The Best Jack Smith Quotes

Jack: Now son, breaking in to a safe is like making love to a woman.
Stan: So, we should just pound on it for like two minutes?

Hayley: So, you're a despicable CIA fascist like my father.
Jack: No, dollface, I work for the Scarlet Alliance. It's more secret, more deadly, and everyone wears a turtleneck.
Klaus: Sounds like a disco I used to frequent in Berlin. I did lines with Falco in the men's room. Greedy, greedy Falco.

Stan: I can't believe you would choose being a jewel thief over the two most important things, being a spy and your son's love.
Jack: [pretending to be on the phone] Hello French Riviera can I buy a shato with my sons love?
Stan: Yes, yes, we've all heard the bit.

Jack: [after Stan discovers his dad is a jewel thief, one-eyed Jack locks Stan in a cage so he can't turn him in] Sorry son, but I can't go to prison. Do you have any idea what they'd do to my eye socket in there?