30 Best My Life Is Murder Quotes

Alexa: [to Madison after spotting her naked boyfriend in their apartment] Try to keep the poetry to a dull roar, will you. I'm taking a bath.

Alexa: God, in the future, everybody's going to want 15 minutes of privacy!

Alexa: Do you have to have a penis to ride with your crew?

Alexa: Thing is, Dan. You're a liar.
Dan: Excuse me?
Alexa: The unworn kit, fake Rolex. You know, these are very nice touches but a bit of a giveaway that you're feeling a tad insecure. Now, did you order that toast before you realized that your high-flying friends ever order coffee? 'Cause, that would mean that the problem is not with the quality of the bread, it's with your unresolved high school issues.
Dan: [smiling] You should give me a call sometime. Get a drink.
Alexa: Alright, that's it. Out.

Cara: Can you just get us there alive?
Alexa: Yeah, yeah. I used to do pursuits.
Cara: Yeah, I can tell you enjoyed it.
[looking at Alexa warily after she did a fast crazy turn in the car]

Brenda: Oh, Alexa, are you ever on time for anything?
Alexa: No, Chef. Sorry, Chef.

Kathleen: If you mess this up for me, I will come after you for everything you own.
Alexa: You know, I'm strangely aroused by that.

Cesar: You should stop being so nosy about other people's families and focus on your giros.
Cesar: Shoddy.
Alexa: No one's ever said that about my giros before.

Madison: My dad taught me, he's a cook.
Alexa: Oh, yeah, did he also teach you to be a smart-arse?
Madison: [looking directly at Alexa] No, I think I picked that up more recently.

Detective: I hear you're a big Ed Sheeran fan now.
Alexa: Oh, yeah, massive.
Alexa: Yeah, he's like Jamie Oliver with sleeve tattoos.

Alexa: Oh, I was such a little shit!
Miranda: You're an even bigger shit now.

Alexa: Ooh, that is quite the sight, isn't it?
Roger: Gotta love a man in lycra, right?
Alexa: Excuse me. They are not just men. They're athletes.

Madison: [from Alexa's tablet] She's here to help.
Alexa: Help who?
Beth: You. So that you don't keep calling Madison in the middle of the night.
Alexa: What?
Beth: [to Madison on the phone] You didn't say she was scary.

Alexa: And by the way, a Persian dinner and a blouse do not a room in my house buy.
Madison: Does everything have to be transactional? You should read the Gospel of Matthew.
Alexa: [sarcasm] Oh, yes, we're doing that at book club next.

Ngaire: What are you, a reporter?
Alexa: Police consultant. And this is Beth. Well, I don't really know what Beth does. I just found her actually.

Madison: Why didn't you go?
Alexa: Cause I hate the funerals of people I love.

Levi: And if you think about making any public statements about any of this, we'll take legal action against you personally.
Alexa: It's very hard to keep details suppressed in a defamation trial. Good luck.

Chloe: You're the police, right?
Alexa: Yes. Did... did my dead ancestors tell you that?
Chloe: No, you just... you look like a cop.

Alexa: He nearly had a resurrection just looking at you.
Madison: You'll go to hell.
Alexa: Where all the fun people are.

Alexa: Hey, you don't think you could fix my Loobenschwegen?

Clarissa: Peanut?
Alexa: Oh, I don't like peanuts.

Alexa: God, in the future, everybody's going to want 15 minutes of privacy!

Alexa: Hey, I heard about that writer. That must've been hard on the arts community.
Ngaire: Oh, it was, but, um... we're all a bit sick of talking about it, to be honest.
Alexa: Really, would've thought you'd be dining out on that for years. I mean, famous author, dead inside a statue. That's pretty juicy.
Ngaire: Where did you hear that?
Alexa: Where'd we hear that?
Beth: Oh, um...
Alexa: Yeah. Down the village. Mrs. Have a chat.

Alexa: That bag's empty, isn't it?
Madison: Yes.
Alexa: You really suck at this, don't you?
Madison: Yep.

Madison: Hey, make sure you meet him in public. He might be weird.
Alexa: This from someone who's hot for a vacuum cleaner?

Detective: So, the guy in here has had an actual death experience.
Alexa: I win.

Alexa: Oh, maybe he should be home in bed... where he can crap in your backyard instead of on the path out there.

Madison: My dad taught me, he's a cook.
Alexa: Oh, yeah, did he also teach you to be a smart-arse?
Madison: [looking directly at Alexa] No, I think I picked that up more recently.

James: So, what brings on these anxiety attacks?
Madison: Well, I'm pretty sure they're brought on by stress caused by the woman I work with.

Alexa: Kath, have some bread.
Kathleen: I hate being called Kath.
Alexa: And I hate calling you Kath, so I guess we're even.