The Best The Simpsons, Season 18, Episode 21 Quotes

Marge: If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage.

Principal: Enhance.
[the image is enhanced, revealing "Seymour sucks" carved on a desk]
Principal: Dehance! Dehance!

[last lines]
[Jack Bauer comes in by dropping in from an air vent]
Jack: [in megaphone] Good work, Lisa!
Bart: What about me?
Jack: [points gun at Bart] Bart Simpson, twelve minutes ago, you made an annoying prank phone call to me. All units move in!
[a bunch of units move into the gym and they all point guns at Bart, but Bauer puts his away]
Jack: I pulled ever single field agent off all other cases to track you down and bring you to justice. It was a tough decision, but I think I made the right call.
[big explosion happens in the distance, and the crowd gasps]
Jack: It's okay. That was Shelbyville.
[everyone sighs with relief]

Jack: I'm Jack Bauer. Who the hell are you?
Bart: [thinks of the perfect prank call] I'm, um, Ahmed Adoudi.
Jack: Chloe, find out all you can about Ahmed Adoudi. Does somebody know Ahmed Adoudi?
Chloe: Ahmed Adoudi: wealthy Saudi financier, disappeared into Afghanistan in the late '90s.
Jack: Really?
Chloe: No, Jack! It's a joke name! You're being set up.
Jack: Damn it!
[he shoots with his gun and Bart laughs hard]

[Homer gets out of Moe's tavern and walks to the dumpster he left Milhouse in]
Homer: Okay, Milhouse, what do you wanna do?
Milhouse: Well, the school's having a bake sale.
Homer: Old Betsy will get us there.

Jack: The following takes place between 2:34 PM and 3:04 PM. Or maybe it's AM. Whichever one is the morning one; it's not that one.

Homer: [after the Bullies stuff him and Milhouse into the Dumpster and lock it] I'm still alive! You call that playing to win?

[Homer picks up the stink bomb and notices the amount of time before it blows]
Homer: Oh, a Thermos! With seven cups of coffee still left in it. Oh, wait, six.

Principal: [Bart makes a Principal Skinner head out of poupon and ketchup] Simpson! I'll teach you to make a poupon me!
[students in the cafeteria laugh]

Homer: Hey, Milhouse. Who're you spying on? Those bullies?

[first lines]
Jack: Previously on "24"... I mean, "The Simpsons."

Mr. Burns: Simpson, take your putrid filth far away from here, you soulless land whale.
Homer: Woo-hoo! Business trip!

[Bart notices Ralph in the glass case and calls someone on his phone]
Bart: I got a man down. Well, not a man. A very special boy.

Bart: Lisa, are you on a secure line?
Lisa: I am. You're on a blue tooth cell wire, the most vulnerable device known to man.
Bart: But it looks so cool!

Bart: Jimbo has a stink bomb in his house, but I need to intercept it fast. Send me some schematics.
Lisa: Jimbo made a couble of drawings of his house in the second grade, but I can't vouch for their accuracy. The teacher gave them a frowny face.

Milhouse: Lisa, if I don't make it, there's a letter in my locker I want you to read.
Lisa: I've read your letter.
Principal: We've all read it.