The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 7, Episode 11 Quotes

Barney: I wish men could have children on their own, like seahorses!

Ted: Instead of throwing away your life marrying some girl, you just go splitsies on a kid with your best bro!

- But something happened to Lily and Marshall that day, something that happens to all New Yorkers... who return home from anywhere other than New York.
- Their big, lovely apartment--
- Huh. That's weird. shrank.

Barney: [Barney talks to Robin, who just locked herself up at a bathroom] Are we still friends?
Robin: Hope.
Barney: Good.
[sits on bathtub]
Barney: 'Cause get this, Ted almost adopted a baby.
[scoffs]
Barney: Crazy, right? Poor guy's going through some stuff. He actually tried to rope me into it. Can you imagine me being someone's dad?
Robin: ...I'm pregnant.

Narrator: [about Past Ted and Barney trying to adopt a baby and raise it as "Bro-Parents"] Kids I cannot stress this enough: Barney and I were going through a tough time.

Marshall: [Marshall talks to Lily about selling the house she inherited from her grandparents] Baby, your grandparents gave you this house outright. The way I see it, we have five options: number one, sell it. Number two, year-round haunted house. Three, giant fence around the perimeter. Chimp sanctuary, there's a swing around the backyard. Four, we destroy it with sledgehammers. I like four.
Lily: Or five, we move in, raise our children, make this our family home.
Marshall: 'Till they graduate, and we destroy it with sledgehammers... as a family.

Barney: A kid needs a pet cobra. Ted, don't be a pill about this.

Barney: You know what would kick ass?
Ted: Being gay?
Barney: Being gay!