The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 3, Episode 10 Quotes

James: Of course it's scary. It's gross. The thought of doing that with a woman? But, it's part of being a guy. Try thinking about baseball. Somehow, I imagine those players on the field, and it's over a lot faster.

Heidi: Is he alright?
Ted: He has the yips. Hasn't been able to score with a woman for days.
Heidi: Oh, the yips. In Germany, we call that "Ach du meine Güte, nichts klappt mehr, überhaupt gar nichts mehr, so 'ne Scheiße!" That is bad.

Trish: So, ready to make a commitment to your body?
Marshall: I am all about commiting myself to my body. I want to drive out to Vermont and perform a commitment ceremony with my body. That was a weird thing to say.

- Yeah, well, turns out that guy had no affiliation with the gym whatsoever.
- Come on, guys, don't give up on the gym.
- It's been great for us.
- Like today, Robin and I had a really nice moment.
[loud groaning]: Oh, God! Oh... Yahhh!

Rhonda: You know that paper boy? I let him put one in the hedges, if you know what I mean.
Rhonda: Did you see that new pool boy? I let him snake my drain, if you know what I mean.
Rhonda: You know that Chinese food delivery man? I had sex with him. I haven't thought of a funny way of saying it, it was just twenty minutes ago.

Barney: [At the Victoria's Secret after-party] Remember, this is not a regular season game. This is the World Series. So remember, we work together as a team, and if anyone sees Heidi Klum, dibs.

Ted: You go to a gym, don't you?
Barney: I go to World Fitness, but I don't go to work out.
Ted: You don't?
Barney: No, I go to invest.
Barney: [at the gym] There's one of my investments. Hey, Sheila! Looking good!
Ted: You invest in women?
Barney: I invest in women who - How can I put this delicately? - They fat! I give them the attention they don't get now, and when they get hot, who do they come to? The guy who gave them attention back when they weren't.
Ted: I don't know if I should be disgusted or impressed.

Marshall: [Marshall complaining how his gym coach pushes him hard] Trish made me do 70 push-ups, but she only give me credit for 10. Then she had me do 100 sit-ups and *then* she made me cry using only her words.

- Hey, Barney Stinson from
- Staten Island Boulevard.
- What can I get you?
- I can't believe she didn't remember me.
- Why? Who is she?
- That's Rhonda.
- I lost my virginity to her.

Ted: Robin and I had a moment at the gym today.
[earlier at the gym, Ted walks in on Robin grunting loudly as she bench presses]
Ted: You know how some exes can't be friends because of all that lingering sexual tension?
Robin: Yeah?
Ted: Gone. Thank you.

Robin: That made me want to join a gym so that I can get super-strong and punch you really hard in the face.
Ted: You know what? Let's all do it.
Lily: Yeah, let's all punch Barney in the face.

- there I was,
- 23 and still a virgin.
- I knew nothing about girls.
- So I went to the guy who knew everything about girls-my brother James.
- Wait, your gay brother James?
- Yeah, this was before he was gay.

Barney: But you said I rocked your world. All subsequent worlds that I rocked were only so rocked because of the confidence I earned from said first world rocking.

Robin: I love it here. It's just normal women who wanna get in shape. I don't have to put on makeup, do my hair, wear some trendy outfit.
Ted: Yeah, this place is great. We're meeting our friend Robin here. I hope you don't hate her. She's pretty hot.
Robin: Shut up. Lily, tell him to shut up.
Lily: I'm sorry, lesbian prison guard. Do we know each other?
Barney: Ted, Lily, you'll never believe what just happened.
Barney: [to Robin] Oh hey dude, I'm Barney

Barney: That was the day I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode out into the world Armani-clad and fully awesome.