The Best Lucifer, Season 3, Episode 10 Quotes

Lucifer: I'm telling you. Obi Wan Can't-See-Me is Maggie's only hope.

- What's this?
- It's too nicely wrapped to be another severed head.
- Seriously?
- Call the bomb squad!
- Everyone evacuate now!

- Okay.
- Man: Right. Through this way. Come on.
- Keep going this way.
- Nice to see you all again.
- What. Too soon?
- Come on.
- Yeah, yeah. [Sinnerman laughs]

Lucifer: I guess we'll just have to go nut to butt, have Charlie do the foxtrot, cover each other's sixes and all that. You know? Hooah!
[Pierce gives him a look]
Lucifer: Military terms. Weren't you a serviceman?
Marcus: Yeah. We don't talk like that.

Mazikeen: Good luck mojoing a blind guy.
Lucifer: I don't need eyes to find out the Sinnerman's desire, ergo his weakness. There are other ways to learn what someone wants.
Mazikeen: What ways?
Lucifer: [Has no clue] Just... ways.

Chloe: Where were you last night, Helena?
Helena: I was on fresh meat patrol.
Lucifer: Ooh, good for you, Helena.
Chloe: No, it means training a new crew.

Lucifer: If I kill a human, then I lose my wings! And, because I've been such a naughty angel, I get my devil face back, and... bonus!... I rid humanity of our sightless psychopath. Three birds, one Sinnerman.

- Banal oh, I know... oldie but a goody.
- Beheading.
[Exhales] Honesfly!
- Can you at least try to look threatening?
- All right.

Sinnerman: Nice to see you all again. What? Too soon?

Chloe: I actually have a plan. But in order for it to work, you need to do exactly what I say. No more going off grid, no more destroying trace evidence, no more Luciferness. Is that clear?
Lucifer: As a chilled vodka martini. Served neat, of course.

Mazikeen: Text me when you've done the deed. Actually... I'll be able to tell by the plague of locusts.

Lucifer: Why don't you two make yourselves comfortable and I'll take first crack at Helen Killer here.
[Gets angry looks]
Lucifer: What? I thought he deserved a new nickname now that he's blind.

- Nah. Free lot over on 6th.
- Maggie isn't just a job-hogging bitch, she's a cheap job-hogging bitch.
[Chuckles]: Right.
- Well, come on, detective, chop-chop.
- More dead-end clues aren't gonna find themselves.

[Short chuckle] Yes, I know, it does sound absurd, doesn't it?
- So, as such, there's really only one way to prove my theory.
- Where did I...
- Ah, there it is.

Chloe: What is Trixie doing coloring crime scene photos at a desk when we have a psychotic killer in custody?
Lucifer: Well, she's done wonders with that mangled corpse, though. Very artistic.

- for a tortured eternity."
- It's quite the moniker.
- Yet, still, nowhere near as ridiculous as the sinnerman.
- Wouldn't you agree...
- Cain?

- I mean, I obvi wasn't there-there, but I just read the crime scene report, and... holy burrito bowl...
- With your "take down the bad dude" heroics and...
- Lopez, just stop talking!
- What on earth?

- Pierce, I'm sorry.
- I know you didn't want it to end this way.
- It's the only way it could end.
- You have clearance...

Blindfolded: [Trying to hit piñata, falls into Lucifer] Whoops! It's so hard.
Lucifer: Yes, always, but why don't I help you with your stick first?

- champagne-colored hatchback with the custom spoilers.
- Uh-huh.
- But then I realized...
- It wasn't about the hatchback.
- It wasn't. And...
- Where could they be?

Chloe: [about Pierce] This isn't even my secret to share.
Ella: Right, of course, 'cause he's so private and brooding and... hot. Not that that is at all relevant.

- Oh, no, no.
- Iwouldn't dream of it.
- J'j' oh, right, you can't see.
- Allow me to paint you a picture.
- Meet hell's most brutal torturer.
- The pleasure's all mine.

Marcus: Last time you talked to him, he gouged his own eyes out.
Lucifer: Yes, a minor inconvenience, especially for him. I mean, can you imagine living in L.A. and not being able to enjoy the sunset?

Sinnerman: The only way she'll survive is if I take you to her.
Lucifer: Right. Who's up for a field trip?

Trixie: You don't have kids, do you?
Charlotte: Actually, I do. Two. They live with their father.
Trixie: That makes sense.

- Why do you need me to do it?
- Free will.
- Why?!
- Why?!
- No! [Panting]
- No.
- He's gone.

Lucifer: [Lucifer's answering machine] Hello. This is Lucifer. You know what to do... preferably in the nude.

Chloe: Can we ask you a few questions?
Helena: Eat me!
Lucifer: Yes, please.

Lucifer: Actually, you know what, I'll boil you alive. Yeah. Top most painful way to die, according to BuzzFeed.

Lucifer: He's clearly your Moby Dick, and we all know what happened to Captain Ahab.
[Pierce gives him look]
Lucifer: Felled by savage revenge, dragged to the bottom of the sea? Gosh, did they teach you nothing at cop school?
Marcus: I've read Moby Dick. Six times.
Lucifer: Oh, really. What happened on page 83?

Lucifer: You tried waterboarding?
Mazikeen: Twice.
Lucifer: Bamboo under the nails?
Mazikeen: Do I look like an amateur?
Lucifer: Nickelback on repeat?
Mazikeen: That's where I started.

Dan: Human heads. Explosives. Can someone send me, I don't know, a muffin basket next time? That'd be nice.

Ella: I just love watching Pierce work. It's like a master class in ass whoop with a minor in whatevs.

Trixie: I like you. You're funny.
Charlotte: And you're... short.

- Maggie's car.
- Plates match.
- Right.
- Lucifer, we have to call forensics before we taint the evidence.
- What, and waste more of poor Maggie's precious time?
- Lucifer, no.

Lucifer: I have no idea what "The Sin Bin" is, but I approve.

Chloe: Derby Divas versus the Blazing Banshees. It's derby's most notorious rivalry.
Lucifer: Oh, ladies to go. I'll take two.
Chloe: [Watching the skaters] Whoa! Nice sausage.
Lucifer: What? So, those aren't ladies?

[Grunts] Whoa!
- Has to be a foul. the banshees and the divas are fighting it out.
- One beer, please.
- Is this really the time?
- Always.

Sinnerman: It really is true, how the other senses kick in once one is removed.
Lucifer: I can remove a few others if you'd like.

- I'm kidding, Dan.
- Whew. [Chuckles]
- Dinner would be more romantic.
- Dinner it is.
- It's okay by me.
- Bye.
- Bye.
[Quietly]: You are the best wingman ever.

Lucifer: Nothing screams weekend like tequila and scantily-clad women. And tequila. Cheers.
Mazikeen: It's Wednesday.

Lucifer: Finally, Maze, answers will be mine.
Mazikeen: Right.
Lucifer: If you could say that with less sarcasm, I'd appreciate it.
Mazikeen: No, no, I'm sure you're right. I'm sure a human jail will stop a soldier of God.
Lucifer: That's actually *more* sarcasm.

Dan: [to Charlotte] Maybe we can go grab that coffee sometime?
Trixie: Dinner would be more romantic.
Dan: It's okay by me.
[They smile at each other]
Charlotte: Dinner it is.
Dan: [Trixie leaves with Dan] You are the best wingman ever.