Top 200 Quotes From Riverdale

Tabitha: Benjamin Moore for the win, again.

Veronica: Here's to "Vughead" becoming canon.

Archie: [to Ms. Grundy] Is this... how you feel about... is it real? Because if it's not, then I don't know what I'm protecting.
Geraldine: It is. It is real. Maybe it's not right, but it's real, which isn't why... we... you... can't go to Weatherbee. If you do that, we will never see each other again. Archie, I'm putting myself in your hands.

Veronica: [after emerging from the closet with Archie] Where's Betty?
Cheryl: She spiraled and fled. Between us, she's a lot more high-strung than she looks.
Veronica: You shady bitch!

Cheryl: [to her mother, who is laying a wreath of roses and kneeling at the statue of General Pickens] Cameras aren't here, Jackie O.

Betty: I do everything for everyone. Everything to be perfect. The perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect student. Can't I do this one thing for me?

Penny: [as Jughead walks away] Your girlfriend. Betty Cooper, I believe?
[he stands riveted in his tracks]
Penny: She's quite fetching.
Jughead: [turns back] What did you say?
Penny: All snakes have a soft underbelly.
[shakes her head]
Penny: She's yours. Am I right?

Jughead: [to Archie] What? Sardonic humor is just my way of relating to the world.

Cheryl: [appears in door, totally vampy as usual] Did somebody say party?
[enters]
Cheryl: Hi there. I'm Riverdale's resident it-girl, Cheryl Blossom.
[to: ]
Cheryl: You must be Veronica's old school chum I keep hearing about.
Nick St. Clair: [greets] Nick. St. Clair.
Cheryl: Now *that's* a name I can get behind. Ten o'clock, you said? I'll be there at eleven.

Veronica: Oh, Reggie, this is how we Lodge women roll. We feint, we parry, we approach, we retreat. We're like a cobra and a mongoose dancing. She blinked. Which means, I suspect, that Hermione Lodge is ready to negotiate.

Jughead: You sure I can't give you a ride home?
Betty: I think if my Mom saw me getting off your motorcycle, she'd come out with a shotgun.
Jughead: That's fair enough.
[chuckles]
Betty: Jug? What you said at Pop's? I heard you. And whatever you need to do, or explore, I support you.
[they kiss passionately]

Jughead: [Jughead knocks on Betty's window and she opens it for him] Hey there, Juliet... Nurse off duty?
[he climbs through her window]
Jughead: You haven't gone full "Yellow Wallpaper" on me yet, have you?
Betty: They're crazy. My parents are crazy.
Jughead: They're parents. They're all crazy.
Betty: But what if... what if Polly is too? I mean, the way she was talking to me, the way she looked at me... and now all I can think is maybe I'm crazy like they are.
Jughead: Hey. We're all crazy. We're not our parents, Betty. We're not our family.
[Betty nods, Jughead stammers]
Jughead: Also...
Betty: What?
[Jughead looks at her]
Betty: What?
[Jughead: ]
Betty: The car!
Jughead: [Smirks] Wow, that's what you're thinking about in the middle of our moment?
Betty: No, Polly talked about a car Jason had stashed for them down route 40 near some sign. If we can find it, we can confirm Polly's story.
Jughead: In one way or another.
Betty: I need to know, Juggy.

Hermione: I told you Fred was gonna be a problem.
Hiram: The town loves and trusts him. Could work in our favor.

Veronica: [to Archie] Is Betty still mad at you?
Archie: Back to no texting. What about you?
Veronica: I'm back to being the shallow, toxic rich bitch who ruins everything in her path which is unfortunate because even though I only just met Betty, it really felt like we were meant to be best friends, like it was our destiny. And now...
[sighs]
Veronica: it's like there was this train that was heading to the rest of my life and I just missed it.

Veronica: I want you to have it. These things? My Dad gave them to me. He always... brought home gifts whenever he... did something wrong... . as a way to... make up for it... I guess.
Ethel: Did it work?
Veronica: What girl is immune to the charms of a Givenchy bag? And I still wear these pearls he gave me.
[lets her fingers glide over the necklace]

Cheryl: If I would have known Mama Lodge was working as a waitress at Pop's, I never would've given Veronica a spot on the Vixens. It's off-brand and it sends a false message of acceptance.

Cheryl: Buenos dias, Veronica. I thought you'd wanna know... I saw your strapping, conquistador father in a summit with Mummy and Uncle Claudius... in one of Thornhill's barns, of all places. It looked like collusion to me.

Betty: [to her mother] You should be writing about the real story. What happened to Jason? Who was holding him captive? Why was he frozen? And who shot that gun on July 4th?
Alice: Yes, well, if you're so keen on reporting, then why don't you come work with your father and me? The Register could really use a Lois Lane type like you.

Cheryl: [re tied-hands Toni] Untie her... you Serpent hag!
Penny: [sighs] Take her then.

Betty: [as Jughead answers his phone] If that's Cheryl, tell her everyone kissed everyone and it's over.

Jughead: In case you haven't noticed, I'm weird. I'm a weirdo. I don't fit it, and I don't... wanna fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That's weird.

Betty: My mom and dad don't want to get the police involved. They don't want anyone to know that she ran away or about her shameful condition.
Veronica: Please... what decade is this?
Betty: Well, also since she knew where Jason's getaway car was, people might think that she burned it. And if she did...
Jughead: She could be the murderer, covering her tracks.
Archie: Well, who did burn the car then?
Betty: Sheriff Keller thinks it's possible someone was following us.
Veronica: Oh, my God. Honestly, guys, we should... we should just move.
Betty: Guys, what if Polly's really hurt? What if whoever killed Jason's coming after her next?
Jughead: Hey.
[he puts his arm around Betty comfortingly, she grabs it and earns confused and surprised looks from Archie and Veronica, but neither Betty nor Jug seem to notice]

Toni: Cheryl, what is it?
Cheryl: [dismayed] He's wearing my father's pajamas.
Toni: What?
Cheryl: My uncle... Toni...
[as thunder rumbles]
Cheryl: I think they pushed my Nana down the stairs. And I think I'm next.

Veronica: [singing] Guess what? Ever since the world began / Same plot / Everyone's been dumping on their fellow man / Pounding the people they feel better than / I hope you're taking notes 'cause you feel everyone deserves a shot...
[fingers snapped]
Veronica: Get real, some of us have got it, girl / And some got squat/ That's the truth, oh, honey, like it or not / I hate to break it to ya / My Daddy taught me / You get nowhere being nice / So, now I'm sharing his advice / The world according to *Chris* is better to strike than get struck / Better to screw than get screwed / You'd probably think it's bizarre / And that's the way things are... / My Daddy taught me who's on top / And who's below / And now it's time I let you... *know* / The world according to *Chris* is / Better to punch than get punched / Better to burn than get burned / Learn that and you gotta go far / 'cause that's the way things are!

Tabitha: Hey, Jughead. You okay? I just mentioned free food and you didn't salivate.

Raphael: There are some men whose hearts are so cold they burn down villages just for the warmth.

Veronica: Archie, we had a moment. A beautiful, but fleeting moment.

Alice: Oh, finally. Close that door. Ladies, I need you to look around the room. Whoever is not in this room is on the table as a possible murder suspect. Including those Pussycats.
Betty: Oh, my God, Mom.
Alice: [looks at Veronica] Now... let's talk about your father.
Veronica: He has an epic grudge against the Blossoms. So... yes, It's totally within the realm of possibility that he hired someone from jail to kill Jason, maybe Jughead's dad.
Betty: You really... believe that?
Veronica: My dad paid Jughead's dad to trash the drive-in. Maybe he paid him to...
Alice: Commit murder. And for all we know, that gay greaser Serpent's an accomplice.
Betty: And what are you basing that off of? You saw FP and Joaquin talking?
Alice: It didn't look like they were talking. It looked like they were conspiring.
Betty: [impatiently] Conspiring about what?
Alice: That's what I need you to find out. Either through Jughead or FP directly. Without raising suspicion, of course. Which is why I have prepared a seemingly innocuous list of questions.
Betty: I already asked Jughead point blank if he thought his father had anything to do with Jason's death, and he said no. And I believed him, and I still believe him.
Alice: Betty, you're too close to this.
Betty: I'm not going to insult Jughead, or betray him by entertaining this. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a homecoming dance to plan. Come on, V, let's go.

Veronica: [about to be disowned by her father] Fine. It's all blood money anyway.

Penelope: [after Cliff inquired from Veronica about how Hiram was doing] There are worse things than prison.
Cheryl: Like this dinner party.
Penelope: [sharply] What did you say?
[Cheryl's quiet]
Penelope: Mm.
Cliff: [to Veronica] That must have been... hard for you... Watching your father being handcuffed and dragged out of your home in front of you and your neighbors, all of those reporters...
[uneasy silence all around the dinner table]
Veronica: Worst part is how fast it happened. He was just... gone. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. That's why I think it's so great, you all getting a chance to say goodbye to Jason tomorrow...
Cheryl: Not all of us.
Penelope: That's because some people already got the chance to say goodbye to Jason... while rowing him across the river... to his death.

Cheryl: Save the "aw, shucks" for Betty. I'm granting you one wish, Archie. Nothing is off the table. Except my body. Jason would want you to be rewarded.

Cheryl: Sorry to interrupt sad Breakfast Club, but I'm here to formally invite you to Jason's memorial at Thornhill this weekend.
[hands: ]
Cheryl: To my surprise and chagrin, Mother added you to the guest list. In case you're tempted to steal our silver candlesticks, don't. We'll be searching bags.
[goes off]
Betty: [sympathetic] Hey, try to remember she is burying her brother.

Nick St. Clair: [impressing everybody at party] ... then we walk into the Gilded Lily, and there's Gal... again.
Archie: [as Veronica chuckles] Gal?
Cheryl: Gadot. Keep up, Archie.

Betty: It's the path of least resistance, Kev. A week ago, Veronica and I weren't friends. Next week, we'll nod to each other as we pass in the hall, but that's it. You know, in two weeks, she won't even remember my name and in three, she'll have latched onto some other girl to destroy.

Cheryl: [to her burn victim mother] I have a surprise for you. A video of Jason and Daddy. All cued up.

Cheryl: Color me impressed. A B&E with B&V. What would your Holy Roller mother say about this, Betty?
Betty: What are you doing here, Cheryl?
Kevin: And where did you get those thigh-high boots? They're amazing.

Alice: [as Betty explores new color scheme for her lips] Seduce Scarlet doesn't suit you, dear.
Betty: It's Polly's. I'm borrowing it.
Alice: Polly grew up too fast. I don't want you to make the same mistake.
Betty: Well, I like it. It makes me feel... powerful.

Veronica: [at funeral] Days like today really put things in perspective, huh? I mean, at least we're here. At least we're alive.

Veronica: What the hell is a "Sticky Maple"?
Kevin: It's kinda what it sounds like. It's a Riverdale thing.
Veronica: No, Kevin, it's a slut-shaming thing and I'm neither a slut nor am I going to be shamed by someone named, excuse me, Chuck Clayton! Does he really think he can get away with this? Does he not know who I am? I will cut the brakes on his souped-up phallic symbol.
Betty: Or we could go to Principal Weatherbee.
Veronica: About the coach's son who's captain of the football team and Riverdale High's golden boy?
Betty: And/or I can expose him in the Blue and Gold. Yeah, I can do that.
Veronica: No! Spoken like a true good girl who always follows the rules.
[pushes boy out of the way,: ]
Veronica: Well, I don't follow rules. I make them. And when necessary, I break them. You wanna help me get revenge on Chuck, Betty? Awesome! But you better be willing to go full dark, with no stars. What do you say, in or out?

Betty: What do we do now that Cheryl has gone full Poison Ivy?
Jughead: Blackmail, extortion. If they weren't literally an orphan and a widow, I would do it.

Betty: [on cellphone] Cheryl?
Cheryl: The Black Hood just attacked me at Thistlehouse.
Cheryl: Oh, my God... Was it my Dad?
Cheryl: Based on waistline alone, it could have been him, yes. Luckily I was able to get to my archery set and hunting cape.
Betty: You didn't kill him, did you?
Cheryl: No, I shot to wound. I hit him in the right shoulder. He fled into the woods where I plan to track him. Just in case he escapes my clutches, be forewarned: Now that he's a maimed animal, he's operating on instinct... ready to lash out and kill *anyone* in his path. Even his loved ones.

Moose: So, Saturday night...
Kevin: Listen Moose, you're hot. Yes. My type? Definitely. But you've got more demons than The Exorcist. We are all on the spectrum but my gay-o-meter says you should stick with what you know best... girls.

Archie: Welcome to the Sad Superhero Club, Ronnie.

Kevin: Is it true what they say about your dad?
Veronica: That he's the devil incarnate? I stand by my father. Does everyone here know?
[awkward silence]
Veronica: Wonderful! Ten minutes in and I'm already the "Blue Jasmine" of Riverdale High.

Cheryl: [asked if she's accepting the South Side as schoolmates] Hell, no! My whole life is a Dickensian nightmare. I won't have school turn into one, too!

Veronica: [sees gift-wrapped parcel] Ooh la la! Is that for me?
Hermione: It is. It's a confirmation present from the St. Clairs, of all people.
Veronica: Why would they think they have the right to do that? After everything that we've done to them?
Hermione: It's what families in our business do. Even when we're at war, we give gifts... to show respect. Or in this case, to try and make amends.
Veronica: Well, whatever it is, feel free to burn or regift it.
[turns to leave]
Hermione: Veronica... Simone St. Clair called to follow up on this gift. She said that Archie paid Nick an unfriendly visit. Is that true?

Veronica: Cheryl, I'm... so sorry.
Cheryl: Don't be silly. I'm used to it. And besides, you heard what Mommy said. Nothing really happened to me.
Veronica: Nick roofied you. He...
Cheryl: I'm fine! Veronica, everything's fine.
Veronica: If everything is fine, then why did we just call Sheriff Keller and make a statement?
Cheryl: Momentary lapse of sanity. I mean, can you even imagine? Me facing off against Nick St. Clair in a courtroom battle royale? I'd be a laughingstock.
[walks away]
Veronica: Cheryl, wait. It's not... just you. He's done it to other girls. I mean, hell, he even tried to do it to me. The night before the open house.
Cheryl: Did you tell your parents?
[Veronica hesitates]
Cheryl: And yet you were happy to fill them in on my after-dark drama, weren't you? Well, I won't be a puppet for your thirst for vengeance! You want justice? You go after Nick in court, Veronica!
[goes off]

Cheryl: Okay. That's all. I'm going now. My claustrophobia acts up in small houses. See you tomorrow.

Cheryl: [in bed with Toni] Full disclosure? I... didn't... want to invite all the girls tonight. But I knew my hideous mother would never allow me to invite just you. Which is... what I craved.

Jughead: Embrace the weird.

Cheryl: [as Betty and Veronica arrive at cheerleader practice] Humpty and Dumpty! Just in time to meet our newest recruit.
Josie: In addition to my duties as a Pussycat. And I just wanna say: girls, I'm so excited to work on my moves and to be a team player, as long as I'm in the front.
Veronica: Wait, Cheryl, does that mean you're taking the Vixens back from me?
Cheryl: [smirks] But, really, Veronica, were they ever yours?
Betty: Cheryl, we were wondering if maybe the Vixens would help at an event to save Pop's?
Cheryl: Oh, Betty, I did not emerge from the frozen depths of Sweetwater River nor the flames of Thornhill to allow my Vixens to sling milkshakes at some death-cursed diner. The answer is a double-cherry-on-top no.
[cold fake pursed-lips smile]
Betty: Okay.
Veronica: Great talk.

Betty: [re Chic] I'm trying to get him to trust me, but my Mom is treating him like he's a ten-year-old, and my Dad's acting like he's the devil's spawn.
Veronica: Well, I have an amazing idea. Bring The Omen to Pickens Day, and we can all meet him. Everyone's coming, right?

Veronica: [to the raucous Southside Snakes at the drive-in] Hey! Do you know what happens to a snake when a Louboutin heel steps on it? Shut the hell up or you'll find out!

Betty: Hey - you didn't have to walk me home.
Jughead: There's a killer on the loose... remember? Besides, isn't this what... you know... what people like us who have gone through what we've gone through do?
[Betty grips his hand a little tighter. She looks conflicted. Jughead notices]
Jughead: What is it? I mean, besides everything.
Betty: She wouldn't have run away if it wasn't for me, Jug.
Jughead: Betty. You're parents were the ones lying to her and keeping her in the dark. You did the right thing telling her the truth.
Betty: It's funny. This isn't the first time Polly's run away from home. She was nine. She and my mom got in this huge fight and she disappeared for hours - the whole neighborhood was out looking for her.
Jughead: How far did she get?
[Betty suddenly knows where Polly is]
Jughead: What?
Betty: [Betty kisses Jughead] Thank you for walking me home. I'll call you later. Goodnight.
[She rushes off and Jughead watches her go, smiling]

Polly: [phone call from Betty received in the Blossom mansion] I just have to get into their bedroom. They protect it obsessively.

Veronica: [kneeling alongside mother] What are we praying for? Fred's speedy recovery or a quick death?
Hermione: Veronica, why on earth would I pray for that?
Veronica: Jughead said that whatever happened to Mr. Andrews may have been... a hit. But who would be evil enough to do that? And why? Then I remembered how you wanted Fred to sell his share of the company back to you and Daddy. Because he and Daddy wouldn't get along. Which is a threat if I ever heard one.
Hermione: You are so determined to paint your father as a villain, you assume he must've put a hit on Fred Andrews. Brilliant.
Veronica: Not him. You. I don't think you're an innocent pawn, Mom. I think you're Daddy's eyes and ears on the ground... calling the shots.
[shakes her head]
Hermione: You genuinely believe that.
Veronica: If the Manolo Blahnik fits...
Hermione: [gets up] Mija, your disrespect will no longer be tolerated. Not by me, and certainly not by your father when he comes home. So, a word of advice? Get back in line with the family. Because you are a Lodge... before anything else. Now, I should slap you for what you're insinuating... but I'm not a violent person.
[walks away]

Betty: [singing] Tommy, lately, I've just not been feeling right / I'm so ashamed of how we've all been treating Carrie White / Now, I realize this is hardly your concern / I hate to drag you into this, but I've got nowhere else to turn / Do me a favor..
Veronica: There's something that Carrie White will just have to learn / If she plays with fire, she's gonna get burned / I want her to pay up for all that she cost me / And make her good and sorry that she ever crossed me...
Betty: You gotta help me...
Veronica: If you help me...
Betty: I could even up this debt / And we could both give Carrie White / A night she won't forget / Do me a favor / Think of Carrie / I've said everything I could / But one small act of kindness might change Carrie's life for good...

Veronica: After this practice, I'll totally need a pedicure. You?
Betty: I'll have homework.
Veronica: I know everyone grieves differently... But Cheryl hosting a pep rally to cope with her loss, that's either brilliant or psychotic or both.
Betty: Yeah, well, at least Cheryl is not putting on an act... pretending she's a butterfly when she's really a wasp.
Veronica: For the record, the only reason I went into that closet with Archie is so that Cheryl wouldn't.
Betty: Oh, so you did it to protect me?
Veronica: Damn straight!

Cheryl: You're late. Veronica, we've already reviewed the new choreography for homecoming. That means you'll be in the back where your presence will cause the least amount of damage.
Veronica: With you front and center, no doubt.
Cheryl: But of course. I do have the maddest skills on this squad.
Veronica: And because you're a Blossom, we just have to accept whatever you say as gospel truth?
Cheryl: You're welcome to challenge me, Veronica. But you'll lose.
Veronica: We live in a democratic society, Cheryl. So let's let the Vixens decide who"s cherry on top.
Cheryl: [smiles] Challenge accepted.
Veronica: Okay.

Betty: Hey. What happened last night? You said you were coming to Veronica's.
Kevin: Yeah, something came up.
Betty: [knowing smile] Something in the woods?
Kevin: Betty, don't... take this the wrong way, but... how many years did I listen to you go on and on about Archie and now Jughead? Did you ask my permission to date them? No. You didn't need it. And I don't need yours.
[they are unaware that smirking Cheryl is overhearing them]
Betty: Dating is one thing. This is...
Kevin: It's none of your business.
[picks up his schoolbooks]
Kevin: I'll, uh,
[scoffs]
Kevin: I'll catch you later.
[walks away]
Cheryl: So, button-down Kevin Keller has a sex-drive. So what?
Betty: So, it's putting him in danger. Why won't he just stop?
Cheryl: Oh, Betty. How little you know of the human psyche. Kevin used to be a lonely awkward fat boy with acne. Now he's a smoke-show.
Betty: And?
Cheryl: In his mind, he's still that unattractive Pugsley. Kevin wants validation, connection, even if he has to find it in the woods. Even with a killer on the loose. Even if you don't approve.

Jughead: The drive-in closing is just one more nail in the coffin that is Riverdale. No, forget Riverdale- in the coffin that is the American dream. As The Godfather of indie cinema, Quentin Tarantino, likes to say...
Kevin: [interrupting] Please, God, no more Quentin Tarantino references.
Jughead: What? I'm pissed. And not just about losing my job. The Twilight Inn should mean something to us. People should be trying to save it!
Veronica: In this age of Netflix and VOD, do people really want to watch a movie in a car? I mean who even goes there?
Kevin: People who want to buy crack.
Jughead: And cinephiles. and car enthusiasts. Right, Bets?
Betty: [absent] Totally.
Jughead: Anyway, it's closing because the town owns it, but didn't invest in it. So when an anonymous buyer made Mayor McCoy an offer she couldn't refuse...
Veronica: Anonymous buyer? What do they have to hide? No one cares.
Jughead: I do! By the way you should all come to closing night. I'm thinking American Graffiti. Or is that too obvious?
Veronica: I vote for anything starring Audrey Hepburn. Or Cate Blanchett.
Kevin: Or the Talented Mr. Ripley. Betty, your choices?
[Betty comes back into focus]
Veronica: Everything okay, B?
Betty: Yeah, I'm just thinking... um... maybe... Rebel Without A Cause?
[Jughead grins at Betty and both snicker]
Kevin: [notices Archie enter with his father and Ms Grundy] Now that's an odd combo of people.
Betty: I'll be right back.
Jughead: [trying to grab Betty's shoulder] No, Betty. Betty, don't!

Reggie: [after Veronica comes back from the bathroom] Veronica, I heard you got a face full of dairy. I've got some nuts to top off that shake.
Betty: Leave her alone, Reggie!
Veronica: [warns] You do not wanna push me right now.

Toni: [after Cheryl's Mom, Penelope, left the room] Ugh. She's a nightmare!
Cheryl: Isn't she though.

Alice: When I heard what happened at Nick's party, I decided that we should come together to deal with this motley crew of liars, dope fiends, and fornicators. Except for my Betty, who was smart enough to leave the party before it descended into a bacchanalian free-for-all.
Betty: [whines softly] Oh, my God, Mom, please don't.
Veronica: Great. Here we go. Saint Betty and Succubus Veronica.

Hiram: If I could go back, spend a few more years shining shoes with my Dad, man, I'd do that in a heartbeat.

Jughead: I love you... Betty Cooper.
Betty: Jughead Jones... I love you.
[chuckles, and they kiss]

Archie: Veronica, what I said to you, it doesn't matter if you don't wanna say it back to me.
Veronica: But it does. And it... it should. And...
[falters]
Veronica: for whatever messed-up reason, Archie, whatever deep-seated issues I have, I can't let myself go there with you. I'm sorry.
[puts her hands on his face, looks deep into his eyes]
Veronica: I'm so sorry.

Alice: All right, Coyote Ugly. Let's go.
Betty: Mom, I'm staying. For Jughead...
Alice: Elizabeth, you're coming with me now!
Betty: No. I'm staying.
Alice: Well, I can't.

Cheryl: [surveys Archie and Betty] Make sure those two turtle-doves come to my after-party. Veronica too. I'm in the mood for chaos.

Betty: I'm not gonna ask what you did with Veronica at Cheryl's. I'm asking you now, right now, if you love me, Archie, or even like me?
Archie: Of course I love you, Betty. But I can't give you the answer you want.
Betty: Why?
Archie: You are so perfect. I've never been good enough for you. I'll never be good enough for you.

[first lines]
Jughead: [narrating voice over] Fear. It's the most basic, the most human emotion. As kids, we're afraid of everything. The dark... The bogeyman under the bed... And we pray for morning. For the monsters to go away. Though they never do. Not really. Just ask Jason Blossom.

[first lines]
Jughead: [narrating voice over] I think many of us, maybe the entire town, had been hoping against hope that somehow Jason Blossom hadn't drowned on July 4th. That we'd come to school Monday morning, and there Jason would be. Or that we'd see him and Cheryl in a booth at Pop's. But that was before the undeniable, irrevocable fact of his bloated, water-logged body, a corpse with a bullet hole in its forehead, and terrible secrets that could only be revealed by the cold, steel blade of a coroner's autopsy scalpel, or the telltale beating of a guilty heart.

Veronica: Where do you plan on getting the million dollars to pay for this lunatic bounty?
Hermione: Your father has secret funds.
Veronica: My ass he does! And if Daddy thinks he can use my money for one of his Machiavellian ploys, he better think again... because I'm taking back what I got from the St. Clairs.
[heads for Hiram's office]
Hermione: Your father already told you, he put that money in a trust for you.
Veronica: He stole it, you mean!
[opens door to study]

Penelope: [while her daughter is filling a basket with confectionery] Nana Rose... Cheryl? Do you really think that that senile crone would be a better guardian than your own mother?
Cheryl: Oh, Mumsie. Enough. I'm off to deliver some nibbles to my cherie and her chums at the Whyte Wyrm.
Penelope: Cheryl, no! You can't...
[voice filled with dread]
Penelope: go there. Not tonight.
Cheryl: And why, pray tell, not?

Cheryl: [another mysterious parcel for Josie] Here we go again. I'll give that to Chuck: He knows how to commit.

Archie: I'm gonna break through that barrier, so I can marry you, Betty Cooper.

Josie: You will not believe this. Chuck Clayton just asked me out on a date.
Cheryl: That's vile. Assuming you said no.
Josie: Yeah. I'm not insane.
Cheryl: Good. Because we have a date with the recording studio.
[Josie sighs]
Cheryl: Maybe after school today?
Josie: No way! I am... heading straight to the girls' locker room for a eucalyptus steam. My throat's been acting...
Cheryl: Josie, we have to practice.
Josie: Good Lord, Cheryl, I don't know who's more controlling, you or my Mom.
Cheryl: Josie. What you did, saving me from that Nick St. Creature... it's a debt I'll never be able to repay.
[smiles]
Cheryl: What I can do is offer my help and skills to make your career blossom.
[Josie sighs]
Cheryl: But I'm happy to take a step back if you're feeling overwhelmed.
Josie: No, no.
[strokes Cheryl's hand]
Josie: It's all good.
[Cheryl smiles]

Cheryl: Never cross a Lodge. Come on, girls.
[new squad leader leads away her troops]
Veronica: [takes it out on her posse] You catatonic bimbos didn't even vote. So you stuttering sap-heads are too dim to exercise your own rights... and you've got the combined vocabulary of a baked potato. Consider this your last practice as River Vixens and your last week as my social handmaidens. You're fired, on all fronts. That's all. Shoo, bitches!

Archie: [Upon finding Jughead on his front steps, waiting] Jug. What's up?
Jughead: What's up is I saw you, Archie. In the music room. With Ms. Grundy.
Archie: Keep your voice down: my dad's inside!
Jughead: I'm trying to help you, dude. I'm trying to be your friend here. Even though we're not anymore. How long? You and Grundy?
Archie: Since the summer.
[hesitates]
Archie: I like her.
Jughead: So I guess she's the reason you've been acting weird since summer?
Archie: One of them.
Jughead: One of them. There's more?
Archie: We were at Sweetwater River on July 4th. We heard a gunshot- the gunshot.
Jughead: Dude, you have to tell somebody.
Archie: I can't. Neither can you. If people find our about Grundy...
Jughead: A kid is dead, Archie! And you're worried about some... some cougar!
Archie: Don't call her that! She's not like that, okay, she cares about me.
Jughead: Stab in the dark: I'm guessing she cares more about herself. She's the one who's telling you not to say anything, right?
[Archie doesn't answer]
Jughead: Look I saw you guys. She's messing with you, man. And she's messing with your mind.
Archie: What the hell do you know about it Jughead? Or about me even?
Jughead: [defeated] Nothing. But I used to know this guy once. Archie Andrews. He wasn't perfect but... he always tried to do the right thing at least.
[starts to leave]
Archie: [grabbing Jughead's jacket] Jug... if you tell anyone about this...
Jughead: What? What are you gonna do?

Toni: [re Serpent jacket] That jacket looks good on you.
Cheryl: *Everything* looks good on me.
Cheryl: [with naughty glint] Well, maybe we should make it official.
[they head off together]

Jughead: Lynchian: adjective to describe something inspired by the noted American filmmaker David Lynch, and/or to describe something both incredibly macabre and incredibly mundane.

Cheryl: Moving on... to dear Daddy Lodge. Isn't it true that your father, from prison, illegally purchased the drive-in land? Which makes me wonder, what else is he doing from behind bars?
Veronica: Well, I can't speak for my father, but I can think of someone with a very dirty secret. Specifically, Cheryl killing her very own brother.
Cheryl: Everyone knows how much I loved my brother.
Veronica: Exactly. But did you love him maybe in ways that a sister shouldn't love her brother? And as you got older, Jason started to think it was strange, unnatural... So he chose Polly over you. So you shot him between the eyes with one of your father's many hunting rifles.

Betty: I'm not gonna ask what you did with Veronica at Cheryl's. But I'm asking you now, right now, if you love me, Archie. Or even like me?
Archie: Of course I love you, Betty. But I can't give you the answer you want.
Betty: Why?
Archie: You are so perfect. I've never been good enough for you. I'll never be good enough for you.

Jughead: Archie and I are like college dorm mates.
Fred: Does that make me the R.A.?
Archie: No, you're the third roommate!

Toni: [at Pop Tate's diner] Thanks for letting me sleep over. Now on to the next crash pad until my uncle stops locking me out.
Jughead: My trailer's your trailer. Last night was...
Toni: A PG-13 grope session?
Jughead: Oof...! You know how to knock a guy down a peg.
Toni: Look. Cards on the table. You're not over Betty. And... I'm not interested in being anybody's rebound. Besides... I'm more into girls anyways.
Jughead: [considers momentarily] Roger that.

Veronica: You better go get that. Or else he'll drag you out, kicking and screaming, like a little bitch

Fred: I, um... I got a call from your coach today. He's under the impression that you can't play varsity football because I'm making you work for me. Which is odd, because you made it seem like you couldn't work for me because you were playing football. So my first question is... who are you lying to? Me or your coach?
Archie: Neither. Both. Dad... I want to study music. I want to write music.
Fred: Football takes you to college. College takes you to business school. Business school...
Archie: Takes me back here. To work for you in Riverdale.
Fred: Not for me, with me. And eventually for yourself, son. The company would be yours.
Archie: No disrespect, dad, but I don't want it.
Fred: Three months ago, you... you did. What happened?
Archie: I've changed. Everything's changed. This summer...
Fred: This summer what?
[Archie sighs, unsure what to say]
Fred: That's it? We don't talk anymore?
Archie: Dad.
Fred: I would never force you to play football. I don't care if you play football. And you don't have to work with me or for me, ever again. But some advice, man to man? These decisions that you're making now, son, they have consequences. They go on to form who you are and who you'll become. Whatever you decide, be confident enough in it that you don't have to lie.

Cheryl: [sighs after interruption] As I was saying, each year, we honor the memory of General Pickens. Yet... few know the truth. That is was my great-great-great-grandpappy, Colonel Barnabas B. Blossom, who bankrolled General Pickens' settlement of... an Eden along the river of Sweetwater, where maple trees grow taller than the steeples of Europe's grandest cathedrals. Which is why, every year, I petition the mayor's office to rename Pickens' Day-
[schoolbell rings]

Jughead: At it's heart, Riverdale was, and is, a wicked little town.

Penelope: [from deleted scene]
[to black male customer]
Penelope: Can I fix you another gin before we go upstairs? A double this time?
Cheryl: [enters room, dressed in outrageous skimpy red outfit not fit for Riverdale streets] Now, now. Why settle for a jalopy when you could joyride a newer model?
black: Well, well. Where have you been hiding?
Penelope: [rises to put a stop to this] She's sixteen. And my *daughter*. Cheryl, that's enough.
black: I- Excuse me...
[beats a hasty retreat]
black: I... I...
[slips past Cheryl]
Penelope: [after the guy went off] That's gonna cost us a pretty penny.
Cheryl: I do know love, Mother. I may not be feeling it right now... but I have.
Penelope: Spare me. The only kind of love you've experienced was perverse, warped and deviant.
Cheryl: Even if it was... it was mine. But you couldn't let me have it, could you? You did everything in your power to destroy it. And now all I can do is pay you back in hate.
[turns around, walks away]

Betty: [in school hallway] Cheryl... can we have a word?
Cheryl: [to her cheerleaders] Scatter, my Vixens. Yes, Betty?

Cheryl: Check your sell-by-date, ladies. Faux lesbian kissing has not been taboo since 1994.

Betty: [all singing] Every day / I just pray / Every move I make is right / Where I go / Who I know...
Veronica: Will I be alone on Saturday night? / I don't worry / If I blow my SATs / But I worry / What can I possibly do?
Cheryl: To squeeze in / Pow / Why not now? / When will I belong? / Look where I am / Damn / My whole life feels wrong...
Toni: What if I do snap? / Holy crap! / I'd crawl out of my skin / And so would you...
other: 'Cause life just doesn't begin / Until you're in...

[Closing lines]
Jughead: [Narrating] Perhaps, in Riverdale the best you could hope for wasn't a win, but a draw, and pray not to lose.
[Veronica enters]
Veronica: Working late, I see.
Jughead: I assume you're here to find out whodunit?
Veronica: After my father woke up, it was the first thing he asked me. I told him it was Tall Boy.
Jughead: Did he believe you?
Veronica: I think so. If it's good enough for my father, it's good enough for me.
[Veronica hands over an envelope]
Veronica: Second half of your payment.
[Jughead takes the money and Veronica turns and begins to walk away]
Jughead: You don't want to know who really did it?
[Veronica stops and turns around. There is a pause]
Veronica: Forget it, Jughead. It's Riverdale.

Cheryl: Sorry to interrupt, but I have an announcement to make. One that tangentially involves you, Betty. I'm bringing Polly to the dance as my date and we're campaigning as co-queens at Homecoming Court.
Betty: Because why?
Cheryl: Because, Nightmare Smurfette, by all rights it should have been Polly and Jason on that stage being crowned. This is the next best thing. So, don't forget to vote, and I'll see everyone at my coronation.

Cliff: [after his daughter came down the stairs and stands staring at him] Cheryl, what is It?
Cheryl: You did a bad thing, Daddy. And now everyone knows.

Jughead: Imagination. It's limitless and all powerful. It's boundless and ever replenishing. There's no fuel more potent, no generator more awesome.

Veronica: Yeah, sure. Kill me temporarily so I can visit my ex-boyfriend in Heaven. Why not?

Betty: These symbols look so familiar to me. It's like I've seen them before and it's driving me crazy. I can't figure out where.
Toni: [sarcastic] Maybe if you loosened your ponytail.
[gets annoyed looks]
Toni: What? That was a joke, guys.
Kevin: Betty's ponytail is iconic and beyond reproach.
Betty: Kev, it's fine. At this point, I'm willing to try anything.
[loosens ponytail]

Archie: [song rehearsal] I've got you / And you've got me...
Veronica: Not to be that girl... Archie, but... I didn't get the memo we were adding another voice to the mix.
Archie: Ronnie, hey, great news. Valerie quit the Pussycats.
Veronica: So... that makes me... what then? Back-up?
Archie: No, I mean... you were just doing it as a favor to me, right?
Veronica: You are unbelievable, Archie. You literally have zero loyalty... you... ginger Judas!

Penelope: You want answers, Cheryl? Are you ready? There it is! There's the sticky, dark, dirty truth. Maple syrup! Drown in it, why don't you?

[tries to open a box in Miss Grundy's car]
Betty: Bobby pin.
Veronica: Okay, Ms. MacGyver.
[unlocks box]
Betty: I learned that from the Nancy Drew detective handbook.

Josie: The Black Hood has my Mom on edge and she has me on edge. And when I get stressed, the polyps on my vocal chords swell. And I lose my voice. On top of which... going behind the Pussycats" back working on songs without them?
[shakes her head]
Cheryl: You feel like you're sinning, and the Black Hood goes after sinners. I get it. You're allowed to feel guilty, up to a point. But... I slipped that vid of you singing "Milkshake" to that producer at Shabbey Road Studios, and he was adamant about giving you, and you *alone*, studio time.
[Josie opens her locker, there sits a mysteriously-placed teddy bear with card "I'll be watching you"]
Cheryl: OMG. Another gift from your secret admirer?
Josie: Gotta get a new lock.
Cheryl: That's the third gift this week. Who could this mystery bae be? Oh, maybe it's the Black Hood. You know, he loves writing notes.
Josie: That's not funny, Cheryl.

Toni: [deleted scene] So this is where you've been hiding out.
Cheryl: [been at her unconscious grandmother's side in hospital] Toni...! How did you find me?
Toni: It took me a minute. Then I thought... this is exactly where I would be if my Nana was in the hospital.
[sees the tears]
Toni: Cheryl? What is it?
Cheryl: I'm *so* exhausted. And, Toni, I am here for my Nana, but not in the way you think.
[very nervous]
Cheryl: I wanna make sure my mother and Uncle Claudius don't come by to hurt her... and finish what they did when they pushed her down the stairs.

Cheryl: [supposedly theres some book in which the jocks list their conquests] Proof of what, Nancy Drew? That boys will be boys? And that playbook reeks of suburban legend.

[first lines]
Jughead: [narrating voice over] What makes a place feel like home? Is it warmth and familiarity? Some idealized, make-believe TV version of the American Dream? Is it love and acceptance? Or is it simple safety?

Penelope: You made a grave mistake, little girl.
Betty: No, I don't think so. And I'm not gonna stop until I prove it.

FP: [Jughead graffiti's his name on the Drive In Booth wall as FP shows up] They'll tear that booth down too. Raze the whole place. Send it to the junkyard. And us along with it.
Jughead: Yeah. Maybe they'll save it. All the pieces. Store it in the town hall attic and rebuild it in a hundred years... wonder who the hell we were.
[They both smile for a brief moment. Jughead's smile fades]
FP: Hmm. So where are you gonna live now?
Jughead: I'll figure it out, Dad. I always do.

Cheryl: Plus, I need a dance partner. We won't take no for an answer... Archiekins.

Alice: [knocking on locked bedroom door behind which black-wig lingerie-clad Betty is doing webcam modeling] Betty? What's going on in there? Why is the door locked?
[knocks]
Alice: You know how I feel about locked doors.
Betty: [opens, wears terrycloth robe] Yeah. You're the one who likes to do the locking.
Alice: I heard voices. Who were you talking to?
Betty: [impatiently] Jughead. He had some questions about homework. Now can I finish getting dressed, please?
[shoves door to close it]
Alice: Well, I-
[door is closed in her face]

Betty: If I really wanted to scare you... Chic... I would go around to the Sheriff's office and explain to him how you brained a man in our kitchen.

Betty: Can you please just give her a message for me?
Cheryl: As long as it doesn't upset her.
Betty: Tell her she should call our Mom. She's trying really hard to hide it, but I can tell she's really, really hurt and upset.
Cheryl: I'll pass your message along.
[nods]
Betty: Thank you.
Cheryl: If I remember.
Jughead: Cheryl!
Cheryl: That was a joke, you hobo. Of course I'll give her your message, Betty.

Kevin: [upon finding out about Betty's plans with Trev] Does Mama Cooper know about that?
Betty: Kev, I'm not on house arrest.
[reacting: ]
Betty: Okay, she's out of town at a Women in Journalism spa retreat. Anyway, it's not a DATE date.
Jughead: You just called it a date. You literally said it's a date.
Betty: That's just my cover. Really, it's an intelligence-gathering mission.

Veronica: When my dad got arrested, the police... the lawyers... the judge... the courts... they took everything from us. Our houses, our cars, our club memberships, our yacht.
[Josie gives a silent smirk]
Veronica: Even, I'm not kidding, the clothes off our backs.
[Josie double takes]
Veronica: Anyway, my mom sat me down at the edge of my canopy bed and she told me not to cry, because there was one thing in this world that nobody could take away from me. Not ever.
Reggie: Your trust fund?
Veronica: My name, Reggie. Which after telling me "Nobody would ever take it," that is EXACTLY what she did! Like it meant nothing. Like it was nothing. Like I was nothing.

Veronica: You wanted fire? Sorry, Cheryl Bombshell, my specialty is ice.

Cheryl: Nighty night, Percy.

Kevin: Betty, you will not believe who just propositioned me in the bathroom. Give you a hint: his name may be Moose, but I'd describe a certain appendage of his as horse-like.

Betty: Ms. Grundy showed up in Riverdale a year ago, out of thin air. There is no record of her before that. Her Facebook, her LinkedIn account... they were all created a year ago. Before that she's a ghost, she doesn't exist. The only "Geraldine Grundy" I could find was a woman who died seven years ago.
Archie: Where did you find all this?
Veronica: The deep web, the dark internet. Check it, it's all online... simple Googling.

[first lines]
Jughead: [narrating voice over] People like to say that the death of Jason Blossom changed everything at Riverdale High, but certain things, certain traditions, never change. Take homecoming for instance. Though Jason's jersey had been retired, the Riverdale Bulldogs would still be playing their arch-rivals the Baxter High Ravens with the River Vixens cheering them on. As in previous years, graduates from days of Riverdale past will come to town to relive their more youthful, more carefree days or... To make up for lost time.

Betty: [to cruising Kevin] Moose and Midge were shot literally three hundred yards from Fox Forest, and the person who did it is still out there. Tell me you won't go back there, at least not until he's caught.

Hermione: Veronica, wait. You and Archie... getting closer?
Veronica: Maybe. Why do you ask?
Hermione: Your father and I made Fred an offer to buy out the SoDale contract, but Fred is still on the fence about it. I was hoping... . maybe you could talk to Archie. Maybe he could convince Fred to sell.
Veronica: Yeah, sure, Mom, no problem. I'll just sexually manipulate Archie into doing my bidding.
Hermione: Well, as long as you're in control.
Veronica: Oh, my God, Mom, I was kidding. Also, why are you trying to push Fred out of this deal? He's the only person in this town who is loyal, who was good to you.
Hermione: Your father's coming back. He and Fred? They will not get along.

Veronica: I'm glad you two are getting the chance to meet,
[to: ]
Veronica: although your brown-nosing at dinner was over the top.
Nick St. Clair: How dare you? I love your mother's flan.
[chuckles]
Nick St. Clair: Although, I still have room for more dessert.
[offers them speed]
Nick St. Clair: Here.
[Archie looks at him disapprovingly]
Veronica: [ignores outstretched arm] No, thank you, I'm full.
Nick St. Clair: Veronica Lodge turning down a bump. What a brave new world it is.
[smirks]
Nick St. Clair: How about it, Big Red?
[Archie shakes his head]
Nick St. Clair: So, what is it that you country mice do for fun up here? Catch... lightning bugs with Mason jars?
Archie: No, we...
Veronica: Basically.
Nick St. Clair: [finds her 'leopard ears'] Ronnie. What kind of kink is this?
Veronica: I wear them when I'm playing with Josie and the Pussycats.
Nick St. Clair: You're in a band...
Veronica: Mm-hmm.
Nick St. Clair: ...called the Pussycats? Just when I thought you couldn't possibly get any sexier.

Jughead: [as they walk along to school] Hey, can I talk to you about last night?
Betty: [lost in her own concerns] Why, what about it?
Jughead: I thought we had this really nice night, and then you hung up on me, so I got nervous. Maybe you thought we were moving too fast... or maybe it wasn't enjoyable?
Betty: Oh, my God...! No. No, not at all. Last night was amazing. It was just a lot of drama when I got home.
Jughead: Let me guess. Chic-centric?
Betty: It'll be fine. Just typical Cooper house lunacy.

Reggie: Man, even in hyperspeed, moving blows.

Hermione: Veronica? Rough day on the campaign trail?
Veronica: How did you find out about that?
Hermione: Weatherbee called.
[gets up from behind her desk]
Hermione: He also read me the flyer that's been going around school. Now do you see why we asked you to keep a low profile? And instead, you're running for student council president? Why?
Veronica: Because, Mom...
[tearfully]
Veronica: I'm out there, every day, facing what you and Daddy have done, what we've done. And maybe if I'm their president... people at school, like Ethel Muggs... or Jughead or... or even Betty... will stop looking at me like I'm just the daughter of criminals. Like I'm a criminal, too. We're out there fighting a holy war, Mom. I need something I can use as a shield
[shakes her head]
Veronica: against everything that's coming our way. Protection from everybody out there who hates us. Who's out for our blood.

Alice: [arriving late at party, bare legs, sandals, asp necklace and all, and, on the red carpet, walks past her husband:] Shove it, Hal!

Betty: My parents are unbelievable, Jug. Polly is locked up in that house like a character out of Jane Eyre and what are they doing? Changing each other's login accounts and throwing bricks through windows.
Jughead: I wish I'd seen that.
[Betty looks at him painfully]
Jughead: Okay, I'm sorry. That's not funny.
Betty: It's like you know how in a time of crisis, people either come together or fall apart? It feels like we're falling apart. And the way things are going, pretty soon the Coopers, we're not even gonna exist anymore and there's nothing I can do to stop that!
Jughead: Betty don't! Don't do give up! You family is definitely splintering right now but it won't fall apart because of you. Because you're holding them together. You're so much stronger than all of the white noise. You're stronger than your mother. You're stronger than your father. You're holding this family together. So don't... don't let go.
Betty: I won't.

Hermione: Any and all goodwill during this election will go a long way. And, Veronica... this campaign isn't gonna be easy. Especially since we had to lead with your father's plans for the prison. Certain people in town and in school are gonna see us as the enemy. So after this celebrity endorsement, let's keep our heads down. Let this storm past, understand?
Veronica: Color me a wallflower.

Archie: That means that you haven't known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football.

Toni: Please, if Cheryl was in the Swiss Alps, she'd be posting parka selfies every hour. Her social media's been dead for days.

Hermione: About Archie coming over for dinner... I wouldn't push that, if I were you.
Veronica: I'm not. Daddy invited Archie.
[nods]
Hermione: Mm-hmm. Daddy wants to please his little girl. And you... want your father's approval. Mija... you want everything to change overnight.
[shakes her head]
Hermione: You want him to be friends with your friends. And that will happen. No need to rush it. No need to be so thirsty, Veronica.
[leaves with big patronizing smile]

Veronica: To Archie Andrews, who saved the cheerleader, and saved the town.
Archie: You know, actually, I think it was Betty's speech.

Betty: [upon hearing that Sheriff Keller is interrogating Jughead as well] Okay, well, he's wasting his time, Kev, because
[bangs on table to emphasize]
Betty: FP didn't kill Jason.
Kevin: Betty, he confessed.
Betty: Or he was coerced.

Veronica: [lying on her bed, busy on cellphone, blue robe, bare legs bent back at the knees, bare feet hovering] Yes, hello, I'm calling to settle an account for one of your patients, Fred Andrews... . Of course, I'm his business partner... Uh-huh. I'd like to pay the bill in full, and keep it anonymous, an angel donation. Yes, I'm aware of the amount... My name? Hermione Apollonia Lodge, and it's a black American Excess card... number 29572300...

Cheryl: Well, well, well. Look at what the black cat dragged in.

[last lines]
Archie: Wait. This whole thing, it was all a test?
Hermione: Yes. And you passed. Welcome to the family, Archie.

Kevin: Oh, my god!
Betty: What?
Kevin: Game-changer. Archie got hot! He's got abs now. Six more reasons for you to take that ginger bull by the horns tonight.

Alice: [to Penelope] She's not going to set foot in that twisted, poisonous house of yours!
Cheryl: She should be so lucky!

Veronica: I was like Cheryl. I was worse than Cheryl.

Archie: [re unconscious Nick] What are we gonna do with him now?
Veronica: Concierge is sending up a power drill.
[Archie looks at her shocked]
Veronica: I'm kidding. But I do have an idea.

Cheryl: [as door is opened for her] Mr. Andrews. Nice haircut. Looking extremely DILF-y.

Cheryl: [in Little Red Riding Hood outfit, to the Black Hood she had just wounded in the shoulder with an arrow:] I suggest you run while you still can. I only miss when I mean to.

Veronica: I didn't know you worked out so much, Mr. Keller.
[chuckles]
Veronica: Archie Andrews, watch your back.
Tom: [chuckles] I don't do it for vanity. I do it for the discipline and to push my limits.
Veronica: And I'm sure it comes in handy on the job.
Tom: Yeah.
Veronica: Kevin mentioned things have been... stressful lately, with the Black Hood and everything. It must get super hard. With all the pressure, without Mrs. Keller. Where is she stationed, again?
Tom: Bahrain. There's a Naval base there.
Veronica: That can't be easy. How do you... cope?

Principal: What goes on around here: murder, mayhem, depravity; it is not normal.

Veronica: What's happening out there? Do we know? Is it about me?
Jughead: I have a strong inkling, and no. Also, I'd let it go.
Veronica: Yes, but you're you and I'm me. You do you, girl. I'll be back.
[leaves]
Kevin: What was it like before she got here? I honestly cannot remember.

Archie: And don't worry, Ronnie, I can take care of myself.
Veronica: Famous last words, Archiekins.

Betty: I thought the farm would keep me safe from the Black Hood, but, bonus, I'm also learning a bunch of fun, terrifying facts about myself.

[first lines]
Jughead: [narrating, voice over] Guilt. Innocence. Good. Evil. Life. Death. As the shadows around Riverdale deepened, the lines that separated these polar opposites blurred and distorted. "I'm guilty," Cheryl said in biology class, but of what?

Jughead: Hi. Do you think I could use Jason Blossom's death as an excuse to get out of PE? "Sorry Coach, I'm just too freaked out and depressed right now to do pull ups."
Archie: Don't joke about Jason Blossom.
Jughead: What? Sardonic humor is just my way of relating to the world.
[Scoffs as the jocks show up in the hall]
Jughead: Look, it's the rich kids from the goonies. All right. I'm out.

[first lines]
Jughead: [narrating voice over] It's been a week since the discovery of Jason Blossom's body. But his death would not be the first, nor would it be the last casualty that the town of Riverdale would suffer. The Twilight Drive-In, where I work; my home away from home. A piece of town history is closing for good, just when we needed a place to escape to the most. With Sheriff Keller knocking on every door, and neighbour suspecting neighbour, every day that passes is becoming more like Salem during the witch trials. And meanwhile, the girl next door, our friendly neighbourhood Hitchcock blonde, Betty Cooper, was wrestling with the knowledge that her best friend Archie Andrews was caught up in a forbidden romance.

[first lines]
Jughead: [narrating voice over] Our story is about a town, a small town, and the people who live in the town. From a distance, it presents itself like so many other small towns all over the world; safe, decent, innocent. Get closer, though, and you start seeing the shadows underneath. The name of our town is Riverdale.

Betty: [at lockers] Hi...
Cheryl: Betty. I... wasn't going to tell you about something, but! all night long I kept tossing and turning in my sleigh canopy bed thinking, I'd wanna know. But I
[cellphone dings]
Cheryl: take no pleasure in sharing this with you...
Betty: Uh, actually, Cheryl... I gotta go. Chic texted me. He's at home with my Dad...
Cheryl: This is about your father.

Moose: For the record, I'm not gay.
Kevin: Obviously not, Moose. You're on the football team. But if you were gay, what would you like to do?
Moose: Everything but kiss.
Kevin: I love a good closet case. So, let's start with skinny dipping and then see what happens?
[he trips and falls]
Moose: Dude, are you okay?
Kevin: [seeing Jason's body] Oh, my god, it's Jason. He was shot.
Jughead: [voiceover narration] By morning, everyone would be talking, texting, and posting about it. We'd all be feeling it. That the world around us had changed, maybe forever. That Riverdale wasn't the same town as before. That it was a town of shadows and secrets now. On Monday, the autopsy on Jason's body would take place. And on Tuesday, halfway through fifth period, the first arrest would be made.

Cheryl: [finds Betty after she threw up over toilet] Oh. Betty, are you okay? Do you need some help?
Betty: [holds up hand] I'm fine, Cheryl.
Cheryl: Let me grab you a towel.
Betty: I said, I'm fine.
Cheryl: [matter-of-fact way] You have puke on your collar.
[walks away]

[first lines]
Jughead: [narrating voice over] Thicker than blood, more precious than oil. Riverdale's big business, is maple syrup. Since the town's founding, one family has controlled its lucrative syrup trade: the Blossoms. They were a part of the fabric of our daily lives. Rich or poor, old or young, we consumed Blossom syrup by the bucket. That sickly sweet smell was inescapable. The death of Jason Blossom precipitated a crisis, with the heir apparent gone, who would inherit the family business one day? Certainly not Cheryl. It was a question that brought the wolves to Riverdale, and now, the Blossoms were circling the wagons against possible attack, from within their own ranks.

Cheryl: ['downsizing' at new home, opens door for Jughead and Betty] Hobo. Bride of hobo. Welcome to Thistlehouse. Mother's in the conservatory. Follow me.

Penelope: Nothing could be more purely Blossom than those babies.

[first lines]
Jughead: [narrating voice over] Every town has one. The spooky house that all the kids avoid. Ours was Thornhill, the Blossom family's mansion, with its very own graveyard. And, trapped within its walls like some gothic heroine, was Cheryl Blossom. Still grieving for her beloved brother, Jason. Linked in death even as they were in life.

Cheryl: I also feel it's my duty to say that... like the Furies of Ancient Greece, who ceaselessly pursue blood atonement when a crime's been committed, the Vixens and I vow that we will not rest until those responsible for the murder of our sister... is rightly punished.
[glares in defiance at Sheriff Keller]

Kevin: Oh, my God. What are you guys doing here?
Betty: Cheryl called me, and said that it looks like you were going for a jog, headed towards Fox Forest.
Cheryl: Fact.
Cheryl: [steps closer] You said you weren't gonna do this anymore.
Kevin: For God's sakes, Betty, what... what do you want from me?
Betty: I want you to have more respect for yourself than this.
Kevin: [laughter in his voice] Respect for myself?
Betty: Yes.
Kevin: Look, we have been friends for a long time, but you still have no idea...
Betty: Well, then tell me, Kev, please.
Kevin: You act like we got the same set of options, but we don't. You live in this pale-pink world of milk shakes and first kisses and "Am I gonna date Archie or Jughead?"
Cheryl: *Except* for when she's Dark Betty.
Kevin: Right, right. Except for when you're exploring your BDSM sexuality, which again, you're allowed to do, but I'm not, because why? *This* is what I got, Betty. Me, these woods. So, please don't come here and tell me it's disgusting. If you can't accept what I do, whatever I do, then we're just... We're not really friends!

Jughead: [answering cellphone] Hello?
Cheryl: How's the lake house? Are you all settled-in and spooning yet?
Jughead: Who is this?
Cheryl: It's Cheryl... you welfare baby.
Jughead: Is something wrong?
Cheryl: [playfully spiteful] Not yet. I just wanna make sure you know that Archie and Betty kissed in front of my house, right before Christmas, and that it seemed pretty serious. Like, with-tongues serious. That's all. Enjoy your couples-only weekend. Kisses to all. Bye.

Penelope: I swear, Archibald, when the light hits you just right...

Cheryl: Books are objects of immense power. Every reader imprints on the book they read. Every book changes the reader in some way.

Betty: Think happy thoughts.

Jughead: [Archie sneaks up to the balcony to see Josie and the Pussycats perform. Jug is there, watching] Are you sure it was worth sneaking out for some locally sourced Munster?
Archie: I helped write that song, man.
Jughead: [Listening to the performance] Not bad... I'd love to stay but I gotta go shake down an evil adventure scout. See you.

Jughead: Archie, as my blood-brother, it was your sole responsibility to ensure that something like this never happened on my birthday. And now we're here. In the middle of a Seth Rogen movie.

Jughead: Inner Circle, Cousin Betty, I didn't just bring you to Thistlehouse for a girlish slumber party. The truth is, I'm *terrified* of being alone here. There's a stranger in this house, my Uncle Claudius. He's mad. Ever since he blew in, I feel like I'm in mortal peril.
Toni: Wait, I'm confused. Is this real or are we playing a game?
Jughead: All too real... Tee-Tee. I hear they're plotting against me and Nana Rose. Mumzie cultivates esoteric herbs in the conservatory. Tannis root, jimsonweed. I'm afraid to eat for fear of being poisoned.
Cheryl: Cheryl, are you sure you're not... imagining things?
Veronica: Well, if she is, Josie, then maybe I am, too. There's a stranger in my life as well. Chic. With him lurking behind every corner, my house feels...
Jughead: Dangerous. Deadly. I sympathize.

[first lines]
Jughead: [narrating voice over] Weekdays, from 8:25am to 3:01pm we adhere to a strict regimen. Everything in our lives is controlled, but then something like the murder of Jason Blossom happens and you realize, there is no such thing as control, there is only chaos. Nevertheless, some of us strive to impose and maintain order, in what is, fundamentally, an orderless world. A fact which would very soon be confirmed, in ways none of us could have foreseen.

Kevin: Can I borrow the truck for the drive-in?
Sherrif: You got a date?
Kevin: No, I'm going with Veronica.
Sherrif: Ah okay. Isn't there a nice gay kid at your school?
Kevin: Yes, there is. Me.
Sherrif: Alright. No cruising guys tonight. We both know what goes in those woods.
Kevin: Oh my God, dad!

Hiram: I came over to surprise you. And imagine my surprise when you aren't here to greet me.
Hermione: And she drank your Cristal.
Hiram: So disrespectful.
[to: ]
Hiram: Not like you at all, mija.
Veronica: I've changed. You have no idea. The question is... have you?
Hiram: Not so much that I still don't want a kiss hello from my daughter.

Fred: Hermione Lodge. Well, my day just got a lot more interesting.
Hermione: Hello, Fred. How are you?
Fred: Surprised. Can I get you anything? Would you like a water?
Hermione: A job. I saw on your website that you are looking for a seasonal hire, someone to help with the books.
Fred: Yeah, my, um, my guy's on paternity leave.
Hermione: You know, I think my daughter is going to school with your son. Isn't that funny? We'll have to tell them that we knew each other, that we even dated for a little while. Well, at least until I...
Fred: Chose the rich kid.
Hermione: And now, a reversal of fortune. How's Mary doing?
Fred: She's in Chicago. We split up. We're civil. How about you? How are you holding up? Really?
Hermione: I have a little money saved. I was praying that someone in Riverdale, maybe an old friend, would be willing to give me the benefit of the doubt.
Fred: If it were up to me.
Hermione: Isn't up to you? It's your company.
Fred: Well, I have clients. I can't very well have Hermione Lodge, the wife of Hiram Lodge, on trial for fraud and embezzlement, balancing my books. Can I?
Hermione: No. I suppose you can't.

Jughead: If print journalism is dead, what am I doing here?
Betty: The Blue and Gold isn't dead, Juggy. It's just dormant. But waking up. You're writing a novel, right? about Jason Blossom's murder?
Jughead: I am. Riverdale's very own In Cold Blood.
Betty: Which started out as a series of articles. I'm hoping you'll come write for The Blue and Gold.
Jughead: I just don't think the school's paper is the right fit for my voice.
Betty: Juggy... Jason's death changed Riverdale. People don't want to admit it but it's true. We all feel it. Nothing this bad was ever supposed to happen here. But it did. I want to know why.
Jughead: Would I get complete freedom?
Betty: I'll help and edit and suggest but it's you story. It's your voice.
Jughead: It doesn't sound like complete freedom... but... I'm in.

Betty: [received present] Well, I think I know who picked my name based on these wrapping skills.
[chuckles]
Betty: Archie...
Archie: [as Betty enthuses over the old record] My Dad and I were cleaning out the garage, and I found it.
Betty: [chuckles] The Swiss Family Robinson. Yeah, it's this old read-along record we used to listen to when we were, like, five. Oh, my God. I love it, Arch. Thank you.

Cheryl: As Elton John like to say, "The bitch is back in town."

Cheryl: Speak! Or it gets the syrup again.

Cheryl: [brought expensive gifts to baby shower] All I ask in return is that you make me your baby's godmother.
[which is not received well]
Cheryl: Kidding!
[mumbling: ]
Cheryl: So not kidding.

Veronica: [at party, where Betty has refused to do drugs] Come on, Betty, don't be such a wallflower. You're boyfriend-less for a night. Have some fun.
Betty: Like you, you mean? I was gonna say you're making a fool out of yourself, just acting like some privileged, shallow, airhead party girl.
Veronica: [scoffs] Excuse me?
Betty: Yeah.
[gets up]
Betty: I mean, it's all just recycled banter...
[looks at the Pussycats: ]
Betty: and plunging necklines, and throwing shade to distract us all from the fact that there's really nothing going on underneath.
Archie: Betty, what the hell are you saying...?
Betty: What we're all thinking. That the only reason Veronica hangs out with us is circumstance. She's not our friend. The *minute* someone from her trashy past shows up, she starts using us for drugs, or music, or distraction. And why should we be surprised? Like father, like daughter, right?
Veronica: You better shut it down, Betty.
Betty: Or what, Veronica? You'll have your Dad put a hit on me? Or maybe you'll do it yourself. Because you may have fooled all of them, but not me.
[shakes her head]
Betty: Try to reform all you want, but you're a bad person, Veronica.
[shrugs]
Betty: You'll always be a bad person.
Veronica: Why don't you just go then, if I'm such a monster?
Archie: [as Betty leaves] Veronica...
Veronica: I'm fine. Obviously, she's not. Wait, you wanna go after her? Be my guest. I'll be damned if I'm chasing Betty down after that - Whatever it was.

Cheryl: [disrupting boys' locker room break-in at night] Color me impressed. A B and E with B and V. What would your Holy Roller mother say about this, Betty?
Betty: What are you doing here, Cheryl?
Kevin: And where did you get those sky-high boots? They're amazing!

Cheryl: You're here for me, aren't you? Because of the autopsy?
Principal: We don't need to do this in front of your classmates, Cheryl.
Cheryl: It's all right, Principal Weatherbee. They'll find out soon enough.
[holds up her wrists]
Sheriff: No, that won't be necessary.
Veronica: Wait, Cheryl. Find out what?
Cheryl: That I'm guilty.

Veronica: Betty and I come as a matching set. You want one, you take us both.

Veronica: [passionate romance] We had this date with each other from the very beginning, Archiekins.

Betty: You're not in the United States anymore. You're in Riverdale.

[Opening lines]
Jughead: [Narrating] Riverdale, once a safe, decent, innocent place, had become Noir Town, like the setting of a Raymond Chandler story, filled with dames to kill for, postmen who like to ring twice, and more mobsters than a Scorsese retrospective at the Bijou.

Cheryl: It's game time at Chez Blossom, kiddies. We're going old school tonight. Seven Minutes in Heaven. Who wants to tryst in the closet of love first? My vote is A for Archie. Anyone care to second it?
Archie: Well, actually...

Jughead: [Betty is dressed for the funeral, surveying herself in the mirror as she lets her hair down when Jughead enters her room] Ready to enter the belly of the beast?
[she chuckles at the sight of him in a suit, still wearing his trademark beanie]
Jughead: Mm. It was the best I could do.
[grins as he looks at her, looking kind of cute, sort of]

Betty: Maybe not every murderer is guilty. And maybe not every victim is innocent. Maybe it's not all black and white.

Veronica: [Lodges squaring up for a fight with the Andrews] Now, now, Mom and Dad, there's no need for this to become the Montagues and Capulets just yet.

Veronica: [to Hiram] A serial killer used Mom for target practice!

Tom: [after funeral] Mrs. Klump? I wanted you know that the sheriff's department is working...
[gets slapped]
Mrs. Klump: You were supposed to be protecting our children...!
[through: ]
Mrs. Klump: You... you should be ashamed of yourself!
[walks away]
Hermione: Your days of failing this town over and over again are numbered... sheriff.

Betty: Bobby pin.
Veronica: Okay, Ms. Gyver.
[unlocks the box]
Betty: I learned that from the Nancy Drew detective handbook.

Reggie: I mean let's think about it: if a kid at Riverdale killed Jason, it's not gonna be a jock right? No let's be honest. Isn't it always some spooky, scrawny, pathetic internet troll too busy writing his manifestos to get laid? Some smug, moody, serial killer, fanboy freak... like Jughead?
[Jug narrows his eyes at Reggie]
Reggie: What was it like, suicide squad? When you killed Jason? You didn't do stuff to the body like... after?
Jughead: It's called necrophilia, Reggie... Can you spell it?
Reggie: [Going after Jughead] Come here, you little-!
Archie: [Pushes Reggie back] Hey shut the hell up, Reggie!
Veronica: Boys...
Reggie: What do you care, Andrews?
Archie: Nothing, just leave him alone.

Kevin: Is it true what they say about your dad?
Veronica: That he's the devil incarnate? I stand by my father. Does everyone here know?
[awkward silence]
Veronica: Wonderful! Ten minutes in and I'm already the "Blue Jasmine" of Riverdale High.

Jughead: No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks.

Cheryl: [singing at funeral] When you walk through a storm / Hold your head up high / And don't be afraid of the dark / At the end of the storm / There's a golden sky / And the sweet silver song of the lark...

[Dr. Curdle Jr. hands Betty the unauthorized autopsy report on Clifford Blossom]
Betty: What does it say? That he died of asphyxiation by hanging?
Dr. Curdle Jr.: There was bruising around the esophagus, consistent with that of a hanging victim. However, there was also tetrodotoxin in his bloodstream. Pufferfish venom. In Clifford's case, the dose was almost certainly fatal.
Betty: So you're saying Clifford may not have died from hanging, but from being poisoned.
Dr. Curdle Jr.: I'm saying that Clifford Blossom was already dead when he hung himself.

Cheryl: [archery champion has her arrow aimed straight and true at demonic Malachai] Get back, you hobgoblin!

Betty: What do you want... Cheryl?
Cheryl: What we both want. For the baby to be safe. How can I help?
Betty: You can't. I don't trust you, Cheryl.
[shakes her head]
Cheryl: So don't trust me. Watch me like a hawk. Tell me the barest minimum. But let me help Polly.
Betty: You think Polly's crazy.
Cheryl: I do. I think she's crazier than a serial killer on bath salts, but so what? She's carrying Jason's baby. That trumps everything. Do you know where she is?
Betty: [shakes her head] If I did I wouldn't tell you.
Cheryl: Oh, my God, you do.
Betty: No.
Cheryl: Wow, you are the worst liar I've ever encountered. Spare me the details, Betty, just tell me how I can be of assistance to my darling nephew or niece.
Betty: Okay. Uh... Polly needs money. For a safe place to live. And for medical stuff.
Cheryl: Cash? Is that all? I can talk to my Mom and Dad.
Betty: What? No, Cheryl.
Cheryl: Jason's baby is a game changer. We're all on the same team now.

Jughead: [after Jughead sees Archie talking to Grundy at the game] Girl trouble? You?
Archie: Grundy and me. We're telling Weatherbee. At least I am.
[Jughead nods slightly]
Archie: And also, I didn't mean all that crap I said to you... I'm sorry.
Jughead: It's cool.
[Archie looks at him. Jughead tries to hold back a grin]
Jughead: We're not gonna hug in front of this whole town.
[Archie laughs]
Jughead: So why don't we just both do that bro thing where we nod like douches and mutually suppress our emotions.
Archie: Yeah... but as friends, right?
Jughead: To be discussed... over many burgers... and many days.
[Archie heads back to the field. Jughead smiles]

Betty: [tension reaches breaking point at dinner table] This was such a nice idea, Mom, but I think it's time we got to the dance. So is it okay if we skip the peach pie?

Cheryl: [interrupting Sheriff Keller on school intercom] And may I interject? Neither I nor my parents will rest until Jason's death is avenged... and his cold-hearted killer is walking the Green Mile to sit on Old Sparky and fry. I for one have my suspicions. Hashtag "Riverdale strong."