yourself go around us because we're so relaxed and comforting.
Zelda: And normal.
Principal: Good, so we're normal.

Sabrina: So, you think you'll get married?
Edward: [at the same time as Gail] No.
Gail: [at the same time as Edward] Yes.
Gail: Did you say no?
Edward: Yes. Didn't you?
Gail: No.
Edward: You said yes?
Gail: Yes.
Edward: When I said no?
Gail: Yes.
Edward: That's not good.
Gail: No,
Edward: Are you upset?
Gail: Yes.
Edward: Would you like to talk?
Gail: No.
Edward: I think we should.
Hilda: Yes!

Zelda: Perhaps an analogy will help you. Say you have a sweater and a skirt that you always wear together. And say, one day, you decide to wear the sweater with a new skirt. Therefore, the new skirt and the old skirt both change into something different. That's exactly what happens to the copper.

Hilda: Ooh, a hot mulled cider!
Zelda: Want some?
Hilda: Let me mull it over.

Hilda: Oh, what's this?
Daphne: Oh, this is a magic mirror that shows you at your best.
Hilda: [reading] "The make-over mirror. It's a nice reflection on you."
Daphne: Try it.
Hilda: I'm ravishing. I have to have it.
Daphne: Oh, here, buy two. One for each of you.
Zelda: No. Hilda, you can't buy self-esteem.
Hilda: Yes, I can, and it's on sale.

Zelda: Hello. You don't know me, but I just wanted to say, Dr. Terdlington is a hero, Zelda Spellman is a zero.
Dr. Terdlington: Now on to the B's.

Zelda: So when you add the copper to the nitric acid, what will happen? Then Mr. Copper Man marries Mrs. Acid. And they go on their noxious gas honeymoon. You have a question?
Harvey: The bell rang ten minutes ago. Can we go now?

Sabrina: [very concerned about taking the three True Love Tests] Harvey's super cute and I really, really like him but... how am I supposed to know if it's true love?
Salem: Well do you think about him when he's not around?
Sabrina: [concerned] Yeah.
Zelda: [almost in wonder] And does your heart beat faster when you see him walking down the hall?
Sabrina: [concerned] Yeah.
Hilda: [quite cheerfully] And does it bother you when he chews gum?
Sabrina: [less concerned] No.
Hilda: [cheerfully] Then it might be true love!
[Sabrina stands up]
Sabrina: [confident] I'm taking the test.
[pauses]
Sabrina: [concerned] Is it multiple-choice?

Clerk: Uh-huh. So you've got a Code 947: mortal on a beanstalk with Wicked Witch.
Zelda: Yes. Are we in the right line?
Clerk: Yes, indeed.
Zelda: Oh!
Clerk: You just need to get hold of a 321-K.
Zelda: What's that?
Clerk: Tree trimmer.

Zelda: They don't tar and feather anymore, do they? I hated that.
Hilda: You know whose fault this is? That jerk Drell's.
Zelda: Just a thought, but I bet you could convince him to change his mind.
Hilda: Me? I don't think so. Besides, Sabrina's going to be fine. Yes, she'll be ostracized and reviled, but... she'll get over it. The wounds will heal. The scars will fade. You know I can't face Drell!
Zelda: Toughen up.
Hilda: [determined, going through the portal] It's payback time, Drell. I'm coming in!
Drell: Hilda, what are you doing here? Whoa, get your hands off my mole!

Zelda: We're finally getting somewhere.
Clerk: Uh-oh. You're in the line for family members encased in stone. You've got a beanstalk problem. That's Window C.
Hilda: No. Window C told us to come here.
Clerk: Well, then you need Window E. That's the window for people Window C incorrectly told to go to Window B. Next, please!
Hilda: Where is the window for people who pull people through windows?

Hilda: I'm gonna go make you some nice noodle soup.
Zelda: I put that under C, for chicken. Or was it P, for poultry?

Merlin: Why don't you stay a while?
Zelda: How long a while?
Merlin: Until you love me again.
Hilda: How about if I love you?
Salem: Or me? I can be quite tender.

Hilda: Okay, we're up to the Z's, and so far, every man we know is either married, busy or disgusting.
Zelda: Several were all three.

Hilda: Willard's one of those people who hit middle age and just forgot how to have fun.
Zelda: Hildegard Antoinette Spellman. You used my laptop again without asking.
Hilda: And then there are some people who are middle-aged their whole lives.

Sabrina: I feel smart and you know what? I learned something. No matter what we're labelled Libby will always be Libby and I will always be me.
Hilda: You had to become a geek to figure that out?
Sabrina: Well, it's actually rather complex. I just put it in layman's terms for you.
Zelda: I have to do that all the time.
Hilda: Oh, so what are you saying, you dumb things down for me?
Zelda: Well, C colon backslash D'ah!
Hilda: Would you speak English?

Sabrina: There's actually a giant at the top of the beanstalk?
Zelda: Or worse.
Hilda: Beanstalks always lead to a bad neighbourhood.

Zelda: Salem, I hope you've learned your lesson. It's wrong for a cat to cry wolf.

Hilda: So did you finish your project?
Sabrina: No.
Zelda: Did you start your project?
Sabrina: No.

Sabrina: I don't believe this. Look! Look!
Salem: Whoa! Who's your friend?
Zelda: It's her first wart as a witch.
Hilda: Oh, let me get the camera.

Zelda: [to Ethan] But you have to factor in, quarks remain forever trapped in the particles they create.
Hilda: I know the feeling.

Zelda: Now let's move on to a meditation. Assume the lotus position.
Hilda: Can we assume I've assumed the lotus position?
Zelda: Now let's chant. Ommm!
Zelda: Ommm!
Sabrina: Ummm, what do we do now?
Zelda: We empty our minds.
Hilda: That I can do.
Zelda: Now release your burdens and lighten your load.
Sabrina: Ommm!
[levitating]
Sabrina: Ommm!
[getting higher]
Hilda: Zelda!
Zelda: What?
Sabrina: [reaching the ceiling and cracking her head] Aw! I thought you said this was low impact?

Hilda: Here's some chicken soup. It's good for you.
Zelda: No, dear. It's for your finger.

Salem: This is a girl who has trouble getting to school on time, and she's supposed to deliver millions of presents by tomorrow morning? Am I the only one who sees a problem?
Zelda: You know, Salem, that's an excellent point.
Salem: That's an excellent point. That's an excellent point. That is the last time I point out the flaw in someone's logic.

Dr. Terdlington: Well, the science biz is so full of phoneys, but I like your fire.
Zelda: Well, actually, I've always admired you. Not your personality, but your mind.

Dr. Brickman: I think we should use something more medically sound.
Sabrina: A lollipop? Okay, it's second-opinion time.
Zelda: No, it's a magical lollipop. Anyone who sucks on it will instantly become a sucker who will believe anything we tell them. It's a highly regarded scientific procedure.

Zelda: [to Sabrina] Follow your heart.

Salem: [laughs maniacally] I hope Emperor Larry likes this sleeping potion, because it's the last thing he'll ever taste.
[laughs maniacally]
Zelda: [Zelda enters the room] Salem, what are you doing?
Salem: Um, making s'mores.
Zelda: Well don't make a mess, I've got battles to plan, I don't have time to clean.
[Zelda leaves the room]
Salem: Yeah, I'm making smores. S'more poison for Emperor Larry.
[laughs maniacally]
Salem: .

Zelda: What's the matter?
Sabrina: What's the matter? I have to be a witch, I have to be a mortal, I have to be a teenager and I have to be a girl all at the same time. That's what's the matter.
Salem: Hey! At least you've still got your thumbs. And a door on your bathroom!

Salem: If only I had someone decent feeding me lines.
Zelda: May I remind you that I'm the one the director complimented?
Salem: May I remind you that your skirt was hiked up to your nostrils?
Zelda: If that's how my generosity is going to be rewarded, you can just find yourself another quantum physicist to help you push kibble.
[leaves]
Salem: Zelda, don't go. This is my process. I'm a temperamental actor.
[she doesn't listen]
Salem: I have pictures of you and the Brothers Grimm.
Zelda: [hastily returning] All right, let's take it from the top.

Zelda: You are not allowed to equalise for your own benefit.

Evil: I'd kill for some lip-liner.
Evil: You already did.

Zelda: Okay... do you know where to call in case of an emergency?
Salem: THE MONEY STORE?
Zelda: Salem!
Salem: Yes... I've got your pager number.

Sabrina: [showing off new pair of pink high-heel sandals] These are the most comfortable shoes I've ever had.
Zelda: And stylish.
Hilda: Oh, cobbler?
Salem: [at their beck and call] Yes, ma'am?
Hilda: I'd like five more pairs. One in every color.
Sabrina: Yes, and how are you with matching belts?
Salem: I'll cobble whatever you want. I'm just glad to be home.

Hilda: Why did you bring him along?...
Zelda: So we could use the car-pool lane.

[last lines]
Sabrina: I just sent Katrina a 'kill them with kindness' spell.
Evil: [in Other Realm jail, a humbly kneeling foot servant] Jezebelda, you're the smart one. You're the beautiful one.
Evil: [getting her toenails taken care of] Ah, you are too kind.
Evil: I know.
[thinking: ]
Evil: I'll get you for this, Sabrina.

Zelda: I see the hair spell kicked in.
Hilda: I probably shouldn't have had that second bowl of hair soup but I thought mutton chops would be nice for a change.
Zelda: You look like Gregg Allman.
Hilda: I'll take that as a compliment.

Zelda: Didn't you like the Pleasure-dome?
Sabrina: It was okay, but the truth is without 'can'ts' and 'don'ts' it's hard to know where the fun is.

Zelda: [to Sabrina] Don't worry. He performed his first operation at 2.
Dr. Brickman: I even supervised my own birth. I'm a complete professional.

Zelda: You're gonna be late.
Sabrina: So? I'm a witch. Can't I just turn back time?
Hilda: Uh-uh. No. A witch can't change time. That's one of the rules.
Sabrina: You're kidding.
Hilda: Nope.
Sabrina: [hurrying out] Gotta go.
Hilda: You also can't get rid of cellulite.

Sabrina: Did you guys have a good time?
Hilda: I have no sister.
Zelda: No one talk to me.

Salem: Push, push. Push! Push! I knew those Lamaze classes would pay off.
Zelda: There.
Hilda: We have the makings of a beautiful fire hazard.
Zelda: What do you think?
Salem: That's what a mortal tree looks like? No wonder they drink during the holidays.

Hilda: We hope it wasn't too stressful, you know, planning the party, preparing the food, divorcing Harold.
Marigold: No the... what!
Zelda: Oh, we know all about it. The cat blabbed but don't worry, you'll love being alone.
Hilda: Filling your days with romance novels, lean cuisines, internet chat rooms.
Marigold: Oh God, I'm going to be just like you.

Zelda: You know, I was thinking, when we finish with the tree, that we could roast some chestnuts the mortal way.
Hilda: Oh, good grief. What's next? Driving to the store?

Salem: What are you making?
Zelda: Sugar cookies.
Salem: With bits of liver?
Zelda: No, sprinkles.
Salem: Yuck!

Hilda: He has really got it bad for you.
Zelda: I wish there was some gentle way to let him down.
Hilda: I know what you need. I just saw an ad for it in Modern Witch. It's a new perfume that repels love. Here it is. "Somewhere between disdain and contempt lies Revulsion."
Zelda: Revulsion? Hmm. "Available at Full Moon Beauty Supply."
Hilda: Let's go.
Zelda: We can't. Full Moon Beauty Supply is only open once a month.
Hilda: When?
Zelda: During the full moon.
Hilda: I knew that.

Hilda: Here.
Zelda: Thanks. Wait. This is my tennis racket.
Zelda: No it's not.
Zelda: Then why is there a Z on it?
Hilda: Cause I once lost a set to Zorro?

Zelda: How dare you try to prick Sabrina's finger on that spindle so you could run off with her?
Sabrina: What?
Roland: I was only gonna keep her for a century or two.
Sabrina: What?
Zelda: You know very well that Sleeping Beauty spells are illegal ever since, well, Sleeping Beauty.

Sabrina: Look, I even broke my biosphere. And my magic wont fix it.
Zelda: Oh, I bet it's number 7 plastic. It repels magic and it can't be recycled.

[a spell turns Salem blonde]
Salem: I'm blonde! My IQ just dropped 20 points!
Zelda: [pointing to each of the Spellman women] Blonde, blonde, blonde.
[points at Salem]
Zelda: Dead.

Sabrina: What am I looking for again?
Zelda: The Olympus Mons. It's the largest mountain in the solar system.
Sabrina: I see a little bump. Now can we spy on the neighbours?
Zelda: No!
Hilda: Now that little bump happens to be the best skiing on Mars, and that's where we're going for our winter vacation.
Sabrina: We're going to Mars?
Zelda: It's a trek, but it's worth it
Hilda: Oh you'll love the red planet. It's so pretty and the sky's pink.
Sabrina: So what are the Martians like?
Zelda: Martians?
Sabrina: Aren't there Martians?
Hilda: No. Jeez, Sabrina, get in touch with reality.

Sabrina: [an explosion or a thunderbolt?] Please, let that be an earthquake!
Amanda: [rushing down the stairs] Hi, everybody. Thank you so, so much for taking me in.
[hugging Zelda]
Amanda: Ooh, what died in here?
Zelda: That would be our dinner.
Amanda: I'll order in.
[to: ]
Amanda: I guess since you're at college, I'll be taking over your room. I think it's gonna be really cool once I change everything about it.
[heads back upstairs]
Sabrina: Well, that just killed my appetite.
Zelda: [no longer interested in her plate] Oh, I think it killed everybody's.
Hilda: [as Salem gorges himself] Well, not everybody's.

Salem: Marigold and Harold are getting a divorce.
Zelda: I don't believe it. Marigold is splitting up with Harold?
Hilda: Oh, this is the best Halloween ever.

Zelda: I think he's too young for me. He's so excited about the turn of the century.
Hilda: I know, really. I partied like it was 1699, 1799, 1899 - in 1999, I'm staying home.

Salem: I can't move.
Zelda: Oh, no, is he hurt?
Sabrina: Fatten Up"? This must've fallen off the beanstalk.
Hilda: Oh! Salem, you didn't.
Salem: I did. Well, don't just stand there. Somebody get me a diet soda.

[Sabrina exits door #3]
Sabrina: [very excited] I did it! I passed! It *is* true love!
[Sabrina and Zelda embrace]
Zelda: [pleased] Oh Sabrina! That's wonderful!
Sabrina: [very happy] I have to admit, I had my doubts but now I CAN SHOUT IT TO THE WORLD I HAVE A TRUE LOVE!
Drell: [lying on the sofa, downcast] Don't rub it in.
[Drell offers the glass box Harvey is in]
Drell: [downcast] Take your frog and go.
Sabrina: [takes the glass box] But I passed! Why's Harvey still a frog?
Zelda: There's one final detail: To change him back, you have to return to the scene of the kiss and kiss him again.
Sabrina: [rather disgusted] I have to kiss a *frog*? That is so gross!
Zelda: [typically] Teenagers. They'll jump through flames, but ask them to kiss a frog...
Drell: [annoyed] Would you go?
Zelda: [to Sabrina] Come on.
Sabrina: Wait. Where's Aunt Hilda?
Zelda: [whispers] Shhh. Don't ask.
[Zelda and Sabrina leave. Meanwhile, Hilda is sharing a deckchair with Zak in the Second True Love test by a swimming pool with a number of desserts and is eating a Pecan Pie]
Hilda: [very impressed] Hmm. Zak, this Pecan Pie is fabulous! Even better than the Cheesecake! Is that Meringue?
[Zak gladly offers Hilda the Meringue]

Zelda: Look, I know it's not a pleasant topic, but we need to make sure that our loved ones are adequately taken care of after we...
Salem: Keel over. Buy the farm. Take a dirt nap. Kick the...
Zelda: Salem!

Zelda: I can't believe you tricked me into letting you go to that party.
Sabrina: Well, now that Aunt Hilda's gone, why don't we just blame it all on her and call it a night? Ha.

Hilda: Are you going skiing again?
Zelda: Yes. Are you reading magazines again?
Hilda: Not today. I thought I'd take it easy.

Sabrina: [seeing Salem asleep on the settee] Oh he had some Friday the 13th.
Zelda: Poor little guy, wore himself out.
Hilda: Oh he looks so peaceful... should we?
Salem: [with a spell cast and a loud air horn blasting, Salem jumps in terror and lands in the light shade] That's okay, I have another 8 lives. 7 after I fall down from here.

Zelda: Happy birthday, Sabrina.
Hilda: And many more to come.
Zelda: Many, many more to come. I... I got you a little something.
Hilda: Actually, that's from both of us. I just forgot to sign the card.
Zelda: [passing over a birthday present] Hope you don't already have one.
Sabrina: [opening it] A black pot. Actually, I don't. Thanks.
Zelda: It's a cauldron.
Sabrina: Wow. Even better. I can, um, put my pens in it.
Zelda: That's not what it's for. Sabrina, we have something to tell you.

Zelda: Here is a present from your father.
Sabrina: An old book, a black pot... doesn't anyone shop at the Gap anymore? "The Discovery of Magic." Why'd he give me this?
[opening it to where it's bookmarked]
Sabrina: That's why. This old magician looks just like my dad.
Edward: Surprise. It is your dad. Happy birthday, Sabrina.
Sabrina: Wow, Hallmark has gone really high-tech. Can he say anything else?
Edward: I'm not a hologram, honey. I'm just in a different realm.
Sabrina: A different realm? I thought you were at the Toronto Midway Motor Lodge.
Edward: Zelda, Hilda, didn't you explain to her she's a witch?
Hilda: She doesn't believe us.
Sabrina: [closing the book] Not this again. Look, I know you went to a lot of trouble to set this joke up, so... ha, ha, ha. Now it's over.
Hilda: No, it's just beginning. You *are* a witch.
Zelda: With real magical powers. And now that you're 16, you can use them. And you wanted something from the Gap.

Sabrina: Why is it you can't use magic to make someone's life better?
Zelda: Well, because it's impossible to know what would make a mortal happy.
Sabrina: But what if you knew exactly what would make them happy?
Zelda: Ah well, you still can't predict the consequences.
Sabrina: But wouldn't those consequences just be good?
Zelda: Well, in some cases the consequences might be good, but then again ter-rible things could happen.

Sabrina: So you think you guys really need some time apart?
Zelda: Yes, after five centuries of living together, we're starting to get on each other's nerves.
Hilda: We haven't bickered much since we picked opposite sides in the Civil war.
Sabrina: So why are you two going to the same spa?
Zelda: They had a two-for-one special.
Hilda: But we have separate rooms. We're not even gonna see each other.

Hilda: Love is special, love is alive. Send me Cupid for 5.95. You look awful.
Zelda: Hilda, it's his busy time of year.
Cupid: Oh, that's not it. I was just left at the altar. My fiancée ran off with a policeman. She never could resist a man in clothes.

Zelda: Just let me check. Her 16th birthday started five minutes ago.
[entering Sabrina's bedroom]
Zelda: Oh, look, Hilda. She's levitating. Right on schedule.
Hilda: Let's wake her up and tell her she's a witch.
Zelda: No. Let her sleep. She starts a new school tomorrow. Besides, the first levitation is so special.
Hilda: Yeah, then it gets old real quick.
Zelda: I can't believe our little niece is growing up. Wait 'til Sabrina finds out what new doors this will open for her.
Hilda: Wait 'til she finds out you still get zits when you're 600 years old.

[Sabrina has passed the first True Love test]
Sabrina: [excitedly exits door #1] Yes!
Zelda: [hugs Sabrina] Congratulations!
Hilda: [high fives Sabrina] Way to go!
Drell: Well, you passed the test of friendship. True love *can't exist* without friendship.

Sabrina: Hey, you brought a tree trimmer?
Zelda: He prefers to be called an arborist.
Treetrimmer: Okay, let's get rid of this puppy. Okay, everyone, stand clear. Timber!

Hilda: Remember that time I got stuck in my own resentment and you didn't lift one finger to help me.
Zelda: At least you got over it.
Hilda: No, I didn't.

Sabrina: I'm worried about dad. I don't think he enjoyed the ice show.
Zelda: I'm sure he had a fine time.
Sabrina: No, he got really hostile. He even threw his souvenir Scott Hamilton cup at Scott Hamilton.
Hilda: Did he get him?

Hilda: [referring to the Lint-Gremlin] Well, find the rest.
Zelda: Please and be quick about it, our niece has a mortal over.
The: Oh, a mortal. I'd tuck in my tail but it tickles.

Hilda: [wearing her cuirass] Look, it still fits and it's great for lounging around the house.
Zelda: That doesn't count as a use.
Hilda: Why not?
Zelda: No one wears metal after labour day.

Zelda: I'm starting to feel really weird about the age difference. I mean normally I don't care about these things but Rick keeps bringing up stuff that makes me feel old.
Hilda: Like what?
Zelda: Oh, he keeps talking about how he can't wait for the turn of the century. Big deal, I've done that five times.
Hilda: Oh, and it's always the same. I've partied like it was sixteen ninety-nine, seventeen ninety-nine, eighteen ninety-nine, this time I'm staying home.
Zelda: Exactly. I think I'm going to brake off our relationship.
Hilda: Oh, you haven't even given him a chance.
Zelda: You grow a little facial hair and suddenly you're on his side.

Zelda: Hilda's still not back from her audition?
Salem: No. That's Spanish for "no."

Sabrina: I'm calling Harvey.
Zelda: Oh, you can't. Mars is in a time zone that's so far ahead of earth it's still yesterday there.
Hilda: If you call Harvey, he'll explode.

Zelda: I take it the audition didn't go well.
Hilda: Gustav got first, I got second.
Zelda: I'm so sorry. Should I notify the weather service?

Zelda: [Sabrina has shown her aunts the Libby puzzle] Sabrina, did you blow up a mortal?
Sabrina: She started it!

Zelda: So how goes it with diaper dan?
Hilda: Well, it's more challenging than building the Panama Canal, but then, less malaria.

Hilda: Didn't you once storm out in the middle of a class and never come back?
Zelda: Yes, but that was only because they kept asking questions.

[Sabrina excitedly exits door #2 and her aunts embrace her]
Sabrina: [very happily] I passed and I've got some colour in my cheeks!
Drell: [proudly] Nicely done! You passed the test of Fidelity.
Zelda: You resisted temptation. Something that tests *every* relationship.

Salem: Let's destroy everything that's dear to him. Let's indoctrinate him into the cathedral of agony.
Zelda: I'm gonna write him a very stern letter.
Salem: You're a regular Mad Max aren't ya?

[Sabrina and her Aunts enter a beautifully decorated lounge-like Waiting Room]
Sabrina: Where are we?
Hilda: [proudly] The National Institute of Love!
Zelda: [pleased] Normally, it's very clinical, but they go all-out for Valentine's Day.
[one at a time, Sabrina, Zelda and Hilda walk through an arch decorated with leaves, roses and doves. The arch beeps as they pass through and their clothes change to all red for Sabrina, pink and red for Zelda and white and red for Hilda]
Sabrina: Wow. They *really* take their colour scheme seriously.

Sabrina: I just wanted to get some breakfast.
Zelda: There, have some porridge.
Sabrina: Thanks. Ugh! It's cold!
Zelda: I'm sorry, Goldilocks, the kitchen is closed.

Hilda: Oh, and this is Salem's oldest and dearest friend, Newt.
Newt: Oldest and dearest friend my tail. You know it's Salem's fault that I'm a salamander in the first place.
Zelda: Newt was into Salem's scheme for world domination.
Hilda: Way into it.
Newt: Yeah, he promised me Denmark.

Sabrina: Aunt Hilda, a bat just flew out of your mouth.
Hilda: Oh, how embarrassing. I have bat breath again.
Zelda: Have you been eating pomegranates?
Hilda: I know they don't agree with me, but I had a craving for crimson pulp. Is it bad?
[bats squeaking]

Zelda: Hilda! I've just opened our Visa bill! How could you spend $3,000 on World War II memorabilia?
Hilda: What are you talking about? You I'm a Boer War kind of gal.
Zelda: Well, if these aren't *your* Visa charges and they aren't *my* Visa charges, then who's are they?
[in the next room, Salem is heard on the phone speaking in Japanese and Zelda and Hilda investigate]
Salem: [talking into a phone on a table] The name on the card is Zelda Spellman.
[Salem sees Zelda and Hilda come into the room and continues speaking in Japanese, trying to make the call sound important]
Zelda: [presses the cut-off button] Just what do you think you're doing?
Salem: I know the kimono's a little gauche, but it's so dang silky.
Zelda: [suspicious] We're talking about my *Credit Card*.
Salem: Oh, that. Just making a little impulse buy: The future Mrs. Myoshi Saberhagen ships in two weeks!
Hilda: [shocked] You bought a mail-order Bride? Dummy, what are you gonna do when a Japanese woman shows up and sees that her number one American husband is a *cat*?
Salem: When she sees the engagement ring you bought her with your Discover Card, she won't care!
[Salem laughs, jumps off the table and runs out of the room]
Zelda: [to Hilda] Can you believe the nerve of that mangy little fur ball? Stealing from us and then flaunting it!
[a large package envelope comes up in the toaster]
Zelda: [walks over to the toaster] When was the last time actual *toast* came out of that thing?

Zelda: Maybe if we're nice to Merlin, he'll feel sorry for us and let us go. So let's not antagonise him.
Hilda: Good plan. Dead magician walking.
Merlin: How is everyone? Got everything you need?
Salem: No, no, we're fine. Now that I think about it, I could use a little freedom.
Merlin: So have you decided to love me again?
Zelda: I'd rather lick a dead seal.
Hilda: Am I the only one who remembers the plan?
Merlin: Excuse me...
Hilda: Oh, shut up, conehead. It can't be done.

Zelda: What's the matter?
Sabrina: What's the matter? I have to be a witch, I have to be a mortal, I have to be a teenager and I have to be a girl all at the same time. That's what's the matter.
Salem: At least you still have your thumbs... and a door on your bathroom!

Zelda: Why don't we just have someone sew us together?

Zelda: We're sorry Amanda's taken over your room, but we can't turn our backs on family.
Sabrina: Oh, I wouldn't turn my back on Amanda. Ever.

Zelda: Sabrina doesn't know how to seal her spells yet, so... the popular girl is not a fruit.
[Libby returns to human form]
Zelda: There. All better.
Libby: What am I doing in your house?
Sabrina: You... came over for a visit.
Libby: I would not. You did something to me. You sent me somewhere. It was small and smelled like Hawaii.

Dirk: Say, I saw you talking to a FedEx guy the other day. Is there something I should know about?
Zelda: He was just dropping off a package.
Dirk: Yeah, I don't trust those guys. You know, it's not natural for mail to move that fast.
Zelda: I agree.

Zelda: [about Willard Kraft] Why is he allowed to live?

Zelda: And, boy, it is really getting cold outside.
Salem: Here's a tip, try wearing clothes.
Zelda: Hey! What happened to my blouse? It was my favourite...
Sabrina: Green silk one?
Zelda: Sabrina, how many times do I have to tell you to ask before you borrow my clothes? Especially when I'm already wearing them.

Zelda: Oh, Sabrina, I hate to disappoint you but there is no love spell. Love is far too precious to tamper with.
Hilda: You mean too weird, that's why there's no standardised formula, although Calvin Kline came remarkably close with Obsession.

Zelda: So, I hear things are heating up between you and Derek.
Sabrina: Well, let's just say we could melt a glacier.

Sabrina: What are you gonna do to me?
Zelda: Under the circumstances...
Hilda: The only thing we can do.
Sabrina: You're throwing me out?
Hilda: No. I'm moving out.
Sabrina: This is a very odd punishment.

Sabrina: I'm revising my Christmas wish list. This year I'm hoping for a computer, a mountain bike... Oh, and this great ski jacket I saw at the mall.
Salem: You're not exactly the Little Match Girl, are you?
Zelda: Those sound pretty expensive, Sabrina.
Sabrina: I know. That's why I prepared a list of backup gift ideas in a variety of price ranges. Gotta go. Oh, and you'll note on the bottom, I've listed the times I won't be around, so you can wrap my presents.

Salem: Earthquake!
Zelda: But we're in Massachusetts.
Sabrina: [Looks out the window] Is that a beanstalk?
Salem: Beanstalk!

Zelda: Hi, Sabrina.
Sabrina: Funny how you know my name and we are in no way related.
Harvey: Hey, Sabrina, your aunt's here.
Zelda: You just had to tell everyone, didn't you?

Zelda: [singing] Halloween, o'happy day. Halloween o' happy day.
Sabrina: What are you doing with Salem? I heard him screeching.
Zelda: Very funny. We were singing a Halloween carol.

Zelda: Sabrina, you don't wanna rely on undo spells. It's not in the spirit of magic.
Hilda: You really have to get it exactly right the first time. Otherwise, there may be side effects. I remember one time, I was making rum balls and I got tired, so I made a make-everything-round spell. Well, let's just say you can thank me for Columbus Day.

Zelda: The truth can have painful side effects.
Sabrina: Like what?
Zelda: Itching, chaffing, hurt feelings.
Sabrina: Sounds like gym class.

Hilda: Look, we're really sorry we embarrassed you.
Zelda: And we feel we owe you some fun. So!
Hilda: [Zelda points and a vacuum cleaner appears] Ta-da!
Sabrina: I get to clean the house?
Zelda: No, you get to fly.
Sabrina: On a vacuum?
Hilda: Yes. See old time witches used broom-sticks but vacuums are much faster and more efficient.

Zelda: Guess who's going to be your new substitute teacher. Me.
Sabrina: Great. You know, fitting in is hard enough without someone calling me sweet pea.
Hilda: I thought I was the only one you called sweet pea.

Zelda: So that's your plan?
Vesta: Please, I don't plan! I scheme!

Zelda: Um, Sabrina, since Hilda and I have to work, how would you feel about spending the weekend at aunt Vesta's pleasure-dome?
Sabrina: I'd really like that! But I'm afraid if I'm too enthusiastic you wont let me.

Zelda: You can't file a missing witches report for 24 hours.

Zelda: Look, if you want him to notice you, don't be so available. Get a hobby or a job. When I was a girl, I kept bees.
Sabrina: I think I'll get a job.

Zelda: Is that all there is?
Sabrina: [Some pieces of Libby are missing] Box is empty, how can we be missing pieces?
Quizmaster: Didn't you read the fine print?
[Hands the box over to Sabrina]
Sabrina: [Reading box] Some pieces not included in box? What a rip-off!
Quizmaster: I guess you didn't see this either.
[Gives Sabrina an hourglass]
Quizmaster: Now if you don't find the missing pieces and put them in before the sand runs out, Libby will be a puzzle forever.
Sabrina: What?
Hilda: Boy! In the final analysis, the Libby puzzle isn't much fun, is it?

Zelda: Relationships are hard enough when you're completely honest. You start hiding things, you're taking a risk, but it's your choice. I can't make the decision for you.

Salem: Man! This house is so spotless and germ free Howard Hughes could live here!
Hilda: Zelda, if we could market this stuff, we'd make a fortune!
Salem: Good luck! The FDA will never approve of ostrich saliva. Those pencil pushing bureaucrats have ruined many a dream.
Hilda: Well, we could still sell it in the Other Realm. What do you say, Zeldy?
Zelda: No. I made this formula to cure allergies and end suffering, not to whiten.
Hilda: You ever cleaned a toilet? That's suffering! Besides, you said it didn't even cure allergies.
Zelda: Yet! Medical breakthroughs take time, get off my back! This is why Pasteur broke up with you!
[Leaves]
Hilda: He told me he had to work out stuff with his Mother!
Salem: You gotta hand it to Zelda. She's a pillar of integrity.
Hilda: Yeah. Let's steal her formula!

Zelda: Hi, honey. How was your tea?
Sabrina: Pretty average, you know. There was music, little sandwiches, tea, of course. Oh, and I got my quizmaster fired.
Salem: What kind of sandwiches?

Hilda: The party's over. Sabrina's coming home.
Vesta: You know the rules around here. Now that Sabrina's at the pleasuredome, she can do whatever she wants.
Zelda: [Scoffs] So that's your plan!
Vesta: Please. I don't plan. I scheme.

Zelda: [as screeching laughs erupt] Oh, that noise! It's worse than nails on a blackboard.
Sabrina: I think it's great. I haven't seen Aunt Hilda this happy since she went water-bed shopping with Casanova.

Zelda: Sabrina, when you have egotitis, you can't get any presents.
Hilda: Receiving gifts only makes it worse.
Sabrina: This better be gone by my birthday.

Hilda: Zelda? Zelda! ATTENTION ZELDA!
Zelda: Did you say something? Oh, I'm sorry. I have to present a paper at a big scientific symposium in the Other Realm and I have so much more research to do.
Sabrina: Oh that's okay, I just wanted to tell you about my... Aunt Zelda? AUNT ZELDA!
Hilda: I am really worried about her, she hasn't eaten or slept in days. She's even been too busy to disapprove of me.
Salem: She must be dead!

Zelda: What's that around your neck?
Sabrina: Nothing!
Hilda: It's a gold medal, isn't it?
Zelda: Where did you get that?
Sabrina: Kerry Strugg gave it to me?

Zelda: Libby insults you because she's jealous.
Sabrina: I don't think so. Is there a spell that can make dogs howl every time she opens her mouth?
Zelda: You have to be careful how you treat people. Even rotten people. You might regret it one day.

Roland: Why did you hit me with that arrow?
Zelda: So that you would see that it's wrong to mess with people's hearts.
Cupid: Unless you're a licensed professional.

Zelda: You went to Science Club? Oh, that's wonderful.
Sabrina: No, it's not. Now Libby thinks I'm a complete geek.
Hilda: I knew this would happen. It's Zelda's influence. I begged you to watch TV with me so you'd be normal.

Sabrina: Can we focus? Okay, we have five witches and a newt, we should be able to do something?
Hilda: I've got it. We all hide inside a giant wooden horse.
Zelda: Hmm, that worked so well the last time.

Zelda: Well, whether he means to or not, he teaches a valuable lesson.
Sabrina: Some people are just jerks?
Hilda: Yes, but if you study hard and you don't let him get to you, you will pass algebra and then you can forget it. But he's trapped in

Sabrina: Hate to say this, but I can't wait to get the old Mr. Kraft back.
Zelda: You don't change people's personalities. And if you do, you don't mix it with caffeine.

Hilda: Who's up for charades?
Zelda: I am, as long as I'm not on Hilda's team.
Edward: Same here.

Hilda: We're not big on thanksgiving. That holiday was started by puritans who weren't exactly witch friendly.
Sabrina: So instead we celebrate a night devoted to little kids dressing up like super-heroes?
Zelda: That is not what all hallows eve is all about. It's a time for remembering the dead.
Sabrina: Oh, that sounds like fun. I just know I'll have a terrible time.
Hilda: And that's what family gatherings are all about. Do you think I want to listen to cousin Marigold brag about how married she is and how single I am? No.
Zelda: But we go, because it's tradition.
Hilda: And Zelda makes me.
Sabrina: And now you're making me?
Hilda: See? Tradition.

Vesta: [referring to Sabrina] Such a sweet girl and so hungry for life. Surprising, I mean, with the example you've been setting for her.
Zelda: We are setting a fine example. We have a loving home filled with discipline and responsibility.
Vesta: What about fun?

Zelda: Welcome home, sunshine! How was your day?
Sabrina: Here's a quick recap: There was boredom followed by dullness with a dash of echh!

Zelda: Sabrina! Oh, thank goodness. No one was injured.
Harvey: How do we sound?
Zelda: Stay in school.

Sabrina: I'm so at peace with what's happened between me and the quizmaster. I believe everything happens for a reason.
Salem: And that's why we call this stage denial.
Zelda: Hi, sweetheart. How you feeling today?
Sabrina: I can't believe quizmaster hasn't had the decency to call me after all the mean things he said?
Salem: Welcome, anger.
Zelda: Well, maybe you two just need a little time away from each other.
Sabrina: [toaster dings] Hey, I bet that's a letter from him. Get to the real grovelling parts.
Zelda: No, it's from the Witches' Council. It says they're temporarily out of quizmasters, so you'll have to be home-schooled.
Sabrina: Well, I'm sure you'll be an even better teacher than the quizmaster.
Zelda: I'm afraid I'm too busy substituting to do it. It's your aunt Hilda.
Hilda: You know what we haven't played in a long time? Goofy golf.
Sabrina: No!
Salem: And let's give a big warm welcome to sadness.

Zelda: [Sabrina's going on a trip] Wear seat belts! Watch the road! Avoid ice! Don't pass on mountain roads!
Hilda: Have fun?
Zelda: That's implied.

Sabrina: Ah, is it time for Salem to be wormed again?
Salem: No, worse. I have to do community service.
Zelda: It's part of his punishment for attempting global conquest.
Salem: As if being a cat for a hundred years wasn't enough, Zelda had to put me in a pets for prisoners program.
Zelda: I gave you a choice, you could have done highway cleanup.
Salem: Yeah, cats do real well on highways.
Zelda: Stop complaining and get your wormy little butt down stairs in 2 minutes. It's time to pay your debt to society.
Salem: Can't I just write a cheque?

Zelda: He just needs to remember his childhood dreams. You know what? I am going out and get him a copy of 'What color is your parachute'
Hilda: Oh what a sweet idea.
[Zelda leaves]
Hilda: [to Sabrina] It will never work. You'd better use magic.

Zelda: Sabrina, I don't think I told you this, but, in my opinion, your Democracy Daze float was the best.
Sabrina: Thanks! It did turn out great.
Zelda: It's going to stand as a monument to your creative talent and democratic spirit.
Sabrina: Not really. When we got back to the school, the engine Harvey'd been working on blew up, and the whole thing burned to the ground.
Hilda: Ever reminding us that democracy is a fragile thing.

Zelda: [to Hilda] Your room is decorated with stuff a clown takes out of his pockets at night.

Sabrina: I hate being a witch! I just turned the most popular girl in school into a pineapple!
Hilda: Why?
Sabrina: Because it's the only thing you taught me how to do.
Hilda: Chill. I can fix this.
[taking the pineapple, she goes over to the island and picks up a cleaver]
Hilda: Chunks or rings?
Zelda: Hilda... there are other ways.
Hilda: Wedges?

Zelda: I know you don't want any aunts spoiling your picnic. Get that?
Sabrina: Got it. Go!

Sabrina: I bet you guys did stuff like this all the time when you were my age, huh?
Zelda: No, never.

Zelda: So that was a dead end, but I think if we systematically retrace your steps over the last three months...
Hilda: [Interrupting] Sometimes I think you actually work at being annoying.
Zelda: No, not really.

Zelda: No-no-no!
Sabrina: But it's my belly button!
Zelda: U-hu! It's our belly button. You can have it back when you turn 18.
Hilda: Don't tell me, she still wants to hang keys off her navel? Sabrina, even I think that's gross.
Sabrina: I still wanna do it.
Hilda: You'll regret it. I had to wait 2 centuries to have the Cromwell Rules tattoo removed from my shoulder.
Zelda: That's not where it was.
Hilda: Be quiet!
Zelda: The point is these things go in and out of style. You have to remember you're built for the long haul.

Bob: Trying to recapture the spirit of Christmas, huh?
Zelda: Mm. Can you help?
Bob: I'll give it a shot. I know. Say, why don't you and I take a little trip to Christmas past? No, it's been done.
Hilda: Trust me, the trip to the graveyard is quite depressing.
Bob: Why don't you and I try to go and recapture your childhood Christmas memories? And maybe have a look at the new Chryslers.
Sabrina: You have met this guy before, right?

Hilda: Do you realise what you've done?
Sabrina: What, Bob's gonna sue?
Zelda: No. He's Santa Claus.
Sabrina: What?
Hilda: That's right. You've just maimed Father Christmas.
Sabrina: So I guess I'm not the only one not getting presents this year.

Hilda: I took Belgium once to help Napoleon. Big trouble.
Zelda: Basically, you have to give things back by hand.
Hilda: Which is how I came to participate in a little thing called Waterloo.

Zelda: Can we come in?
Sabrina: All door are open on the path to enlightenment.
Hilda: I'll take that as a yes.

Zelda: [doing yoga] Now stretch and focus. Can you feel the blood rushing to your brain?
Sabrina: No, but I feel my lunch making a move.

Zelda: Sabrina, procrastination only makes things worse. Ask Hilda about the time-- Well, ask Hilda about any time.
Hilda: I'll think of a comeback for her tomorrow.

Zelda: So everyone's fine? Everyone?
Sabrina: You know you can ask about Gordie if you want.
Zelda: Well, did he say anything about me? I m-I-I mean Zellary?
Sabrina: Yeah! As a matter of fact he did.
Zelda: Really! What?
Sabrina: Let me make sure I get every word exactly right. He said 'Tell her I want my scarf back.'

Zelda: No, Marigold, we're still not married.
Marigold: Don't. I'll cry.

Zelda: Sabrina.
Sabrina: Still up?
[THUNDER CRASHES]
Sabrina: I'll take that as a yes.

Sabrina: I'm not very good at this. You told me the 23rd time is the charm.
Zelda: You'll learn to control your magic. At the very least, you'll always be able to garnish a ham steak.
Sabrina: One more try. Salem into apple.
Salem: I think that's enough for one night.
Hilda: The cat's right. Wrap it up. You've got school tomorrow.
Sabrina: I'm a witch and I still have to go to school?
Zelda: Mm-hmm.
Sabrina: Unfair! Hey, maybe I'll turn Mr. Pool into...
Hilda: No, now be careful pointing your finger at people. It could be dangerous.
Sabrina: You're pointing at me!
Hilda: I have the safety on.

Sabrina: What do I do?
Zelda: First thing is hear me say you're in trouble. And the next thing is get Mrs. Soon here quick. I mean, get Mrs. Quick here soon.
Sabrina: How? I can't trust my finger. It's all stuffed up.
Zelda: Then do it the mortal way, and drink fluids.
Sabrina: Mortal way? Okay, I need a blindfold and a gun.

Mr. James T. Rothwell: Look, if it makes you feel better, you can blame this on me but I think we both know these problems start at home.
Zelda: What problems?
Mr. James T. Rothwell: Hey, if the kid can't master the quadratic equation that says to me, dysfunctional family.
Zelda: We function just fine!
Mr. James T. Rothwell: Tell it to her social worker.

Salem: Zelda, you'll never guess who called. I'll give you a hint. Shelly.
Zelda: Shelly? Your ex-girlfriend? The one who left you?
Salem: She didn't leave me! She just needed some time by herself.
Zelda: 2 decades?
Salem: 3, but and I repeat but by the sound of her voice, I'd say she has crawling back on her mind.
Zelda: I see. Did you happen to mention that you're a cat now?
Salem: Is it that noticeable?

Zelda: Do girls still like musicians?
Hilda: Ever since Mozart's 'Feel the Heat' tour.

Zelda: Now, there's nothing to be afraid of. Dr. Bull is one of the most highly regarded witch psychiatrists around.
Hilda: She's got two doctorates from Other Realm universities and one from Utah State.
Sabrina: And tell me again why I had to sign that lobotomy release form?

Sabrina: You don't have to go out with Mr. Kraft anymore.
Hilda: I'm seeing him again this weekend.
Sabrina: What?
Hilda: Well, he may be a bad date, but when you live as long as we do, you have a lot of Friday nights to fill.

Sabrina: I don't see Jenny anywhere. I thought you said she might be in Limbo?
Hilda: Well, she's not.
Zelda: But don't worry, everything will be fine.
Sabrina: How can you say that?
Zelda: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

Zelda: We have a problem. Our niece Sabrina has a case of egotitis.
Bob: Yeah, that's not your only problem.
Hilda: It isn't?
Bob: No, you've got one sorry-looking Christmas tree.