50 Best Peacemaker Quotes

Clemson: It requires something other than your... usual sledgehammer.
Captain: Well, these days, Murn, I'm... I'm barely ball-peen.

Auggie: You thought you could lose me by killing me, boy?

Jamil: [to Chris] You're kind of bulky to be a superhero.

Agent: Look, I have no interest in you other than your ability to fight for us. Just because you're handsome doesn't mean you're not a piece-of-shit murderer.
Christopher: You think I'm handsome?
Agent: Oh, my God, please fuck off.
Christopher: Okay, look, I-- I've been in prison the last four years, okay? I haven't been with anyone-- I-- I haven't been with any woman in a long time. I'm not asking for emotional connection here. I'm just asking for fun. Genital-to-genital contact, no touching above here. No. Fuck it, it's gotta be here. I gotta touch your boobs. Sorry. Just trying to, I don't know, relieve some of the stress that's been building up over the years. I mean...

Vigilante: Dude, uh, I realize in that last message, uh, I called you P and me V, as if you were a penis and I was a vagina. Uh, that, like, definitely was... It was not my intention...

Vigilante: Just 'cause they're aliens doesn't make them gross.

Christopher: You can't house train an eagle, dude. Not without stealing its soul.

Peacemaker: Holy cow.
Detective: It is.

Judomaster: Ding dong, bitches!

Peacemaker: One of the things us warriors seldom talk about is when people shit themselves when they die. It's s touch of grey in the white cloud of kicking ass.
John: So now you want me to risk my life while wearing diarrhea pants.
Peacemaker: Hey, nobody said anything about diarrhea, I said shit.

Christopher: Can I ask you something, Doc?
Dr. Alandy: Sure.
Christopher: Can you maybe up the contrast on the X-ray a little more to show the definition in my muscles? This makes me look like one of those guys who works out only thinking about bulk. I put a lot of time into my small muscle groups, and according to this, it was just... wasted effort.
Dr. Alandy: It's not for your Tinder profile, Chris.

Leota: Run, Adebayo would have been appreciated!
Peacemaker: Oh, really? I need to tell you to run from a fucking bomb?

Auggie's: Batman doesn't kill people.
Christopher: Because he's a pussy!
Auggie's: He's a dark creature of the night.
Christopher: He's a jackass! Who wrestles with murderers dressed like clowns and throws them in prison, so they can break out of prison and then murder more people!

Vigilante: Do you think I feel good when after some dude does some atrocious act, that I have to kill them?
Christopher: I don't know...
Vigilante: When I find out someone murdered an innocent person, or sold somebody heroin, or did some graffiti, and I kill that person with my bare hands, their eyeballs popping out of their skulls... You think THAT gives ME pleasure?
Vigilante: [sighs] No...
Vigilante: Well, it does!
[laughs]
Vigilante: It gives you pleasure too, Peacemaker, that's cause we are born killers! What separates us from the other killers, is we only kill bad people. Usually... Unless there's a mistake! Now, do I sound like a fucking maniac?

Vigilante: Oh, shit! Eagly is hardcore, man!

John: Why is everybody "fucking you" to me?

Christopher: How can I kill someone that doesn't have the dove of peace on it?

Leota: I'm getting so many moral judgments from people who regularly kill people.

John: Oh, my God. Could you at least take your helmet off? You're going to get dressing all over it.
Christopher: Dressing's easier to get off this helmet then human lip. That's a fucking fact.

John: Why the fuck are your pants all the way down?
Vigilante: Why the fuck are your pants all the way down?

Leota: You didn't think to give me some sort of signal?
Christopher: Yeah, the signal was I shot her head off.

Peacemaker,6613: [the Justice League arrives to help Peacemaker]
Peacemaker: You're late, you fucking dickheads! Go fuck another fish, asshole!
Aquaman: I'm so fucking sick of that rumor.
The: It's not a rumor.
Aquaman: Fuck you, Barry!

Christopher: I'm into old-fashioned stuff, too. Hummel figurines, capital punishment, Garbage Pail Kids, and stuff.

Jamil: There's no superhero called Peacemaker.
Christopher: Dude, I'm fuckin' famous.
Jamil: Not that famous. Aquaman, he's famous.
Christopher: Fuck Aquaman!
Jamil: No, man, don't say that. Why say that?
Christopher: He bangs chicks? Good for him. He fucks dudes? Got no problem with that. He starts fuckin' fish? That's taking it a step too far.
Jamil: Aquaman fucks fish?
Christopher: Yeah.
Jamil: I don't believe it.
Christopher: A guy on Twitter works for the aquarium, said for 50 bucks, he brings him in the back so he can have his way with a sturgeon
[fish]
Christopher: .
Jamil: I refuse to believe that.
Christopher: And I refuse to believe that @PepetheFrog89 is lying to me for no reason.

Christopher: Is scissoring real? I keep getting contradictory reports.
Leota: I suspected you were a butt baby from the beginning.
Christopher: Oh, I'm all for it. One thing I'm in favor of, it's two chicks going at it.
Leota: Oh, geez.
Christopher: What? I'm a fuckin' ally.
Leota: Having a lesbian haircut doesn't make you an ally.
Christopher: You haven't seen my porn folder, 400 gigs of alliance.

John: So, you're compassionate about tape but not brutally murdering people?
Vigilante: Yes.

Jamil: Why do you think I'm mopping floors, bro? I went to MIT. I don't like the responsibility.
Christopher: You went to MIT?
Jamil: Oh, yeah.
Christopher: [what] the fuck are you doing here?
Jamil: That's my fucking point, man! Why aren't you listening to me?

Vigilante: Don't fuck with my BFF.

Auggie: How did my fucking sperm go into a nancy boy like you?

Christopher: Eat peace, motherfuckers.

Vigilante: Ah, fuck! I'm never, ever gonna kill someone with a fucking chainsaw. It's so not fair.

Leota: Although I do appreciate the confidence with which you said something so wrong.
Christopher: Oh, that's my thing. That, and having a big dick.
Leota: Yep. Information I had no need for.
Christopher: No, I'm serious. It's too big, actually. Causes people pain.
Leota: Okay.
Christopher: Kids in junior high, they called me "Chimp-Arm."
Leota: Good night, sweet-cheeks.
Christopher: "Sweet-cheeks."
[explained earlier that Sweet-cheeks refers to buttocks, that Chris didn't know then]

Leota: We don't need to know how much she enjoyed having sex with you.
Christopher: What if it's a clue?
Leota: It's not.
Christopher: Fair. I was just trying to slip it into the conversation, hoping you'd notice. It's my bad.

Vigilante: Cut it out with the introspection. The mind is a den of scorpions better left running from, not towards.

Clemson: [to Chris] Right now the world needs a son of a bitch, and you're the only one I've got.

John: Oh, sweet, we have a piano. That's useful for black ops. This is the worst HQ of all time.

Leota: Does this look like James Bond to you? Man, I wanted champagne in the bathtub, and some Octopussies and shit.
Keeya: Okay, girl, you better not be getting any Octopussies while we're up here. What is an Octopussy anyway?
Leota: Uh, that's who Maud Adams played in the movie.
Keeya: Okay, so she had eight pussies?
Leota: As far as I know, she only had one pussy. That's just her name.
Keeya: Okay.

Jamil: Oh, Peacemaker!
Christopher: Yes!
Jamil: You only kill minorities, man!
Christopher: I killed a fair amount of white people too!
Jamil: The ratio is suspect, is all I have to say!
Christopher: If somebody's committing a crime...
Jamil: Yes?
Christopher: am I supposed to control what their ethnicity is?
Jamil: No. But you need to watch white people as closely as you watch people of color, so you see more of them committing crimes!
Christopher: Fine. That's... That's a good point. I will trust white people less in the future, and kill a higher percentage of them. Are you satisfied?
Jamil: Yes. Thank you.

Leota: ...If we have a kid, I'd like to name her Octopussy... . And if it's a boy, Sharknado.
Keeya: Oh, okay. Well, I hope then that it's a boy, because, um, I don't think my parents would be too happy with a granddaughter named Octopussy.

Vigilante: [to Chris] I never had a friend quite like you.

Amanda: I don't care about the quality of the knife as long as the blade is sharp.

Christopher: Fucking raccoons are hardcore, man.

Vigilante: Ducks are sneaky, I guess.

Christopher: [Calling the Waitress] Hey, sweet-cheeks!
Leota: Sweet cheeks? Seriously, dude?
Christopher: She had cherubic cheeks. It's a compliment.
Christopher: Sweet cheeks is your butt.
Christopher: No, it's not.
Leota: It is. It's like calling somebody, I don't know, sugar tits.
Christopher: That's totally inappropriate. Her tits are way too big to be sugar tits. Sugar tits are, like, smaller, perkier tits. Like...
[to Agent Amelia Harcourt]
Christopher: yours. Uh, technically, I think you may have sugar tits, too... but somehow that also feels inappropriate.

Leota: Why are you seeing their penises?
Christopher: It's a locker room, dude. What am I gonna do? Look at a towel?

Vigilante: How did you know it was me?
Christopher: You knock in a very annoying way.

Vigilante: We used to go out, kill bad guys. Boom, boom, boom. No problem. We accidentally kill the wrong person? "Aw, shoot. Bummer. That stinks". Then we move on! Now, suddenly, you've got this weird, new-age belief that all life is sacred!

Agent: He's too big of a pussy to betray us.

Vigilante: Well, if you're going to be sarcastic, you should really warn people so there's no confusion.

Adrian: There's no wrong time to rock