30 Best Avery Bullock Quotes

Bullock: Naturally, recapturing this fugitive is our top priority. Then we can track down the bastards that have been harboring it and punish them brutally. I mean, really brutally. Weird stuff. Butt stuff.

Avery: She's fat, she's loose, she's Asian. I hit the Trifecta!

Francine: We're so glad you could make it. Where's your wife this evening?
Bullock: Handcuffed to a radiator in Fallujah. She wanted to come, but I do not negotiate with terrorists. Hey, do I smell meat loaf?

Stan: [to Bullock about Hayley] Sir, I have to tell her it's not just a stupid dream. She needs to know about "Project Daycare."
Avery: That you let her be brainwashed and trained as a sleeper agent for the CIA? Oh, yes, that's sure to put a puff in her petticoat.
Stan: I never meant to hurt her. I thought it'd be fun to have a father-daughter spy team.
Avery: Yes, that does sound like fun, but as we learned from "Alias", the idea gets tired very quickly.

Avery: [as he rides Stan like a horse] Thanks for the Iift, Smith. I owe you a sugar cube.

Stan: I just feel so violated by the fact that that thing was inside of me. It would mean a lot to me if I could have the first cut.
Avery: All yours, Smith.
Roger: [screaming] No! Don't put that mask on me! I'm not ready to die! Not before Shatner!
Stan: I'm doing what has to be done.
Roger: [screams as Stan turns on the gas and is knocked out] Huh. He reversed the gas. Son of a bitch Superman 2'ed me!

Avery: It is time we Feast! Take them!
Various: It's the 200!
Roger the Alien: Nonsense, they don't exist! I made them up! Wha...?
Hayley: 200 Rogers!
Roger the Alien: 200 mes?

Bullock: [to Stan] You'II get your promotion, just as soon as you do one Iast thing for me.
Stanley: I've picked up your Iaundry, I've poIished your shoes, I've done everything but bend over backwards, and my daughter did that. What eIse couId you possibIy want me to do?

Stan: [Looking at Avery's RV] She's a beauty sir.
Avery: If you ever want to drive around with your poop, this is the vehicle.

Avery: Back to the cyber-terrorist. Once again he sent a note in the same mysterious language. All of our living code breakers are absolutely stumped. Therefore, because we have no leads, this afternoon we'll be raiding a mosque.

Avery: I had some Gay experiences at Boarding School. Nothing fancy, just some night poundings.

Avery: Well done, Smith. I'm going to pat you on the bottom.

Stan: [Looking at the fake ID] If these got into the wrong hands, they could be a huge threat to national security.
Avery: That's what I was trying to tell her father before he fell on all those bullets coming out of my gun.

Avery: I need a new team leader.
Jackson: Sir, I'm your man. I will not rest until the alien and all his accomplices are brought to just...
Stan: [to Bullock; pointing at Jackson] He told me he hates you.
Avery: What? Jackson, is this true?
Jackson: ...Yes.
Avery: Get out of my sight! Smith, how do you feel about me?
Stan: You're okay, I guess.
Avery: Good, then you're the man for this job.

Avery: [to Hayley] How dare you taIk to me that way, you third-rate tart?
Avery: Sir, she is my daughter.
Avery: SiIence, man-horse!

Avery: Lap dances, champagne dances, shower dances. Oh, the things you can buy with a handful of bills. It makes me excited. It gives me the chills. There'll be filch-arounds, breeders, hambones and tweeners. Zobows and debows and blobs that go "eener." For a one-dollar bill, you can pull down their zippers. I am the Snorax. I speak for the strippers!

Stan: Work is where I come to socialize. Having Francine will ruin that. How would you like it if your wife worked here?
Avery: Oh, I'd love it. Is there an opening for a woman who bangs every black man she meets in a Red Lobster parking lot?

Avery: [to a couple of strippers] You. Give this man your finest "Trouser Arouser". And you, strangle me while I brush you hair.

Stan: [to Bullock] Are you nuts? You hired my wife?
Avery: So? I also banged your daughter. And remember your 4th of July barbeque. I muff-punched your gram-gram. She was just too senile to know it.

Melinda: Francine, why didn't you tell me about Avery's unbelievably sexy accent?
Avery: Ben Rothlisberger.
Melinda: Ooh, yeah.

Avery: Dick, I believe you're up.
Dick: I don't have anything for show and tell. I just found out I have liver cancer.
Avery: I'm giving you a zero for the day.

Avery: We've located an al-Qaeda cell camped out in the desert of Algeria.
Stan: Are they planning an attack?
Avery: No, they're just on a camping trip.
Stan: Those s'mores-making bastards!

Francine: [When Francine goes over to the CIA to find Stan] Stan, this is the last time you put work before Steve!
Avery: He's actually with Steve right now.
Francine: What? So Stan's at the dance?
Avery: No, he's here, but he's remotely controlling a teen girl at the dance who's about to get sex-pummeled by your son.
Francine: What?
Avery: It's a lot like "Avatar."
Francine: Like what?
Avery: Avatar. It's a movie?

Avery: Jeff, quick question: Why do you only shave your left goose egg? I'm doing it now too and I want to know the reason why.

Avery: You're a complicated man, Smith. I would love to do mushrooms with you.

Avery: [Talking to Stan] My students call me Professor X. Because I'm always trying to sell them ecstasy.

Avery: Naturally, recapturing this fugitive is our top priority. Then we can track down the bastards that have been harboring it and punish them brutally. I mean, really brutally. Weird stuff. Butt stuff.

Avery: [On the phone] I said kill them, kill them all! Yes, yes, them too; also them! No! not him, that's me...
[hangs phone]
Avery: Idiots.

Avery: Our Alien Task Force clearly needs some rejiggering. Ray, you're no longer in charge.
Ray: Of what?
Avery: The Alien Task Force.
Ray: What the hell's that?
Avery: The task force you've been in charge of!
Ray: Oh. How did I do?

Bullock: Say, do you perchance have any Gatorade? I Ieft aII my eIectroIytes with your daughter.