Top 100 Quotes From Ghostbusters: Afterlife

- Rivers are like the moms of canyons.
- When you think about it.

- Okay, so this is happening.
- Hello?

Phoebe: Are you sure this is safe?
Grooberson: History is safe. Geometry, that's safe. Science is all particle accelerators and hydrogen bombs. Science is giving yourself the plague and gambling on the cure. Science is reckless.
Phoebe: Science is reckless.
Grooberson: Totally! Yes! It's punk rock. It's a safety pin through the nipple of academia

[first half of post-credit scene; a deleted scene from the original 1984 film]
Janine: I want you to take this.
[She hands Egon a coin]
Dr. Egon Spengler: What is it?
Janine: It's a souvenir from the New York World's Fair in Flushing Meadow in 1964. It's my lucky coin.
Dr. Egon Spengler: I shouldn't take it. We might not be coming back.
Janine: Take it anyway. I got another one at home.
[She and Egon embrace]

Peter: [archive audio from original film] I believe that everything happens for a reason. Call it fate... call it luck... call it karma...

Trevor: At least we're only here for a week.
Callie: Give or take.
Trevor: What's that mean?
Callie: We're living here now.
Trevor: You said it would only be a week!
Callie: That was before we got evicted.
Trevor: You said you had money saved up!
Callie: That was before I had children.
Phoebe: To be fair, you've never been good with money.

- Okay, what do we do?
- Let's get him.
- What?
- Let me get a photo first.
- Guys?
- It has a gunner seat?

- Pull the lever.
- Pull--?
- Hey!
- Come on, what are you waiting for?
- I'm waiting for this thing to work!
- It's not working!
- -Mom, hit the pedal!
- -Pedal?

- Damn it.
- What?
- Come on! Bus leaves in 15!

Phoebe: I found this in my living room.
[Mr. Grooberson picks up the ghost trap]
Grooberson: Whoa! Killer replica.
Phoebe: A replica of what?
Grooberson: A ghost trap.

- Ready!
- Trap him already!
- -Three, two--
- -Three, two--
- One.

- Are you going to that thing later?
- -Yeah, probably.
- -Where's my order?
- I can't believe a place like this still exists.
- Can't believe we have to spend summer in this heap. We have lives.
- -You don't think I have a life?
- -No. You're a mom. You live for us.

- -Yes?
- -How are you doing that?
- Some believe that true love imbues a subject with the ability--
- -Did you mark the cards?
- -No.
- You did, didn't you?
- Yeah.
- It works well.

- You're an adult.
- Yeah.
- And liable.
- You know what this means?
- Your grandfather was a Ghostbuster.
- Yes, I'm aware.

- So, what do a cigarette and hamster have in common?
- What?
- They're both harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.
- The worst time.
- Hey, guys, look.

- Dirt? It was my father's.
- Dirt Farmer had a family?
- You knew my father?
- No one knew your father.
- Well, I'm sure he'll be missed.
- Nope.

[second half of post-credit scene with Janine and Winston talking at his office]
Winston: Egon was the brains. Ray was the heart. Peter just kept it cool.
Janine: Who were you?
Winston: The sex appeal.
[both chuckle]
Janine: You've done very well for yourself. A lot of shelf space.
Winston: [cut-scene of him entering the firehouse] See, that's the thing. I don't do it for me. I do it for my kids, and I wanna be example of what's possible.
Janine: You still covering the rent at Ray's bookshop?
Winston: Ray's gonna turn a profit one of these days.
Janine: I remember the day you came in.
Winston: I came in looking for a steady paycheck. But busting ghosts with the guys taught me not to be afraid. That I had the tool and I had the talent. I started this business with one employee. And I've grown it into a thriving global enterprise. I may be a businessman, but I will always be a Ghostbuster.
[the Ecto-1 pulls into the firehouse, a red light blinks on a panel in the basement]

- Who you gonna call?
- Make it quick.
- Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?
- Have you or any of your family ever seen a spook, specter, or ghost?
- If the answer is yes, then don't wait another minute.
- Pick up your phone and call the professionals.

- But if you give me a week to settle loose ends,
- I'll be back with everything I owe.
- I can fix that!
- Listen,
- I wait for you to leave, then I change locks.

- the seas boiled, the moon became as blood, the skies fell.
- Revelation 6:12."
- That was normal.
- Maybe it's a good thing you never met your dad.

Phoebe: There's two whales in a bar. One of them goes:
[imitates whale sound]
Phoebe: and then the other one goes: "Go home. You're drunk."

- That's my mom.
- What?

- Great. You didn't tell us we inherited a murder house.
- And just think.
- Now all of this is ours.
- Pheebs, be a dear and break into your grandfather's house.

- It's just my mom.
- Just your mom.
- Cool.
- "Cool"?
- I wonder if this still works.
- Should we open it?

- But, no, you always had to vanquish and conquer.
- Always had to maim somebody.
- And that's probably the number one reason why--
- Good try, anyway.
- Now we're finished, babe.
- We're finished.

- Okay, playtime's over.
- Let's toast this muffin.
- Light them up.
- Man, I love that sound.
- On the count of three.
- Go on "two." One. Two.
- Yeah, nothing stings like a billion electron volts!

- "You have a drink named Steve?"
- Have you come to offer yourself in sacrifice?
- What?
- Are you prepared to die?
- No, I'm 12.
- Are you?

- Who built these?
- Depends who you believe.
- One day, they just showed up without explanation.
- Cool.

- It's a ghost.
- Aren't you just a little bit freaked out?
- Overstimulation calms me.

Ray: Are you all right, son? You just singlehandedly defeated a manifestation of Gozer.
Podcast: You gotta be on my podcast.
Ray: Sure. What's it called?
Podcast: Mystical Tales of the Unknown Universe.
Ray: M.T.U.U., that's you?
Podcast: Wait. You're my subscriber?
Ray: Really found its voice in the 46th episode.

- Hey, I'm glad you found yourself here. I really am.
- But all I see are reminders that I didn't mean a thing to him.
- He never cared about me.
- He's not nuts.
- Well, then he's an asshole.
- Welcome to the family.

- -What was that?
- -I think we just caught a ghost.
- Sorry.
- I was here last night.

- No.
- Come on, Phoebe.
- Holy shit.

- In New York, he created an apartment building made out of selenium girders, mined from right here.
- On that same rooftop is where our grandfather fought to keep a horde of ghosts from entering our dimension.
- Phoebe, what exactly is happening here?
- I can only think of one way for us to find out.

- Lucky!
- Podcast, what are you doing?
- I've got my own problems!

Phoebe: [turns off Proton Stream] Did I hit it?
Podcast: You didn't hit it. You destroyed it! It doesn't exist anymore.

- My life is a dumpster fire.
- I love dumpster fires.
- You should see my apartment.
- I don't mean now. Or anytime soon.
- You don't want to-I'd need to clean--
- This is moving way too fast.
- You gotta just relax.
- The kids hungry? They want some of this unrefrigerated shrimp?

Janine: Your father wasn't much of a homemaker. He could barely keep the power on.
Callie: You're saying he left us nothing?
Janine: Well, I wouldn't say nothing... there is quite a bit of debt.

- Okay.
- Come on!
- Come on, you can do this.
- Come on, darling.
- Yes!
- Yes!

Trevor: Maybe you could put in a good word for me.
Lucky: I'll tell them that you have a pulse.

Phoebe: Is this safe?
Grooberson: No, history is safe, geometry is safe, science is nuclear and hydrogen bombs, science is injecting yourself with the plague and trying to find a cure in time.
Phoebe: Science is reckless.
Grooberson: Exactly, it's punk rock.

- A jail inside a jail.
- What are you talking about?
- No, no, no!
- It's an ANSI Class One electromagnetic deadbolt.
- I believe in you.
- It's unpickable.

Callie: Let's go. You were supposed to look after her this summer.
Grooberson: I was?
Callie: Not you. Him.
Trevor: This was her idea.
Phoebe: But what about our stuff? The Ecto-1?
Sheriff: Everything will remain nice and safe in our impound locker.
Phoebe: No! We need it.
Callie: Phoebe, let's go.
Phoebe: We caught a ghost tonight.
Deputy: Dirt farmer's family.
Phoebe: It's true. And there will be more.
Sheriff: Hey, kid. You're starting to sound like your lunatic grandfather.

- Rats.
- You gotta see the gold mine of junk
- I found out back.
- Great.
- Oh, my God, this is so much worse than I thought it was gonna be.

[mid-credit scene; Dana is using Peter's old ESP machine with him hooked up]
Dana: [she holds up a card with three wavy lines] Tell me what this is.
Peter: [concentrating; closes eyes] Lines. Two... no, t-three... wavy lines.
Dana: [looks at Peter, looks at card and looks back at him; she turns the card to reveal three wavy lines] That's amazing.
Peter: You're amazing with your ability to flood my psychic powers.
Dana: [Dana holds up another card] I can't believe you used to shock your students.
Peter: Between us, I only zapped the guys.
[Dana flips a switch and Peter gets a shock]
Peter: Aah! It's for science. I know that now. I admit that.
Dana: [still holding another card] Ready? Try this one.
[Peter catches his breath]
Dana: Take a moment.
Peter: Uh... it's a five-pointed star? Yes?
Dana: [smiles] How are you doing that?
Peter: Some believe that true love imbues a subject with the ability...
[Dana shocks him again]
Dana: Did you mark the cards?
Peter: [chuckling] No.
Dana: You did, didn't you?
Peter: [pained] Yeah.
[Peter gets shocked again]
Peter: Aaaah!
Dana: Works well.

- Nice.
- Oh, boy.
- Not a single photo.

- Mom!
- What the hell is going on?
- What is all this?
- This isn't a farm.
- It's a trap.

Phoebe: This isn't a farm, It's a trap.

- Yeah.
- Jamoca.
- There we go.
- Strawberry, red velvet...
- Blue velvet?

- I like your eyes.
- Thanks.

- Goddess of Gods.
- I have built this temple for you, so that you might return to Earth... and together... we...
- We can rule the world.

- -What are you doing?
- -I have a plan.
- Wait!
- Come on. Let's go.
- Okay.
- -Ready?
- -I'll be waiting.

Podcast: Would you be my lab partner?
Phoebe: Well, I don't think we're going to be doing any labs, but I would like that a lot.

- A ghost trap.
- How do you of all people not know about this?
- I'm ashamed.
- I was obsessed. New York in the '80s, it was like The Walking Dead.
- Then it just stopped?
- There hasn't been a ghost sighting in 30 years.

- I'll be right back.
- Hey. Maybe you will make a friend out here.
- Make them out of what?
- I'm serious.
- A new home could be an opportunity to start fresh.
- Keep an open mind.

- Can I have this?
- Yeah, sure. Weirdo.
- That's how it starts. First there's a map.
- Then you move into a haunted house.
- Then everyone's calling you the Dirt Farmer.
- What about Phoebe?
- Think she'd want any of this?
- Oh, I'm sure Phoebe will find something.

[Ray Stantz is on the phone with Phoebe, calling from Summerville jail]
Ray: Egon Spengler can rot in hell.
Phoebe: [sadly] He died last week.
Ray: [genuinely saddened] Oh, man. No kidding.

- I mean, if I don't, what does that say about me?
- You don't have a car.
- What the hell? Get out.
- What is that?
- I don't know.
- Gozer.

- There it is.
- This is Summerville.
- -This is where your grandfather lived.
- -And died.
- Come on. Not a single bar?
- There'd better be a bar.
- That's funny.

Grooberson: [on the earthquakes] I've tried triangulating and I can't figure out where they're coming from.
Phoebe: Did you use three phones?
Grooberson: Yeah, I know how many sides are on a triangle.
Phoebe: I know, I just thought you were being obtuse.
[winks]
Grooberson: Was that a geometry joke?
Phoebe: Yes, hence the wink.
Grooberson: [laughs] That's bad... no, I like it.

[telling a bad joke to Gozer to distract her]
Phoebe: A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "We have a drink named after you!" So the grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"

Phoebe: [Trevor pulls up in Ecto-1] This is P-Podcast, he's my friend.
Trevor: You have a friend?
Phoebe: You have a car?
Podcast: We need a ride, do you know how to drive?
Phoebe: [half under her breath] He doesn't, he flunked his driver's test 3 times.
Trevor: [nods] Hop in back.

- How'd you know how to fix it?
- I mean, no offense, but you are 12.
- I kind of met my grandfather last night.
- He showed me what to do.
- No way. Was he, like, howling and clanking chains?
- No. That would've been weird.
- Switch me on.

- Science is all particle accelerators and hydrogen bombs.
- Science is giving yourself the plague and gambling on the cure.
- Science is reckless.
- Totally! Yes! It's punk rock.
- It's a safety pin through the nipple of academia.
- -Ouch.
- -Fire it up.

Podcast: How about a joke?
Phoebe: Joke? Uh... what do you call a dead polar bear?
Podcast: [pause] I don't know.
Phoebe: Anything you want, it can't hear you anymore.
[Podcast laughs]

- -Yeah, he was my grandfather.
- -No way, dude!
- So you're just gonna walk in?
- Are you recording me?
- Yeah, just in case your body's pulled apart into tiny pieces by an unseen dark force.
- All right. Bye!

[telling another bad joke]
Phoebe: What does a hamster have in common with a cigarette? They're harmless, unless you stick 'em in your mouth and light them on fire.

Ray: We're closed.

Trevor: Hey, remember that summer when we all died under a table?

- -Get the trap!
- -Okay.
- I got him!
- Quick!
- -Nuggets!
- -Catch him!

Phoebe: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Callie: I have an allergy to science.
Grooberson: Have you tried Benadryl?

Callie: [being cornered by Gozer] Oh, no.
[Gozer raises its hands and steadily sends lightning toward Callie and Phoebe, but before it reaches them...]
Peter: [off-screen] Hey, flat-top!
[Gozer looks toward the sound of the voice, stopping its attack. Callie and Phoebe look back too as they see Peter Venkman, Ray Stanz, and Winston Zeddemore standing there]
Peter: Have you missed us?
Ray: Gozer the Gozerian! In the name of the county of Summerville, state of Oklahoma, the US Fish and Wildlife Service, all the members of Ducks Unlimited, the Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons, I command you under the National Invasive Species Act to depart this world immediately.
Peter: Bravo.
[Gozer growls and stares at them malevolently]
Winston: I think she remembers us.
Gozer: [approaches them] Are you... a god?
Winston: [seeing Ray hesitate] Ray?
Peter: Oh, come on, Ray.
Ray: Yes.
Winston: Yeah, we're all gods.
Peter: Yeah, I mean we're all pretty dang special down here. On a personal note: I thought that we had busted up for good. I mean, it wasn't working for me. My friends didn't think so, and I know yours didn't.
[Zuul tries to attack, but Gozer signals her to stop]
Winston: Okay, playtime's over. Let's toast this muffin.
[they get out their proton-wands]
Peter: Light them up.
[they activate the wands]
Winston: Man, I love that sound.
Peter: On the count of three, go on two. One, two...
[they open fire on Gozer, restraining it]
Ray: Yeah, nothing stings like a billion electron volts!
[they begin to cross the streams and Gozer leans forward in pain]
Callie: Yes!
[Gozer grabs hold of the proton streams]
Winston: Did you feel that?
Ray: Yeah.
Peter: Uh-oh.
[Gozer begins to pry the streams apart]
Ray: She's uncrossing the streams!
[Gozer whips the streams back at the Ghostbusters, sending them flying back]
Callie: No!
Podcast: Are they dead?
Ray: [slowly getting up] I don't remember this job being so painful.
Winston: I do.

- Who's Gary?
- Mr. Grooberson.
- His name is Gary Grooberson?
- -You have a date with Gary Grooberson.
- -It's just dinner.
- Good night, Phoebe.
- Don't be yourself.

- Mom, are you okay?
- There is no Mom. There is only Zuul.
- What's happening?
- Mom?
- Is she okay?
- Mom?

Lucky: What are you doing here in Summerville?
Trevor: Honestly, my mom won't say it, but we're completely broke. And the only thing that's left in our name is this creepy old farmhouse my grandfather left us in the middle of nowhere.

- There is quite a bit of debt.
- Ms. Melnitz,
- I'm here to sign forms, pack the silverware and leave with a rent check.
- Are you telling me this place is worthless?
- You mean, aside from the sentimental value?

[telling yet another bad joke]
Phoebe: Why can't you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.

- I'll be 16 in February.
- It's June.
- What are those holes in the wall?
- They're vacancies.
- If this is a tomb, where are all the bodies?
- Found one.

- Are you the Keymaster?
- -I don't know.
- -Mom!
- -What do I do?
- -Mom, stop!

Peter: Hi, Pete Venkman from the home office. And you are?
Callie: Callie. Callie Spengler.
Peter: Spengler?
[Chuckles]
Peter: Weird name, good luck with that.

Ray: We lost the firehouse. It's a Starbucks now.

- Excuse me.
- Pardon me.
- Yeah, hi.

- You wanna spend the night in my jail?
- You can keep it.
- Go. Now.
- -Trevor.
- -I'll see you at work.
- Yeah. See you.
- Hey.

- Yeah, I do.
- I think it's coming from the death pit.

Grooberson: [after testing the trap and unleashing a ghost, which damages the cars] We should probably get out of here.
Phoebe: You're an adult.
Grooberson: Yeah, and liable.

- She got him!
- Whatever we're doing, we have to do it now.
- Come on!
- -Yes!
- -Yeah!
- Bridge!

Grooberson: [after being a terror dog] I'm bleeding, why am I bleeding?
Callie: Oh, you headbutted a park bench.
Grooberson: Okay.

Winston: [Powering up his Proton Gun] I love that sound.

Callie: I'm sorry the night went sideways.
Grooberson: No. I-I- had a blast. Why don't we just pick it up tomorrow night, same time.
Callie: You really want more of this?
Grooberson: Are you kidding me? We had kung pao shrimp. We went to jail. I don't know how we're gonna top this. This is a home run.
Callie: Um, my life is a dumpster fire.
Grooberson: I love dumpster fires. You should see my apartment.

- Probably a pigeon or something.
- Give me the gun.
- What is that?
- Come on.
- Hold on.
- You coming?
- I'm coming.

Grooberson: Did you catch anything?
Phoebe: It's inside the trap.
Grooberson: Right now?
Phoebe: Yes.

- Really found its voice in the 46th episode.
- What did they do to you?
- Don't worry.
- I'll take you home, get you all cleaned up.
- Go.
- Hey.

- Oh, my God, what just happened?
- He's heading for the mountain.
- -Closer.
- -Okay.
- I'm in range.

- Phoebe.
- Phoebe!
- The earthquakes.
- -Oh, my gosh!
- -Phoebe!
- Phoebe.
- Phoebe.

- Our grandfather was Egon Spengler.
- He was a Ghostbuster.
- All units, we're getting reports of, well, some kind of animal taking a bite out of Steve Fletcher's truck.
- Apparently, he almost took the whole tailgate off?
- -Muncher.
- -Muncher.

- Us.
- Bummer.
- Dude.
- We need to tell Mom.
- Phoebe?
- Pheebs?

Podcast: I think Grooberson is trying to bone your mom.
Phoebe: [long pause] Oh.
Podcast: You're not upset?
Phoebe: No, I just don't exhibit emotions like everyone else, on the inside, I'm vomiting.

[on Phoebe's lack of social skills]
Grooberson: [jokingly] Maybe she'll take up pole dancing?
Callie: She's not that coordinated.
Grooberson: I don't think that matters.

- How on earth did you build such a small cyclotron?
- Got it. You're a genius.
- Needle-nose pliers?