The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 8, Episode 10 Quotes

Ted: Barney, or should I say Borrowney?
Marshall: You should never say that.

- Hold on, Marshall's calling me on the other line.
- Lily, I just saw the worst thing ever.
- Kind of busy right now, Marshall.
- Quiet.
- He can hear you.
- Who's "he"?
- He's coming!
- Everyone shut up!

- The gals?
- Oh... you mean the Minnesota Twins.
Narrator: Meanwhile, Robin was about to give up on ever finding The Playbook until...
- Ugh, the Bro Code, damn it.

- Who is Mama's big boy?
- Wait.
Mickey: I am.
- Mickey?
- And I've been bad.
- Get off my mommy.

Robin: I love Patrice. We're like sisters.
Ted: You've never gotten through even one exchange without screaming at her.
Robin: [Screaming] Sisters fight, Ted!

- Patrice, I have done some sleazy stuff to seduce women, but
- I want to be a better person.
- You make me want to be a better person.
- I can't be with a man who has a playbook.
- I understand.

Barney: [the gang talks at MacLaren's over Marshall and Lily's parents hooking up] I think you should be happy for them.
Marshall: What? But why? What is good about this?
Barney: Well, first of all, respect to Mickey. Your mom's a piece - she's no Ted's mom, but she's a piece. Secondly, I mean, it's nice that they found each other. Sometimes, you fall for someone you never expect, but that doesn't make it wrong. Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy?
Lily: I guess none of us ever thought of it that way.
Barney: Next round's on me.
[Gang stares at Barney in wonder]

- You've been bumping uglies with my daughter for years.
- The second I climb up on your mom, it's the end of the world?
- How could you think that was Hef?
- It was an honest mistake.
- That guy was black, Ted.
- I guess I just don't notice that kind of stuff.

Lily: Our apartment is so crowded these days,
- I don't get a minute to myself!
- I have a key to Barney's apartment, he has a kick-ass couch, and he DVR's all the Real Housewives shows, including the reunion specials.

- I'm just gonna grab this star to put on top of the tree.
- It's gonna be legend-- wait for it-merry!

- You sure it isn't my landlady,
- Mrs. Takahashi?
- I'm serious.
- The janitor just mopped the floor.
- Bon Jovi is literally standing next to a sign that says "Slippery When Wet."
- Uh-uh.
- I want those ornaments back.

Ted: [Annoyed at the gang for "borrowing" his stuff and never returning it] I'll take that.
[takes minicooler from Lily]
Ted: The Ted Mosby Store is officially closed.
[looks inside of cooler]
Ted: What spilled in here?
Lily: Breastmilk.
Ted: [Makes a face and hand the minicooler back to Lily] Seriously, I give and give, and all I ask back is a little bit of respect
[leaves apartment wearing his red cowboy boots]

- A trout with a daughter has one job.
- One job!
- To keep her off the fishing pole!
Lily: You suck!
- Lily!
- Captioned by
- Media Access Group at WGBH

- Hugh Hefner in your lobby right now.
- I'm gonna grab my robe.
- "Teddy's first Christmas"?
- Barney, are these my ornaments?
- That could be anyone's baby handprint, Ted.
- Now, come on, Hef's old, but he moves like a cheetah.