The Best The Office, Season 7, Episode 13 Quotes

Tom: Hey!
Jim: Hey!
Tom: Hey, how's it going?
Jim: Pretty good, yeah.
Tom: It's been a while.
Jim: It has been, yeah.
Tom: So... you work here, huh?
Jim: Sales.
Tom: Must be a front for some kind of famous laboratory
[Jim laughs awkwardly]
Tom: cause you're so smart.
Jim: Oh man, you remember that, huh?
Tom: Oh barely, I'm so dumb. You know, stuff goes in, stuff goes out. Not like you, probably remember every paper sale you ever made. Paper salesman... genius.
Jim: [Uncomfortable pause] Alright, good catch up.
Tom: Yeah.
Jim: See ya.
Tom: [Loudly] Where's your jetpack, Zuckerberg?

- And where did you go?
- Strip club.
- I was looking at the strippers at the strip club.
- Right. So that's it, guys?
- If you want I can put on the strobe.
- All: Yeah!

David: Oh, sorry, mate.
Michael: [English accent] Oh, sorry, mate. Excuse me. Mate.
David: [laughing] What you doing?
Michael: English?
David: You picked on the wrong person, I can tell you that.
Michael: Oh no no, I'm not picking on you at all. You're English, correct?
David: Yeah big time, yeah.
Michael: I'm working on an English character. Would you mind gi... It's called Reginald Pooftah.
David: Ooh! David Brent, my liege. How are you?
Michael: Michael Scott.
David: Oh, there you go. I do characters as well. I got a Chinese fella. He's called Ho Li
[bleep]
David: . That's what it sounds like.
[Michael laughs]
David: Herrow! Herrow!
Michael: I do Ping. Herrow. I Ping!
David: You can't do that these days. You can't.
Michael: No, no, no. And people don't understand that is has nothing to do with making fun of a different nationality.
David: No, no. No, comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That's what she said.
[laughs]
David: .
[Michael hugs David]
David: Ohh.
Michael: That's good. Pleasure to meet you.
David: Where are you working?
Michael: Dunder Mifflin.
David: Any jobs now?
Michael: No, not right now.
David: Just let me know.
Michael: All right. See you around.
David: Alright.
Michael: Bye-bye. What a nice guy.

Pam: [Looking at Erin's phone, who's playing Scrabble against Gabe] K-A. "Ka"? What does "Ka" mean?
Oscar: It means you're playing someone who's going to destroy you.
[Looks at Erin's phone]
Oscar: Why did you play "moo"?
Erin: Because I'm playing to win. I'm playing "moo," I'm playing "milk." Whatever it takes.
Oscar: Okay, but look, you could have hit "mood." Would have played a... Triple word.
Erin: Uh! Like the cow mood yesterday. God.
Oscar: Or "moon"?
Erin: The cow jumped over the moon
Oscar: She's stuck on that one thing...
Pam: You know it doesn't have to just be cow stuff, right?

[speaking at the seminar]
Creed: Two eyes. Two ears. A chin. A mouth. Ten fingers. Two nipples. A butt, two kneecaps, a penis. I've just described to you the Loch Ness monster. And the reward for his capture? All the riches in Scotland.

- Not Michael, e.T.
- What's up?
[Normal voice] Well, I just want to talk about what happened in there.
- Oh, no, Michael. I don't want to talk about it with you.
- And I'm fine, I just...
- I don't want to talk about it.
- Okay.

- Okay, okay.
- Hey, it's just you.
- Anything you want to hear?
- Dave Matthews Band.
- No hits, deep tracks only.
- Okay.
- I said, no hits.

Kevin: Andy, I'm no Jim. The only way that I'm Jim is in the movie version when Jim sees what his future would be like if he never met Pam.

Michael: [as Mikonos] I like the musical "Grease", or as we call it "Home".

- What kind of chicks are you gonna meet there?
- I don't know. Single moms at a skating party?
- Sweet 16, 10-year reunion parties.
- Chicks fall down, need help getting back up.
- Roller derby practice.
- We're going skating.

- Oh, come on.
- That sounds awesome.
- It was pretty cool. Was it?
- It was fun.
- It was... it was pretty awesome.
- Hey, yeah. No, I got it.
- Just leaving now.

Pam: Here's the story, that guy in there is Jim's childhood friend, Tom.
Jim: Tom Witochkin, one of my best buddies, actually.
Pam: And when they were both in the third grade, Jim was placed in the top reading group.
Jim: It was blue group, so it was second from the top.
Pam: And Tom...
Jim: Was in green group.
Pam: And Jim's mom suggested that Jim spent time hanging with the kids in his reading group, because she thought that they would be a good inffluence.
Jim: And that's what I told him.
Pam: Right, but how'd you say it?
Jim: [pause] My mom thinks you're too dumb to hang out with.

Andy: [Speaking to camera] I can't have this go badly. I'm a terrible salesman, and I haven't been making very many sales lately. Or ever. This is my only idea about how to turn things around. If it goes badly I might lose my job. Which would suck because this is the only job I've ever been good at.