50 Best My Three Sons Quotes

Chip: I'm gonna go do my math homework. That way I can grow up to be a pencil pusher too.

Michael: The old ones were just broken in. I wear my pants out faster then I do my shoes.
Steve: Maybe because you do more sitting then walking.
Michael: Not in this house.

Steve: Chip, some day you're going to get married.
Chip: Married! I don't even have a driver's license yet.

Mr. Armstrong: Students, I know many of you feel about the scholarship award but in time you'll come to realize its importance. Both to our country and to yourselves as individuals. I've learned that your parents feel very strongly about this and they persuaded someone you all know to make the award. May I introduce Brigadier General Jimmy Stewart.
Hank: Holy cow Jimmy Stewart.
Mr. Armstrong: That's right this is Jimmy Stewart and he is a brigadier general in the United States Air Force Reserve. He is just completing his tour of active duty in the Air Force and is returning to the west coast. Students, General Stewart.
[Loud applause]
General: Mr. Armstrong, students, good afternoon. Some of you seemed surprised to see me here well as a matter of fact I was surprised too when Dr. Harper told me the students were going to honor an egghead. And the reason for that is because when I was in high school that word described a fella who goofed up. I wish you could have been with me the past few days upon the mountains near Colorado Springs. I visited a school dedicated to developing what perhaps could be called super eggheads. You would have enjoyed seeing 2500 youngsters just a couple of years older than you competing in various athletics, football, basketball, fencing, wrestling and each a modern egghead in his own right because academic leadership is a mandatory requirement for admission to that school. Maybe by this time you've guessed that I'm talking about the United States Air Force Academy. Where the program is devoted to developing leadership. Now I don't mean only military leaders to plan Air tactics, I mean leaders in science and diplomacy, astronautics, electronics, physics, the humanities, leaders in tomorrow's world. One of the most important things they learn is enscribed on a statue that stands amid the rolling hills and it reads: man's flight through life is sustained by the power of his knowledge. That's so true. You're growing up in the midst of a complex and wonderful world. A world of science. We take for granted our accomplishments in space but this is only the beginning of the space age and the marvels of automation in our everyday lives. Progress in the future depends on knowledge, on education. This group and other students across the country around the world are in a sense competitors in this quest for knowledge. I think the winner of any competition is not just average, he's earned his victory and the right to recognition and I'm glad the students and faculty of this high school have decided to recognize with an appropriate award a winner in academic achievement. It's an important award and I believe in it and I'm proud to present it. The first award for scholarship, a sweater and Bryant Park B to Robert Douglas.
Hank: [to Robbie] you've done it

Michael: Where are you off to?
Mike: Who, me?
Michael: No your twin brother.
Mike: Oh I'm just going out to trap a desperate blackmailer.

Chip: There that's what Robbie taught me.
Huey: Huh call that playing, my brother Harold could do that with his toes.
Chip: So could Robbie. And he plays the trumpet too.
Huey: With his toes?

Michael: Where's the vacuum cleaner?
Mike: Chip's using it Bub.
Michael: What, out in the backyard?
Robbie: It's great for leaves.

Chip: Can Sudsy stay for dinner?
Mike: Oh I don't know Chip. Robbie's bringing Hank over and I just bought a little hamburger.
Huey: You want me to go into the other room so you can talk about me?

Duke: This boy was actually kissing Jackie Acton. And she didn't belt him.
Tim: I don't understand it.
Mike: Well I merely followed my dad's advice. Conduct yourself like a gentleman and it uh really pays off.

Michael: Your aunt pinched a few too many tomatoes and I got a little salty.
Marian: A lttle salty! He told everyone within earshot that I looked like an elephant.
Michael: I said you danced like an elephant.

Jeannie: A live frog?
Chip: Yeah practically. He's under the bed.
Jeannie: Oh may I see him? Please.
Huey: Are you sure you're a girl?
Jeannie: Quite sure.

Steve: Just ask Bub if he'll iron it again and everything will be alright.
Mike: I'd fight a mongoose bare handed but I'm not man enough to face Bub again today.

Michael: Mike I'd like to borrow that record of yours, I may want to take some Cha-Cha lessons.
Robbie: You don't have to speak Spanish to Cha-Cha Bub.
Michael: I know. But if I ever step on the the toes of one of those Spanish instructors I want to hear exactly what she really thinks of me.

Chip: Will you talk to him for me?
Steve: No.
Chip: Will you come with me?
Steve: No.
Chip: Will you write me a note?
Steve: No.

Corky: Robbie says you're a big guy in outer space. Welcome back to the mad group of earth people.
Steve: Well, thank you. The earth is a nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live here, though.

Huey: Is he still sitting in there?
Chip: Yeah, he's got terrible emotional possession.
Huey: Harold Roebuck said if you sit in one spot too long you turn into a rock.
Mike: Well you tell Harold Roebuck we'll let him know if that happens.

Robbie: Dad, seems to me that you expect an awful lot. I mean how old do you think a girl like Dodo is anyway?
Steve: Too old for you.

Robbie: A hot-water bottle would be better--if we had a hot-water bottle.
Huey: We have one on account as my father says my mother has cold feet. He won't mind this week; he's in Schenectady.

Mrs. Towler: Mr. O'Casey, you are in contempt of the chair.
Michael: That is so true.

Steve: Have slide rule, will travel.

Mike: What if you can't sleep? You stay stupid?

Mike: I was supposed to go over there. It's five blocks!
Michael: And that explains it. And each one of those blocks is studded with landmines.
Mike: It's not that important.
Michael: You know when when I was a kid I walked two miles to school every day. Sudsy's right, the human race is going downhill.

Huey: I thought how hard I was workin'. And all of a sudden I printed some extra tickets so I could win better.
Chip: Gosh Sudsy you sure are a clunky little crook.
Michael: How do you like that. I was just a pawn in tbe hands of the junior mafia.

Steve: Bub? Mike? Robbie? Chip?

Robbie: Remember little brother is watching you.

Dave Welch Jr.: I haven't seen my dad so happy since I got rid of my Beatle haircut.

Robbie: Hey Mike. Did you get the feeling we were being watched while we were working?
Mike: We were. By four tons of dead fish.

Steve: I mean she seems uh just a little...
Mike: Very mature looking for her age but she does seem a little...
Michael: Yeah she does seem a little...
Chip: Dumb.
Michael: That's the word.

Hank: So you eat half a chocolate cake, a pint of ripple ice cream and then end the whole thing up by asking Joanie to go out with you.
Robbie: I don't know how it happened.
Hank: Well her mother does make awfully good chocolate cake.

Michael: Tell her I was taking a bath and caught my toe in the drain.
Chip: Gee Bub, you're always telling us not to tell lies and you make us tell Miss Gilbert all kinds of stuff.
Michael: Get this will you. Now he's developing scruples.

Steve: What have we got here Rob?
Robbie: Dad it's my new car.
Michael: Robbie you change car more oftener then I change shirts.

Jeff: Yeah but what's all this jazz about a hippopotamus foot?
Mike: Well that's what that is. I guess they didn't care what they used for an umbrella stand in the old days.
Buzz: It's real, toes and all.
Mike: Sure, who would want to make a phony hippopotamus foot?

Michael: [sniffing Robbie, who's preening in the mirror] What have you got on?
Robbie: Lotion. After shaving.
Michael: After shaving what? You smell like an explosion in a barber shop!

Robbie: Hank and I are going to raise him in the backyard. We'll build a pen for him and everything.
Mike: You know dad it might not too bad idea. I hear those 4-H kids do pretty well for themselves.
Michael: Thanks Emily. I'll do something for you sometime.

Henry: We're going in Steve's station wagon. Our car won't hold seven people and a dog.
Mrs. Florence Pearson: Seven people?
Henry: Love thy neighbor. As they say.
Mrs. Florence Pearson: All of them? Well that's the trouble with modern psychology. Children today always feel wanted.

Robbie: This happens to be a very important thing they're going to.
Mike: Sic transit Gloria
Robbie: You think you're so smart cause you're taking Latin. Well I could say some junk in algebra you couldn't figure out either.

Steve: You know, Guthrie said something to me the other day. He told me it would be easier to reach the moon than to reach JM Johnson.
[What may be a new twosome, they're seated side by side in the front seat of Steve's convertible, top down; following a late night working together at the design table back at the office then a light supper - 'getting-to-know-you' time]
Joan: The moon is 240,000 miles away.
[Silent: their first kiss - on the lips]
Steve: Tell me something, Johnson.
Joan: Hmmm.
Steve: What's your first name?
Joan: Joan.
Steve: [He pulls back slowly] Well, I'll tell you. I'll call you Johnson in the office, and Joan in the moonlight.
[Clearly, Steve is smitten. Johnson isn't quite that eager for a relationship. She's on a plane back to her home office in Washington, D.C. the next day]

Mike: Bub, you made three lunches again? I'm in college.

Steve: Well thanks Ed. I'll have it plotted out by morning. I hope.
Ed: Don't worry about it Steve. If i don't have it by 9 o' clock, i'll stab myself.
Steve: Well, see you tomorrow.

Judy: Actually I detest cherries jubilee. Those poor chefs work so hard, I know how they love to make those elaborate desserts. It's the only reason I ordered it.
Mike: Well that was very thoughtful of you.

Francesca: She say in this house only men live, I think maybe I can cook, clean.
Robbie: Well, how about that? A genuine contessa. Mike, we gotta invite her to dinner! How often do you find a contessa on your kitchen floor?
Mike: Well, you can stay to dinner, I guess.

Michael: Serve breakfast to Tramp? Let him get his own breakfast.

Michael: Well so now I look like a woman.
Steve: I didn't say you looked like her.
Robbie: Boy can you imagine anything worse then being a woman and having to look like Bub?
Michael: Well, thanks a lot. And I don't think you got Rock Hudson worried very much either.

Chip: How come Mike talks so much lately?
Michael: He wants his dad to know he's getting his money's worth sending him to college.

Mike: Seeing as I'm going to defend my country today how about a little something special to send me off. You know an army fights on it's stomach.
Michael: You'll have eggs and fight on your feet.

Steve: Well, I guess your friends didn't think your grandad looked so terrible, did they?
Mike: Oh, come on, Dad. They're waiting out there right now to give me the business.
Steve: Well, Mike, if you'd stick up for your grandad instead of being embarrassed and ashamed of him, maybe your friends wouldn't get such a kick out of making fun of him.
Mike: Well, I'll tell you one thing, Bub is never going to embarass me like this again.

Robbie: Me, me? She's the prettiest girl in the whole school.
Gordy: Yeah, she still wants to meet you. Maybe she's stupid or something.

Michael: Chip go on upstairs and wash your hands.
Chip: You made me do that before I set the table.
Michael: With all these germs around you can't be too careful.
Chip: Why don't you come right out and say it. Little pictures have big ears.

Mike: What's with the fractured baritone?
Robbie: I think my voice is changing.
Mike: Again?

Mike: [the wedding party poses for a group photo] Smile, you guys!
Sally: Yeah!
[looks at Steve after the photo is taken]
Sally: Just think, I don't have to call you Mr. Douglas anymore - Dad!
Steve: And this is the first time in my life I've ever used the word, "daughter."
Mike: Hey, that's right!
Robbie: Well, I look at it like this: I may be losing a brother, but I'm gaining a room.
[Mike nods sheepishly]
Sally: Oh honey, I just want to go thank Muriel.
Mike: OK.
[gestures at Steve to join him a few feet away]
Mike: Dad?
[shakes hands with Steve]
Mike: I just wanted to say thanks, Dad, for everything!
Steve: Oh Mike, there's nothing to thank me for. The bride's parents always pay for the wedding. All I did was stand around and nod!
Mike: No Dad, I mean for everything. For putting up with me, especially the last few years with the guitar lessons and hot rod cars - everything!
Steve: It all comes back double, Mike. Who'd have thought that my #1 son would turn out to be an assistant psychology instructor back East? I'm proud of you, Mike. For a lot of things.
[they look at each other affectionately]