The Best The Office, Season 3, Episode 22 Quotes

Pam: Hey. I wanna say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately, and I just need to say a few things. I did the coal walk. Just... I did it. Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss. Wow, I feel really good right now. Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist. Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just, like, weird between us, and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford. And I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy. And there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you're with someone else. And that's fine. It's... Whatever. That's not what I'm... I'm not... Okay, my feet really hurt. The thing that I'm just trying to say to you, Jim, and to everyone else in the circle, I guess, is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay, I am gonna go walk in the water now. Yeah. It's a good day.
Michael: Pam! That was amazing! But I am still looking for someone with a sales background.

Michael: Everybody, may I have you attention, please? Today, we are not just spending a day at the beach.
Stanley: Oh, sweet mother of God.
Michael: If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus.
Stanley: Excuse me?
Michael: Or the front of the bus or drive the bus.

Michael: Who's ahead in points?
Pam: I think they're even. At various times you gave Jim 10 points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs-up. And I don't really know how to compare those units.
Michael: Well, check to see if there is a conversion chart in the notebook.
Pam: I really doubt it, Michael.
Michael: Please, just check.

Pam: About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.

[before the Hot Dog eating contest]
Stanley: I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on.

Michael: I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it, then it'll suck.

Michael: [choosing team names for the company's beach day] We are going to choose team names. Dwight.
Dwight: We will be called Gryffindor.
Jim: Really? Not Slytherin?
Dwight: Slytherin are the bad guys, Jim.
Jim: I know. Okay, we will be Voldemort.
Dwight: He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? I wouldn't do that.
Jim: [starts chanting] Vol-de-mort, Vol-de-mort...
[Kevin and Karen follow]
Jim: Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort!
Dwight: OK, seriously. You really shouldn't be saying that.
Michael: Hey, hey, hey. Ok, Ok... Stanley, your team name?
Stanley: I don't care what you call my team.
Michael: Then I will name your team the Red team.
Stanley: [Crosses arms] No, the blue team.

- The aristocrats.
- A man and his wife and children go into the offices of a talent agency.
- And the talent agent says,
- "describe your act."
- And the man says something really, really raunchy.
- And the talent representative says, "what do you call yourselves?"
- And the man says,
- "the aristocrats."

- that it's better to work things out with words.
- That's not why you lost.
- Yeah, it is. I totally could have kicked your butt.
- Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, right.
- Yeah, right! Come on, come on!
- God!
- How do you like that?

Kevin: I just wanna lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted.

Dwight: I am not hysterical.
- I am explaining...
- Yes!
- Oh, my god. You ass.
- There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach, filled with sun, surf and diligent note-taking.
Michael: Pam, you're missing things!

[as everybody is getting off the bus]
Michael: Watch out for snakes.

Pam: There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach filled with sun, surf, and uh, diligent note-taking.

Michael: Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume?
Oscar: I don't wear a Speedo, Michael.
Michael: Well, you can't swim in leather pants.

[Discussing his chosen team leaders]
Michael: Jim Halpert. Pros: Smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know? Cons: Not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in half an hour. So that should tell you something.
[...]
Michael: Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot.
[...]
Michael: I am also considering Stanley because of all the good that black people have done for America.
[...]
Michael: Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy, he gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him.

- on the George foreman grill.
- That is not the same at all.
- If you're gonna ask other people to do it, you should do it yourself.
- All right, okay.
- All right. Fine.
- Okay.
- Okay.

Michael: What happens to a company if somebody takes a boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like what happens to a chicken when you take its head away. It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head.

Andy: I am okay if I lose every single contest today. Honestly. Because I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am. Mallard.
[throws a stone]

- Bring your first quarter stats and your recommendation for who'd take over the Scranton branch.
- Wow.
- I wish I had prepared something to say.
- That's not necessary. May god guide you in your quest.
- Yes.

Dwight: I hope there will be management parables.

Oscar: If either of these guys are put in charge of the office, I will transfer to Albany. Gil can come if he wants. I'm kinda looking for a way out of that relationship anyway. I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see.