The Best The Office, Season 2, Episode 4 Quotes

Jim: [leading games during a fire drill] All right, let's move on. Let's move on to the main event, "Who would you do?"
Kevin: Present company excluded?
Jim: Not necessarily.
Kevin: Pam.
Oscar: Pam.
[cut to look of shock on Pam's face]
Jim: Um... Okay. You know what? Maybe I'll finish explaining the rules. Let me explain it first and then...

- Do you wanna die? Out!
- All right, let's go, let's go, let's go.
- Stanley, have you ever seen a burn victim? Move to the exits.
- Come on, your safety partners.
- Your safety partners. Let's go!
- Real smoke!
- We've got smoke! Smoke!
- God!

Dwight: [to the tune of "We Didn't Start The Fire"] Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe! Ryan started the fire!

- And I will give you the rest of the 10 at lunch.
- Hey.
Dwight: Michael and I have a very special connection.
- He's like Batman,
- I'm like Robin.
- He's like the lone ranger and I'm like Tonto.
- And it's not like there was the lone ranger and Tonto and bonto.

Dwight: Question: is there firewood on the island?
Jim: I guess.
Dwight: Then I would bring an ax, no books.
Jim: No, it has to be a book, Dwight.
Dwight: Fine. "Physician's Desk Reference."
Jim: Nice. Smart.
Dwight: Hollowed out. Inside, waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." No, "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban." Question: Did my shoes come off in the plane crash?

Michael: Yes, I was the first one out. And, yes, I've heard women and children first. But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweat shop. Thankfully. And, uh, women are equal in the workplace by law. So, I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.

Michael: [the members of the office are playing a game of "Who would you do?"] Roy? Who would you do, Roy?
Roy: Oh, I got it. What's the name of that tight-ass Christian chick? The blonde?
Angela: [angrily] My name is Angela.
Roy: [without shame] Hey, Angela.
[gesturing to himself]
Roy: Roy, nice to meet you.
Michael: All right, who's next? Who's next? Who's next? Who's... Jim? You're next. Who would you do?
Jim: [There is an awkward pause] Um, Kevin, hands down.
[the group begins to laugh]
Jim: Yeah, I mean, he's really got that teddy bear thing going on and afterwards we could just watch bowling.
Michael: Well, I would definitely have sex with Ryan,
[the group stops laughing and Ryan makes an uncomfortable expression]
Michael: 'cause he's gonna own his own business.
Roy: [the camera pans to Roy who is the only one left laughing] You're all gay.

- What's your number?
- I gave it to you in the car.
- I saw you program it in.
- You gotta give it to me again.
- Okay. All right.
- Now I have it.

- She calls him, and they...
- You know.
- I'm sorry, I feel like I'm talking really loud. Am I talking really loud?
- So we're still on for lunch?
- You're meeting me here?
- Okay. Great. Bye.
- Hey, you can just give her your extension.
- Okay.

Phyllis: [the employees are listing what books they would like to read on a desert island] "The Da Vinci Code."
Angela: "The Da Vinci Code." I would take "The Da Vinci Code," so I could burn "The Da Vinci Code."
Dwight: Okay, great. That's gonna keep you warm for, like, seven seconds.