The Best Jenny Slate Quotes

Missy: That's late for me. Once Lester Holt is done with the news, I'm done with my day.
Jessi: You watch network news?
Missy: Uh, once the Internet gets it right for 50 years, I'll turn to them.

Frank: Look, I am...
Bonnie: Oh, you know what? I'm actually incapable of having this conversation right now.
Frank: Good. Good. 'Coz I have no idea what I was gonna say.

Gidget: [climbs up through the drawers and shelves of a cabinet] Friends, I am afraid that I have some terrible news.
Mel: The squirrels are gonna take over the world, I knew it! I always said, squirrels are little shifty little guys.
Gidget: No, we're not doing the squirrel thing right now, that's not, no!
[sighs]
Gidget: Max is missing! He's out there somewhere. Lost. Scared. So, so handsome. We've got to find him and bring him home!
Mel: But the outside world is loud and scary, whoa! Is that a hawk?
Gidget: This is my friend, Tiberius. He's going to help us.
[Tiberius flies next to Gidget]
Gidget: He's not going to eat us. We've already been over it.
Buddy: Come on, Gidget. We go out there without a leash, we'll get caught by a net... or something worse.
Mel: Yeah, like a hawk!
Gidget: We're wasting time. Max need us.
Buddy: Come on, girl. Max doesn't even know you're alive.
Gidget: Well, I don't care. I love him! I love him with all of my heart! And I'm gonna go look for Max, no matter who's with me. So... Who's with me? All right, fine. Fine.

Eddie: You know, I used to be a reporter. I was... I was pretty successful, as well, you know? My job, it required you to... You know, to follow people that did not want to be followed and hide in plain sight. I mean... You have to know how to disappear. I was pretty good, but, you know, you...
[looks at Dora]
Eddie: Whoever you are, you suck.
Dr. Dora Skirth: Okay. My name is Dora Skirth.
Eddie: Hmm.
Dr. Dora Skirth: I need your help. I work at the Life Foundation.
Eddie: You do?
Dr. Dora Skirth: Yes.
Eddie: Wow. Good for you. We're done.

Missy: Holy Nyong'o! I'm about to Lupita my pants

Bonnie: [classroom] Can you tell me... What 57 multiplied by 135 is?
[after waiting several seconds]
Bonnie: Okay. Who can tell me what four...
Mary: Seven thousand and six hundred and ninty five.
Bonnie: I don't think anyone can do that.
Mary: The square root is 87.7. And change. Now - what does ad nauseam mean?

[Gidget is watching La Pasión de la Pasión on TV]
Maria: [Bursting into a room with much flouncing] Why? Why?
Gidget: What's the matter, Maria?
Fernando: Maria! Your face! It wears a thousand sorrows! What is wrong?
Maria: [More flouncing] Oh, I have come face to face with the worst thing in the world!
Gidget: [Getting really into it] What? Oh, tell me Maria! Tell me now! I CANNOT BEAR ANOTHER MOMENT WITHOUT KNOWING!
Maria: [Yet more flouncing] Loneliness!
[Fernardo gasps, then Gidget gasps]

Max: Hey, uh, Gidget, wait up.
Gidget: Oh, uh, hi, Max.
[her tail starts wagging]
Max: Yeah, uh...
Gidget: [to her tail] Play it cool!
[Her tail stops wagging, and she giggles]
Max: Yeah, I just wanted to, uh...
[clears throat]
Max: Look. Have you ever lived across from someone your whole life, but you don't really appreciate them until... I don't know, until they're beating up dozens of animals on the Brooklyn Bridge? I guess, what I'm trying to say is... if you ever want to...
[Gidget wags her tail, and her eyes lighten up. Then she barks and happily hops onto Max and starts licking him and nuzzling him]
Max: Okay!
Pops: Oh, great, you're in love! How gross for everyone! Now, move it!

Caitlin: Leave me alone! I'm too young to be a stepmom!

Bonnie: [Bonnie comes out of bathroom in a towel. Sees Mary. Exhales] Oh! Oh my God!
Mary: [Gradually smiles] Good morning, Miss Stevenson!
[Like the morning ritual of her first grade class]
Bonnie: [Exhales again] Hi.
[Exits, nervously]

Buddy: How you been, old timer?
Pops: Paralyzed.
[Awkward pause]
Gidget: Great!

Tiberius: Okay. He's too stupid to talk and too ugly to eat.
Gidget: [screams and tackles Ozone to the ground] I'm done playing nice! Where is Max?
Ozone: What? I-I...
Gidget: [Gidget slaps Ozone] Tell me!
[slaps him again]
Ozone: Well I... I can't.
[gets slapped again]
Ozone: Let me finish.
[and slapped again]
Ozone: Ow! Help me!
[and slapped again]
Gidget: Don't look at him!
[slaps Ozone again]
Gidget: Look at me! Nobody can help you! Where is *Max*?

[from trailer]
Gidget: Hey, Max.
Max: Hey, Gidget.
Gidget: Any plans today?
Max: Yes. Big, big stuff today, Gidget. I got big plans. I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna wait for Katie to come back.
Gidget: Oh, that sounds exciting. Well, I won't interrupt. I've got a very busy day too.
[sighs]

Dr. Dora Skirth: Drake is using his personal rockets to scout real estate.
Eddie: You know, it's a really interesting story, but we need to just get to the part where he's killing people.
Dr. Dora Skirth: Drake sent a ship on a recon mission. On the way back, they found a comet.
Eddie: A comet?
Dr. Dora Skirth: Onboard computers indicated the presence of life, of millions of organisms.
Eddie: Wait, wait, wait, when you say "millions of organisms", what do you mean?
Dr. Dora Skirth: We brought back some specimens.
Eddie: You're talking about aliens? Like, aliens?
[imitates E.T]
Eddie: E.T. phone home. Aliens, yeah.
Dr. Dora Skirth: Yes. But we don't call them that. Well come them Symbiotes.
Eddie: Symbiotes?
Dr. Dora Skirth: And they cannot survive in our environment without help. Drake believes that the union between human and Symbiote is the key of our survival, but not here on Earth.
Eddie: Drake is trying to put human beings and aliens together? So they can live in space?
Dr. Dora Skirth: We call them hosts.
Eddie: That's nuts, isn't it? That's completely insane.
Dr. Dora Skirth: Yes. There's no protocol for this thing. He's just feeding them in. If the match isn't exact...