Top 500 Quotes From Sabrina Spellman

Salem: [re Sabrina's new curvaceous figure] If you're here, who's co-hosting the Country Music Awards?
Roxie: [enters, with Morgan following] Sabrina, can we...?
[sees that red dress and ample figure]
Roxie: Wow! What's up with this get-up?
Sabrina: Oh, well, uh, Roxie, I would expect you of all people to know. I have adopted this outrageous look to make a statement about society's unreasonable expectations of female beauty.
Morgan: Oh, she's telling women to be prettier.
Roxie: No, Morgan, it's a feminist protest. Way to go, sister,
[really getting into it]
Roxie: Burn your bra!
Sabrina: [looking down wryly at her enhanced cleavage] Yeah, well, if I did, you could see the smoke in Baltimore.

Sabrina: [reading] It's a gift certificate to spend half an hour with the deceased of your choice. What's this?
Marigold: You got her a reanimation? Those are very pricey.
Amanda: [screaming] I want a reanimation! I want a reanimation! I want a reanimation!
[Marigold drags her away]
Sabrina: This is the weirdest gift.

Sabrina: A cat show? I can't see you in a cat show.
Salem: Don't you think I'm pretty?
Sabrina: Of course.
Salem: Then get an application. This is our chance for a quick score.
Sabrina: All right. Okay, name, Salem Spellman.
Salem: May I remind you I'm your cat, not your pet. I have my own last name.
Sabrina: You do?
Salem: Saberhagen. Salem Saberhagen.
Sabrina: And what breed are you?
Salem: American Shorthair. And darn proud of it. Write that down. The judges will eat that up.

Zelda: Now let's move on to a meditation. Assume the lotus position.
Hilda: Can we assume I've assumed the lotus position?
Zelda: Now let's chant. Ommm!
Zelda: Ommm!
Sabrina: Ummm, what do we do now?
Zelda: We empty our minds.
Hilda: That I can do.
Zelda: Now release your burdens and lighten your load.
Sabrina: Ommm!
[levitating]
Sabrina: Ommm!
[getting higher]
Hilda: Zelda!
Zelda: What?
Sabrina: [reaching the ceiling and cracking her head] Aw! I thought you said this was low impact?

Sabrina: I'm going to school in a costume. Guess who I am?
[puts on a pair of red-rimmed glasses]
Sabrina: Sally Jessy Raphael. What, do I need a microphone?

Sabrina: Look, I made us a... "first day of college, life doesn't get any better than this" breakfast.
Roxie: [woken up in the morning] Look, Old MacDonald, I worked very hard to make sure my first class isn't until three. Good day and good night.
Sabrina: That's funny, because I totally had you pegged for a morning person.

Sabrina: Big deal. What does that bozo know anyway?
Josh: That bozo spent twenty years at Life magazine and shot over fifty covers.
Sabrina: So, who reads Life magazine? People only look at the...
Josh: The pictures!

Sabrina: I mean the things that happened weren't my fault and I was under a lot of stress.
Brady: Yeah, I know about stress. Yankee Stadium, play-offs, 20 million viewers.
Sabrina: High school, science project, very big wart.
Brady: Okay, you win, but only because of the very big wart. My point is we all live with stress. That's why you have to control your emotions and not let your emotions control you.
Sabrina: Isn't that a lot to ask from a teenager?
Brady: Yeah, and it'll take you about 20 years to get good at it but you should start now.

Zelda: So everyone's fine? Everyone?
Sabrina: You know you can ask about Gordie if you want.
Zelda: Well, did he say anything about me? I m-I-I mean Zellary?
Sabrina: Yeah! As a matter of fact he did.
Zelda: Really! What?
Sabrina: Let me make sure I get every word exactly right. He said 'Tell her I want my scarf back.'

Roxie: Let's face it, the holidays are a letdown. Always have been.
Morgan: Not for me! Christmas as a kid was so much fun.
[dreamily: ]
Morgan: Skating by the pond.
Sabrina: Sipping mulled cider by the fire.
Roxie: Watching Dad passed out on the couch.
Sabrina: Too much eggnog?
Roxie: No, Mom decked him.

Hilda: Is there anything that I can get rid of?
Sabrina: You?

Sabrina: Now how do I know I'm going to get the real James Dean and not the sausage guy?
Hilda: First of all, the sausage guy is still alive but just in case write 'Star of Rebel without a cause.'

Sabrina: Just gather round the jack-o-lantern and remember, the true meaning of Halloween is inside you. Right Salem?
Salem: There's a pound of candy corn inside me.

Amanda: My parents let me eat ice cream whenever I want. My nanny said it would rot my teeth so I put her in a jar.
Sabrina: You know you should really find other ways of dealing with people.
Amanda: What's that supposed to mean?
Sabrina: Just that, you know you don't have to put everyone you don't like in a jar.
Amanda: That's what my psychologist said, so I put him in a jar.

Sabrina: [playing badminton] I stink
Harvey: Yeah, but you're getting better. This time just try to hit it a little higher, a little straighter and a little further. Or any one of those.

[first lines]
Sabrina: [Salem groans] Whoa, did you just sigh, or are you sitting on an accordion?
Salem: I think I see a grey hair.
Sabrina: What?
[rushes to mirror]
Sabrina: Darn, you know, I knew this job would age me. You know, I'm two weeks away from a blue rinse and bunion pads.
Salem: The grey hair is on me. Don't you think of anyone besides yourself?

Sabrina: I'm so at peace with what's happened between me and the quizmaster. I believe everything happens for a reason.
Salem: And that's why we call this stage denial.
Zelda: Hi, sweetheart. How you feeling today?
Sabrina: I can't believe quizmaster hasn't had the decency to call me after all the mean things he said?
Salem: Welcome, anger.
Zelda: Well, maybe you two just need a little time away from each other.
Sabrina: [toaster dings] Hey, I bet that's a letter from him. Get to the real grovelling parts.
Zelda: No, it's from the Witches' Council. It says they're temporarily out of quizmasters, so you'll have to be home-schooled.
Sabrina: Well, I'm sure you'll be an even better teacher than the quizmaster.
Zelda: I'm afraid I'm too busy substituting to do it. It's your aunt Hilda.
Hilda: You know what we haven't played in a long time? Goofy golf.
Sabrina: No!
Salem: And let's give a big warm welcome to sadness.

Sabrina: [rejected too-tame news articles] What if I include the fight over who had the best brownies, the nuts lady or the no-nuts lady?
Mike: You're nuts, lady. Bye!
[waves, goes off]

Libby: I was just in the girls' bathroom. What am I doing here?
Sabrina: Isn't it weird, you're doing something, you're mind is somewhere else, and bam, you're in a gym and you're asking, "How did I get here?"
Libby: How did I get here?
Sabrina: My point exactly.

Harvey: The PTA is sponsoring a ski trip to Vermont this weekend. Let's sign up.
Sabrina: I can't believe the PTA came up with something fun to do. Let's see how they ruin this.
Libby: [to Mr. Kraft] I'm so glad they picked you to chaperon the ski trip.
Principal: [to Libby] Well, you know my motto: fun, with discipline.
Sabrina: [to Harvey] Did your hope die first or mine?

Salem: Bah, humbug!
Sabrina: Salem! What are you doing here?
Salem: I couldn't stand the thought of Cousin Ira staring at me, so I stowed away in your suitcase. By the by, you might wanna run a lint brush over your unmentionables.

Sabrina: [opening envelope] Okay, it says here that they like your stuff. They just want you to come back when you've had more experience.
Morgan: That's why I hate careers. It was so much easier getting experience with boys.

Sabrina: [false lead turns out to be a parrot] Put a cracker in it!

Sabrina: [smoky explosion in kitchen] Amanda, is that you?
Amanda: [emerging from smoke cloud] Yeah. You know, I've been so bored, I thought I'd come by and hang out with someone cool.
Sabrina: Oh, well, I'm kinda busy right now.
Amanda: Actually, uh, I was talking about Salem. Hey, little buddy.
[goes over to greet him]
Salem: [coughing] This place is smokier than the bathroom in an all-girls school.
Sabrina: Yeah, what's with the flashy entrance? I mean, you may think coming in here in smoke looks cool, but it's a disgusting habit.
Amanda: Ugh, yeah, remind me to start listening again when the PSA is over.
Sabrina: You're right, I'm not your mother. I shouldn't tell you what to do. Oh,put your hair back.
[tries adjusting her niece's hairstyle]
Sabrina: Why hide such a beautiful face?
[Amanda wards her off]

Libby: Would you stop smiling at me! Oh you are such a goody two shoes.
Sabrina: That is so true.
Libby: Well, at least you admit it. You know I'd like you a lot more if you'd just make fun of people but I suppose you would never do that.
Sabrina: Mr. Pool can be so annoying.
Libby: That's a start.

Jennifer: I'd much rather be jaded than naive.
Sabrina: Who wouldn't?

Sabrina: [after tennis match] Ah, oh, you know, there's nothing like a cup of coffee after mopping the floor with a couple of
[accentuates: ]
Sabrina: losers! Look at them! They can barely walk!

Hilda: You might want to try and deal with him the mortal way first.
Sabrina: You mean tepee his house?
Hilda: No. Talk to him.

Salem: I can't move.
Zelda: Oh, no, is he hurt?
Sabrina: Fatten Up"? This must've fallen off the beanstalk.
Hilda: Oh! Salem, you didn't.
Salem: I did. Well, don't just stand there. Somebody get me a diet soda.

Zelda: Happy birthday, Sabrina.
Hilda: And many more to come.
Zelda: Many, many more to come. I... I got you a little something.
Hilda: Actually, that's from both of us. I just forgot to sign the card.
Zelda: [passing over a birthday present] Hope you don't already have one.
Sabrina: [opening it] A black pot. Actually, I don't. Thanks.
Zelda: It's a cauldron.
Sabrina: Wow. Even better. I can, um, put my pens in it.
Zelda: That's not what it's for. Sabrina, we have something to tell you.

Sabrina: [met handsome date Destiny] Oh, cool.
Destiny: Yeah, come on.
Sabrina: [exclaiming to herself, as she goes out to his chariot:] Even his horse is gorgeous.

Sabrina: You know I was thinking it might be kinda fun to go with Harvey.
Jennifer: Are you gonna ask him?
Sabrina: Oh, I can't, I don't wanna complicate our friendship.
Jennifer: What if he asked you?
Sabrina: Oh, I don't mind if he complicates our friendship.

Sabrina: [public apology looming closer] Great, can we get this over with? I still have a tiny shred of dignity lodged behind my spleen.
Strum: Hey, I like the halter.
Sabrina: Oops, there it goes.

[Sabrina and her Aunts enter a beautifully decorated lounge-like Waiting Room]
Sabrina: Where are we?
Hilda: [proudly] The National Institute of Love!
Zelda: [pleased] Normally, it's very clinical, but they go all-out for Valentine's Day.
[one at a time, Sabrina, Zelda and Hilda walk through an arch decorated with leaves, roses and doves. The arch beeps as they pass through and their clothes change to all red for Sabrina, pink and red for Zelda and white and red for Hilda]
Sabrina: Wow. They *really* take their colour scheme seriously.

Molly: I'm a Molly Dolly
Sabrina: Stop that can't you say anything else?
Molly: I'm a Molly Dolly and I'm going to get you
Sabrina: That's not what I wanted to hear

Sabrina: Harvey, listen, that woman out there is wicked.
Harvey: You wouldn't say that if you had her pralines. She's an awesome cook.
Sabrina: She's gonna cook you.

Sabrina: So I moved in with aunt Hilda and aunt Zelda. They do more weird things by 9 a.m. than most people do all day.

Salem: For one kiss I will let you know that embarrassment is cross-referenced in the magic book under Gerald Ford
Sabrina: Hey, thanks, Salem!
Salem: Wait, I didn't do that right.

Amanda: You better be nice to me or I'll put you in a jar.
Sabrina: Excuse me?
Amanda: I put all the people who aren't nice to me in jars.
[puts on the table a jar with a tiny man in it]
Amanda: This is Mr. Altree, he tried to teach me math.
Sabrina: Can he breath in there?
Amanda: Yes, I gave him air holes. Here's a math problem, Mr. Altree. 5 air holes minus 1 air hole is how many?
[placing her finger over one of the air holes]
Mr. Altree: No, please! I wanna live. I wanna live!
Amanda: See, nobody likes pop quizzes.

Hilda: All you have to do is think like fire.
Sabrina: Well, that's helpful. I'm really enjoying Vague University.

Morgan: Sabrina, we have a problem.
Sabrina: [busy keeping the contents of the wardrobe at bay] Uh, the cat did it. He's crazy. I'm thinking about having him put down.
Morgan: No, not Salem, Roxie.
Sabrina: [struggling against forces] Uh, fine, then we'll have her put down too.

Sabrina: This trips not gonna be any fun. I mean I don't even know how to ski.
Harvey: You could take lessons.
Sabrina: Oh, great! So I get to study on my vacation.

Sabrina: Hey, Aunt Hilda, you know how you're always looking for new ways to bring in people to the coffeehouse?
Hilda: You mean, like last week when I started that rumor that Brad Pitt had been spotted here?
Sabrina: That was a rumor? I worked extra shifts!
Hilda: Oh, there really is one born every minute.

Valerie: My guy's funny, he can really move and he's so cute.
Sabrina: The Dalai Lama can dance?

Sabrina: [opening lines]
[Roxie is frantically searching through her wardrobe]
Sabrina: Training for the Olympic clothes toss?
Roxie: I'm looking for my black T-shirt. Have you seen it?
Sabrina: Not only have I seen it, I washed it.
[presents cleaned garment]
Roxie: [dismayed] You washed my T-shirt? How could you?
Sabrina: [taken aback] You're welcome. Happy to do you a favor. Here, smell. Fresh as a springtime morning.
Roxie: The only thing I hate more than springtime is morning. New rule: Never. Touch. My Stuff.
Sabrina: Newer rule: Okay. I won't. So there.

Sabrina: How was jail?
Salem: Not bad, there's a guy in solitary convinced Alan Derchowitze appeared to him as a talking cat. I told him I'd call the governor and plead his innocence.
Sabrina: See? I told you it was nice to help people.
Salem: Are you kidding? I'm not calling.

Harvey: We'll grab some eats, and I'll tell the others about you joining the band.
Valerie: What?
Harvey: Hi. Sabrina, Valerie, I'd like you to meet Sunset.
Valerie: You can't just bring someone into the band.
Sabrina: Especially someone named Sunset.

Sabrina: It's an interesting theory, Jenny but I don't think there's a force field around this table.
Jennifer: Then why isn't anyone signing up to adopt a Grandparent?
Sabrina: Do you think it's clear that these adoptions are not legally binding?

Sabrina: Look, I even broke my biosphere. And my magic wont fix it.
Zelda: Oh, I bet it's number 7 plastic. It repels magic and it can't be recycled.

Harvey: Boston really seems to have blown your cousins minds.
Sabrina: Yeah, they're not as grown up as they think they are.

Valerie: Sabrina, it's Valentine's Day. You should definitely wear red to the dance.
Sabrina: Yeah, because no one else will have that idea.

Harvey: Wow! A scarf, it's great.
Sabrina: I made it myself.
Harvey: You knit?
Sabrina: ...I made it myself.

Sabrina: [showing off new pair of pink high-heel sandals] These are the most comfortable shoes I've ever had.
Zelda: And stylish.
Hilda: Oh, cobbler?
Salem: [at their beck and call] Yes, ma'am?
Hilda: I'd like five more pairs. One in every color.
Sabrina: Yes, and how are you with matching belts?
Salem: I'll cobble whatever you want. I'm just glad to be home.

Aaron: [Morgan's new high heels makes her slip] Whoa, are you okay?
Morgan: Yeah, it's these new mules. They're stylish, but not great for walking.
Aaron: Then why did you buy them?
Sabrina: Oh, you have so much to learn about women.

Zelda: You're gonna be late.
Sabrina: So? I'm a witch. Can't I just turn back time?
Hilda: Uh-uh. No. A witch can't change time. That's one of the rules.
Sabrina: You're kidding.
Hilda: Nope.
Sabrina: [hurrying out] Gotta go.
Hilda: You also can't get rid of cellulite.

Sabrina: What do you say?
Amanda: You'll be back.
[sarcastically]
Amanda: I mean, sorry.

Sabrina: [Sabrina and Mrs. Doohicky, Mrs. Quicks Clone, run into the real Mrs. Quick] Substitute teacher I don't think she looks like you at all.
Mrs. Quick: The psychic was right I was separated at birth
[as Sabrina and Mrs. Doohicky leave quickly]

Sabrina: Salem! You're dyeing your hair?
Salem: [looks like a Christmas tree] I'm just putting in some low-lights.
Sabrina: Oh, I had no idea they made a 'Just For Cats'.
Salem: I had no idea how many shades of black there were.
Morgan: Hi, Sabrina. Oh, what is going on with the cat?
Sabrina: Oh, that, well, uh, I am not gonna color my hair without practicing first.
Morgan: Oh, great idea! Later, I think I'll try my home bikini waxer on him.
[Salem gasps and scampers off]

Salem: Look at all these losers.
Sabrina: Hey, you better behave yourself.
Salem: I will.
Sabrina: You always say that, but... If people see me talking to my cat, they'll think I'm nuts.
Salem: Look around.
Haley: [to her cat] Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
Andrew: [to his cat] You wanna be a winner, think like a winner.
Sabrina: Okay, we can talk all we want.

Hilda: You said she didn't say no.
Sabrina: Which was true. Technically.

Harvey: [after an accident] Is everybody ok?
Sabrina: Well, I didn't hear a voice say, "Sabrina, step into the light," so I guess I'm ok.

Sabrina: Even if I knew what I wanted to wear, I couldn't pick it out of this mess. - It's full of kibble crumbs.
Salem: Brush them in a pile. I'll eat them later.

Harvey: The school's having a battle of the bands. And I signed us up.
Sabrina: I didn't know we were a band.
Harvey: Every group had to start somewhere. Usually in a garage. We can leapfrog that and start in the gym. What do you say?
Valerie: We could have cool outfits.
Sabrina: We could work on dance moves.
Valerie: Put together a light show. I always wanted to be in a band.
Sabrina: Me too. We're in.
Harvey: Great.
Sabrina: So does anyone here actually know how to play an instrument?

Salem: And once I controlled Eurasia, I was going to advance on...
Sabrina: Oh, Salem, can you hold that thought? I'll be right back; I gotta get some more milk.
Salem: Stay where you are. You're a witch. Look under the M's.
Sabrina: [flipping through her spellbook] Wow, magic milk!
[pointing her finger at her glass, it refills itself]
Sabrina: Cool, it worked! Hey, I could get used to this magic.
Salem: [she starts to take a sip] Hey, share!

Salem: They take a sip of flat talent, they go flat too.
Sabrina: Great. So I'll just let these go flat, and when I see Harvey and Valerie tonight, they'll drink, and we'll go back to being talentless friends.
Salem: Did you pop one for yourself?
Sabrina: Me? I haven't been affected by having things go my way.
Salem: Oh, please. Little Miss "I'm Too Cool To Do My History Homework."
Sabrina: I had an autograph signing. Okay.

Miles: [before poker game] I'm going to be shaken down. Visions of grade school.
Sabrina: Well, at least he hasn't put a visor on yet.
[Josh puts on his visor and looks every bit the card shark]
Roxie: The good news is I'm already poor, so I've got nothing to lose.

Sabrina: What are you doing?
Doug: I was gonna kiss you.
Sabrina: Kiss me? Well, I don't even know you that well. I mean it hardly seems right to kiss someone when you haven't even shaken hands.

Sabrina: [Sabrina thinks the puzzle is complete] Oh, no, there's still a piece missing!
[Looks at the hourglass]
Sabrina: And time just ran out!
Quizmaster: Don't worry. That piece doesn't exist yet. It's Libby's compassion for others. And you have to gradually fill that space by showing compassion for Libby, even when she doesn't show it for you. In other words, learn to work together?
Sabrina: I get it.
Quizmaster: Mmhm.
Sabrina: And by the way, could this lesson be any more heavy handed?
Quizmaster: Well, I could've been behind a pulpit! See ya.
[Disappears; the Libby puzzles turns into Libby herself]
Libby: What... is going on? What am I doing here?
Sabrina: Oh, you just came by to see if I needed a ride. I don't.
Libby: I would not! I'm getting out of here.
Sabrina: Uh, wait, Libby. Are you okay?
Libby: I'm fine. Once again, weirdness reigns whenever Sa-freakna's around.
[Leaves]
Sabrina: Oh, yeah. Sympathy for Libby. Piece of cake!

Sabrina: Why don't you guys go and I'll stay home with Salem?
Salem: Hey, the whole point of a family vacation is so I can get a vacation from the family. Please, I need some down time.

Sabrina: [emergency phone call] Morgan, it's me.
Morgan: Oh, if it isn't Susie-Snooty-Society-Snob.

Zak: Those sunglasses are great on you. You look like a blonde Audrey Hepburn.
Sabrina: [amazed] I love Audrey Hepburn! Which one of her movies is your favourite?
Zak: Well I'd have to say "Sabrina". I just love the name.
Sabrina: [removes her sunglasses] You're kidding! That's *my* name!
Zak: [interested] Wow! Uh, so... Sabrina... are you hungry?
Sabrina: I hadn't thought about it, but I guess maybe a little.
Zak: How about a piece of delicious chocolate cake?
[Zak points at the table and a slice of chocolate cake on a plate magically appears]
Sabrina: [turns to face the table] Wow! It looks amazing!
Zak: [turns to face the table at the same time as Sabrina] Oh, it is.
[Zak picks up the plate the chocolate cake slice is on and offers it to Sabrina]
Zak: Here, have a little bite.
Sabrina: [as Zak takes a piece from the cake slice with a fork] I dunno. I had a pretty big muffin earlier.
Zak: [insisting] Ah, come on! One little taste couldn't hurt.
Sabrina: That's true.
[Sabrina leans forward to taste the piece of chocolate cake]
Zak: You look really pretty tonight.
Sabrina: [moves back] Wait! You're trying to make me forget about Harvey, aren't you?
Zak: Harvey? Who's Harvey?
Sabrina: [realising what the test is] Oh ho-ho! You're a sly one!
[Sabrina gets up]
Sabrina: But I CAN'T eat cake when Harvey's in trouble!
Zak: [gets up] Yes you can!
Sabrina: [getting angry] No I can't!
Zak: [harshly insisting] EAT IT!
Sabrina: [angry] No!
[a unseen bell dongs and an unseen audience cheers]
Zak: [disappointed] That was the test. You passed.
Sabrina: [excited] I did? Woo-hoo!
Zak: [offers the piece of cake] How about one bite? To celebrate?
Sabrina: [smartly] What do you take me for?

Valerie: I wish he'd ask me to the dance.
Sabrina: Why don't you ask him?
Valerie: Because if he doesn't ask me, I can always assume that it slipped his mind. But if I ask him and he says no, no amount of delusion will fix it.
Sabrina: Tell you what. Why don't I feel him out for you?
Valerie: As long as you're willing to lie about anything negative.

Sabrina: There's actually a giant at the top of the beanstalk?
Zelda: Or worse.
Hilda: Beanstalks always lead to a bad neighbourhood.

Sabrina: Guys, I really don't feel like going out like this.
Morgan: Are you kidding? If I had a figure like that, I'd wanna show it off. Heck, I'd be married to an eighty-year-old billionaire by now.

Sabrina: This is so humiliating.
Salem: You? I'm wearing pantaloons.

Hilda: [referring to Warren] I don't believe it! I guess he really was a secret agent.
Sabrina: Apparently, not a very good one.
Hilda: But he told the truth. That's amazing.
Zelda: And very heart-warming. If he ever escapes, you can bet he'll call.
Hilda: Yeah. Oh, I just wish I'd given him my real phone number.

Josh: It's funny how you two became best friends. Didn't she hate you at first?
Sabrina: Roxie hates everybody at first. It's her way of reaching out to people.

Sabrina: [snowstorm erupting the moment she sets foot outside, not wearing coat] Holy cheese and crackers! Cold, cold, cold!

Vesta: I even carry a photo of me holding you as a baby.
Sabrina: Oh, look. There's aunt Hilda and aunt Zelda. Is that Andy Worhol?
Vesta: Mm. Those were the good times. I don't know why but the 18s are always the best decade of every century.

Sabrina: [empty cage meant for a witch] He wants to cage me?
Angus: [caged leprechaun] Oh, boy, we got a bright one.

Sabrina: I'm too weak to lie. I didn't wear my mittens today.
Hilda: I told you we should have glued them on.
Zelda: Remind me to scold you when you're not such a pathetic figure.

Sabrina: [finds the spell in the magic book] Here goes. Double, double. Toil and trouble.
Salem: Bill Shakespeare stole that from us. What a hack!

Vladimir: [going to bite] How nice of you to sacrifice yourself to save your friend.
Sabrina: Yeah, well, let's get it over with.
[offers neck]
Vladimir: [savoring] Tasty. What is your blood type? I'd like to know whether to have you with fish or lamb.
Sabrina: How about with 'stake'?
[but her attempt fails]
Sabrina: I knew I should have gone with the kebab skewer! Gotta go!

Sabrina: It's so unfair. They can't make me go to the Other Realm.
Salem: They made me a cat. You're messing with the wrong crowd.

Sabrina: [on a deckchair by a swimming pool] Hello? Anybody? Is this a test for patience?
Zak: [climbs out of the pool] Hey.
Sabrina: Hi.
Zak: Uh, is anyone sitting here?
Sabrina: No. Go ahead.
Zak: [takes the towel and dries himself] Great. I'm Zak. So, are you here to take the test?
Sabrina: Yeah. I wish they'd hurry.
Zak: [lies on the deckchair next to Sabrina's deckchair] Ah, could be a while so you should just relax.
[Zak stretches]
Zak: Sun feels good, huh?
Sabrina: Yeah. It's kinda cool to lay by the pool in the middle of February.

Sabrina: Oh, I got the cutest little pink bikini today. This trip is going to be so great, even the drive down will be fun.

Sabrina: Lose something?
Hilda: My mind, possibly. I bought a new pair of shoes. I left them on this table for seconds, and now they're gone.
Sabrina: I'd say they didn't walk off by themselves, but in this house it could happen.
Hilda: I know what happened: Zelda. She's a compulsive neat freak. Back during the plague, she used to get upset if people didn't leave their dead in neat, tidy rows.

Quizmaster: Listen, stop thinking about how bad it feels to get it wrong, and start thinking about how good it's gonna feel when you get it right.
Sabrina: Okay, I'll try again, but this time if my legs go numb, I want help getting off the bed not just pointing and jeering.

Sabrina: Okay, I've talked to my dad, and I've thought about it. And I guess I believe I'm a witch.
Hilda: Good. 'Cause you are.

Sabrina: I ache all over. Skiing is easy but disco is hard.

Amanda: Okay, let's go down to that club and witch-slap this guy.
Sabrina: Oh, we don't have to go. He was just here.
Amanda: What? What happened? Are you okay?
Sabrina: I'm fine, it's all taken care of. He won't be bothering me anymore.
Amanda: Oh, I'm so relieved.
[hugs Sabrina]
Sabrina: You know, we should make it a point to hang out more often. And not just when one of our lives is at stake.
Amanda: Yeah, I'd like that.

Sabrina: Mr. Gordon thought he needed this to gain people's trust. But trust should not depend on fake hair. Trust should depend on real knowledge, integrity, and accurate reporting.
Hilda: Sabrina, he's on TV news.

Sabrina: Being a witch is so much more fun when you can tell your friends.
Valerie: You're so lucky. The only secret I have is that I'm allergic to watermelon. Well, that's out.

Sabrina: Salem, do you think the council will grant the time reversal?
Salem: I'm the wrong witch to ask. They weren't very lenient with me. Sentenced to 100 years as a cat, and for what?
Sabrina: I don't know. For what?
Salem: Oh, like any young kid, I dreamed of world domination. Of course, they really crack down when you act upon it.
Sabrina: Wow. No wonder you're so possessive of the sofa.
Salem: Mm. It would have been glorious. Me, as the firm but just emperor of Earth. Trust me, being a house pet wasn't even plan B.
Sabrina: Come on, it's not that bad. You take 5,000 naps a day.
Salem: I can't go dancing. I can't play squash. The sound of the can opener is the only thing that makes me feel truly alive.
Sabrina: Salem? Would you like your rubber mouse?
Salem: Please.

Tai: [referring to the trophy] I could only accept it if I won it honourably in a rematch.
Sabrina: You mean I'd have to fight you again? But we already did that. Okay, how about this. We play football?
Tai: There is no honor in foosball.

Sabrina: [trying to solve a clue] 'M' plus fire? I've got it! Mfire!
Salem: Right! Mfire! That makes so much sense. Let's use it in a sentence.
[sarcastically]
Salem: Run! Run! The house is on mfire.
Sabrina: I've got a better one. You're mfired!
Salem: You can't mfire me! I mquit!

[Sabrina exits the church and sees Harvey waiting outside by his motorbike]
Sabrina: Harvey?
Harvey: [holds up his half of the Soul Stone] I'm not really sure what this is, but something tells me I'll find the answer here.
Sabrina: [smiling] I think I've just found mine.
[Sabrina runs over to Harvey and they kiss]

Zelda: The truth can have painful side effects.
Sabrina: Like what?
Zelda: Itching, chaffing, hurt feelings.
Sabrina: Sounds like gym class.

Sabrina: [practicing by herself] Welcome to Chick Chat. I'm Sabrina Spellman, the world's worst radio host.
Salem: [unexpected audience] You're being kind.
Sabrina: Salem, what are you doing here?
Salem: I'm a nose hair away from being replaced by the hound from hell. I need a shoulder to cry on.
Sabrina: You picked the wrong shoulder.

Sabrina: What are we doing?
Harvey: I think this music is supposed to psych us up but it's not exactly 'We will rock you.'

Sabrina: I'm revising my Christmas wish list. This year I'm hoping for a computer, a mountain bike... Oh, and this great ski jacket I saw at the mall.
Salem: You're not exactly the Little Match Girl, are you?
Zelda: Those sound pretty expensive, Sabrina.
Sabrina: I know. That's why I prepared a list of backup gift ideas in a variety of price ranges. Gotta go. Oh, and you'll note on the bottom, I've listed the times I won't be around, so you can wrap my presents.

Roxie: How pathetic am I? I'm gonna have to put half of this on my credit cards.
Morgan: Plastic?
[gets: ]
Morgan: Yes, I'm saved!
[then: ]
Morgan: No, all mine are maxed out.
Sabrina: So? There are like five applications for new ones in today's mail.
Roxie: Of course! That is good! This is America!
Morgan: Exactly. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of the perfect little black dress.

Zelda: I've done it! I'm on the verge of one of the biggest scientific breakthroughs in the history of mankind.
Salem: How incredible!
[to Sabrina]
Salem: You gonna finish that toast?
Zelda: You know that formula I've been working on? I found the key ingredient.
Sabrina: Liquorice?
Zelda: Oh, don't be silly, Sabrina, liquorice won't cure allergies. It's ostrich saliva.
Hilda: [to Sabrina] The hard part is getting them to drool. Give me that.
[Reaches for Zelda's beaker, which smashes on the floor; the entire room is suddenly spotless]
Sabrina: Wow! One drop of that and the whole kitchen is spotlessly clean!
Hilda: I'll say! The walls, the table, the counters...
Sabrina: Salem!
Salem: [Salem has turned completely white] I'm blonde! My IQ just dropped twenty points.
Zelda: [Pointing at Sabrina, Hilda and herself] Blonde, blonde, blonde.
[Pointing at Salem]
Zelda: Dead.

The: The Witches' Council insists you reside in only one household.
Sabrina: Why?
The: Check Article 12, Section 15.
Sabrina: Because you say so?

Morgan: [chasing Roxie down the stairs] Come on, just let me see it, please? Just a peek.
Roxie: [defensively] Get away from me.
[to: ]
Roxie: I can't believe you told her.
Sabrina: [to Morgan] But you promised.
Roxie: [to Sabrina] So did you.
Sabrina: Well, I'm sorry. It wasn't malicious. Look, I was just trying to put her mind at ease. She thought you were dying.
Morgan: She's right. And, believe me, I'd wanna die too if I had "I heart Hanson" on me.
Roxie: [whining] You gave her details?

[last lines]
Zelda: [interrogating] Mother's maiden name?
Sabrina: Becker.
Hilda: Favorite dessert that doesn't involve chocolate?
Sabrina: There isn't one. How long is this gonna go on?
Zelda: Until we make absolutely sure that you are the real Sabrina.
Hilda: Say whoo-hoo.
Sabrina: [with zing:] Whoo-hoo!
Salem: Impostor!
Sabrina: Back off, fur-ball, or I'm gonna tell Aunt Zelda about the time I caught you in her lingerie drawer trying on her lacy...
Salem: It's Sabrina!

Sabrina: What am I gonna do?
Salem: Do what you always do. Go crying to your aunties to bail you out. "Boo hoo hoo. Help me, aunties."
[laughs - then Sabrina zaps his skateboard and he zooms off out the door]

Zelda: Hi, Sabrina.
Sabrina: Funny how you know my name and we are in no way related.
Harvey: Hey, Sabrina, your aunt's here.
Zelda: You just had to tell everyone, didn't you?

Roxie: [roommates inviting themselves] Sabrina, it's okay. We know how awkward it is to go to a party where you don't know anybody.
Morgan: That's what we're here for. And don't worry, I won't wear my best stuff, so you'll still look pretty.
Sabrina: [as those two go off] Sometimes I swear they are two of the most dense people I know.
Harvey: [eyes locked on TV screen] I wonder if we'll ever have a Canadian president?
Sabrina: Maybe there's a gas leak in this house.

Sabrina: You look like you haven't slept in days.
Valerie: If I sleep, I won't have time to bake or learn opera.
Sabrina: Can we talk?
Valerie: No. Friendship is inefficient use of time.

Libby: I hate Christmas.
Harvey: What's your take on Kwanza?
Sabrina: Usually like all the presents, but this year I have to be around my bratty stepbrother, Russell.
Harvey: Really? Your family has a brat in it?
Libby: He colours with my lipsticks, drips chocolate on my stuff, and he can cry on cue.
[to Sabrina]
Libby: What's your problem, freak? Hoping Santa will give you a personality this year?
Sabrina: And a crossbow!

Sabrina: I just wanted to get some breakfast.
Zelda: There, have some porridge.
Sabrina: Thanks. Ugh! It's cold!
Zelda: I'm sorry, Goldilocks, the kitchen is closed.

Sabrina: So the real world kept going without me?
Hilda: Teenagers!

Granny: Well, Sabrina, you know you can always tell me anything.
Sabrina: I'm a witch.
Granny: Well, dear, as long as you're happy.

Zelda: Oh, I'm just irritated with Hilda. Sometimes I feel like I'm living with a small child. Except this child can reach the high cabinets.
Sabrina: You know, maybe you should talk to her. Uh, and I think it would be best if I wasn't around. And amazingly enough, Harvey is willing to take me away to a concert. Oh, you wanna know the time. Friday at 9.
Zelda: Didn't you say you were gonna stay home this weekend?
Sabrina: Possibly.
Zelda: Didn't you say you had a lot of work to do?
Sabrina: You're paraphrasing, but yes.
Zelda: And didn't you promise not to even ask permission to go somewhere?
Sabrina: Heh, that Aunt Hilda's a real pain, huh?

Zelda: Sabrina, you're not a rumpist, are you?
Sabrina: A rumpist? What's a rumpist?
Zelda: Someone who judges others by their rear ends.
Sabrina: No. OK, not usually.

Sabrina: Hate to say this, but I can't wait to get the old Mr. Kraft back.
Zelda: You don't change people's personalities. And if you do, you don't mix it with caffeine.

Sabrina: Hey, who ate all the Wheat-ios?
Salem: Did you know Addis Ababa is the capital of Ethiopia? Not that I'm trying to change the subject.

Mr. Eugene Pool: Now that I'm rich I have a reason to live.
Sabrina: So are you happy?
Mr. Eugene Pool: Oh, I'll say. Well, it gives me the freedom to teach science without anger and resentment. I can now teach for the pure joy of teaching.

Sabrina: Grease is 'a' word, not 'the' word.

Zellary: 'The Magic Within.' Now what's that about?
Libby: I'm going to cast a spell on Gordon Gano.
Sabrina: A spell? Like witchcraft?
Libby: Oh please. That's just twaddle. This is a self-help book. It teaches you how to summon your feminine powers. That's the magic within.

Zelda: [on phone] Hello?
Sabrina: Aunt Zelda, you're busted!
Zelda: Sabrina, what are you talking about?
Sabrina: Don't play innocent with me. I know you put a spell on this place, because you don't want me to have any fun.
Zelda: That is not true. We do want you to have fun. Just good clean fun.
Sabrina: That is so sick! Well, you know, spell or no spell, I'm gonna have a spring break so hot it will melt the plastic sofa in the motel lobby.
[hangs up]

Libby: Gordon Gano. Gordon Gano. Gordon Gano.
Sabrina: What are you doing?
Libby: Reminding myself why I'm in this clown car. Gordon Gano...

Amy: Quizmaster 72469, are you aware that Sabrina is very unhappy with your teaching?
Quizmaster: Well, she's in high school. She's unhappy with everything. What's going on?
Sabrina: I don't know. Sounds like someone ate the tapioca pudding way past the expiration date.
Amy: Effective immediately, you are terminated as Sabrina's quizmaster.
Quizmaster: What? Bu--...
Amy: That will be all.
Sabrina: Why doesn't anybody age in this realm?

Chad: I like Libby.
Sabrina: You like Libby?
Chad: Sorry, I guess I'm starting to go bad.

Sabrina: Who's that?
Quizmaster: That's the head quizmaster. I think her official title is the person who can fire your butt.
Sabrina: But she's so young.
Quizmaster: Yeah, she looks pretty good for 600.

Principal: What's going on here? Sabrin...
Hilda: You're here because you're rescuing all these people on a secret mission for the FBI.
Principal: No kidding.
Sabrina: Hey, this is fun. President Clinton went on TV and said you're a big, fat stupid head.
Principal: And that's why I'm a Republican.

Sabrina: I don't see Jenny anywhere. I thought you said she might be in Limbo?
Hilda: Well, she's not.
Zelda: But don't worry, everything will be fine.
Sabrina: How can you say that?
Zelda: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

Salem: [bandage and plasters] What do I care? I got beat up by a rat. He humiliated me.
Sabrina: I thought you said you gave him a licking?
Salem: I did, but not in a macho way.

Sabrina: I bet you guys did stuff like this all the time when you were my age, huh?
Zelda: No, never.

Salem: As the official watchcat, I order you to get down.
Sabrina: I'm going up, and don't try to stop me, cat.
Salem: You leave me with no choice than to go with you and protect you.
Sabrina: You're afraid of heights.
Salem: Right. Then you leave me no choice than to wish you well.

Hilda: Do you realise what you've done?
Sabrina: What, Bob's gonna sue?
Zelda: No. He's Santa Claus.
Sabrina: What?
Hilda: That's right. You've just maimed Father Christmas.
Sabrina: So I guess I'm not the only one not getting presents this year.

Sabrina: Hey, guys, what's going on?
Morgan: We're clearing out of here. Grab all you can carry.
Roxie: It turns out it wasn't you. The whole house is possessed.
Miles: And unlike scantily-dressed teenagers in slasher movies, we know when to leave.

Sabrina: I thought you should know I agreed to a rematch with Tai Wai Tse.
Mr. Eugene Pool: That's fantastic. I'm thrilled. Although all future booking's should go through me.

Sabrina: [needs protection, but Leonard has bailed on her] Any other secret admirers wanna come home with me tonight? Uh, any professional wrestlers? Thai kick-boxers?
[no: ]
Sabrina: Anyone with super-hero pajamas?

Sabrina: You see, Jenny and I started this adopt-a-grandparent programme. And then Libby got involved and now she's queen of the Senior Center. Why does she always have to win?
Hilda: Sabrina, charities not a contest. It sounds like when Libby wins, everybody wins.
Sabrina: Not me, I lost! She stole my adopted grandmother.
Hilda: Well, then why don't you get a new one?
Sabrina: Because all the good ones are taken.
Hilda: Just wait, people get old all the time and remember, virtue is it's own reward.

Fabrizio: [muscular male muse] Well?
Sabrina: Take off your shirt, we have writing to do.

Sabrina: The last time I wore mittens, everybody teased me. It almost ruined kindergarten for me.

Drell: Now the football injury and the class elections have no global consequences. You can mess with your pimply, pubescent, peers all you want. Alchemy, however, could collapse the world economy and wreak havoc on MY T-bills. Now are you gonna fix this or... should I give Salem a little, blonde kitty friend?
Sabrina: No, I can fix it. I mean, I just have to erase the knowledge, right? I don't have to destroy Mr. Pool.
Drell: You've got a day. That's 23 hours to solve the problem and one hour to shop for a scratching post. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Salem: It can't talk until you give it something to say and keep in mind it can only say 3 sentences.
Sabrina: Let me think. I want my double to be positive because people are always feel positive about positive people.
Salem: My tuna's coming up.

Zelda: Now, there's nothing to be afraid of. Dr. Bull is one of the most highly regarded witch psychiatrists around.
Hilda: She's got two doctorates from Other Realm universities and one from Utah State.
Sabrina: And tell me again why I had to sign that lobotomy release form?

Miles: [with his brand-new paranormal detector] Okay, I've checked out all the bedrooms and closets. And, Morgan, while you have an interesting selection of hosiery, I detect no supernatural activity.
Morgan: You went looking for poltergeists in my underwear drawer?
Miles: For your own protection.
Sabrina: Okay, play-time's over. Put down the toy and start drying.

Sabrina: I'm not very good at this. You told me the 23rd time is the charm.
Zelda: You'll learn to control your magic. At the very least, you'll always be able to garnish a ham steak.
Sabrina: One more try. Salem into apple.
Salem: I think that's enough for one night.
Hilda: The cat's right. Wrap it up. You've got school tomorrow.
Sabrina: I'm a witch and I still have to go to school?
Zelda: Mm-hmm.
Sabrina: Unfair! Hey, maybe I'll turn Mr. Pool into...
Hilda: No, now be careful pointing your finger at people. It could be dangerous.
Sabrina: You're pointing at me!
Hilda: I have the safety on.

Sabrina: Hey, guys, listen, uh, my aunt's gonna stay a few days, if it's okay with you.
Morgan: Oh, it'll be great. You can never have enough adult supervision. And I can say that with a big smile because I have a room on a whole different floor. See you!
[goes off]
Roxie: Well, I guess you did have me at your house for Christmas, and, as my Uncle Louie the Lip says, it's time to pay the piper.

Zellary: And Frankly I think it's time for Allan Greenspan to step down.
Gordie: I couldn't agree with you more.
Sabrina: Well, that was a fun conversation. Now can we talk about anything else? Music? Cars? Food?

Valerie: Sabrina, I wrote a song for our TV debut, but the drummer has a problem with it.
Harvey: Take a look at it.
Sabrina: Valerie, you wrote a song called My Valerie?
Valerie: Wait till you see what he wants to do.
Harvey: I drew up some ideas for a complete new look for the band. That's you and Val.
Sabrina: Why are we dressed like worms? They're brown unitards. It's a comment on an asexual society. And I'm the universal love being, signified by the goat ears and the sleeveless spandex vestments.
Sabrina: Love being?
Valerie: Yeah, but we can't sing about me.
Harvey: I'm trying to change America.
Valerie: Oh, yeah?
Sabrina: Hold it. Why are we fighting? We're friends.
Valerie: Because he has a stupid idea.
Sabrina: Oh, yeah. I am not gonna perform dressed like a bug.
Harvey: This is my band.
Valerie: Your band?

Zelda: [doing yoga] Now stretch and focus. Can you feel the blood rushing to your brain?
Sabrina: No, but I feel my lunch making a move.

Zelda: Well, whether he means to or not, he teaches a valuable lesson.
Sabrina: Some people are just jerks?
Hilda: Yes, but if you study hard and you don't let him get to you, you will pass algebra and then you can forget it. But he's trapped in

Sabrina: Salem! Here, kitty, kitty! Oh, yeah, he hates that.

Aaron: [after Sabrina's slip] Harvey? You love... Harvey?
Sabrina: No, not Harvey. Aaron! You.
Shirley: Well, you said Harvey.
Roxie: You did.
Morgan: Yup.
Bob: She did.
Harvey: [joyously] I know!

Sabrina: I promise you two will get along great.
Harvey: Does he like sports?
Sabrina: No.
Harvey: Does he know anything about cars?
Sabrina: No.
Harvey: Military aircraft?
Sabrina: Look, I'm sure you'll find something to talk about.
Harvey: We could talk about you.
Sabrina: No!

Sabrina: Yeah. You see I want us to have a completely honest relationship.
Harvey: Okay.
Sabrina: And the truth is, when I was on my ski vacation, something kind of happened.
Harvey: Oh?
Sabrina: I met this amazing guy.
Harvey: You did?
Sabrina: But he wasn't as amazing as you, and going out with him made me realise I like you better. Okay! Lets go to The Slicery.
Harvey: Sabrina, since we're being honest I have something to tell you, too.
Sabrina: Really? What?
Harvey: If you're ever away and you meet somebody really amazing but you decide you like me better, don't tell me.
Sabrina: Deal.
Harvey: Deal.

Sabrina: You're right. I'm gonna tell Annie I have written my last obituary.
Annie: [appearing] Sabrina! Get down to Boston General. There's a rumor Keith Richards is having chest pains.
Sabrina: Can't I wait till he goes to the morgue? I have my own parking spot there.

Vesta: Now doesn't anyone want to tell me where your teacher left off? You! Spill!
Harvey: W-w-w-we were talking about skin.
Vesta: Always moisturise and use an exfoliant. Any questions? Yes?
Sabrina: What does moisturiser have to do with science?
Vesta: Science isn't everything. What about beauty and art and culture? Why do we have to focus on science?
Sabrina: Because this is biology?

Zelda: We're sorry Amanda's taken over your room, but we can't turn our backs on family.
Sabrina: Oh, I wouldn't turn my back on Amanda. Ever.

[Sabrina has passed the first True Love test]
Sabrina: [excitedly exits door #1] Yes!
Zelda: [hugs Sabrina] Congratulations!
Hilda: [high fives Sabrina] Way to go!
Drell: Well, you passed the test of friendship. True love *can't exist* without friendship.

Libby: Your aunt asked me to help with your experiment.
Sabrina: What?
Libby: Yes. And I'm going to need to know a few things about you before we begin. Do you know how to add and subtract?

Sabrina: [to her aunts] An arranged marriage? How could you sell me out like that?
Salem: [in fear of Aunt Irma] It was you or the omelet pan. Nice choice.

Zelda: Welcome home, sunshine! How was your day?
Sabrina: Here's a quick recap: There was boredom followed by dullness with a dash of echh!

Sabrina: [rambling on radio] Great topic, mothers and sons, very complex relationships. From Oedipus to MacBeth to My Mother The Car. Speaking of cars, have you seen the new gas-electric hybrids? They're to die for. To Die For, great movie. Did you know Nicole Kidman's from Australia? Did you know that's where the duck-billed platypus is from? By the way, did you know the duck-billed platypus is the only mammal that can lay an egg?
[Roxie tries to intervene]
Sabrina: Besides the mammal that's laying one right now. So, I'm not very good at this. Let's go to a musical break.
Roxie: Good idea.
[as Sabrina removes her gift of gab]
Roxie: Sabrina, what do you think you're doing?
Sabrina: Trying to be something I'm not.

Sabrina: If it was up to them I'd stay in my room and never have fun.
Salem: I'm a house pet, it's hard for me to sympathise.

Valerie: You still stuck on that whole us winning thing?
Sabrina: Come on. It's not so bad. I mean, the only difference between us and them is they're talented.
Harvey: Makes you wonder if Hitler was actually a good painter.

Stan: [now very attentive waiter] So, something to start?
Sabrina: Uh, three lemonades, please.
Stan: I'll squeeze them myself.
[off to the kitchen]
Sabrina: Wow, what got into him?
Roxie: What got into him is what got into you.

Mr. Eugene Pool: Oh! Look, girls, you... you bored your frog to death!
[hands Sabrina the knife]
Mr. Eugene Pool: Well, slice and dice!
[walks away]
Sabrina: [sighs] I hate doing this. If only there was some way I could bring these frogs back to life. I think his heart is somewhere around... here!
[Magic springs from her pointing finger, the frog comes back to life, starts croaking and moving]
Sabrina: Look! Tad's alive! How'd that happen?
Jennifer: Ha! It's Frankenfrog! Hey!
[Frog jumps away]
Jennifer: [Sabrina squeals and goes after the frog]
Jennifer: Mr Pool! Ours is still kicking!
[Still squealing, Sabrina catches the frog]
Mr. Eugene Pool: [Chuckles] Mike from Cadaver Shack's gonna here from me!

Mickey: [night-club owner] If you print that story, you'll never work again. You know what I'm saying, blond person?
Sabrina: [as he goes off] Yeah, you're saying you had onions for lunch.
[looks disgusted]

Hilda: Zelda? Zelda! ATTENTION ZELDA!
Zelda: Did you say something? Oh, I'm sorry. I have to present a paper at a big scientific symposium in the Other Realm and I have so much more research to do.
Sabrina: Oh that's okay, I just wanted to tell you about my... Aunt Zelda? AUNT ZELDA!
Hilda: I am really worried about her, she hasn't eaten or slept in days. She's even been too busy to disapprove of me.
Salem: She must be dead!

Sabrina: [in restaurant] A word of warning, the service here is really slow.
Stan: [waiter instantly there for pretty Tina] I'm sorry, Miss. Uh, would you like a table? A menu?
Tina: Just a cup of coffee to go.
Sabrina: Uh, can I get a glass of water?
[is ignored]
Stan: [to Tina] I'll grind the beans myself.
[rushes off to the kitchen]
Sabrina: [calling after departing waiter] Or anything heavy to throw at you.

[first lines]
Sabrina: [packing] Okay, bikini, sunscreen, sandals... What am I forgetting?
Salem: A trusted, loyal cat?
Sabrina: Right. Let me know if you find one.

Sabrina: You didn't miss anything, except confirmation we live in a rotten, crooked, corrupt, stinking world.

Mr. Eugene Pool: ...And the best way to remember it is, mandible has a 'B' and that stands for bottom.
Harvey: [to Sabrina] But how do we remember maxilla?
Sabrina: It's the other one.

Roxie: Are you sure you wanna go ahead with this story?
Sabrina: Absolutely. It's an incredible scoop.
Roxie: Oh, I don't like this. You've been threatened by a night-club owner. Don't you watch HBO?
Sabrina: What are you saying? I'm gonna be sleeping with the fishes? Wearing a cement overcoat? Have a boulder dropped on me from a cement overpass? Wait, that's from The Road Runner.
Roxie: Okay, fine, but if Wile E. Coyote tries to flatten you with an Acme anvil, don't come running to me.
[leaves]

Sabrina: Oh, my gosh, Josh, this is fantastic! You're the greatest boyfriend in the universe. And I know, I've been out there.

Edward: It's a magic camera, takes photo's instantly.
Sabrina: You mean like a Polaroid?
Edward: We had the technology first.

Sabrina: [after her request to turn back time is denied] So, where are we moving? I hear Greenland's a groove.
Hilda: Get your books. You're gonna be late.
Sabrina: You don't understand. Aunt Hilda, I'm not going to school.
Hilda: Oh, yes, you are. You can do this. You can't go through life being afraid of things. Toughen up.
Sabrina: But everyone'll laugh at me.
Hilda: Toughen up.
Sabrina: So that's my choice? Toughen up or toughen up? Aunt Zelda, will you help me?
Zelda: Oh, you know I hate to say it, but Aunt Hilda's right. I mean, who cares what the other kids say?
Sabrina: Actually... Libby thought I was a freak even before this happened.
Hilda: See?

Sabrina: Having magic and being a witch is great and all, but I can't live without seeing my mother.

Principal: Sabrina, if you do not put together a new team for out academic bowl, you will see my ugly side.
Sabrina: You mean it gets uglier?

Zelda: Sabrina, I don't think I told you this, but, in my opinion, your Democracy Daze float was the best.
Sabrina: Thanks! It did turn out great.
Zelda: It's going to stand as a monument to your creative talent and democratic spirit.
Sabrina: Not really. When we got back to the school, the engine Harvey'd been working on blew up, and the whole thing burned to the ground.
Hilda: Ever reminding us that democracy is a fragile thing.

Sabrina: [to Harvey] Well, you know let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
Libby: I'm a cheerleader, let me handle this.

Zelda: You left him outside? You know he's a house pet.
Sabrina: He'll be fine. Salem's the only cat in town that can call a cab.

Sabrina: [referring to the repairman] He can't stay. He has a tail.
Salem: What's wrong with having a tail?
Zelda: Sabrina, you aren't a rumpist, are you?
Sabrina: A rumpist? What's a rumpist?
Zelda: Someone who judges others by their rear ends.
Sabrina: No. Okay, not usually. It's not me I'm worried about, it's Jenny.
Zelda: Is she a rumpist?
Sabrina: No, but if she sees a repairman with a tail, she might get suspicious.

Ryan: [after feigning injury] I was just having some fun with ya.
[laughs]
Ryan: But just to be on the safe side, you think you can stay away from the field on Saturday?
Sabrina: Yeah, anything to be a good athletic supporter.
[as all the jocks stare at her incredulously,: ]
Sabrina: Gotta go.

Libby: Why have you decided to become my shadow all of a sudden?
Sabrina: Well, I figured since we're gonna be working together, you know, maybe we could find a common ground.
Libby: Any ground I found with you would, indeed, be common.
Sabrina: [Chuckles nervously] You know, wait, I'm just trying to get to know you better.
Libby: Well, I'm popular, confident, non-freakish. Everything you're not. And if you insist on traipsing after me, could you at least wear a higher quality perfume?
[Walks off]
Sabrina: Okay, enough. Nothing is worth this. I don't care what happens to me.
[Forces herself away from Libby, breaking the spell; there is an explosion]
Sabrina: Libby! Oh, no!
[Picks up box]
Sabrina: I turned her into a puzzle!
[Reading box]
Sabrina: For ages three and up?

Sabrina: Oh, no. I gotta get to school.
Salem: Some people just don't know how to enjoy being sick.

Sabrina: [urging her to go with Miles] Look, it's a great learning opportunity. Plus, you're desperate. Go!
Roxie: Fine.
[Sabrina nudges her]
Roxie: I mean, great!

Sabrina: I'm worried about dad. I don't think he enjoyed the ice show.
Zelda: I'm sure he had a fine time.
Sabrina: No, he got really hostile. He even threw his souvenir Scott Hamilton cup at Scott Hamilton.
Hilda: Did he get him?

Hilda: Oh, by the way, Zelda and I are chaperoning the school dance Friday.
Sabrina: What? Why don't you just hang a big "Nerd Girl" sign around my neck?
Hilda: Okay.
[She points and Sabrina gets her wish]
Sabrina: Nobody likes a house where you can't speak figuratively.

Sabrina: Wait, before you go, I have a quick question.
Morgan: [has a date] Ooh, I don't have time for questions.
Sabrina: Wait, but I thought you said you were here for me 24 hours.
Morgan: Not in the same day.
[leaves]

Libby: I've come for my weekly supply of your anti-aging cream.
Sabrina: Sure. Here you go. What do you say?
Libby: Sabrina's the best. I'm a freak.

Gordie: I'm sorry.
Libby: Oh, you are so transferred.
Sabrina: Libby, lay off him. It was an accident.
Libby: It's just like a freak to defend a geek. Maybe the 2 of you can get weekend jobs at the carnival.

Roxie: I don't get it, Spellman. You get a job at a newspaper where the whole point is to tell the truth. Then the minute you get there, your whole life becomes a lie.
Miles: Not a lie. A protective privacy-defense system.
Sabrina: Guys, I wanna establish credibility on my own terms. I don't want anyone thinking I'm just there because I'm Josh's girlfriend.

Sabrina: So I guess this is it. I'm giving you to your rightful owner. I'm not a cheater anymore.
Trophy: I know. Loser!

Harvey: Hey, guess what. I was the 23rd caller to the radio station and I won two tickets to the Lisa Loeb concert this weekend.
Sabrina: You're kidding. I've devoted my life to being the 23rd caller. But I'm a purist. I never use speed dial.
Harvey: So you wanna go? They're great seats.
Sabrina: You mean we can actually see the band? I can't.
Harvey: Why?
Sabrina: Well, I went out twice last week and I sort of promised my aunts I'd stay in and do some schoolwork. It's not like I have a lot. Heh.
Harvey: The seats are right next to the speakers.
Sabrina: Oh, man. That's where the fights usually break out.

Sabrina: [Trying to be nice] You know, Libby, I have to admit, your side of the float is looking pretty good.
Libby: I'm glad you're willing to state the obvious.
Sabrina: Oh, well, I... I'm going to accept that as a compliment.
Libby: Then you could use a dictionary!

Salem: Believe it or not, when it comes to the fairer sex, I'm rather shy.
Sabrina: Is that why you had four different species slap you with a restraining order? I promised myself I wouldn't use magic to solve every little problem.
Salem: Right. Then Saturday night we can rent Steel Magnolias and you can give me a flea dip.
[jumps off the bed, leaves]

Sabrina: What do I do?
Zelda: First thing is hear me say you're in trouble. And the next thing is get Mrs. Soon here quick. I mean, get Mrs. Quick here soon.
Sabrina: How? I can't trust my finger. It's all stuffed up.
Zelda: Then do it the mortal way, and drink fluids.
Sabrina: Mortal way? Okay, I need a blindfold and a gun.

Sabrina: So you think you guys really need some time apart?
Zelda: Yes, after five centuries of living together, we're starting to get on each other's nerves.
Hilda: We haven't bickered much since we picked opposite sides in the Civil war.
Sabrina: So why are you two going to the same spa?
Zelda: They had a two-for-one special.
Hilda: But we have separate rooms. We're not even gonna see each other.

Valerie: Uh-oh. Whenever Mr. Kraft makes an announcement in the cafeteria, you open your mouth and get us all in trouble.
Sabrina: That is not true, is it, Harvey?
Harvey: Very true.
Quizmaster: Attention, everyone.
Valerie: Here he comes. Pretend you don't know me.

Sabrina: So I can't decide whether I shoot for A, the computer and the mountain bike, B, the computer and the ski jacket, or C, all of the above.
Harvey: I'd hate to be there if you got a savings bond.

Morgan: They say that everyone is given a special gift. If music is yours, I hope you saved the receipt.
[goes off]
Sabrina: Oh, don't listen to her, uh, I mean, what does she know about music? She thought B Flat was a bra size.

Sabrina: I never knew a pickle could be used as a light bulb.
Gordie: Oh, it's super-versatile.

Libby: Well, if it isn't the Electric Freak Orchestra. And by the way, the cheerleaders have a band, and we're gonna win.
Valerie: She doesn't know that.
Libby: Yes, I do. Cheerleaders always win. And geeks always lose. I believe they call that the natural order.
Sabrina: I do not want to lose to Libby. We have to get good, and we have to get good soon.
Valerie: We're not good?

Sabrina: But are we all aware that he did not fix my hair?
Zelda: And now aren't you glad you're grounded?

Valerie: Why am I allowed to live?
Sabrina: I think there are laws.

Zelda: Didn't you like the Pleasure-dome?
Sabrina: It was okay, but the truth is without 'can'ts' and 'don'ts' it's hard to know where the fun is.

Sabrina: Mrs. Popowski, there's a mistake on my nametag. My name is Sabrina, not Salinas.
Mrs. Popowski: Live with it.
Valerie: Yeah, and my name is Valerie, not Fred.
Mrs. Popowski: When I said problems, I meant things like: My hand is caught in the meatball maker.

Jill: [both lean over a dead frog] Let's name him. Tad. Tad Pole.
Sabrina: Okay.
[looks down for a moment]
Sabrina: Hey, thanks for asking me to be your lab partner.
Jill: I know what it's like, I was the new kid last year.
Sabrina: So, can I ask you a question? Do you ever feel like you don't fit in?
Jill: Only all the time, but I don't want to fit in. I researched it, and awkward people tend to be much more successful later in life. I look at Libby, I see tragedy.

Sabrina: You know the point was to teach Libby that it's what's inside that counts but I just forgot that inside she's just a manipulative, conniving dictator.

Zelda: Did you have fun at Jenny's?
Sabrina: It was amazing. Last night we had casserole, played Monopoly and then we watched TV.
Zelda: How will you ever wind down?
Sabrina: It was so much fun to be in a normal house, with a normal family, doing normal things.
Zelda: Is that why you've never invited Jenny for a sleep-over, because you think we're weird?
Sabrina: That's a complicated question but the short answer would be yes.
Zelda: Well that's ridiculous. We can be as normal as anyone, watch. I'm mixing by hand, just like a pioneer woman.

Sabrina: I'm calling Harvey.
Zelda: Oh, you can't. Mars is in a time zone that's so far ahead of earth it's still yesterday there.
Hilda: If you call Harvey, he'll explode.

Sabrina: I don't know what your problem is. It's nice to help people.
Salem: And what nice things have you done lately?
Sabrina: Me? I do nice things all the time.
Salem: Really? Since you got your magical powers, all I've seen you do is change your clothes and make brussel sprouts disappear.
Sabrina: That's not true and I'll prove it. I'll use my magic to do 3 nice things before the end of school today. Easy.
Salem: Not so easy. Before you shoot your little finger off, you'd better consider the consequences or ter-rible things could happen.

Sabrina: Wait, this couldn't have been a ruse. I mean, I was called before the Witches' Council.
The: And we were happy to help. It's been a slow month, and I've got teenagers at home.
Sabrina: Talk about your full-service organisation.
The: And now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go deal with a little boy who won't wash behind his ears. This time, I get to be a matador.

Sabrina: See how nicely it blends in with your decor? Which, by the way, is lovely.
Wicked: Oh, thank you. It was designed by I.M. Pie.

[last lines]
Muffy: [opening door] Hi, Sabrina.
Sabrina: Muffy, are you all right? I mean, your message was kinda garbled on my machine. Something about a stalker?
Muffy: [handing Sabrina back her cat] I found him pawing through my lingerie drawer.
Sabrina: I'm so sorry. He's a sick, sick animal. But... that'll change once I have him fixed.
Salem: Meow?
[as Sabrina carries him off]
Salem: You... you were joking, right?
[nervous laugh]
Salem: Right?
[she grins with mischievous intent]
Salem: Hey, this isn't the way home!

Sabrina: Don't worry, you'll be happy again soon.
Salem: Please! Shelly was the love of my life. What would ever replace her in my heart?
Sabrina: Maybe this'll help.
Salem: A giant ball of yarn! Oh, this is the best ever!
Sabrina: I thought you'd like it.
Salem: Like it? I don't even remember her name!

Sabrina: Did you ever notice how these sundae's have strata? They do, see there's a layer of hot fudge, a layer of ice cream and then more hot fudge. I guess 'cause mom's an archaeologist I notice stuff like that.

Zelda: [Sabrina has shown her aunts the Libby puzzle] Sabrina, did you blow up a mortal?
Sabrina: She started it!

Sabrina: [repeated line throughout series] Whoo-hoo!
[whenever something good happens]

Harvey: [she brought him Mercury's skates] Where did these come from?
Sabrina: Don't ask questions, just do as I say.
Harvey: Suddenly I feel like we're dating again.

Sabrina: You know Libby, my mortal enemy? The albatross around my neck? That stinky-faced meanie?
Zelda: Yes.
Sabrina: That's the Libby you've become friends with. And now you've asked her to be my tutor?
Zelda: Honey, I simply...
Sabrina: Wanted to publicly humiliate me? I mean, I understand. Why not? I can't figure out this chemistry problem and I can't even think about trying to pass my elements test. Man, it would feel great to just disappear.

Sabrina: There's nothing worse than when your parents call you up-tight.

Libby: I hope someone brought some baking soda, because something stinks in here. Oh. Look. It's Sabrina's band.
Sabrina: I'd think of a snappy comeback, but it's true.

Sabrina: [Sabrina has returned home to find a morbidly obese Salem lying on her bed] Salem, what happened to you?
Salem: [about Hilda's pampering and overindulging him] The good life. La dolche vita, baby!
Sabrina: I'm surprised that the good life doesn't come in the low fat version.
Salem: I think *I* carry it well.
Sabrina: [about Salem's weight gain] I don't think you can carry it out of this room.

Sabrina: And, Morgan, I owe you an apology too.
Morgan: Yes, you're right. There was nothing wrong with Daniel's outfit. It just takes a special person to pull off feathers.
Sabrina: [softly, to herself] Yeah, a chicken plucker.

Harvey: I just wondered what happened to you.
Sabrina: Oh, right. We were supposed to get married.
Harvey: I figured you forgot.
Sabrina: No, no, no. You gave me a licence to sign. It's around here somewhere. Oh, here it is. Sorry about the gum. It's not too late, is it?
Harvey: Yeah. I gave you that three years ago.
Sabrina: Man, I'm so disorganized. Well, you're here now. Let me grab my coat.
Harvey: Sabrina, I've moved on. I married someone else.
Sabrina: And you didn't call?
Harvey: I did. You told me you'd call me back after you finished your game of "Tetris." How's that going, by the way? Look, I came here because I wanted you to meet my wife. Honey?
Libby: [Sabrina screams] All right, she's alive. Can we go now?

Sabrina: But I'm locked in.
Brady: [opening the door] Here ya go.
Sabrina: How'd you do that?
Brady: I choked up on the knob.

Miles: Thanks to your union holiday we're already behind schedule.
Sabrina: Well, we'll get started in a minute. Just as soon as I talk to Vladimir about our big scene. Alone.
[drags the vampire off]
Morgan: What big scene?
Miles: The vampire kills you within the first five minutes of the movie.
Sabrina: Oh, obviously you haven't read the rewrite!
[out the door]

Sabrina: What are you thinking? You just took Gordie's scarf!
Zellary: So? I'll give it back.
Sabrina: No! That means he likes you, and by accepting it, it means you like him. It's the teenage code!
Zellary: It's just a scarf.
Sabrina: You are so naive.

Dr. Brickman: Patients finger presents as distended and yucky
Sabrina: Oh shoot, my insurance only covers ookie but not yucky
Dr. Brickman: I'm going to have to drain this
Sabrina: Ok this child is not coming near me with anything sharp.

Zelda: Sabrina.
Sabrina: Still up?
[THUNDER CRASHES]
Sabrina: I'll take that as a yes.

[last lines]
Miles: [vainly struggling as Roxie has him pinned down on the couch] I know how this looks, but she is very persistent.
Sabrina: Well,
[casting: ]
Sabrina: since it's almost the end of Valentine's night, let's give Roxie back her bite.
Roxie: [back to her senses, looking down at Miles] Oh, my God, what have I done?
Miles: You've made this the most special Valentine's Day ever.
Roxie: [howling] You repulse me!
[rushes off]
Miles: [happy] I'm okay with that!
[thumbs up to smiling Sabrina]

Dr. Bull: The cure for this malady must come from within. You've got to rediscover the magic of Christmas. And when you do, your egotitis will go away.
Sabrina: That's it?
Dr. Bull: Except for this. Hundred and twenty dollars, please.

Zelda: No-no-no!
Sabrina: But it's my belly button!
Zelda: U-hu! It's our belly button. You can have it back when you turn 18.
Hilda: Don't tell me, she still wants to hang keys off her navel? Sabrina, even I think that's gross.
Sabrina: I still wanna do it.
Hilda: You'll regret it. I had to wait 2 centuries to have the Cromwell Rules tattoo removed from my shoulder.
Zelda: That's not where it was.
Hilda: Be quiet!
Zelda: The point is these things go in and out of style. You have to remember you're built for the long haul.

Ken: What light through yonder window breaks?
Sabrina: Explosion in the chem. lab?

Hilda: Oh, great. You're just in time for our family dinner.
Sabrina: Actually Doug and I just wanted to collapse in front of the volcano.
Hilda: Then Zelda and I will have a family dinner.
Sabrina: Actually we just saw her on the slopes. I think she's might be night skiing.
Hilda: Great! Then I'll just have a family dinner all by myself.

Sabrina: Morgan, come on, we're leaving.
Morgan: First of all, I'm not even talking to you. And second of all, everything has to be booked through my manager. And third of all, my manager isn't talking to you either.

Libby: Oh, dear Lord. I just hugged a teacher.
Sabrina: Great! Well, I can never touch Aunt Zelda again.

[last lines]
Sabrina: I just sent Katrina a 'kill them with kindness' spell.
Evil: [in Other Realm jail, a humbly kneeling foot servant] Jezebelda, you're the smart one. You're the beautiful one.
Evil: [getting her toenails taken care of] Ah, you are too kind.
Evil: I know.
[thinking: ]
Evil: I'll get you for this, Sabrina.

Sabrina: Yeah, her musical talent is a wonderful gift. And she needs to bore other people with it.

Sabrina: A spinning wheel? What, a loom is too high tech?

Sabrina: I don't believe this. Look! Look!
Salem: Whoa! Who's your friend?
Zelda: It's her first wart as a witch.
Hilda: Oh, let me get the camera.

Sabrina: [Harvey appears through a floor-level door in the side of the float] Argh! Harvey? What are you doing under there?
Harvey: Soupin' up the engine. This baby'll be able to go ninety miles an hour.
Sabrina: But we're behind the World War Two veterans. Haven't they suffered enough?

Salem: Halt. You're stuffing my salmon into your book bag. That red, flaky sockeye is all I have to live for.
Sabrina: Sorry, Salem. The clubs at school are collecting canned goods for the food drive.
Salem: You know, Sabrina, charity begins at home. In fact, in my mind, it begins in the cat dish.

Sabrina: Can you distract a room full of poets?
Hilda: Easy.
Salem: With your clothes on?
Hilda: Oh.

Mrs. Chessler: [Libby's bedroom is a mess because of Sabrina and Quizmaster's frantic search]
[From outside the bedroom door, knocking]
Mrs. Chessler: Is everything okay?
Sabrina: Oh, no, the room.
[Quizmaster snaps his fingers and the room is instantaneously tidy]
Mrs. Chessler: [Enters the room] Did you find that book?
Sabrina: Just now.
[Quizmaster zaps a book into Sabrina's hands]
Sabrina: And here it is!
[Chuckles]
Mrs. Chessler: Good! Do you wanna stay and see Libby? You can wait in the garage.
Quizmaster: Don't do it, she'll turn on the car.

Sabrina: Why am I here?
Quizmaster: Oh, parking ticket? Beheading? I didn't ask.

Sabrina: Brady? You're at my school. How do you have time to follow me around?
Brady: I'm your spirit guide. And it's the off season.
Sabrina: Well, I think you should know I've been making amends left and right. I mean right and left.

Sabrina: Tomorrow at work I'm gonna have to do more damage control than Mariah Carey's publicist.
Morgan: Why? What's going on?
Sabrina: Well, here's the thing. I... said something to my coworkers, and now they think I'm all Girl, Interrupted.

Sabrina: Salem what do I do?
Salem: Well, hiring a hitman is prohibtedly expensive. So I guess you could just wait for her to outgrow this crush on Harvey.
Sabrina: Why wait when one is a witch? I'll use magic to make her grow up!

Sabrina: [Bob Gordon is inspecting Salem] What is he looking for?
Harvey: To see if it's a boy or a girl?
Bob: This cat has excellent bone structure, a lovely coat, and a somewhat bemused expression. This is one of my top three American short hairs.

Sabrina: No matter what we're labelled Libby will always be Libby and I will always be me.
Hilda: You had to become a geek to figure that out?
Sabrina: Well, it's actually rather complex. I just put it in layman's terms for you.
Zelda: I have to do that all the time.

Sabrina: [re Morgan as Chick Chat guest] This is a train wreck waiting to happen.

Sabrina: I gotta get away from my quizmaster or as I like to call him, "If-Evil-Had-a-Face."
Amy: Is that an Indian name?

Dr. Rafkin: I'm Dr. Rafkin. I... I used to be Amanda's dentist, but now, ahem, I'm an... action figure.
Sabrina: So, what are your powers?
Dr. Rafkin: I sleep about 18 hours a day.

Sabrina: It was so humiliating. He made me take the test in front of the whole class.
Hilda: Like some sort of zoo monkey?
Sabrina: Yeah.
[with sign language]
Sabrina: Co-Co hate teacher man.

Sabrina: Harvey, listen closely. When people disappoint Aunt Irma, she turns them into things.
Harvey: What kind of things?
Sabrina: Well, you know Big Ben. He wasn't always a clock.
Harvey: [raises eyebrows] See you tomorrow.

Harvey: I can tell her right now. I'll never be able to dig up that much cash.
Sabrina: Me neither. Plus I can't ask my aunts, they're on a "teach her the value of a dollar" kick.
Harvey: What made them do that?
Sabrina: I went on a "blow my allowance on dumb stuff" kick.

Harvey: I can't believe Mr. Pool knows Kung Fu.
Sabrina: I can, think about how much he was probably beat up as a kid.

Sabrina: Look, Libby, I thought you might need a friend.
Libby: Why, because all my other friends dumped me? Don't they realise that geeks have needs and wants and feelings? If you trip us do we not fall? If you prick us do we not scream and pass out?
Sabrina: And what did that teach you?
Libby: To hate cheerleaders.
Sabrina: No. It teaches you that it's what's inside that counts.

Principal: Now, I understand that everyone has been informed that I am judging the band contest tonight.
Libby: Yes.
Sabrina: Okay, so no talent isn't the only thing against us

Mrs. Chessler: [On the phone] I don't care. I don't want Marge in my Bridge club. She's a kook.
[Doorbell rings]
Mrs. Chessler: Have you seen what she calls furniture? Ew!
[Doorbell rings again]
Mrs. Chessler: Hold on.
[Opens front door]
Sabrina: [Sabrina and Quizmaster are at the door; he is invisible to Mrs. Chessler] Mrs. Chessler?
Mrs. Chessler: Yes.
Sabrina: Hi, I'm Sabrina. I'm a... friend of Libby's? And, uh, I left a book here that I came to pick up that time when... you... weren't here.
Mrs. Chessler: Mmhm, mmhm!
[Waves her in impatiently, continues talking on the phone]
Mrs. Chessler: I don't care. I don't want Marge in my house. You're not exactly on my A-list either. Kook.
Sabrina: I can see where Libby gets her meanness from.
Quizmaster: Exactly. And I believe that would be another piece to the puzzle.
[Points at puzzle piece which has appeared, stuck on Mrs. Chessler's back]
Mrs. Chessler: [Still on the phone] Are you gonna cry? Because I'll hang up.
Sabrina: [Sabrina pulls puzzle piece off Mrs. Chessler's back, she turns round] Oh, I was just reminding you that we're... I'm still here. I'll just go get that book now.

Morgan: Why am I such an idiot? I keep fooling myself into thinking that one year I am actually going to have a normal Christmas.
Sabrina: Morgan, normal is relative.
Morgan: Yeah, too bad my relatives aren't normal.

Sabrina: [chicken delivery girl thrown out] Would this have gone any better if I had brought gravy?
[door closed in her face]

Sabrina: Hey, Val. You didn't see this tag.
Valerie: Wow, 20 percent off. Hey, with a sale like this, I might be able to afford an even better dress.
Sabrina: Val, this one. I-- I think it's a Presidents' Day sale, and all the other dresses are Canadian.

Hilda: I know you can do this. You're just not thinking.
Sabrina: Yes, I am. I'm talking, aren't I? Don't you have to think to be able to talk?
Hilda: No. Parrots talk.
Sabrina: So now I'm a parrot. I'm as dumb as a bird. Is that it?
Hilda: That's not what I meant. Besides, parrots aren't dumb. At that show at the zoo, they ride bicycles.
Sabrina: I'm going upstairs. That is, if I can figure out how to use the stairs.

Sabrina: [in long queue for test results] I knew we should have shoved our way up to the front.
Roxie: Why? He's handing out English papers, not Macy Gray tickets.
Sabrina: Exactly. I kicked butt on that paper. I wanna collect my A, and slide into the weekend basking in the afterglow of a job well done.
Roxie: Beats my weekend plans helping my mother pick out her new toilet seat, and recovering from the F I'm about to get.
Sabrina: You really think you failed?
Roxie: No, but that way, if I did, I won't be disappointed.

Roxie: [in doorway] Look, you seem very nice.
Sabrina: [smiles] Thanks.
Roxie: [shaking her head] I have no room in my life for people like that.
Sabrina: You're kidding, right?
Roxie: I never kid, I never giggle, and I never dance like a bow-legged chicken.
Sabrina: [smiles] Come on, you must have giggled once.
[met with a deathly stare]
Sabrina: Or not. Oh, I get it, you're one of those deceptively acerbic types. You talk tough, but deep down, you've got a heart of gold.
Roxie: [but...] I'm taking the bedroom, you get the couch, and I'd appreciate it if you lost that...
[gesturing in annoyed way]
Roxie: perky thing.
[slams door in Sabrina's face]

Sabrina: It can take years to develop a craft. Look at my aunts Hilda and Zelda.
Josh: Which craft were they involved in? Which craft were they involved in?
Sabrina: Witchcraft? Who said anything about witchcraft?

Principal: Something very odd is going on here, and I can't help but think you were responsible.
Sabrina: Oh, well, you know, that could be sign of a concussion.

Sabrina: [on phone] No, listen to me. I want doves. And I want them painted blue... Well, how long do they live normally?

Roxie: Did you put in fresh batteries?
Sabrina: Yeah, I'm packing two Ds. And believe me, that's the first time I've ever said that.

Dr. Brickman: I think we should use something more medically sound.
Sabrina: A lollipop? Okay, it's second-opinion time.
Zelda: No, it's a magical lollipop. Anyone who sucks on it will instantly become a sucker who will believe anything we tell them. It's a highly regarded scientific procedure.

Sabrina: You don't have to go out with Mr. Kraft anymore.
Hilda: I'm seeing him again this weekend.
Sabrina: What?
Hilda: Well, he may be a bad date, but when you live as long as we do, you have a lot of Friday nights to fill.

Robert: Why would I tell you, of all people?
Sabrina: Because I unfairly damaged your reputation, and now I just wanna help you. But I can't help you, unless you let me... help you. This isn't helping, is it?

Sabrina: Okay, so I'm no Ken Berry.

Sabrina: [the Quizmaster's spell has made it impossible for Sabrina to be apart from Libby] Where are you going?
Libby: To cheerleading practice?
[Raises pom-poms]
Libby: Ready? Get lost!
Sabrina: Hey, you know that would make a really good story for the school paper? A day in the life of a cheerleader!
Libby: But, you despise cheerleaders. And cheerleaders despise you.
Sabrina: You're afraid I'll write a puff piece, aren't you?
[Libby walks away, and Sabrina is pulled along behind her]
Sabrina: Well, look, don't run!

Sabrina: Well, why does everyone have to be stuffed in a category? I mean I don't get it. Look around. The cheerleaders only eat with the cheerleaders, The geeks only eat with the geeks. I just don't want to be labelled.
Harvey: You have no choice. You have a grace period as a new student but pretty soon you're going to be stereotyped.
Sabrina: Well, what are you guys?
Harvey: Well, I'm a quasi-jock with semi-literary aspirations and a hint of denialism.
Sabrina: If only it was that simple for me. Jenny, what are you?
Jennifer: I tried to be an outsider but I didn't really fit in. Now Libby calls me a freak and I'm okay with that.
Sabrina: Well, why can't I just be me?
Harvey: That's a pretty small group.

Sabrina: You are so weird!
Salem: [nodding] It helps break up the day.

Edward: Honey, I know it's hard for you to accept a new woman in my life but I have to move on. We all have to move on.
Sabrina: Okay, but before you do, just remember mom'll be getting her Ph.D soon and maybe the two of you could get teaching jobs together at a small collage near a big City. Villa Nova would be perfect.
Edward: That's a very sweet, detailed thought, that's not gonna happen.
Sabrina: How about Miami of Ohio?

Principal: Okay, it's only fair that I let the final band compete, Although the expression "just a formality" certainly comes to mind. Please welcome Entry Number 5.
Valerie: We forgot to come up with a name.
Sabrina: Just play.

Sabrina: Besides, I don't see you going out with a whole lot of guys.
Roxie: I don't see a whole lot of guys asking me.
[guy in hallway looks at her]
Roxie: What's your problem, loser?
Sabrina: I can't imagine why.

Sabrina: Do you have a minute?
Mr. Eugene Pool: Yes, a lifetime of them and now they're going by very slowly.

Dr. Bull: What say we have a chat with your inner child?
Sabrina: Hey, I recognise you. You're always encouraging me to run with scissors.
Dr. Bull: Tell me, inner child, what do you like most about Christmas?
Inner: All the presents.
Dr. Bull: Do you enjoy being with other people at Christmas?
Inner: If they bring me presents.
Dr. Bull: Thank you. That will be all.
Inner: Where's my presents?

Sabrina: Josh got a job offer in Prague, and he's actually gonna take it.
Morgan: Oh, I'm sorry, Sabrina. If it's any consolation, some of my best relationships have been long-distance. No petty fights, and you save a fortune on waxing.
[big smile]

Sabrina: I've gotta meet Harvey at The Slicery but now I've gotta change thanks to you.
Salem: Er, since you thanked me, can I ask a favour?
Sabrina: Excuse me, cat? You want a favour?
Salem: Yeah. Can I tag along to The Slicery? I've got a touch of cabin fever and I'd really like to... .
Sabrina: [interrupting] Are you insane? I wouldn't bring you to The Slicery if you were the last person slash cat on Earth.
Salem: Man, what's her problem?
Hilda: You are so self-centred, even for a cat.

[Sabrina enters the room and sees Salem sitting at an open laptop pressing the buttons with a pencil in his mouth]
Sabrina: Salem what are you doing?
Salem: Nothing.
Sabrina: [not convinced] You're in a Chatroom again pretending to be a woman aren't you?
[Sabrina takes the pencil out of Salem's mouth]
Salem: [still looking at the laptop] I like the attention.
Sabrina: [closes down the laptop and packs it away] Well, say goodbye. Harvey's here and you'd better start acting cattier.
Salem: [annoyed] Mean.

Sabrina: You know, maybe I shouldn't babysit anymore.
Salem: You think?

Sabrina: Hey, you brought a tree trimmer?
Zelda: He prefers to be called an arborist.
Treetrimmer: Okay, let's get rid of this puppy. Okay, everyone, stand clear. Timber!

Sabrina: Salem, any thoughts on what I should go as for Halloween?
Salem: [surveying her outfit] Hmm. Off the top of my head, fashion victim?
Sabrina: [groans] The only thing lamer than that joke are my plans for Halloween.

Sabrina: [to party guests] Oh, don't you feel terrible for that poor supermodel outside? The way both her straps just snapped off like that?
[all the men rush out]

Zelda: So, I hear things are heating up between you and Derek.
Sabrina: Well, let's just say we could melt a glacier.

Fate: [mysterious trio of cheerleading schoolgirls going through Sabrina's wardrobe] Great dirty denim. If you're a sharecropper.
Fate: And where did you get these earrings? Because I am never shopping there.
Sabrina: Okay, who are you, why are you here, and does Sister Mary Elizabeth know you're skipping class?
Salem: Sabrina,
[nervous chuckle]
Salem: these girls aren't ditching PE.
Fate: We're the Fates.
Sabrina: The Fates? You mean the three girls who manipulate innocent people's lives with cruel, random acts?
Fate: So you've heard of us? Cool.
[holds out hand, chuckles]
Fate: I'm Paris.
Fate: Mackenzie.
Fate: Ashley.
Sabrina: Uh, I hope this is a social call. And you're right, I'm never wearing those jeans again. Am I?
Fate: Ooh, can I tell her why we're here? Please?
Fate: [sneering] Yeah, if I want it to come out all wrong. Mackenzie, go.
Fate: We weave a tapestry of every person's life, and when it's time for that person to die, we snip the thread.
[reaches: ]
Fate: Snip.
[this spiteful gesture is made by Ashley as well]
Fate: [stepping forward] Today was Morgan Cavanaugh's time to die. But we didn't get to snip. Do you know why?
Sabrina: Because of that freaky, unexpected gust of wind? I mean, lucky break, huh?
Fate: You owe us. Big time.
Fate: Huge time.
Fate: [gleefully] Yeah, really big, huge time.
[gets scornful look from Paris]
Fate: Sorry.
[hangs her head]

Zelda: What's the matter?
Sabrina: What's the matter? I have to be a witch, I have to be a mortal, I have to be a teenager and I have to be a girl all at the same time. That's what's the matter.
Salem: At least you still have your thumbs... and a door on your bathroom!

Morgan: Sabrina, get dressed.
Sabrina: Why?
Morgan: You have to come with me. I mean, you can do all that face-to-face stuff. What I do is write.
Sabrina: And what I'm thinking of doing is so wrong.

Roxie: Sabrina, you gotta use connections. I don't know why you don't take me up on my offer. I mean, my friend does write for The Village Voice.
Sabrina: He writes letters to the editor. He's a crackpot.
Roxie: A published crackpot.

Zelda: I can't believe you tricked me into letting you go to that party.
Sabrina: Well, now that Aunt Hilda's gone, why don't we just blame it all on her and call it a night? Ha.

Sabrina: [seeing Salem asleep on the settee] Oh he had some Friday the 13th.
Zelda: Poor little guy, wore himself out.
Hilda: Oh he looks so peaceful... should we?
Salem: [with a spell cast and a loud air horn blasting, Salem jumps in terror and lands in the light shade] That's okay, I have another 8 lives. 7 after I fall down from here.

Sabrina: Aunt Hilda, a bat just flew out of your mouth.
Hilda: Oh, how embarrassing. I have bat breath again.
Zelda: Have you been eating pomegranates?
Hilda: I know they don't agree with me, but I had a craving for crimson pulp. Is it bad?
[bats squeaking]

Sabrina: I need to find someone but I don't know where they are.
Index: Then you've come to the right place, this is the index and I am the index keeper. Walker comma James T at your service and you are?
Sabrina: Sabrina.
Index: Hm, last name first.
Sabrina: Spellman comma Sabrina J?

Victor: So... what do you think of the gallery?
Sabrina: [weird-looking art] Oh, I... I like this... uh, tangled chrome thingy. It's too bad somebody left their orange in it.
Victor: I think that's part of the sculpture.
Sabrina: Oh, in that case, I think I may just have eaten a $6 000 banana.

Sabrina: So what are you saying? That I'm not who I think I am? You're not who I think you are? And my father lives in a book?
Hilda: [scoffs] Finally, she gets it!

Sabrina: I can't be a witch. Witches don't exist.
Edward: Honey, I know this is hard, but you just have to accept it. You're not like other kids. You're special.
Sabrina: I don't want to be special. I want to be normal.
Edward: I understand, but that ship has sailed.
Sabrina: None of this makes sense. I mean, all these years I thought you were traveling with the foreign service.
Edward: I am. It's just a lot more foreign than you thought.
Sabrina: And mom? Has she really been digging for fossils in Peru?
Edward: Yes, she is.
Sabrina: Then I want to go live with her.
Edward: You can't. You see, there's a rule. If you set eyes on your mother in the next two years, she'll turn into a ball of wax.
Sabrina: What?
Edward: It's the way they discourage mortal/witch marriages.
Sabrina: So, is that the reason why you and mom got divorced?
Edward: No.
Sabrina: So, do you think maybe you can get back together?
Sabrina: No. That's another ship that's sailed. You're gonna be fine. Just take some time and think about all this. And if you ever need me... I'm in the index.

Drell: Oh, the problems of teenagers are so interesting. Well, we'll review your case and we'll get back to you.
Sabrina: But I need to know.
Drell: And you will! Now go! And don't let the time-space continuum hit you on the way out.

Harvey: Yeah, I only wish we could have gotten someone cool to be here.
Sabrina: Thanks a lot!
Harvey: You know what I mean, someone others follow.
Sabrina: Like Libby the lord high empress of Westbridge?
Harvey: I thought she was sophomore class president?
Jennifer: Libby would never show her face here.
Harvey: Maybe we could fake it. My dad says that Russia's on their third Boris Yeltzin.

Jennifer: Libby thinks being class president is about lunch food and dances. Call me idealistic but I really want to make this school a better place.
Sabrina: Hey, you got my vote.
Jennifer: Which gives me a grand total of two.

Sabrina: [to sorority rush contender, in quest to expose airheads] So what are you looking forward to most about being a Mu Pi? Doing your toenails with the other girls, or highlighting each other's hair?

Sabrina: I love being a witch! I don't know what made the council change their minds, but I got to do the whole day over again! And now the teachers think I'm smart, the jocks think I'm cool, oh, and I'm going to the movies with Harvey and Jenny Saturday night. Whoo hoo! I'm normal! Gotta go tell the cat.
Hilda: [amused] Teens.
Zelda: What about them?
Hilda: Just in general.

Sabrina: [an explosion or a thunderbolt?] Please, let that be an earthquake!
Amanda: [rushing down the stairs] Hi, everybody. Thank you so, so much for taking me in.
[hugging Zelda]
Amanda: Ooh, what died in here?
Zelda: That would be our dinner.
Amanda: I'll order in.
[to: ]
Amanda: I guess since you're at college, I'll be taking over your room. I think it's gonna be really cool once I change everything about it.
[heads back upstairs]
Sabrina: Well, that just killed my appetite.
Zelda: [no longer interested in her plate] Oh, I think it killed everybody's.
Hilda: [as Salem gorges himself] Well, not everybody's.

Zelda: Hi, honey. How was your tea?
Sabrina: Pretty average, you know. There was music, little sandwiches, tea, of course. Oh, and I got my quizmaster fired.
Salem: What kind of sandwiches?

Harvey: I think this cold weather's giving me the flu.
Sabrina: I told you to bundle up for math.
Harvey: Coach finally gives me a chance to start, and now this. I can hear my dad now, "Your nose runs faster than you do."

Roxie: [trying out Morgan's fashion] Whoa, cute headband.
Sabrina: That's a skirt. And I'm guessing a great way to meet guys.

Sabrina: Heads up. Here comes the floor show
Libby: Time to wake up from my nightmare
[pinches herself]
Libby: Ow! Time to wake up from my nightmare
[pinches herself]
Libby: Ow! Time to wake up from my nightmare
[pinches herself]
Libby: Ow!

Sabrina: So I'm pleased to say everyone's moved on.
Salem: Not me. I'm staying put. There's an exciting shaft of light on the ceiling that'll keep me here for the next five hours.

Salem: [Sabrina tells Salem about her day with with a "Teenage" Mr. Kraft in charge] He played Smells like Teen Spirit with his nose?
Sabrina: Four verses!

Mr. Eugene Pool: [his tattered old briefcase bursting open strewing papers all over the floor] What a mess!
Sabrina: It's just a bunch of papers.
Mr. Eugene Pool: No, my life!

Zelda: Now, it shouldn't bother you what Libby says.
Sabrina: It shouldn't but it does.

Sabrina: Something's wrong with me, Aunt Zelda. I conjured asparagus, I got Aunt Hilda's. I tried to conjure a blouse, I got yours.
Salem: Whatever you do, don't conjure anything fur.

Sabrina: I made you a personal pan pizza. Is there anything else I could do to make you ecstatically happy?
Roland: Pepper flakes?

Sabrina: So how'd the gig go?
Hilda: Lousy. I tried to merge the worlds of art and prime rib, but I failed.

Sabrina: Great. Why can't Gordie's parents have a couples-therapy weekend when I'm not grounded?
Harvey: Hey, did you hear about Gordie's party? I bet the cops will be there before 10.
Sabrina: I can't go.
Harvey: You have to go. You'll have nothing in common with the entire student body if you don't go. I mean, I'll still like you, but I don't think we'll have anything to talk about.

Sabrina: Did you guys have a good time?
Hilda: I have no sister.
Zelda: No one talk to me.

Sabrina: [caught crawling trying to make her escape] Hey, while I'm down here, you want a pedicure?
[self-conscious giggle]
Annie: Okay, I know I suggested you change your appearance, but I'm not sure the Pamela Anderson look is the image you want.
Sabrina: [referring to her new assets] Oh, these aren't mine. I'm, uh, carrying them for a friend. Gotta go!
[scampers off on too-high heels]

Zelda: Sabrina doesn't know how to seal her spells yet, so... the popular girl is not a fruit.
[Libby returns to human form]
Zelda: There. All better.
Libby: What am I doing in your house?
Sabrina: You... came over for a visit.
Libby: I would not. You did something to me. You sent me somewhere. It was small and smelled like Hawaii.

James: I used to be a spy, you know.
[points to the back of his head]
James: Sean Penn got me right here.
[points to his forehead]
James: P. Diddy got me right here.
[points to his chest]
James: Celine Dion got me right here.
Sabrina: She hit you?
James: No. The song she did for "Titanic" always chokes me up.

Sabrina: [guilt trip on bus] Oh, my God, I'm the worst person in the world!
The: Now you're catching on.
Sabrina: So what are we supposed to do, just fly around up here, wallowing in our misery forever?
The: Well, that's entirely up to you. Once you work through your guilt trip, I'll let you off the bus.
Chad: [offering to Sabrina] You want my last cracker?
Sabrina: Oh no, I couldn't. I'd feel too guilty.
The: Oh, it's gonna be a long trip.

[first lines]
Sabrina: [on mobile phone] Hello? Hello? That's weird. They hung up. That's the second time that's happened today.
Roxie: Did you hear a cell door clanging in the background?
Sabrina: No.
Roxie: Then it wasn't my mom.

Amanda: [smoky explosion] Hey, wanna join me for an emergency trip to Paris for silver hooped earrings?
Sabrina: [waving smoke away] Uh, no, thanks, it already feels like a French bistro in here. Besides, I'm working on an article.
Amanda: Ugh. Snooze.
Salem: Actually not, for a change. You see, this thug night-club owner threatened our little Lois Lame over here...
[Sabrina: ]
Salem: Oh, I hate it when you cut me off!

Salem: That's awful. I hate prejudice. Do you know how many women have rejected me just because I have four legs and a tail? It's wrong, I tell ya! Why don't they care about what's inside?
Sabrina: Salem, what's on the inside of you, is a selfish, misogynistic pig.
Salem: Hey, pigs are people too!

Sabrina: [Sabrina walks into her bedroom dressed as "Jack"] Salem, My man!
Salem: [shocked] Whoa, Adolesence is not sitting well with you!
Sabrina: [picks up Perfume bottle] Gonna walk among the guys, see what makes you tick.
Salem: Freeze!
[Sabrina stops]
Salem: Don't squirt that perfume unless you wanna be a boy who gets beaten up.
Sabrina: [Puts down bottle] Man, that was close.
Salem: It's not enough to look like a dude, you have to start thinkin' like a dude. Picked a name yet?
Sabrina: Kirby?
Salem: We're back to getting beaten up here.

[last lines]
Sabrina: [Christmas card from Leonard] Oh, it's a bill. Crumbs on the carpet, $12. Failure to rewind yule log, $9. Rubbing lotion on Morgan, priceless.

Zelda: If you don't enjoy yoga, you don't have to do it.
Hilda: It's easy for you to say, you're winning.
Zelda: There is no winning and losing in yoga. It's different from other sports.
Sabrina: It's more spiritual, and you can't get hit in the face with a ball.

Sabrina: Oh, please, professor, there's a lot more to Amanda than meets the eye. I mean, she's very serious about school.
Amanda: [magically transforms teacher's office into deli] I'll have a banana split, two scoops of vanilla, with chocolate sprinkles.
[smiling: ]
Amanda: Oh, and get a little something for yourself.

Sabrina: We weren't supposed to like the people we went out with.
Valerie: Oh, didn't you hear? He had a good time on his date, too.
Sabrina: He did?
Valerie: Apparently his date's a model or something. Is that... not... too... particulary... good for me.

Sabrina: I'd love to undo it, but... If you can undo this, I can undo that.
Zelda: We can't undo that. There's no undoing a no-can-undo. It's a triple negative. It's magically ungrammatical.

Sabrina: A hundred dollars sounded like so much money.

Sabrina: Emerson, Boston College, Other Realm University, backpacking. Salem, how do you make a decision?
Salem: You've come to the right man. When I was a military leader I made life and death decisions every day and one method never failed me. Eeny, meeny, miney, moe...

Sabrina: [Sabrina's reflection responding about her gross wart] It's huge! If you took it to a movie it would want it's own seat.

Harvey: Your Aunt Hilda's still saying no?
Sabrina: Now she's moved on to "No way" and "Ask again and you'll never see sunlight."

Vesta: We need to talk.
Sabrina: Did I do something wrong?
Vesta: No! Why do you always assume when we need to talk you did something wrong?
Sabrina: Because I'm a teenager?

Sabrina: Why is it you can't use magic to make someone's life better?
Zelda: Well, because it's impossible to know what would make a mortal happy.
Sabrina: But what if you knew exactly what would make them happy?
Zelda: Ah well, you still can't predict the consequences.
Sabrina: But wouldn't those consequences just be good?
Zelda: Well, in some cases the consequences might be good, but then again ter-rible things could happen.

Sabrina: A bones hardness is derived mainly from calcium phosphate and calcium carbonate with small amounts of fluorides, sulphate's and chlorides.
Mr. Eugene Pool: You listened to what I said, why didn't you raise your hand?
Sabrina: It's never enough for you, is it?

[first lines]
Miles: [entering] So my shrink says I got to let go and accept...
[three leggy models in the living room]
Miles: that Paradise has arrived at my doorstep.
Sabrina: Hey, if this is my Victoria's Secret order, they have a whole new way of delivering.

Sabrina: Hi, I'm looking for my quizmaster. Well, my ex-quizmaster. Who are you?
Mouse: I'm his roommate. But from the way I clean up after him you'd think I was his mother.

Tai: I can't keep this trophy, even though it comes past my knee. I haven't earned it. It'd be meaningless.
Sabrina: It's more annoying than meaningless.

Hilda: That's a magic drier.
Sabrina: It is?
Hilda: It fluffs, it folds and it never loses a sock but it's been on the fritz lately. We're still waiting for the repair man.
Sabrina: When was he supposed to show up?
Hilda: Er, sometime in the afternoon between 1968 and 1998.

Zellary: [Sabrina points and Zellary's outfit transforms] My midriff is showing!
Sabrina: You're 16, it's okay.
Zellary: I am not leaving this house dressed like a hussy!
Sabrina: You are or you're not going.

Sabrina: Well, you'll be happy to know I got kicked out of the Science Club.
Hilda: How come?
Sabrina: Because Libby says I'm not a total geek.
Hilda: I thought you were upset yesterday because she said that you were one?
Sabrina: Yes.
Hilda: There is no pleasing you.

Hilda: So did you finish your project?
Sabrina: No.
Zelda: Did you start your project?
Sabrina: No.

Sabrina: And yet, most girls would do anything to join a sorority. Why would shallow people wanna connect so badly with shallow people?
Roxie: We'll ask Morgan next time we see her.
Sabrina: You don't get it! Our story is: Sorority Girls, Society's Lost Souls.
Roxie: Pampered, pearled, pathetic. I like it.
Sabrina: Thank you. Here's what I propose. We get the scoop by going undercover as sorority rushees.
Roxie: Me in a sweater set and pleated skirt? I can't think of anything more ridiculous.

Sabrina: [grabbing the phone from Salem] Give me that! Hello, this is Sabrina Spellman. Really? Something opened up near campus? Does it have four walls and a ceiling?
[frowns]
Sabrina: Nobody got hit by a bus, did they?
[smiles]
Sabrina: Great, I'll take it!

Zelda: How dare you try to prick Sabrina's finger on that spindle so you could run off with her?
Sabrina: What?
Roland: I was only gonna keep her for a century or two.
Sabrina: What?
Zelda: You know very well that Sleeping Beauty spells are illegal ever since, well, Sleeping Beauty.

Sabrina: Sure, it's a little weird, but, you know, moving between two houses has its upside. I hear travel broadens you.
Salem: [crying] I'm a latchkey kitty.

Sabrina: You know that love between two people is stronger than any legal document.
Gail: Yes, but as a lawyer I'm not supposed to admit it.

Sabrina: Well, you know, this Christmas we can be our own family. Yeah, we'll go home and decorate our tree and hang our stockings and we should probably do the Thanksgiving dishes.

Kevin: [on porch] I had a really great time tonight.
Sabrina: Yeah, we're on a roll, you know. It's our first night out, and we've already had two dates.
Kevin: [chuckles] So is it too early if I call you tomorrow?
Sabrina: You can call me as soon as I get inside.
[laughs, and he leans in for the kiss]

Principal: Today, we honour a woman who for the past years has fed us our lunches and given us our change. Her dedication knows no bounds. She even served us food through her long bout with mono. And so, for you, Ingrid Tornnanis, our appreciation and this golden hairnet.
[CLATTERING]
Principal: Oh, nothing to worry about. Just a vat of sloppy joes spilled. You wanna get that? Okay, and I'll mail you this. Let's hear it for Mrs. Tornnanis.
Sabrina: She shouldn't have to clean that up. I mean, without a bucket.
Principal: Anyway, moving on... I would now like to announce her replacement. You.
Harvey: What?
Principal: Mm-hm. That's right. All of you will be replacing Mrs. Tornnanis.
Sabrina: What kind of crazy--? Hey, Mr. Kraft is talking.

Sabrina: It's too early to tell but there is a chance that for the rest of my life I will fear math. I will sweat every time I have to calculate a tip. I will put off balancing my cheque-book. I will play blackjack but I will not understand it.
Judge: If you understood it, you wouldn't play it.

Sabrina: You are aware this looks exactly like Aunt Zelda's place?
Hilda: It's the exact opposite. Plus, I added a doily.
Salem: I hate it.
Sabrina: How can you hate it? It's just like home.
Salem: Because I hate change, and it smells like sweat and spit.
Sabrina: That's you.
Salem: Oh.

Wicked: You two are dead meat
[yelling to Sabrina and Harvey]
Salem: Back off lady it's the 90's nobody eats mortals anymore
Wicked: And I'll have kitty for dessert.
Salem: Would you look at the time
[jumps off the beanstalk]
Sabrina: I hope you land on your feet
[yells to Salem as he falls past her]

Sabrina: Well, I didn't realise we were friends before, and that's why I need him. I mean, when I think about all the times we've shared together... So that's why I need my quizmaster back with me. Because nothing makes a better teacher than a friend.

Roxie: [Morgan took her snack] You came home just to eat my breakfast?
Morgan: That, and I'm looking for someone to write my paper on Hemingway. What is there to say on a model-turned-actress?
Sabrina: I'm pretty sure they meant Ernest.

Sabrina: But before you ground me again, I think you should know that the trend these days is to factor in time served.

[Hilda and Zelda just turned themselves into teenagers]
Sabrina: Your voices don't sound teenage.
Zellary: [in her own voice] We can change that.
[Zelda works her magic]
Zellary: [teenage voice] Is this better?
Hillary: [in a deep manly voice] And how about me? Hee Hee Hee. Oops. Wrong direction
Hillary: [teenage voice] There we go.

Principal: Okay, now, in order to ensure everyone's safety on this trip, I have established a few simple guidelines.
Harvey: No snacking between meals? Lights out at 8?
Sabrina: No laughing?
Principal: And since we'll be staying at my ex-father-in-law's condo to save a little bit of money, everyone will have to pitch in with the chores.
Harvey: Will we get paid?
Principal: You will be paid with up to minutes a day of ski time, mister.

Sabrina: Okay, I'm helping mankind and keeping Libby on a short leash.

Sabrina: You, er, probably don't remember me.
Tai: Yeah, like so many little blonde girls kick my butt that I can't keep them straight.

Sabrina: No, they called the doctor!
Salem: I was against this plan from the beginning.

Zelda: Did you follow the recipe carefully?
Sabrina: Sure. With a few substitutions.

Sabrina: Hey, you guys are just in time to carve a pumpkin with me!
Roxie: And you're about twelve years too late. I haven't carved a pumpkin since I was... six.

Hilda: No.
Sabrina: Oh, but everyone's going. I even think the custodial staff is coming.
Hilda: No. No fun.
Sabrina: But this isn't fun. It's a matter of survival. If I don't go, I'll be president of the Geeks Anonymous, only I won't be anonymous.
Hilda: Then I hope God grants you the serenity to know that my answer is something you can't change.

Dr. Brickman: First of all, get back to where the spell originally took place. Then put these in their ears and turn it counterclockwise. It'll erase their memory of the spell.
Sabrina: And what will erase my memory of having to do that?

Zelda: What's the matter?
Sabrina: What's the matter? I have to be a witch, I have to be a mortal, I have to be a teenager and I have to be a girl all at the same time. That's what's the matter.
Salem: Hey! At least you've still got your thumbs. And a door on your bathroom!

Hilda: Look, we're really sorry we embarrassed you.
Zelda: And we feel we owe you some fun. So!
Hilda: [Zelda points and a vacuum cleaner appears] Ta-da!
Sabrina: I get to clean the house?
Zelda: No, you get to fly.
Sabrina: On a vacuum?
Hilda: Yes. See old time witches used broom-sticks but vacuums are much faster and more efficient.

Zoe: What kinda job are you looking for?
Sabrina: Ah, just something to keep me busy on Friday nights.
Zoe: Yeah, I don't have a boyfriend either.

Sabrina: Look, my aunt's not mad at me, so I have no reason to feel guilty. Now, let me off this freaking bus!
The: Hey, Sandra Bullock, stay behind the yellow line!

Mr. Eugene Pool: Now, er, together we're going to demonstrate the philosophy of the river and the rock.
[to Sabrina]
Mr. Eugene Pool: Which do you wanna be?
Sabrina: The rock, obviously. Nothing can move a rock.
Mr. Eugene Pool: Western thinking.

Salem: I don't believe it. I just had my credit card yanked.
Sabrina: You have a credit card?
Salem: Yes. I was pre-approved by the good people of the Bank of Newark. Now I'm a little over-extended.
Sabrina: I'm sorry to hear that.
Salem: I appreciate your concern.
Sabrina: No, I was gonna hit you up for a loan.

Gail: [the flash of the camera blinding Sabrina, Edward and Gail] Whoa! I think I blinked.
Sabrina: I think the whole block blinked.

Sabrina: I can't stand that place. Pigs aren't very good at making change.
Salem: Who are they kidding with that sneezeguard over the slop bar?

Valerie: I put my idea for a town meeting on Mrs. Quick's desk.
Sabrina: Oh, no. The person you want to read it will actually read it?
Valerie: So you see what an awful situation it is.
Sabrina: Valerie, you're the only person I know that has to work up to low self-esteem.
Valerie: I know. The other day I saw this book called How to Be Confident, and I almost bought it. But I was afraid the cashier would make fun of me.

Mrs. Quick: I got a postcard from Valerie, she's really enjoying her trip to D.C.
[Reading postcard]
Mrs. Quick: Hi, everyone! I've visited the Vietnam Memorial, the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, and JFK's grave. This place is really fun!
Libby: Sounds like a big loser town to me.
Mrs. Quick: I have an important announcement to make: the school will be entering a float in the town's Democracy Daze celebration.
Harvey: [to Sabrina] Great. I get to hear my Dad's Grenada story again.
Mrs. Quick: Now who would like to be in charge of putting the float together?
[Sabrina and Libby both raise their hands]
Mrs. Quick: Oh, my.
[Looks at Valerie's postcard from Washington]
Mrs. Quick: Well, I think this would be the perfect opportunity for the two of you to embody our democracy's two party system and work together.
Sabrina: What?

Sabrina: Detention? What for?
Principal: New policy. Detention is now based solely on personal resentments.

Morgan: [gasps as rocker chick passes by] That was Avril. She's headed for the bathroom.
[jumps up]
Morgan: I'm gonna ask her to sign my napkin.
Sabrina: Roxie, please go with her and keep her from crawling under the stall.
Roxie: You're right. We don't need a repeat of the Aretha Franklin incident.

Bob: Anyway, I've got a lot of deliveries to make. Ha-ha. Ho, ho, ho-- Ohh! Oh!
Zelda: You are not going anywhere.
Sabrina: Isn't there someone that could fill in? Like a temp service or a cousin?
Bob: Well, there's always Mrs. Claus, but I can't call her. She works for UPS. This time of year, they're real crazy.

Sabrina: You really put things in perspective.
Brady: That's the key. Now get back to the real world, and remember, life is a team sport.
[to himself]
Brady: Life is a team sport? How stupid does that sound?

Sabrina: You know, I have to agree with Roxie. I... I could never feel comfortable with Josh if I had to carry around this big dark secret. You know, I mean, how many secrets can one girl handle?
Roxie: [looks at Sabrina askew] What other secrets are you carrying around?
Sabrina: Long story.

Sabrina: [Looking at a photography book] Isn't Annie Leibovitz cool? She knows everybody.
Harvey: Oh, look at this one! Whoopi Goldberg in a bathtub of milk! I wonder if they warmed it before she got in?
Sabrina: I'm sure. She's a star!

Sabrina: Salem, There are five bottles here.
Salem: That's very good, Sabrina. Now, what colour is the tablecloth?
Sabrina: No. I brewed six. Where's the last bottle of talent?

Sabrina: Valerie, I learned that if you think you are confident, you are confident.
Valerie: And I learned that childhood traumas don't go away by reading a book.

[Sabrina appears as a black silhouette on one side of a fiery canyon at night]
Sabrina: [calls] Hello? Is anybody here?
Harvey: [calls] Sabrina?
[Harvey appears as a black silhouette on another part of the canyon]
Sabrina: [calls] Harvey! Where are you?
Harvey: [calls] I'm not sure! It's dark in here! See if you can find a light switch!
Sabrina: [calls] Wait! Here's one!
[Sabrina flips a nearby switch and fires flare up, lighting up the Third True Love test with Sabrina and Harvey standing on opposite sides of a fiery canyon with a wooden bridge suspended over a river of lava]
Sabrina: [calls] I don't like this! What's going on?
Harvey: [calls] It's a test of Faith! You have to get to me!
[Sabrina notices two signs nearby pointing in opposite directions - one sign says SAFE ROAD and points away from the wooden bridge, but the other sign says TRUE LOVE and points towards the wooden bridge]
Sabrina: [nervously calls] Does the "Safe Road" come anywhere near you?
Harvey: [calls, slightly confused] No. I think it dead-ends in the Suburbs.
Sabrina: [definite] Then there's only one way!
[Sabrina starts to cross the wooden bridge]
Sabrina: [nervously] Scared... hot... really scared...! *Really* hot!
[the middle section of the wooden bridge collapses and catches fire. Sabrina screams]
Harvey: [calls] Get back! It's not worth it!
Sabrina: [bravely calls] Yes it is! I can do this!
[Sabrina runs and jumps in slow motion across the gap in the bridge over the lava - and lands safely on the other side in Harvey's arms]
Sabrina: [very happy] I made it! Oh, Harvey!
[Sabrina and Harvey embrace, but Harvey instantly vanishes]
Sabrina: [disappointed] All that for a *hologram*?

Tai: Are you ready to get this over with?
Sabrina: Aren't we supposed to spar verbally first?
Tai: Only in the movies.

Roxie: And don't tell me nothing's wrong. You've been in a funk for a week. Even your perkiness has lost its pop.
Sabrina: That is so not true. I'm at the popping peak of my perkiness. I'm totally funkless. Absolutely nothing is bothering me.
[little black thundercloud moves in over her head, torrential downpour follows, drenching her]
Sabrina: Okay, now something's bothering me.

[last lines]
Leonard: [as Sabrina sits at her desk wearing open-toed high heels] Nice shoes. Are those Prada?
Sabrina: Oh, they're knock-offs. Fraud-a.
Leonard: The wedgie style really... shows off your arches. And the strap, uh, hugs the curve of your instep.
[smiles,: ]
Leonard: Has anyone ever told you you have stunning toe cleavage?
Sabrina: [humors him, smiles] No. Thanks.
[as Leonard sits there as if butter cannot melt in his mouth, hidden camera, aimed at Sabrina's feet, clicks underneath her desk]
Sabrina: Leonard! Hand that over!
[he dashes off, with her in pursuit]

Amy: Hello again.
Quizmaster: You two know each other?
Amy: Yes, we've...
Sabrina: We've never met. You must be thinking of my evil twin, but usually she's a brunette.

Edward: Sabrina, open me up.
Sabrina: No.
Edward: We have to talk. Young lady, you open me up this instant!
Sabrina: No, I don't want to talk to a book. Oh, god, I'm talking to a book.

Sabrina: I went to a bad movie and a 99-cent store with Valerie and for that I have to miss a free concert?
Salem: Oh, I'll feel sorry for you tonight when I'm sleeping in my wicker basket by those old paint cans.
Sabrina: I can't believe Zelda. Where does she get off holding me to what I agreed to?
Salem: What is that famous expression? "If at first you don't succeed, try another aunt."
Sabrina: Doesn't sound very honest.
Salem: You want honest or do you wanna go out and bleed from your ears with Harvey?

Game: Please welcome Sabrina Spellman!
[the audience applaud and Sabrina appears from behind the flower-decorated gold curtain wearing a pink dress and pink hair band]
Sabrina: What is this?
Game: Part one of your test! It's the True Love Game! Sit down.
[Sabrina takes a seat]
Game: Would you like to meet your three Harveys?
Sabrina: Harveys? I *like* this game!
Game: [to the three Harveys sitting on stools around a sight-proof screen] Gentleman, let's give your best hellos to Sabrina!
Harvey: [nervously] H-h-hey Sabrina!
Harvey: [classy] Hey Sabrina!
Harvey: [friendly greeting] Hey Sabrina!
Sabrina: Hi Harveys!
Game: How well do you know the person you *think* you're in love with? Let's find out and here are the questions.
[the Game Show Host gives Sabrina question cards]
Sabrina: All right. Um... this question is for Harvey number 2: If I were a Princess trapped in a tower, how would you rescue me?
Harvey: [classy] Well, the thought of you makes me walk on air so I'd float right up and whisk you away.
Sabrina: That's sweet. And Harvey number one, what would you do?
Harvey: [looks confused] Blow up the tower.
[the audience chuckle]
Sabrina: OK. Um... this question's for Harvey number 3: Describe Harvey number one's best and worst feature.
Harvey: Well he has really nice sideburns.
Harvey: Thanks man. You too.
Harvey: Hey! What about me?
Harvey: They're OK.
Game: Come on guys. Let's just go on please.
Sabrina: OK. This question is for all of you: What'd your favourite type of triangle?
[to the Game Show Host]
Sabrina: These questions don't tell me anything!
Game: [smartly] Nobody said the test would be easy.
Sabrina: Harvey number one, your triangle?
Harvey: Obtuse.
Sabrina: And why?
Harvey: [confused] I don't know.
Sabrina: Harvey number two?
Harvey: [classy] Scalene. Definitely scalene.
Sabrina: And Harvey number three, what's your favourite kind of triangle?
Harvey: [keen] Equilateral. I like that isometrical.
Sabrina: [excitedly jumps up] That's him! That's my Harvey! Harvey number three!
[Harvey #1 and #2 look disappointed as Harvey #3 looks pleased]
Game: That's right Sabrina! And you passed Part one!
Sabrina: Woo-hoo!

Zelda: You went to Science Club? Oh, that's wonderful.
Sabrina: No, it's not. Now Libby thinks I'm a complete geek.
Hilda: I knew this would happen. It's Zelda's influence. I begged you to watch TV with me so you'd be normal.

Roxie: Is it possible you still have feelings for Harvey?
Sabrina: [vehemently denying] No, not possible. It was a slip of the tongue. You know, tongues get slippery. They... they're like a water slide for words.

Sabrina: I hate being a witch! I just turned the most popular girl in school into a pineapple!
Hilda: Why?
Sabrina: Because it's the only thing you taught me how to do.
Hilda: Chill. I can fix this.
[taking the pineapple, she goes over to the island and picks up a cleaver]
Hilda: Chunks or rings?
Zelda: Hilda... there are other ways.
Hilda: Wedges?

Harvey: I'm thinking about going as James Dean.
Sabrina: I love James Dean.
Harvey: Yeah, and all I needs a white T shirt, some jeans and something to lean on.

Sabrina: So are we still speaking to each other?
Harvey: Yes. If we never talk about how bad we played today.
Valerie: I can't figure out what went wrong. Was there something in that hummus?
Sabrina: Let's remember not to let anything like this get in the way of friendship.
Valerie: You mean success? I don't think that will be a problem.
Harvey: I blame Sunset.

Pete: [coming up to Sabrina] Hey, hi, I'm... I'm Pete, from your English Lit class. I was wondering if you'd, uh... you'd like to, uhm...
Roxie: ...grade your pickup line? D minus.
[nods her head helpfully]
Sabrina: [polite] That wasn't a pickup line.
Pete: Oh, actually, it was. You, uh, wanna go to a movie Saturday night?
Sabrina: Oh, well, Pete, you know I... I would love to go out with you, but... I've got plans.
Roxie: What plans? You told me you weren't doing anything.
Sabrina: Well, I said that because I don't want you to feel bad, because my plans don't include you.
Roxie: Oh, really? When were you gonna tell me?
Pete: Hello? Hi, uhm, I'm the one being rejected here.
Sabrina: Sorry, but thanks for asking.
[the guy goes off]
Roxie: So, what are you doing Saturday night?
Sabrina: Nothing. Wanna come along?

[Sabrina does magic]
Brad: Hey! What was that spark?
Sabrina: Um, static electricity?

Sabrina: Without can'ts and don'ts it's hard to know where the fun is.

Valerie: That whole pointed-hat, wart-on-the-nose thing?
Sabrina: Pure Hollywood.

Sabrina: Morgan would be totally embarrassed if she knew I was asking you for this, but we gotta help her out. Mismanaging money could happen to anyone.
Roxie: Couldn't happen to me. I do not have enough money to mismanage.

Sabrina: What am I looking for again?
Zelda: The Olympus Mons. It's the largest mountain in the solar system.
Sabrina: I see a little bump. Now can we spy on the neighbours?
Zelda: No!
Hilda: Now that little bump happens to be the best skiing on Mars, and that's where we're going for our winter vacation.
Sabrina: We're going to Mars?
Zelda: It's a trek, but it's worth it
Hilda: Oh you'll love the red planet. It's so pretty and the sky's pink.
Sabrina: So what are the Martians like?
Zelda: Martians?
Sabrina: Aren't there Martians?
Hilda: No. Jeez, Sabrina, get in touch with reality.

Roxie: [as the newcomer dances merrily about, jumping up and down] Stay right there, I'll call 911.
Sabrina: Oh, I'm sorry, this must look really strange.
Roxie: No, I was gonna go with psycho, but it's your call.
Sabrina: You must be Roxie.
[holding out her hand]
Sabrina: I'm Sabrina, your new roommate.
[the gesture is ignored]
Sabrina: I'm sorry if that was your CD player. I was just so excited I couldn't stand still.
[Roxie just leaves]
Sabrina: This place is so cool.
[switches off music]
Sabrina: I've never lived on my own before. And I just know college is gonna be the best experience of my life.
[Roxie's door slams, and she realizes she's been talking to air]
Sabrina: Okay, maybe the second best.

Roxie: [as Sabrina is putting up flyers] Hey, what's that for?
Sabrina: Josh and I are throwing a singles party at the coffeehouse. I'm sure you think it's stupid.
Roxie: I haven't been on a date in five months.
[grabs a flyer]
Roxie: I can live with stupid.
Sabrina: [as Roxie goes off] Well, there's no motivation like desperation.

Sabrina: [Yule logs burning on wide-screen TV, and she wears high heels] You know, nothing says Christmas Eve like warming my toes in front of a picture of a fire.

Bob: Trying to recapture the spirit of Christmas, huh?
Zelda: Mm. Can you help?
Bob: I'll give it a shot. I know. Say, why don't you and I take a little trip to Christmas past? No, it's been done.
Hilda: Trust me, the trip to the graveyard is quite depressing.
Bob: Why don't you and I try to go and recapture your childhood Christmas memories? And maybe have a look at the new Chryslers.
Sabrina: You have met this guy before, right?

Sabrina: Morgan, you're the one who didn't pay your rent?
Morgan: It's not my fault. Daddy put me on a tight budget and I had a couple of emergencies.
[kicks up her new high heels]
Morgan: Prada pumps. I bought them in burnished eggplant and spicy rust.
Sabrina: Well, you'll have to trade them in for some khaki-green hundred-dollar bills, or else you'll be living out on the street.
Morgan: True. But shoe-wise, I'm set for fall and winter.
[smiles]

Sabrina: You don't have to hide the fact that you're...
Bob: Don't say it.
Sabrina: Bald.
Bob: Shh! You have no idea what this means. It could destroy my career.
Sabrina: How? Aren't honesty and integrity the most important things to a journalist?
Bob: Not in this decade. People like people with hair. They've done studies. The public hasn't trusted a bald man since Eisenhower.

Salem: [appears on windowsill, observing her struggling with instant noodles that coagulated] Wow. So they did save Hitler's brain.
Sabrina: [mildly annoyed] What are you doing here?
Salem: I came to party, but I see no signs of bubbly vivacious coeds. No offense.
Sabrina: You have no clue what college life is like today.
[fixes peanut butter sandwiches]
Salem: I come to learn.
[theatrical: ]
Salem: Teach me the ways of your Animal House.
Sabrina: Well, for one thing, they don't let you stay in your own bedroom. My roommate hates me, and expects me to sleep on the couch. I've tried to talk to her, but she won't even open the door.
Salem: Hmm, let's see, what to do? If only you were a witch!
Sabrina: Forget it! If I wanna go to school in the Mortal Realm, I can't use magic to solve every little problem.
Salem: No wonder you're miserable. You're letting these mortals walk all over you.
Sabrina: [settled in on counter, next to him] Are you saying that because you care, or because you wanna party?
Salem: Uh, six of one, but the point is, you've got the gift of magic. Use it or lose it!
Sabrina: Well, I guess if something is really annoying me...
[zaps Salem away]

Zelda: Sabrina, when you have egotitis, you can't get any presents.
Hilda: Receiving gifts only makes it worse.
Sabrina: This better be gone by my birthday.

Sabrina: Hey. I don't dump on your lifestyle.
Salem: All I've done all day is eat, sleep and stare off into space. What an awful existence.

Libby: [Sabrina enters the bathroom, Libby, at the mirror, turns round to face her] May we help you?
Sabrina: I just wanted to wash my hands. You know, frog juice.
Libby: Hmm.
[makes room]
Libby: You know... if you stink, I'm not sure it's fair to blame the frog.
Sabrina: Well, at least I don't splash on aftershave to remind me of some boy who dumped me last summer.
Libby: How'd you know that?
Sabrina: [wonders herself, turns] I... I... I don't know, my incredible sense of smell told me?
[wonders]
Libby: Huh. Yeah, right.
Sabrina: Well, I better get going. Smell ya later!
Libby: Wait... Don't come in here again. From now on, you use the freaks' bathroom.
[turns to face mirror again]
Libby: [Sabrina gestures at Libby, which enacts a spell and makes Libby's hand cover her face in lipstick]

Sabrina: I'd love to meet the Violent Femmes. When? Where?
Harvey: Well they'll be signing CD's at Music City in Boston tonight at midnight.
Sabrina: Midnight! That's perfect. I have no conflicting plans. But I still have to ask my aunts.
Harvey: Just tell them what I told my parents. It's an astrology field trip.
Sabrina: Don't you mean astronomy?
Harvey: Wow, they're paying even less attention than I thought.

Sabrina: [Harvey comes to pick her up] Good news, you don't have to loiter uncomfortably in the lobby and make awkward small talk with my aunts while you wait because I am already ready.

Monty: [referring to Salem's being kidnapped] What does he want? I'll pay whatever it is.
Sabrina: He doesn't want money, he want's Salem.
Monty: But remember, I offered.

Jennifer: Libby's not popular. She's powerful.
Sabrina: Well, how did she get the power?
Jennifer: She seized it and as long as there are people backing her up, she'll keep it. It's all very Stalin.

Roxie: Sabrina, I get a best friend like once every fifteen years. I didn't dump my Malibu Barbie, and I have no intention of dumping you.
Sabrina: Thanks.
[pauses]
Sabrina: You still have your Malibu Barbie?
Roxie: It's our secret.

Sabrina: Never underestimate the power of Falun.

Sabrina: And we need a universal truth. Oh that's easy. 'Mr. Pool can be so annoying.'

Principal: Miss Spellman, why have you been following me around all morning?
Sabrina: It's... your cologne Mr. Kraft, it's so great that I want to buy some for my friend Harvey.
Principal: Well, you can think about my Old Spice in detention!
Sabrina: But what's my crime?
Principal: Smelling the Vice Principal!

Sabrina: [Sabrina has to avoid kissing Harvey or he will turn into a frog] Well, that was fun. Best time two friends could have! Ha. Well, nothing left to say, so good night and Godspeed!

Zelda: [singing] Halloween, o'happy day. Halloween o' happy day.
Sabrina: What are you doing with Salem? I heard him screeching.
Zelda: Very funny. We were singing a Halloween carol.

Sabrina: Hi, how you been? I've been fine. Let's get this quiz over with.
Quizmaster: The fine art of conversation lives.

Zelda: There are two realms, the natural and the supernatural, and it turns out that the immutable laws of physics...
Hilda: You're a witch.
Sabrina: What do you mean I'm a witch?
Hilda: You're a witch.
Zelda: Now, you're not alone. I'm a witch. Hilda's a witch. Your father's a witch.
Sabrina: And I suppose my mom's a witch, too?
Hilda: I always thought so.
Zelda: Actually, your mom's mortal. You see, that's why you're here; so that we can teach you to use your magic.
Sabrina: You know, for a second there, you almost made me forget about my first day of school. Thanks. But... now I've got to go catch a bus to take me to my doom.

Libby: You do a good deed, you get a little back.
Mr. Eugene Pool: [Sabrina laughing] What's so funny?
Sabrina: Oh, um... the word cochleae.

Sabrina: Hey, guys, having fun?
Roxie: I'm standing here with Miles, what do you think?
Miles: If this is the best party of all time, I'm glad I'm a social outcast.
Sabrina: Come on, let's get the party spirit! Bob for something!
Roxie: Okay, I'll bob for the door.

Zelda: Look, if you want him to notice you, don't be so available. Get a hobby or a job. When I was a girl, I kept bees.
Sabrina: I think I'll get a job.

Sabrina: [Still trying to be nice] Libby, um, I could use some help with my crêpe paper.
Libby: I have a box of matches?
Sabrina: [Knowing about Libby's love for her Grandmother] But it's just that I wanted to get done this weekend, so I could, uh, visit my Grandma.
Libby: Oh.
[pauses]
Libby: Well. I would hate for part of the float to look like you did it.
[Rolls eyes]
Libby: Okay, I'll help.
Sabrina: Thanks! You know, Libby, sometimes you're a real puzzle.
Libby: No talking!

Sabrina: They have parties on Monday night?
Josh: This is college. They have parties every night.
[hands Roxie an invite as well]
Josh: You could leave your names at the door.
Roxie: Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! A college party? I'm so excited! Whatever will I wear?
[shrieks, runs off out the door]
Sabrina: I think she was being sarcastic.
Josh: Yeah, I got that.

Sabrina: Hey, Libby, what are you doing here?
Libby: Jack's been in the bathroom forever. You'd think he was a girl.
Sabrina: Sorry, but I've seen Jack leave a while ago.
Libby: Sprat Split? I listened to pepper for him. Doesn't he know who I am?

Zelda: Libby insults you because she's jealous.
Sabrina: I don't think so. Is there a spell that can make dogs howl every time she opens her mouth?
Zelda: You have to be careful how you treat people. Even rotten people. You might regret it one day.

Sabrina: [regarding misfits Miles and Heather] How perfect are they together?
Roxie: [critical] It's like someone took Ken and Barbie and dunked them in the freak machine.

Morgan: [learns Harvey's Sabrina's ex] And the evening takes a disastrous turn.
Harvey: Don't worry. Now we're just friends.
[to: ]
Harvey: I broke up with Sabrina when I found out she was...
Sabrina: [zaps Morgan frozen] Harvey! What do you think you're doing?
Harvey: I wasn't gonna tell her you're a witch. I was just gonna tell her we broke up when we found out we were going to different schools. Give me a little credit.

Sabrina: I had no idea you could bottle talent.
Salem: Where do you think that expression comes from? A six-pack of refreshing talent, now with the handy twist-top.
Sabrina: Cool. But I won't use it unless it's absolutely necessary.
Salem: Hey, I don't care how you justify it.

Carol: You know, Sabrina, we've all been out of the box.
Sabrina: Really?
Dr. Rafkin: The problem is, you're still only inches tall and real easy to step on.
Ralphie: I spent two weeks in a vacuum cleaner once. Ate a penny to stay alive.

Sabrina: Wow, pretty roses and nice arrangement.
Hilda: They're from my loyal but imaginary fans.

Hilda: [Salem ignoring gifts and playing with the colourful wrapping paper] You know next year I don't think I'll even bother to buy him a gift.
Salem: This is good, this is so good. Oh, the wrapping, greens and reds and ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! It's the best Christmas ever and it's great to be home. Ho-oo, yes! Yes! Yes!
Sabrina: I think he likes my paper best.

Sabrina: [as Miles prepares cereal] Miles, what are you doing? I made us waffles and bacon and eggs.
Miles: Do you have any idea where bacon and eggs come from?
Sabrina: Pigs and chicken butts?
Miles: Government subsidized farms. They're fed chemicals and hormones. It's not natural. I'm sorry, Sabrina, but my body is my temple.
Sabrina: So you're filling it with sacred Sugar Bombs?
Miles: They turn the milk purple.

Salem: Hmm. I knew this day would come. Sabrina, it's time for the talk.
Sabrina: [to herself] Most girls get it from their mothers, I get it from the cat.

Morgan: [at luau party] Sabrina, what is my ex-boyfriend doing here?
Sabrina: Uh, he's my friend. And, besides, you said it was okay.
Morgan: I must have been tweezing or waxing at the time. You know you can't talk to me then!

Sabrina: You were reading my diary again!
Salem: Yes and it's duller than dish water...

Zelda: I know you don't want any aunts spoiling your picnic. Get that?
Sabrina: Got it. Go!

Sabrina: What happened to your hair?
Jennifer: It's gone! And it's all your fault. So I wanted to talk to you and say I'm not talking to you.

Hilda: [in bar] I demand an answer. Is there somebody out there for me?
[causing a rush of patrons fleeing outside]
Sabrina: I think you just killed happy hour.

Libby: Hi, I'm Libby.
Chad: Hi, I'm Chad.
Libby: Saw you dancing out there. You're really good.
Chad: Oh, well, I'm also a daredevil and a rock musician.
Libby: Really? What instrument do you play?
Chad: Well, uh, lead guitar.
Harvey: [Scoffs] Lead guitar.
Sabrina: Hey, Harvey, don't you play an instrument?
Harvey: Yeah! The bassoon.
Sabrina: Wow! The bassoon. I think that's really sexy.
Libby: Maybe to another bassoon.

Sabrina: [very concerned about taking the three True Love Tests] Harvey's super cute and I really, really like him but... how am I supposed to know if it's true love?
Salem: Well do you think about him when he's not around?
Sabrina: [concerned] Yeah.
Zelda: [almost in wonder] And does your heart beat faster when you see him walking down the hall?
Sabrina: [concerned] Yeah.
Hilda: [quite cheerfully] And does it bother you when he chews gum?
Sabrina: [less concerned] No.
Hilda: [cheerfully] Then it might be true love!
[Sabrina stands up]
Sabrina: [confident] I'm taking the test.
[pauses]
Sabrina: [concerned] Is it multiple-choice?

Jennifer: I don't get it. Why doesn't anybody want to support the outsider party?
Sabrina: Maybe because you named it after their biggest fear?

Sabrina: One more door and we're out of here.
Drell: [collects a pamphlet and offers it to Sabrina] Not so fast. The next test is really dangerous. Our insurance carrier requires you read this pamphlet.
Sabrina: [takes the pamphlet and reads the cover] "So You're Going To Be Frog"?
Zelda: [comforting] I'll go over it with you honey.
[Zelda takes Sabrina aside, Hilda sits on a big sofa and Drell quickly moves next to the sofa's right arm rest]
Drell: [gladly] What 'cha thinking?
Hilda: You're asking *me*?
Drell: [gladly] Yeah!
[Drell gets up and moves to the sofa's left arm rest]
Drell: Can't a... guy ask a girl what she's thinking?
Hilda: I was just wondering... do you think our old flame is still burning?
Drell: Well there's one way to find out.
Hilda: You still have it?
Drell: Yeah. No one bought it at the garage sale. It's over here.
[Drell shows Hilda a heart-shaped cabinet with two gold horses with wings on its doors on a nearby table]
Hilda: [moves to the left side of the sofa] You open it. I'm afraid to look.
[Drell opens the doors one at a time, revealing a lit candle]
Drell: Yes! The old flame is still burning!
Hilda: After all these years!
Drell: You could warm *soup* over it!
Hilda: Maybe what we had *was* special.
[stands up]
Hilda: [proudly] I'm gonna take the test of True Love!
Drell: [stands up] For me?
Hilda: For us.
Drell: [happily] I'll be waiting!
Hilda: [excited] Maybe this could be the beginning of something wonderful!
[Hilda runs over to Door #1]

Sabrina: [playing for time] So then she says "I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco." Get it?
Morgan: Got it. And I'm gone.
Sabrina: Wait, I've got a million of them.
Roxie: Yeah, and we've heard every one.

Bob: What can you tell me about Salem's temperament?
Sabrina: Well, he's very friendly, very focused, and just a little power mad.
Bob: Sounds like he's all cat.
Sabrina: Right. And he's got a real head for numbers. May I demonstrate? Ask him a simple multiplication question.
Bob: Okay. Salem, uh, what's seven times five?
[Salem places his paw on the three and on the five on a board]
Bob: Amazing. Although we do judge purely on appearance.
Sabrina: Isn't that life.

[standing in front of a mirror, Sabrina magically changes into a white dress with wings and turns to the camera]
Sabrina: [holding a baby with a set of wings, a quiver with red heart arrows and sash] Happy Valentine's Day. Watch out for Cupid.

Zelda: Is that all there is?
Sabrina: [Some pieces of Libby are missing] Box is empty, how can we be missing pieces?
Quizmaster: Didn't you read the fine print?
[Hands the box over to Sabrina]
Sabrina: [Reading box] Some pieces not included in box? What a rip-off!
Quizmaster: I guess you didn't see this either.
[Gives Sabrina an hourglass]
Quizmaster: Now if you don't find the missing pieces and put them in before the sand runs out, Libby will be a puzzle forever.
Sabrina: What?
Hilda: Boy! In the final analysis, the Libby puzzle isn't much fun, is it?

Sabrina: Good the head quizmaster doesn't know you don't know your elements. I'd be dead meat.
Sabrina: It's all about you.
Quizmaster: You know what your problem is? Other students focus on getting it right. You focus on how you don't wanna get it wrong.
Sabrina: Wow, how does it feel to be the most brilliant person in the universe?
Quizmaster: You'd think it'd pay more.

Sabrina: Couldn't we just order everyone something from a catalogue?

Sabrina: Salem, guard my door so Jenny doesn't go anywhere, okay?
Salem: Hey, dogs guard. Cats watch... and judge.

Sabrina: [going in undercover, with a mini tape recorder to be hidden under her top] Let's do a sound check.
Roxie: Testing, one, two, three.
Sabrina: Four, five, six.
Roxie: [it works] We're live.
Sabrina: [slipping it in place] Victoria's got a new secret.
Roxie: Let's split up.
Sabrina: Roger that. But let's meet at the cinnamon snaps in an hour.
Roxie: Will you stop with the cinnamon snaps?

Josh: [looking at TV screen] Call me crazy, but that doll is a dead ringer for your Aunt Zelda.
Sabrina: No way. That doll has a butt.

Sabrina: So how'd the game go?
Harvey: Great. I caught a pass. And if it had been inbounds, it would've been great.

Sabrina: Can we focus? Okay, we have five witches and a newt, we should be able to do something?
Hilda: I've got it. We all hide inside a giant wooden horse.
Zelda: Hmm, that worked so well the last time.

Sabrina: [beauty parlor treatment] Roxie, this place is so... not you.
Roxie: That's why I've kept it a secret. I know I'm always railing against the beauty myth, but even the most eco-friendly, post-feminist, vegan girl in the world wants pretty toes.

Morgan: [to Sabrina] The only place Josh's hands are going to be, is on me.
Josh: I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to cancel.
Morgan: What? I bought a new dress. I told everybody that we're coming. And I pulled major strings to get us in.
Josh: Morgan, these people are about to lose their homes. I think that's a little bit more important than seeing you and your friends dressed in Saran Wrap, yet again.
Sabrina: Do you really wear Saran Wrap?
Morgan: [snaps] It's pleather!

[Drell is standing next to Door #1, but lightning flashes on the other side and Drell quickly moves away just before the door opens and Hilda exits the first True Love Test]
Drell: [quite surprised] What? No canned applause?
Hilda: Sorry.
[Hilda blows out the candle in the heart-shaped cabinet and sits on the sofa. Drell is disappointed]
Sabrina: [gets up] I finished the pamphlet.
Drell: So you decided what kind of frog you wanna be?
Sabrina: Yeah, I selected the Flying Tree Frog.
Drell: Excellent choice. Then it's time for the last test, but this one isn't...
[Drell looks at Hilda]
Drell: ...easy...
[Drell turns to face Sabrina]
Drell: ...like the others.
Zelda: [encouraging] Good luck and don't be nervous.
Sabrina: [nervously] I'm not nervous! I mean, I know it's true love! So therefore I have no reason to be nervous!
[Sabrina tries to open Door #3]
Drell: Ah push, don't pull. Push.
[Sabrina nervously smiles as she opens Door #3 and enters the final Test of True Love]

Principal: It looked like your book bag was just floating behind you.
Sabrina: Ha, ha, wouldn't I love that?
Principal: But I... All right, that's the last time I buy Minoxidil out of somebody's trunk.

Nana: [referring to Libby] Oh I'll miss her, she's such a sweet girl.
Sabrina: Nana, you an excellent judge of character.

Roxie: You mean the relationship you don't have with the guy you're not dating?
Sabrina: Yeah, I don't want that to end.
Roxie: The end of a relationship is always the most depressing part. But it's gotta be really depressing to end something that never got a chance to begin.
Sabrina: All I know is that he should be the first one to call and apologize. He's the one who acted like a jerk when Brett stood you up.
Roxie: Is that what this is about? You're throwing away a great guy because of someone that never meant anything to me?
Sabrina: It's the principle of the thing.
Roxie: If you're gonna date based on principle, your choices are the Pope or St. Francis of Assisi.
Sabrina: So I've got options.

Sabrina: Why don't you just use your magic to make Geoffrey play better. I mean wouldn't that be a nice thing for him and for us?
Hilda: Yes, but I would never do that.
Zelda: That's right. You must be careful about meddling in mortal's lives. We witches have rules.
Hilda: Who cares about the rules? I just want Geoffrey to keep paying for lessons.

[in a song walking on the beach together]
Kevin: I like to think about you / you like to think about me / we're just like birds of a feather / 'cause we're havin' so much fun together
Sabrina: I'm gonna kill my aunts for this
[sings along]
Sabrina: We have fun, it's true / in everything we say and do / but a girl really needs to know if a guy's just a friend or if he's her beau
Kevin,30546: That's why I like to think about you / and you like to think about me / rain or shine / in any kind of weather / you and I are havin' fun together

Sabrina: I have to get that carafe.
Salem: Yes, and be careful, 99.
Sabrina: What?
Salem: You are so young.

Sabrina: Then there's a call I have to make.
Salem: Well, you don't have to order me a pizza but make it half sausage, half clams.

Sabrina: This is ridiculous. I can't figure out this stupid redox reaction, can you?
Harvey: No, but that could be because this is the class before lunch.

Sabrina: [lugging text books] Gotta get one of those book bags with wheels. Or maybe a pack mule.
Roxie: What's wrong, Perky? First day of Sabrina's Wonderful Life hitting a brick wall?
Sabrina: No, not at all. It's very wonderful. I've only been at college for three hours and already I get to read four chapters of Plato, write a ten-page essay and catch a small arthropod to dissect. Maybe I ought to rethink my definition of the word wonderful.

Sabrina: Let's get out of here. I've had my fill of talking vermin.
Mouse: She so wants me.

[Sabrina excitedly exits door #2 and her aunts embrace her]
Sabrina: [very happily] I passed and I've got some colour in my cheeks!
Drell: [proudly] Nicely done! You passed the test of Fidelity.
Zelda: You resisted temptation. Something that tests *every* relationship.

Josh: I'll see you on Wednesday. We'll do whatever you want. I don't care what it costs.
Sabrina: Oh, you don't have to spend a cent on me, as long as we're together.
Morgan: That's a sentence you will never ever hear me say.

Sabrina: Billy Johnson? Oh, he was my first crush. He ate a caterpillar just to impress me.

Zelda: [as screeching laughs erupt] Oh, that noise! It's worse than nails on a blackboard.
Sabrina: I think it's great. I haven't seen Aunt Hilda this happy since she went water-bed shopping with Casanova.

Sabrina: Look, the point is, it takes years to develop a craft. I mean, look at my aunts Hilda and Zelda.
Josh: Which craft did they develop?
Sabrina: Witchcraft? Who said anything about witchcraft?

Sabrina: [after Amanda has been subjected to Growing Up spells] So now that you've blossomed are any older and wiser.
Amanda: I sure am! Wise enough I'm wanna stay a kid as long as I can.
Sabrina: Wonderful!
Amanda: And since I'm a kid, I don't need a boyfriend!
Sabrina: Perfect! I have finally done a spell and it turned out the way it should!
Amanda: And in the spirit of staying young, I'm gonna cut your hair.
[Amanda points at Sabrina and cuts her hair with magic]
Sabrina: [examines her shorter, messed up hair] See? Perfect spell! I needed a new haircut.
[Sabrina chuckles, turns around and enters the house]
Sabrina: [screams] AUNT ZELDA!

Sabrina: Roxie, we have to consider the ramifications. These girls could get thrown out of school. And their parents may never talk to them again. And then what's gonna happen to the kids? I mean, you saw Girl, Interrupted. Murder, mayhem, major box office disappointment.
Roxie: I'm sure there's a valid point in there somewhere.

Sabrina: [transformed as a nerd] Hi, Mr. Pool! Let's talk Philip K. Dick!

Salem: Earthquake!
Zelda: But we're in Massachusetts.
Sabrina: [Looks out the window] Is that a beanstalk?
Salem: Beanstalk!

Zelda: And, boy, it is really getting cold outside.
Salem: Here's a tip, try wearing clothes.
Zelda: Hey! What happened to my blouse? It was my favourite...
Sabrina: Green silk one?
Zelda: Sabrina, how many times do I have to tell you to ask before you borrow my clothes? Especially when I'm already wearing them.

Dante: Hey, you look great.
Sabrina: Thanks. So you ready to go bowling?
Dante: Of course, there's a first for everything
Sabrina: You've never been bowling before?
Dante: Are you kidding? I never been in the mortal realm before.
Sabrina: [to herself] Oh, this can't be good.

Sabrina: I don't wanna write the story.
Roxie: What are you talking about?
Sabrina: Well, a lot of people could get hurt or kicked out of college.
Roxie: I didn't hot-wire my bra so that you could back out at the last minute. This is journalism, you write the truth and let the chips fall where they may.
Sabrina: But what if the chips destroy somebody?
Roxie: I think I'm beginning to understand who Sabrina Spellman is. You can't handle the truth!
Sabrina: [conflicted] I can handle the truth. I just can't handle the guilt.

Hilda: We're not big on thanksgiving. That holiday was started by puritans who weren't exactly witch friendly.
Sabrina: So instead we celebrate a night devoted to little kids dressing up like super-heroes?
Zelda: That is not what all hallows eve is all about. It's a time for remembering the dead.
Sabrina: Oh, that sounds like fun. I just know I'll have a terrible time.
Hilda: And that's what family gatherings are all about. Do you think I want to listen to cousin Marigold brag about how married she is and how single I am? No.
Zelda: But we go, because it's tradition.
Hilda: And Zelda makes me.
Sabrina: And now you're making me?
Hilda: See? Tradition.

Sabrina: [as Morgan goes off with Josh] Some other time.
[to: ]
Sabrina: You know, you have stinky timing.

Hilda: She was supposed to be in school.
Vesta: Well, we tried to make her last class but then we stopped in Milano for gelato.
Sabrina: You have to.
Hilda: No, you don't.

Sabrina: So where's my present?
Salem: It's more of a promise than a present.
Sabrina: No present?
Salem: Wait, you'll like it. I promise to appreciate you and respect your privacy.
Sabrina: From now on?
Salem: Er, no, for like a week.
Sabrina: That's it?
Salem: Okay, 10 days but that's my final offer.
Sabrina: Deal!

Sabrina: You should know I have these two really weird aunts.
Jennifer: But I like weird. I love weird. I bask in the glow of weird. I...
Harvey: [interrupting] You know I think Jenny will fit right in. Aw!
Jennifer: That was me.

Sabrina: We were just studying.
Morgan: Yeah, right.
[singsong: ]
Morgan: Like I've never used that one before.
[goes off]
Sabrina: Relax. I was just helping him catch up with his classes. He's about halfway through, now it's up to him to go the distance.
Roxie: Speaking of which...
Sabrina: I'm not a witch!
Roxie: Excuse me?
Sabrina: I'm sorry. I'm really tired. Did you say something?

Vesta: You see they actually enjoy living on Earth and I can't stand mortals for too long.
Sabrina: You know I'm half mortal?
Vesta: Oh! Not that there's anything wrong with that, darling. It's just that, well, mortals seem to have to work so hard for everything. It tends to make them bitter.

Sabrina: Amanda, I have to go to the bathroom.
Amanda: You're not a Betsy Wetsy.

Sabrina: Hey, Roxie, what's your family doing for Christmas?
Roxie: The usual. We put up an aluminum tree, get take-out from Taco Bell, and then I watch my Dad and step-mom exchange cartons of Winston Lights.
Morgan: [overhears] Your family exchanges cigarettes?
Roxie: Hey, it's just not Christmas without a visit from Jolly old St. Nicotine!

Valerie: Hi, Libby.
Libby: Ew.
Valerie: Why doesn't she like me?
Sabrina: I'm thinking it's a thyroid problem.

Sabrina: I don't believe this. You have a talking dog? I have a talking cat.
Doug: Really? Don't pets make the best of friends? I mean you get total loyalty, unconditional love...
Sabrina: [interrupting] You've never had a cat, have you?