50 Best Armageddon Quotes

Harry: I'm gonna give you three seconds to shut this bomb down, and then I'm gonna make you shoot me.

Helga the Nurse: Mr. Chappell, you're next
Chick: Aw, gee, lady. I just came here to drill.
Helga the Nurse: Oh!
[Holds up anal probe]
Helga the Nurse: So did I.

Grace: [talking to Harry when he is on the asteroid] Daddy?
Grace: Hi Gracie Hi honey. Grace, I know I promised you I was coming home.
Grace: I don't under-understand.
Harry: Looks like I'm going to have to break that promise.
Grace: I lied to you too. When I told you I didn't want to be like you. Because I am like you. Everything good that I have inside of me, I have from you. I love you so much daddy. And I'm so proud of you, I'm so scared. I'm so scared.
Harry: I know it baby. But there won't be anything to be scared of soon. Gracie, I want you to know that AJ saved us. He did. I want you to tell Chick, that I couldn't have done it without him. None of it. I want you to take care of AJ. And I wish I could be there to walk you down the aisle, but I'll... I'll look in on you from time to time, okay honey? I love you Grace.
Grace: I love you too.
Harry: Gotta go now honey.
Grace: Daddy, no!
[Harry cuts the video feed]
Grace: No no dad no!

Lev: I'm stepping outside.
A.J.: You're-you're going outside?
Lev: I am the only certified astronaut. And I'm saving your American ass!

Chick: Harry, the clock on that nine-foot nuclear weapon is ticking.

Watts: [showing a video] Neil Armstrong, 1969, bouncing on the moon. He's bouncing because there's less gravity up there than on Earth. This will be similar to the asteroid. So, watch it. Something gets launched off that asteroid with enough force, it's gonna keep on going, right into outer space.
Oscar: [to Bear] What is the deal? Is it just me, or is Watts really hot?
Bear: [nods] Yeah.
Watts: So we have these new generation suits. With directional accelerant thrusters. You won't bounce like Neil Armstrong.
[seeing that Bear is not paying attention]
Watts: Bear!
Bear: Yes?
Watts: Do we have a problem?
Bear: No.
Watts: 'Cause I'm trying to describe to you how these DATs keep your ass on the ground, so that if I were to kick you in the balls, and you don't know how to work them, what happens to you?
Bear: I float away.
Watts: Yeah.
Rockhound: When do we start training for THAT?

A.J.: Just tell Grace that, uh, that I'll always be with her. Okay? Can you do that?
Harry: Yeah. Okay, kid.
Harry: [pulls AJ's air hose out and rips off his own mission badge and hands it to AJ] Give this to Truman. Make sure Truman gets that! Get in there.
[pushes AJ back into the hatch and closes the door]
Harry: It's my turn now.
A.J.: Harry! Harry! You can't do this to me! It's my job!
Harry: You go take care of my little girl now. That's your job. Always thought of you as a son. Always. But, I'd be damn proud to have you marry Grace.
A.J.: [beginning to cry] Harry.
Harry: You take care of yourself.
[pushes a button sending the hatch up]
A.J.: Harry, no!
Harry: I love you,pal.
A.J.: Harry, I love you! Don't Harry! Wait a minute! Harry, no!
Harry: Goodbye son.

Karl: Sir, I'm retired navy, I know all about classified. But one more thing. The person that finds her gets to name her right?
Dan: Yes-yes that's right, that's right.
Karl: I wanna name her Dottie after my wife. She's a vicious life-sucking bitch from which there is no escape.

Colonel: Miss Stamper? Colonel Willie Sharp, United States Airforce, ma'am. Requesting permission to shake the hand of the daughter of the bravest man I've ever met.

Grace: Listen, Harry, A.J. is my choice - my choice and not yours.
Harry: He's the only one in your age bracket, Grace. It's not a choice, it's a lack of options.

[Rockhound is duct taped down inside the spaceship to keep him out of trouble]
Rockhound: Just tryin' to have some fun before I died!

Dr. Banks: [going through the roughnecks' medical reports] Fail. Fail. Depressively fail! One toxicology analysis revealed ketamin, that is a very powerful sedative!
Harry: Sedatives are used all the time, doctor.
Dr. Banks: Well this one's used on horses.
Harry: Some of these guys are pretty big.
Dr. Banks: [to Truman] You know, it would normally take 18 months to psychologically prepare pre-screened, viable subjects for space travel. We have seen evidence of a wide fariety of territorial aggression.
Dan: Can they *physically* survive the trip? That's all I need to know here, okay?
Dr. Banks: Personally, I don't know how they survived the tests.

Harry: For god's sakes, think about what you're doin'. Why are you listening to someone that's a 100,000 miles away? We're here, nobody down there can help us. So if we don't get this job done, everybody's gone.
Chick: One minute.
Harry: I have been drilling holes in the earth for 30 years. And I have never, NEVER missed a depth that I have aimed for. And by God, I am not gonna miss this one, I will make 800 feet.
Chick: 42 seconds.
Harry: But I can't do it alone, Colonel. I need your help.
Colonel: Do you swear on your daughter's life, on my family's, that you can hit that mark?
Harry: I will make 800 feet. I swear to God I will.
Colonel: Then let's turn this bomb off.

Oscar: Ok, Mr. Truman, let's say that we actually do land on this. What's it gonna be like up there?
Truman: 200 degrees in the sunlight, minus 200 in the shade, canyons of razor-sharp rock, unpredictable gravitational conditions, unexpected eruptions, things like that.
Oscar: Okay, so the scariest environment imaginable. Thanks. That's all you gotta say, scariest environment imaginable.

Harry: How long you work for me?
A.J.: Five wonderful years.
Harry: In five years you have *never* apologized to me this quickly. Something's goin' on here, I'm gonna find out what it is.

Ronald: [holds out his hand] Imagine a firecracker in the palm of your hand. You set it off, what happens? You burn your hand, right? You close your fist around the same firecracker,
[clenches his hand into a fist]
Ronald: and set it off. Your wife's gonna be opening your ketchup bottles the rest of your life.

Rockhound: Just wanted to feel the power between my legs, brother.

Harry: What's your contingency plan?
Truman: Contingency plan?
Harry: Your backup plan. You gotta have some kind of backup plan, right?
Truman: No, we don't have a back up plan. This is it.
Harry: And this is the best that you c - that the-the government, the *U.S. government* can come up with? I mean, you-you're NASA for cryin' out loud, you put a man on the moon, you're geniuses! You-you're the guys that think this shit up! I'm sure you got a team of men sitting around somewhere right now just thinking shit up and somebody backing them up! You're telling me you don't have a backup plan, that these eight boy scouts right here, that is the world's hope, that's what you're telling me?
Truman: Yeah.

President: I address you tonight not as the President of the United States, not as the leader of a country, but as a citizen of humanity. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. The Bible calls this day "Armageddon" - the end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of the planet, a species has the technology to prevent its own extinction. All of you praying with us need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster is being called into service. The human thirst for excellence, knowledge; every step up the ladder of science; every adventurous reach into space; all of our combined modern technologies and imaginations; even the wars that we've fought have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle. Through all of the chaos that is our history; through all of the wrongs and the discord; through all of the pain and suffering; through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated our species above its origins, and that is our courage. The dreams of an entire planet are focused tonight on those fourteen brave souls traveling into the heavens. And may we all, citizens the world over, see these events through. God speed, and good luck to you.

Harry: None of you have to go. We can all just sit here on Earth, wait for this big rock to crash into it, kill everything and everybody we know. United States government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no?
Chick: 20 years. Haven't turned you down once. Not about to start now. I'm there.
Freddy: Guess I can't let you go up there alone.
Bear: I'm with you.
Oscar: Man, this is - this is historic. Guys, this is, like, deep blue hero stuff! Of course I'm in.
Rockhound: While I don't share *his* enthusiasm, you know me. Beam me up, Scotty!
Harry: You all right, Max?
Max: I-I don't, I-I don't... Whatever you think.
Harry: [to A.J] How about you?
A.J.: I'm in.
Harry: All right then. We go.
Rockhound: I don't mean to be the materialistic weasel of this group, but do you think we'll get hazard pay out of this?

General: If you're trying to make me feel better about this scenario, give it up.
Truman: To tell you the truth, I'm kind of encouraged. This guy Chick here was an Air Force commando for six years.
General: We got robbery, assault, arrest, resisting arrest. We got a collection agent for the mob. Two of these guys have done serious time.
Truman: Look, they're the best at what they do.
General: So am I. And I'm not so optimistic. We spend 250 billion dollars a year on defense. And here we are. The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun.

Rockhound: We're in segment 202, lateral grid 9, site 15H32 - give or take a few yards. Captain America here blew the landing by 26 miles!
Colonel: How the hell do you know that?
Rockhound: Because I'm a genius.
Watts: The gauges will not read; they're all peaked like we're plugged into some magnetic field
Rockhound: [sarcastically] Well, who on the spaceship wants to know why?
Gruber,: By all means.
Rockhound: The reason we were shooting for grid 8 was because thermographics indicated that grid 9 was compressed iron ferrite. Which means you landed us on a goddamn iron plate!

[first lines]
[Camera shoots past the moon to slowly zoom in on the Earth]
Narrator: This is the Earth, at a time when the dinosaurs roamed a lush and fertile planet.
[From behind the camera, a giant asteroid appears, speeding towards the Earth ahead of it]
Narrator: A piece of rock just 6 miles wide changed all that.
[Blazing through the atmosphere, the asteroid impacts with a spectacular display of fire and destruction]
Narrator: It hit with the force of 10,000 nuclear weapons. A trillion tons of dirt and rock hurtled into the atmosphere, creating a suffocating blanket of dust the sun was powerless to penetrate for a thousand years. It happened before. It will happen again. It's just a question of when.

Rockhound: What does that mean?
Colonel: It means we've got a busted ship.
Rockhound: A busted ship? And I'm strapped in here? I had a great spot picked out there!

Rockhound: God, I hate knowing everything.

Dan: Tell me, you never let anybody down before.
Harry: I never quit yet, how is that ?

A.J.: Have you ever heard of Evel Knievel?
Lev: No, I never saw Star Wars.

Colonel: United States astronauts train for years. You have twelve days.

Ronald: I know the president's chief scientific advisor, we were at MIT together. And, in a situation like this, you-you really don't wanna take the advice from a man who got a C- in astrophysics. The president's advisors are, um... wrong... and I'm right.

AJ: [Sharp reaches to cut engines, to return to the asteroid, since Stamper has not blown it yet]
AJ: Harry'll do it. I know it. He doesn't know how to fail.
[Sharp withdraws his hand]

Grace: First time I got my period, Rock had to take me into Tai-Pei for Tampax. And then he had to show me how to use them, Harry.
[off Harry's stern look]
Rockhound: Ho-ho. I ju- No I-I told her how to use it. I didn't show her, Harry.

Grace: You have not told them yet. That is my father up there!
Dan: [to General Kimsey] This is one order you shouldn't follow and you fucking know it!

Rockhound: You know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good, doesn't it?

Rockhound: You wanna compare brainpans? I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princton for two and a half years.

Truman: So what's the verdict?
Harry: They'll do it. They've made a few requests though.
Truman: Such as?
Harry: [riffles through sheets of paper] Well, there's uh, few things here, uh... nothin' really big, uh, just- Well, as an example, uh, uh, Oscar here, he's got some outstanding parking tickets. Wants them wiped off his record.
Oscar: [shouting from balcony] Fifty-six tickets in seven states...
Harry: [to Oscar] I'll-I'll tell 'em Oscar, you got it.
Oscar: Okay.
Harry: Uh, Noonan's got two women friends that he'd like to see made American citizens no questions asked. Max would like you to... bring back eight-track tapes. Not sure if that's gonna work, but, uh, let's see what else. Um, Chick wants a full week's Emperor's Package at Caesar's Palace. Um - hey, you guys wouldn't be able to tell us who actually killed Kennedy, would ya?
[pause, turns and shakes his head]
Harry: Um, Bear would like to stay at the...
[tries to read writing]
Harry: "White horse"?
[looks up at Bear]
Bear: White, *House*. White House.
Harry: White House. Yeah, he'd like to stay in the Lincoln bedroom of the White House for the summer. Stuff like that.
Truman: Sure, I think we can, uh, take care of... some of that.
Rockhound: [shouting from balcony] Harry!
Harry: [motions back at Rockhound] Yeah one more thing, um... none of them wanna pay taxes again.
[pauses]
Harry: Ever.

Bear: What's up, Harry? Did NASA find oil on Uranus, man?

Truman: Now let's keep the laughter to a minimum. I know this is not to scale. Both shuttles will take off Tuesday at 6:30pm. Now, 67 minutes later, you're gonna dock with the Russian Space Station to meet cosmonaut Andropov, who will refuel the shuttles with liquid O2 - that's your fuel - then you'll release and take a 60 hour trip toward the moon. Now we only have one shot of landing on this rock, and that's precisely when the asteroid passes by the moon. You'll then use lunar gravity and burn your thrusters, slingshotting you around the moon, coming up behind the asteroid. You'll be upward of 11 G's.

Harry: Houston, you have a problem. You see, I promised my little girl that I'd be comin' home. Now I don't know what you people are doing down there, but we've got a hole to dig up here!

Denise: What are you doing here?
Chick: I was just passing by on the, uh, I came...
Tommy: [comes onto the porch with a toy] Who's he?
Denise: That man's a salesman. Would you go inside? Thank you.
Chick: [Tommy goes inside the house] He got big.
Denise: You can't come around like this. The court says you can't. It confuses him.
Chick: No I know. I just... I wanted to say that I'm sorry about everything, and... I got something coming up, something kinda big. You just might be proud of me. Would you do something for me? Would you just give him this. You don't have - you don't have to tell him who it's from just...
[puts a toy shuttle on the porch]

Grace: Baby, do you think its possible that anyone else in the world is doing this very same thing at this very same moment?
A.J.: I hope so, otherwise, what the hell are we trying to save?

Harry: AJ, I got just five words for you: Damn glad to see you boy!
A.J.: That's six words.

Colonel: [In response to Rockhound riding the nuclear warhead] Get off... the nuclear... warhead.
Rockhound: I was doing that guy from that movie, you know, Slim Pickens, where he rides it all the way in, the nuclear warhead.
Colonel: Now.
Rockhound: Oh, you didn't see that one, huh?

Lev: It's stuck, yes?
Watts: Back off! You don't know the components!
Lev: [annoyed] Components. American components, Russian Components, ALL MADE IN TAIWAN!

Rockhound: Guess what guys, it's time to embrace the horror! Look, we've got front row tickets to the end of the earth!

Colonel: This is insane.
Harry: [to Rockhound] Have you lost your mind?
Colonel: He's got space dementia.

Colonel: Miss Stamper. Colonel Willie Sharp, United States Air Force, ma'am. Requesting permission to shake the hand of the daughter of the bravest man I've ever met.

Rockhound: Yeah, I remember this one. It's where the, uh, the coyote sat his ass down in a slingshot then he strapped himself to an Acme rocket. Is that - is that what we're doin' here?
Harry: [under his breath] Rockhound.
Rockhound: No, no, really, because it didn't work out too well for the coyote, Harry.
Harry: [talking over him] Hey, Rock. Knock it off.
Truman: Well, actually, we have a lot better rockets than the coyote.

Dan: With the proximity of the asteroid, and no prep time, none of our primary plans can work.
General: Why don't we just send up a hundred and fifty nuclear warheads and blast that rock apart?
Ronald: Terrible idea.
General: Was I talkin' to you?
Dan: This is Dr. Ronald Quincy from Research. Pretty much the smartest man on the planet You might wanna listen to him.

Dan: [the President asks about the size of the asteroid] lt's the size of Texas, Mr President.
President: Dan, we didn't see this thing coming?
Dan: Well, our object collison budget's a million dollars, that allows us to track about 3% of the sky, and beg'n your pardon sir, but it's a big-ass sky.
President: And the ones this morning?
Dan: Uh, those are nothing. Uh, they're the size of basketballs... and, uh, Volkswagens, things like that.
President: Is this going to hit us?
Dan: We're obtaining that as we speak, sir.
President: What kind of damage are we...
Dan: Damage? Total, sir. It's what we call a global killer. The end of mankind. Doesn't matter where it hits. Nothing would survive, not even bacteria.
President: My God. What do we do?
NASA: [a NASA tech comes running into the room] We have 18 days before it hits Earth.

Tommy: Mom, that salesman's on TV.
Denise: That man's not a salesman. That's your daddy.