The Best Rick and Morty, Season 5, Episode 8 Quotes

Birdperson: I died at my wedding, Rick. I am merely waiting for it to take effect.

- Who are you? What is--?
- Oh, my God. I'm a memory.
- We just sat through all that stand-up for nothing.
- Almost out.
- Okay, listen, everybody, my name's Rick.
- This is my new friend, Bird Man, and his friends.
- We all just met at this festival.
- And we're so high we formed a band--

- You've got this wild callousness thing going on.
- Yeah, you're young.
- Come on, let's bring you to life and get a beer.
- Does being real mean I eventually become you?
- I assume, yeah.
- Maybe you can just remember us getting a beer.

Birdperson: For all your intelligence, you seem unable to know where you are wanted.
Rick: Buddy this is not a safe way to work on yourself. At this point I'd support you joining Scientology. I'll take the workshops with you, I'll get in the sauna with Travolta, I don't even care what happens. Let's get outta here.
Birdperson: Don't you get it? I came here to end it all.

- -[yells]
- -[distant scream]
- Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
- -Whoops. Nope.
- -Aw, this rules.
- No, it doesn't. Neither does that.
- -Why would you not revisit this?
- -Oh, I don't know, maybe, uh, the ending?

- Initiating best friend rejuvenation sequence.
- Excuse me? Did I pick that name?
- Sequence was unnamed.
- What would you like to call this?
- Pause detected. Pause gravity class: heavy.
- Approaching pause pregnancy
- -in P-minus five, four.
- -Jesus fucking Christ.

Rick: Come with me!
Birdperson: To... some place nearby?
Rick: Anywhere, everywhere!
Birdperson: Rick, I don't expect you to keep fighting, but this war is...
Rick: Far from over, I know.
[pulls out his dimension gun]
Rick: Dude, I shared this with nobody. But I can take you right now to the same battlefield in a universe where we lost, or another where we won, or another where the war never even happened. All equally real, all equally unreal. None of it manners.
Birdperson: Then why did you help?
Rick: Because I respect you. And I wanted you to know you could respect me.
Birdperson: Even though nothing matters?
Rick: Okay... you matter, to me.

Young: Morty?
Rick: Oh uh, hypothetical grandson we go on adventures with.
Young: You're one of those creeps who moves in with abandoned adult Beths.
Rick: It's more complicated than that.
Young: You live with a version of our dead daughter. It better be.

Garage: Risk level: unacceptable.
Rick: If I die, your battery has a 600-year charge!
Garage: Risk level acceptance: increasing.
Rick: Yeah, I thought you'd see it my way. Now factor in the 50% chance I'm lying and make sure I get back.
Garage: Asshole: detected.
Rick: Takes one to make one.

- Hold on. I need something first.
- -[yells]
- -[groans and coughs]
- It's funny. I always wondered who would win if we ever fought.
- Then you were always a bad friend.
- Your life isn't real and I didn't save it.
- Take off your clothes.
- I knew this was how I'd die.

Rick: You're down here bailing on the rest of us because you don't want to process your grief and shame like a normal person, by drinking and mistreating others!

- -Thank you.
- -We're dropping into Blood Ridge.
- One final chance to stop the Federation offense. If we lose here--
- All aboard!
- Hey, don't mind us, you guys are all just a memory of war.
- Don't tell them that, they won't fight right.
- I think it's [burps] best if we ignore this.