The Best Malcolm in the Middle, Season 1, Episode 14 Quotes

Hal: Yes, Mr. Jackson, there is a perfectly good reason why I did not come in to work today. Because, I decided that eight hours of joyless, mind-numbing crap just did not sound like much fun. Well, I guess we're going to have to agree to disagree.

Lois: [to Commandant Edwin Spangler who has an eyepatch] Hey, where's your eye?

Hal: [sitting on Craig and patting his belly continuously] Say uncle!
Craig Feldspar: No!
Hal: Just say it! We can end this right now with a little dignity if you just say it. One simple word.
Craig Feldspar: Duncle.
Hal: Aha, you said duncle. Now you gotta say "uncle" in my butt.

Hal: Look, Fats, I don't want you around my house no more.
Craig Feldspar: Hey, you don't go to the fat thing and I won't go to the crazy thing.