The Best Lucifer, Season 3, Episode 4 Quotes

Amenadiel: You're not evil. You're the Devil. You *punish* evil. Your words.

- I warned Emily, but she wouldn't listen to reason.
- It was her own fault.
- What about the detective?
- She was just in my way, man.
- I'm not going back to jail!

Chloe: What is going on here? And how did you get that horse?
Lucifer: [from atop a horse] What horse?

- Lovely.
- Right.
- Mm.
- I, uh, better get on with my end of the bargain.
- Lexy, darling, the devil's back. [Chuckles]

Carly: It was dark, and I was looking through a window. Geez, do I have to do all your work for you?
Mr. Glantz: Carly, tone.
Carly: Should I roll over and fetch, too, Dad?
Lucifer: Parents. Am I right?

Lucifer: The way to hell really is paved with bad acne-prone intentions.

Lucifer: The Devil's back.

- they've changed by giving them wings?
- A most vile manipulation.
- And completely unoriginal,
- I might add.
- Lucifer...
- Tyson chase.
- The tool belt... it was assigned to Tyson chase.
- Where can we find Tyson?

- "Nine five four four."
- It's Tyson chase's number.
- I guess he is our killer.
- See? What did I tell you?
- Once a bad guy, always a bad guy.

Lucifer: Rest easy. I'm not a thief. Your valuables are untouched. Unless, of course, you consider your wife a "valuable". In that case, I've touched her several times. Twice this morning.

- Lieutenant, come on.
- Stay with me.
- Unit 831. Officer down!
- Officer down!

- Luckily, Pierce was with her.
- But I wasn't.
- Hey, guys, I want you to check all local atm cameras.
- If blackcrow is fleeing, he's gonna need cash.
- That's the only way to get any at this hour.
- Unless he's got a stash somewhere.

Lucifer: All right, first off, a... a makeover. Clothes. Shoes. Here's an idea, try smiling.
[Amenadiel pulls an awkward grin]
Lucifer: Right. We can work on that.

Lucifer: What is it you all desire?
Carly: Get rich.
Firehawk: Instagram model.
Bonehead: Be my own boss.
Firehawk: Play video games!
Colin: My father's love.
Lucifer: Urgh.

Amenadiel: [Trying to be like Lucifer] Guess what?
Tootie: What?
Amenadiel: You get to have sex with me.
[She throws a drink in his face]
Amenadiel: Didn't go as planned.

Amenadiel: You see, Father wants me to just... To just be there for you. To have your back. Now that you're evolving.
Lucifer: There was this, ah, soul that I used to torture back in Hell. And like a good masochist, he'd call the shots. "Burn me. Freeze me. Hurt me." So, I did. And this went on for centuries. Until, one day, for some reason, he missed his daily punishment. And when I returned, he was crying. "Please, my king," he said, "Don't ever forget me again. I promise I'll be good." It was then that I realized he was so full of self-loathing, void of any self-respect, that no matter the depth of my cruelty, whatever minuscule attention I paid, gave meaning to his... pointless existence.
Amenadiel: Why are you telling me this?
Lucifer: Because he reminds me of you. And you think I've changed? You, the former angel, powerless and pathetic, a disgraced failure with no better way to spend your days than yipping at my heels for scraps to remind you of a time of when you once mattered?
Amenadiel: Hm. I know what you're doing. And you can kill the messenger if you must. But just know that I am here for you.

Lucifer: We're surrounded by ne'er-do-wells, and he thinks the culprit came from the outside. Delusional.
[Looks at group of teens]
Lucifer: Killer's obviously here.
[Points]
Lucifer: Probably him. Shifty eyes.
[Spots red-head]
Lucifer: Or... no, sorry... her. The ginger... She's got that "I like to watch the life drain out of people" look.

Tyson: [after Lucifer speeds them to the edge of a cliff] I don't want to die! I'll come with you, tell you anything!
Lucifer: Smells like you might need a change of underpants first, Tyson.

- I know you wanted that one, too.
- And I...
- I won't let you down, sir.
- I know you won't.
- You earned it, buddy.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks.

Judge: Who the hell do you think you are?
Lucifer: Lucifer Morningstar, Your Honor. My apologies. I had no idea I was dealing with a man of such stature. In my defense, when we came in last night, I was blindfolded by your wife's underwear.

Marcus: Well done, Lucifer. Way to be a good influence.
Lucifer: How dare you say that!

Carly: Not saying a word without my lawyer.
Lucifer: Sorry, I taught her that.

Lucifer: Go. Release your inner Devil.
Amenadiel: But what should I do first?
Lucifer: Oh, I don't know. Get laid.

- Right.
- See, Pierce had noticed how I liked my coffee.
- Just pay attention to his actions, not his words.
- And regardless, Decker, you are a total badass.
- Thank you, Ella.
- You got something?

Lucifer: I grant you... entrée to all things me. And give me your phone.
Amenadiel: Okay.
Lucifer: Right. Now you have access to all my social media accounts: Instagram, Snapchat, Grindr...

- So what?
- Once evil, always evil, right?!
- No, luci. You're not evil.
- You're the devil.
- You punish evil.
- Your words.

Amenadiel: Tell me, what is it you desire?
Blair: For you to move so I can talk to my boyfriend.
Amenadiel: [notices guy behind him] Oh. S-S... Sorry about that.

Lucifer: Reach for the unexpected, and allow yourself to be surprised.

- This is so good.
- Because I've finally figured out how you are my test.
- You see, father wants me to just...
- Just be there for you.
- To have your back.
- Now that you're evolving.

Lucifer: What are you so upset about? I mean, it was a valuable teaching moment for the children. They are our future, after all.
Chloe: You're teaching them to grow drugs!
Lucifer: No, no, no, I'm teaching them to *sell* drugs.

Dan: When I heard the charges, I mean...
Amenadiel: Listen, we had just performed the act of love, and then she demanded money. At first, I assumed it was for bus fare, but then she wanted quite a large amount. And then her cousin showed up, who shared very little familial resemblance, by the way, and then he also demanded money.

Lucifer: What's your deepest, darkest fantasy?
Lexy: To have sex in the ball pit at a Chuck E. Cheese.
Lucifer: Not what I was expecting.

- I'm not gonna waste one of my best detectives while you attend useless meetings.
- And the only reason I came here was so I could finally see you in action firsthand.
- You think that I'm one of your best detectives?
- Decker, gun!

Lucifer: You curtail the free will of these rebellious souls by making them follow your rules, and then you trick them into thinking they've changed by giving them wings? A most vile manipulation. And completely unoriginal, I might add.

Jerry: Taking care of your gear is the sixth stepping stone on the Firehawk Path to healing.
Lucifer: Ah, is stepping stone seven, "Use said gear to kill someone you hate"?