The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 6, Episode 18 Quotes

Nora: I'm sorry I've been trying not to stare at your chest all night.
Barney: Hahaha, what's that like?

- 32 years.
- I mean, Nora's great.
- She's wonderful, but--
- What time was your dinner reservation?
- Last night?
- 8:30.
- What did his heart do at 8:30?

- The bed.
- That's where all the-- happens.
- Come on.
- Let's get you sorted out.
- That night, Barney didn't take care of business.
- Instead,
- Nora took care of Barney.

Lily: Oooh, Barney's got feelings for a girl.
Barney: Yeah, penis feelings!

Barney: Never screw over a girl whose last name ends in a vowel, because she's got brothers.

Ted: [Ted, Marshall and Lily alert Robin that Scooby, Robin's new boyfriend, is missing from the apartment] Robin! Hey, remember Scooby? Well, he got out.
Robin: Got out? What do you mean?
Ted: He just walked right out of the apartment. Someone must've left the door open.
Marshall: It wasn't me!
Lily: Me neither.
Lily: He must have figured out how to open it himself!
Ted: He's so smart, we should get him on Letterman doing tricks!
Marshall: I know Paul Schaefer's sandwich guy. This can happen.

Dr. Kirby: I'd like you to wear this heart monitor for the next twenty-four hours,
Barney: Flag on the play, doc, I have a date tonight!
Dr. Kirby: Don't worry, it's totally safe. Unless part of your big date involves connecting yourself to a car battery.
Barney: Well now it doesn't.

Marshall: You got nothing on me.
Barney: The calzone?
Marshall: Checkmate.

Lily: Scooby, we're in our thirties, we don't smoke sandwiches anymore.
Ted: Sandwich brownies?
Lily: Okay!

Barney: Never ever meet a girl's parents.
Ted: Not even if she is hot?
Barney: Not even if her mom's hot!

- which is why nothing, not even God himself--
- Yeah, I said it, beardy-- is gonna stand in the way of tonight being legen--
- Wait for it.
- Uh-oh.

Dr. Kirby: [Reading Barney's heart monitor] What happened at 8:46 PM last night.?
Barney: Well let's see, Wheel of Fortune, naked push ups, naked chin ups... oh I was at dinner.
Nora: [At dinner] Barney, what I'm about to say is gonna sound a little weird, but, I'm think I'm starting to like you, so I have to say it.
Barney: Well, for what it's worth, I'm not easily shocked... unless you dump water on me, 'cause I'm
[gestures to his heart monitor and mimics electrocution]
Barney: ... what is it?
Nora: I wanna get married. Not tonight, or even to you necessarily, but that's what I want, and if that's gonna scare you off, I'd rather it scare you off now. I want a family, I want to live in a house, with a garden with a tree for kids to climb. I want to go to sleep every night with the same person by my side, and wake up next to him in the morning - every morning - for the rest of my life. Just thought you should know that.