The Best The Office, Season 3, Episode 15 Quotes

Dwight: There's too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague.

- Dwight, just... no. It's
- Bob and Phyllis's orders.
- Look, I just wanted to go in and quietly sit, and have a piece of cake.
- I'm not even gonna dance, one song, maybe...
- You are a real life wedding crasher and I must bounce you.
- I'm sorry, it gives me no pleasure.
- Okay.

- I guess I wasn't really too involved in the planning.
- Yeah.
- Sorry about that.
- It's okay.
- Well, you think itsucksforyou?
- I'm the one who actually wanted to get married.

Michael: Webster's dictionary defines wedding as "the fusing of two metals with a hot torch." Well, you know something? I think you guys are two medals. Gold medals.

- I should talk to her. I don't want this to ruin her honeymoon.
- Well, nobody ever helped me.
- I had to do it myself.
- Even the doctor didn't know.
- Dude, keep it together.
- I listened to you for a half an hour eventhough most of that stuff went right over my head.

Dwight: I saw "Wedding Crashers" accidentally. I bought a ticket for "Grizzly Man" and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. Because that's the thing about bear attacks, they come when you least expect it.

- that you love me and soon you will see you were meant for me and I was meant for you and I was meant for you
- Hey, you wanna get out of here?

- No, that's actually fine.
- There's no way it's fine.
- I'm sorry.
- If I was you,
- I would just, like, freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant.
- Okay. That's a lot of good ideas. Thanks.

- And now, the wedding has no highlight.
- I can't believe I pushed that guy's lazy ass around all day until he was ready to stand up and steal the show.
- Thafs_.
- Well, I've got news for you, elbert, if that's your real name, the show's not over.

Phyllis: Yes. I put Michael in my wedding. It was the only way I could think of to get six weeks off for my honeymoon. No one else has ever gotten six weeks before.

Minister: And do you, Phyllis, take Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Phyllis: I do.
Michael: [yelling] Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance!
[silence, several people glare at Michael]
Minister: And do you, Bob, take Phyllis...
Michael: [softly] Shh...

Phyllis: Why don't you take a seat and enjoy the buffet.
Michael: I'm already on it. The chicken? Totally undercooked. I sent it back.
Phyllis: It's fish.

Michael: Phyllis is getting married and I am in the wedding party. She's asked me to push her father's wheelchair down the aisle. So, basically, I am co-giving away the bride. Since I pay her salary, it is like I'm paying for the wedding, which I'm happy to do. It's a big day for Phyllis, but it's an even bigger day for me. Employer of the Bride.

- Sure. Altoid?
- Mint, Dwight? "Mint, Dwight?"
- Yes.
- What are you doing?
- I don't know. I... what?
- My mouth tastes so bad all of a sudden.

- They're playing oursong, huh?
- Yeah, that's weird.
- I thought they only played the police.
- I know. I...
- I gave them 20 bucks.
- You wanna dance?

Michael: Congratulations, Bob. You're a good man. But just know, if you lay a finger on Phyllis, I will kill you.
Bob: If you lay a finger on Phyllis, I'll kill *you*.
Michael: Agreed. No fingers will be laid on Phyllis.

Kevin: I'm supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old and has brown eyes and dementia. His family is very concerned. It's a very serious situation.
[singing]
Kevin: Roxanne!

- I could have done better.
- I will do better.
- I am going to be better.
- I can't believe
- I'm actually doing this.
- Are you ready for this, elbert? I am.
- Let's do it!
- That's my dress.