The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 3, Episode 19 Quotes

Ted: Everyone has something in their closet they don't wear.
Ted: I don't.
Robin: Really, red cowboy boots?
Ted: I pull those off.
Marshall: Hey, Lil, if I said, "Ted cannot pull these off" what would I be talking about?
Lily: His red cowboy boots.

Ted: Clarify something about your critique. Do you think the colors are neat or neato-burrito?
Robin: At least I'm not wearing red cowboy boots.
Ted: I'm pulling them off!

Robin: I really like this painting. It's neat. The colors are neat, the shapes are neat, the overall painting is... neat.

- Hey!
- Uh... no.
- Stop!
- Amy?
- Abby.
- Right.

Marshall: I already made a website. Marshall-and-Lily-sell-their-stuff.com.
Lily: No, you know what would be a better name? Guy-forces-his-wife-to-dress-in-a-garbage-bag-for-the-next-three-years.com
[Types it in]
Lily: It already exists.
Ted: That woman is really wearing a garbage bag.
Marshall: But honey, you cannot pull off a tall kitchen.

Marshall: Okay, today's category, classic westerns that involve red cowboy boots. Robin.
Robin: The good, the bad and the fabulous.
Lily: The magnificent Kevin.
Marshall: No country for straight men.

Marshall: [to Lily] Man, birds do not get you.

Dr. Greer: Something about your art speaks to the canine sensibility on a very primal level.
Lily: Really? Dogs like my paintings?
Dr. Greer: Yeah. But you know who it bums out? Birds. Yeah. Had a parrot in there today. He took one look at it, pried open his cage, flew right into the ceiling fan.

Lily: Painting for sale! $500! Lifelong dream hanging in the balance! It's like they don't even see us.
Vendor: Yeah, we're dirt to them. What do you need money for?
Lily: Oh, I'm trying to fix the hardwood floors in my new apartment. You?
Vendor: Heroin.
Lily: Oh. Do you like heroin?
Vendor: Love it. In fact, if you sell that, I'm going to take your money and go buy some more heroin.
Lily: Thanks for your honesty, Crazy Sock Guy.

Ted: You're obviously a man of exquisite taste. Let me ask you something. What do you think of these boots?
Lawrence: Walter! Boots.
Walter: Pulling. Them. Off.
Ted: I'll be in the cab.

Abby: You know what I hate most about Ted?
Barney: What?
Abby: His hair. His lame, awesome hair. It's so stupid and awesome.

Barney: Excuse me, did I sleep with you and then screw you over?
Woman: I don't think so.
Barney: Dammint! In that case, would you like to go out?

Ted: How was your day?
Lily: I screamed at a little girl for painting a rainbow.
Ted: Oh. It sounds like the bitch had it coming.

Abby: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Barney: I think so.
Abby: You're thinking about having sex with Ted?

- Babe, we need money fast.
- Well, give me a week.
- Okay, a-a week.
- Fine.
- Fine.
- Fine.

Abby: [after having sex with Barney] I'm sorry I yelled out "Ted".
Barney: I'm sorry I yelled out "Abby"
Abby: I am Abby!

Lily: I got a two-syllable "damn" in this dress.
Robin: A two-syllable "damn." That's the dream.
Lily: Yeah. Now she belongs to... CanadaGirl@MetroNewsOne.com.
[Looks at Robin]
Robin: It's still in the family!

Lily: I'm going to give you a Lily Aldrin original, because you're such a good husband. I'm thinking of calling it, "Suck it!"

- by a mysterious woman who warned her to stay away from Barney.
- So when it happened once more...
- Again?!
- Really?! Wait...
- ...Barney knew who to look for.

Narrator: Marshall explained that he was building a fancy new Web site specifically to sell Lily's artwork to veterinarians.
- Well, it's not exactly the clientele
- I had in mind, but... thank you for believing in me.
- Man, birds do not get you.

Barney: Why are you doing this to me?
Abby: You slept with me and then left.
Barney: And?
Abby: And that's it.
Barney: That's it? If I leave you on land with adequate transportation, you should consider yourself lucky.