The Best Rick and Morty, Season 4, Episode 1 Quotes

Rick: Hey Morty, quick favor...
Morty: What, cover me in gasoline and spiders? Fine, yeah, I'm in.

- What the hell?
- Aah! Aah!
- I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
- Shield me from the law!
- Yes, sir! Can do!
- Stand down!
- Look at me!

- It is a hot photo.
- I think grief flushes your cheeks.
- Dad, you hardly put any syrup on.
- Honey, stop raising your father's cholesterol so you can take a hot funeral selfie.
- I never get to do anything.

Morty: Who are they?
Rick: Crystal poachers; there's no lower form of life. They think the Galaxy's their own personal piggy bank.
Morty: Wait then, what are we?
Rick: We are Rick & Morty.

- Well, I, for one, will not be accepting this verdict.
- And this little monster may think he's gotten away, but there is something called the court of public opinion that still has final say in this country.
- Oh, I guess he's coming out of the courthouse now.
- Let's go live to that.

[Morty is driving Rick's spaceship, rather recklessly, so that he can follow a destiny to die in Jessica's arms]
Rick: Morty, you know outer space is up, right?
Morty: Yeah, yeah. I'm just, uh, following... my... instincts.
Rick: Will you just go up?
[grabs at controls]
Morty: Stop! You're gonna make me die wrong!
Rick: Wait a minute, what? Morty, do you have a death crystal in your pocket?
Morty: No... Maybe.
Rick: You little monster! I thought you were masturbating!
Morty: And you took that in stride?
Rick: You rather I address it?

Rick: I'm a fucking god now!

Rick: So, ah, wh-what are we doing?
Morty: [Pointing a gun at Rick] Stop asking questions. Stop doing meta-commentary. Just have fun. We're going on a simple, fun, classic adventure.
Rick: Okay, y'know what? It would really help if you could just say anything other than what you don't want.
Morty: I like Mr Meeseeks.
Rick: Okay, now we're talking. Y'know what, I usually keep a Meeseeks box in my glove compartment. So maybe Fascist Rick does too.
[Morty opens glove compartment and takes out Meeseeks box]
Rick: Ah, well look at that, now we're doing something we've done before.
[Rick presses on box, Meeseeks appears]
Mr: I'm Mr Meeseeks!
Rick: [Points at Morty] Kill this Nazi prick!

- Don't tell me you gained sentience and tried to take over.
- What?
- That is some a.I., racist, accusatory,
- Isaac Asimov bullshit right there.
- Then what happened?
- Where's my body?
- Oh, you're gonna love this.

- Ah! Well, look at that.
- Now we're doing something we've done before.
- I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
- Kill this Nazi prick!
- Can do!
- Come here, you son of a bitch!
- No! Stop!

- Why would you steal a death crystal?!
- I want to die old!
- Then stop driving!
- No!
- You son of a bitch!
- Give me the wheel, morty.
- Goddamn it.

- Just want to be a part of the fun.
- Get the fuck out of here!
- Get out of here, summer!
Rick: Fucking disgusting!
Morty: Get out of here!
Rick: You ruined the season 4 premiere!
- The season 4 premiere, you ruined it!

- But first, something silly?
- What do you mean, "but first"?
- I already said "up next."
- You always do this.
- I don't always do shit.
- Don't gaslight me.
- Gaslighting doesn't exist.
- You made it up
- 'cause you're fucking crazy.