The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 4, Episode 13 Quotes

Amanda: Thank God you're open.
Melissa: I don't know if you've seen Star Wars, but it's like Hoth outside.
Ted: Dibs.
Amanda: It reminds me of when I used to go sledding with my dad, before he left.
Barney: And dibs.
Ted: So, uh, can we warm you up with a drink?
Melissa: Sure. Oh, uh, by the way, I invited the rest of the band to come and meet us.
Amanda: We were hoping to get drunk. I mean, really drunk... like my dad used to.
Barney: Dibsity! Dibsity Dibsity!

- So, here's the thing, tomorrow night, dress to move, it's gonna be a mess!
- I still think we should've gotten their numbers.
- You always assume something is gonna go wrong.
- Ted, I promise you, nothing is gonna go wrong.
- Hey, it's starting to snow.

Robin: Okay, these little rituals, telling each other what you ate, they're childish. You're like children playing house.
Marshall: You know why you don't like them? It's because you've never been in a relationship long enough to develop them.
Robin: What?
Marshall: You don't understand love. You're like a robot who asks someone who's crying "Why is your face leaking?"
Robin: Okay, robot initiating parking-on-the-curb-until-jackass-apologizes sequence. Beeb-bob-boop-beep-booooop!
Marshall: Okay, my robot was like a million times better.

- Yeah, really.
- So, the new year's kiss, the lunchtime phone calls, the whole "this is what I ate today" thing, you're really letting it all go?
- I really am.
- Older Ted: Which brings us to Thursday.

- and we don't know any other way.
- One thing I do know is that if she's there sitting at the airport alone,
- I have to go get her.
- Those are the rules.
- Marshall, close your eyes.
- I don't know how you heard any of that as me hitting on you, but...
- Just do it.

Ted: Please, just keep the bar open a little longer. We'll close for you.
Carl: You two? No way! You don't know the first thing about running a bar.
Barney: Serve the hotties first?
Carl: Here's the keys.

Marshall: I'm sorry, Robin. You're not a robot. I mean, if you are, you're like an incredibly advanced model and humanity doesn't stand a chance.

- And I know it's way past lunchtime, but I love you.
- More and more each day, I love you, Lily.
- Happy new year.
- Wait, does this mean that I have to bring a marching band to the airport from now on?
- Absolutely, it does. Oh, crap.

Lily: [Lily calls Marshall while he is with clients] Hey, baby. It's lunchtime, and I love you.
Marshall: I reciprocate in principle, although with the caveat that there seems to be a bit of a surplus here on my end.
Lily: No, I love you more.
Marshall: Do we need to get in a room together and bang this thing out?
[pause]
Marshall: Those sound like agreeable terms, although I may need to adjust my briefs.

Barney: Let's go, people! You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. I've always wanted to say that. I mean, in a bar. I say it all the time at home.

Barney: "Totally! Awesome!" College girls sound so stupid.
Ted: Totally.
Barney: Awesome.

Ted: We should buy a bar.
Barney: Of course, we should buy a bar!
Ted: We should totally buy a bar.
Barney: We should totally buy a bar. Our bar would be awesome. And dude, dude, dude, dude... the name of our bar... Puzzles.
[Ted is astonished by the proposition]
Barney: People will be, like, "Why is it called Puzzles?". That's the puzzle!

Barney: We're not the "We love your music, let's sleep together" guys. We're the older guys whose approval they now crave.
Ted: So, we're their dads?
Barney: Exactly.

Lily: [With a six pack of...] Aspen Yards Ale, get it?
Marshall: Actually, no.
Lily: Me, neither. I was hoping you would.

- Older Ted: Kids, sometimes in life, the planets align, everything links up, and your timing is perfect.
- Marshall?
- Lily?
- Marshall?
- Lily?

Ted: So, how many people are in on this Party School Bingo thing?
Barney: Oh, it's just me.
Ted: So what's the point, then?
Barney: The point is to get five in a row.
Ted: And what do you get when you get five in a row?
Barney: I get Bingo.

Robin: I still say this is stupid. What happened to, "As we mature, the relationship matures with us?"
Marshall: That's just something Lily read in Psychology Today. Alright, she read it in Cosmo. Alright, I read it in Cosmo. Alright, it was CosmoGirl!