The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 1, Episode 6 Quotes

Barney: I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways.

- I'm breaking up with you.
Ted: And then just as I was about to lose hope...
- She spent a year in Antarctica studying penguins.
- Kahlua, root beer...
- Could this penguin be the "Slutty Pumpkin?"

Ted: [seeing Barney in a devil costume] Barney? What, you're back?
Barney: That's right.
Ted: In a totally new costume.
Barney: Every Halloween I bring a spare costume. In case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way I have a second chance to make a first impression.

Barney: You know what I love about Halloween? It's the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag. If a girl dresses up as a witch, she's a slutty witch. If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat. If she's a nurse...
Lily: Wow, we get it.
Barney: ...she's a slutty nurse.

- buy him a giant teddy bear or something?
- How about you start by sharing dessert?
- I can share dessert.
- Good.
- He better want the brownie sundae, but yeah, yeah,
- I can totally share.

Barney: This party sucks! There's like 7 chicks here.
[a guy removes his wig]
Barney: There's 6 chicks here!

Robin: Everyone else is off falling in love and acting stupid and goofy and sweet and insane, but not me. Why don't I want that more? I *want* to want that... am I wired wrong or something?
Ted: No... Look, you didn't want to be with me, so clearly you have abismal taste in men...
[they laugh]
Ted: ...but you're wired just fine.

Barney: [at the lame roof party] I can't believe you talked me into this.
Ted: I didn't, you followed me up here.

Barney: Flight-suit up!

Ted: I just met the perfect woman. She's funny, she's beautiful, she loves "Star Wars"...
Marshall: Woah woah woah, what's her take on Ewoks?
Ted: Loves them!
Marshall: Oh, good. I don't know why people are so cynical about Ewoks, the Rebellion would have failed without the Ewoks.
Ted: And get this: She's a marine biologist, she spent a year in Antarctica studying penguins.
Marshall: Oh, penguins are cool. Kinda like black-and-white Ewoks. I approve.

Lily: Baby, I'm so sorry.
Robin: It's no big deal. He wanted to be a "we" and I wanted to be an "I"... Dudes are such chicks.

Barney: I'm flippering you off.

Robin: I had a feeling I'd find you here.
Ted: Oh, hey. If you're here for the Shagarats, you just missed the fourth encore.

Barney: Okay, Victoria's Secret party, right now.
Ted: Nope.
Barney: Come on, I can't stand watching my delusional friend waste another precious Halloween! Ted, the slutty pumpkin is not coming!
Ted: She *might*.
Barney: Oy...
Ted: Come on, Barney, this is not about the odds! It's about believing! This girl, she... she represents something to me, I don't know... hope.
Barney: Wow. I did not understand a word you just said.

[in a fighter pilot costume, talking to the hula dancer girl]
Barney: So what does a fella have to do to get laid around here?... Yeah.
Hula: Right, because I'm wearing a lei...
[walks away]
Barney: Well, it isn't funny if you explain the joke!

- Sad commentary.
- All right,
- Polly got to pee.
- Again?
- Where you going?
- It's an elaborate costume.

Robin: I never played any team sports.
Ted: Are we playing "I never," because there's nothing left but peach schnapps.

Barney: Okay, I'm leaving. But just know, this Victoria's Secret party is on a yacht! And what will be sticking to that yacht? The Barnicle!
Ted: Really? That's the nickname now?
Barney: Yeah, the Barnicle!
Ted: Barnicle Barney?
Barney: That's it.
[awkward pause]
Barney: Barnicle out!
[leaves]
Ted: Have fun, Barnicle.

Barney: Your ego's writing checks your body can't cash.

Lily: [dressed as a parrot] All right, Polly gotta pee.
Marshall: Again?
[starts following her to the bathroom]
Ted: Where are you going?
Marshall: It's... an elaborate costume.

- Well, I'm pretty drunk.
- Look, I know that odds are the love of my life isn't gonna magically walk through that door in a pumpkin costume at 2:43 in the morning, but... this seems as nice a spot as any to just, you know, sit and wait.

[Barney is still dressed as a Devil]
Ted: I have to pee.
Barney: So go to the bathroom.
Ted: No, there's a huge line, and I don't wanna miss the Slutty Pumpkin.
Barney: So pee off the roof. Ooh! Ted. Pee off the roof.
[some guy dressed as an angel turns around]
Angel: Woah. I wouldn't do that if I were you, there's people walking down there.
Barney: Come on, Ted. Who you gonna listen to? Me or Mr. goodie-goodie over there?
Angel: Yeah, whatever, you guys got some weed?

Barney: Okay, here's the plan, and I crap you not. I am getting us into the Victoria's Secret Halloween party. Trust me, by the end of the night, your chad will not be hanging.
Ted: We can get rejected by supermodels any day of the year. Tonight, I'm gonna go up tp the roof, I'm gonna have a few beers, I'm gonna wait for the slutty pumpkin. It's just what I do.
Barney: [weighing the options on his hand] Hmm.
[left hand]
Barney: Victoria's Secret models prancing around in bras and panties, or
[right hand]
Barney: Yale preppies reuniting their stupid acapella group.
[pretends to hear his left hand say something]
Barney: What's that, left hand? Right hand sucks? Word.
Ted: I'm heading up to the roof.
Barney: [to his hands] Well, boys, looks like it's just you and me.
[pretending to hear his hand talk again]
Barney: What's that? Self-five? Nice.
[gives himself a high five]
Barney: We out!

Barney: What's that left hand? Right hand suck? Word!

[in a devil costume, talking to the hula dancer girl]
Barney: Let me guess, every guy has used the "laid" line on you tonight, huh?
Hula: You wouldn't believe.
Barney: I apologize for my gender. Let me make it up to you, make you a drink.
Hula: You certainly are a charming devil.
Barney: I'm also a *horny* devil... Yeah.
Hula: No.
[walks away]

Robin: How do you do this, Ted? How do you sit out here all night, on the roof in the cold and still have faith your pumpkin's gonna show up?
Ted: Well, I'm pretty drunk...

Robin: So, do you like Mike?
Lily: Do YOU like Mike?

Ted: [to someone in a big penguin costume] Excuse me? This is going to sound crazy, but... I met someone on this roof four years ago, and they mixed that cocktail, and they loved penguins... by any chance, was that you?
[the penguin seems to smile]
Ted: It's you. Everyone thought I was crazy, but...
[the penguin unmasks to reveal Barney underneath]
Barney: You are such a LOSER.
Ted: Arrgh!
Barney: Come on, I came back for you, Ted. I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways. And to score Hula Girl's number. Check and check.
Ted: Unbelievable.

Hula: [seeing that Barney is the penguin] Wait a minute. You're that lame army guy!
Barney: What? No, no, that's some other guy. And he was a kick-ass fighter pilot.
Hula: I cannot believe I gave you my number.
Barney: Yeah, well, you did. Thanks.
Hula: Yeah, well, give it back.
Barney: Well, uh, I don't think so, I earned it, fair and square. I'm calling you.
Hula: But I'm never going to go out with you!
Barney: But how will you know it's me. I'm a master of disguise!... Yeah.
[Hula Dancer walks away exasperated]

- I'm just really feeling this cheeseburger.
Mike: Come on.
- Just try a little bite.
- Dude, I'm kind of in the zone here.
- Oh, for God's sakes.
- Really tasty.