The Best The Office, Season 4, Episode 7 Quotes

- That's just who you are.
- I mean, no matter how badly I treat you or what I'm going through, you just... you are there for me, and that is a guy worth staying beside.
- So where is this train taking us?
- I think the engineer left.

Michael: It's hot today. The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant, which would make it about
[looks at his watch]
Michael: 2:00 in the afternoon.

- I've always wanted to be in the witness protection program.
- Fresh start.
- No debts, no baggage.
- I've already got my name picked out, lord Rupert Everton.
- I'm a shipping merchant who raises fancy dogs.
- That's the life.
- I declare bankruptcy!

- A suit?
- On the phone.
- Like the main company number?
- 'Cause I'm gonna have to call information. Where's Armani?
- He's on the phone. Too slow. You're not going to Paris.
- I'm so much better than you.

Jim: Well, I don't think I'll be here in 10 years, but...
Michael: That's what I said.
[Jim sits with a shocked expression that that will happen to him]
Michael: That's what she said.
Jim: That's what who said?
Michael: I never know. But I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension when things sort of get hard.
Jim: That's what she said.
Michael: [laughs] Hey. Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward.

- Meryl Streep is the bad guy.
- Never see it coming.
- Anyway, if I was mean in any way to you, I am sorry.
- I just want what's best for you, minooshka.
[Whispering] Minooshka.
- Mo cuishle. He's watching million dollar baby.
- He's gonna try to kill me.

- Hey, what's so captivating?
- I love captivating things, and this must really be captivating because it's keeping you off the phones.
- I mean, time is your money. That's how I know how captivating it is because of how much time you've spent talking.
Pam: Yourturn.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Great.
- Just thought I heard crying or moaning or something in here.
- Oh, well, I'll look into that in the morning.
- Thank you for bringing that to the attention of the staff.
- Good night, Dwight.

Michael: [to Stanley] Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack. Not crack the drug.

Jim: Yeah. Phyllis called me Michael. And I will always and forever be haunted by that fact.

Michael: Hypothetically, if I were to ask you to go camping. And... Do you know what "hypothetical" means?
[Jim makes an unsure expression]
Michael: Not real.
Jim: Got it.
Michael: So if I were to hypothetically ask you to go camping with me, would you go?
Jim: Absolutely. Yes.
[in confessional]
Jim: When Michael plays the hypothetical game, I always say yes.
Michael: Really?
Jim: Yeah.
Michael: Oh, do you want to go today?
Jim: [aside to the camera] And I am always busy.
[to Michael]
Jim: Oh, I can't go today because I'm donating blood.

- I was never in this for the money.
- But it turns out that the money was an absolute necessity for me.
- I tried to live the dream, I tried to have a job, a girlfriend, another job, and I failed.
- But the good thing about the American dream is that you can just go to sleep and try it all again the next night.

- Yeah? What? Michael left.
- Okay. Where did he go?
- I don't know.
- Well, is he coming right back?
Oscar: I don't think so.
- I'll be right there.

- It is rude and unsexual.
- True.
- It's best to hide our money problems from women.
- I totally agree with you, but I don't have money problems.
- All right, you know what?
- Watch this.
- If I had money problems, would I do this?

- the new Italian place where the dry cleaner used to be.
- Okay. Yeah?
- Yeah. Okay.
- Jim's just really passionate about Italian food.
- Yeah. I'm very passionate about Italian food.
- In fact, I'm in love with Italian food.

- Thank you, Michael.
- I'm gonna nab it one of these nights.
- Well, if you concentrate and make your calls faster, yeah.
- Good night. Good night.
- Michael. Mmm.
- Morning. Hi.

- I'm getting out of town.
- Whatever you call it, I am running away from my responsibilities.
- It feels good.
- You may ask me out to dinner.
- Nothing fancy or foreign. No bars, no patios, no vegetables and no seafood.
- Dwight?

- I don't know. I think those it guys messed up.
- Hold on.
- I'll get them on the phone.
- Wait. No. Here it is.
- Here it is. Found it.
- Sure. I can hold.
- Dunder Mifflin. Dwight schrute.
- Please hold.

- Medical school must have cost like
- 40 bucks or a donkey or something.
- Uh, no.
- I would have been chief of surgery.
- Or a cowboy.
Jim: Wait, you're going out there?
Pam: Yeah. Coward.

- That is... wow.
- Thank you.
Jim: The borscht hotel.
- The embassy beets. Radish inn.
- How are you doing this?
Pam: I don't know.

Dwight: No, I would never leave you for dead. You would never escape.
Michael: Well, yes I would. And I would survive.
Dwight: I would make sure that you were dead. Believe me.
Michael: No...
Dwight: Then I would remove your teeth and cut off your fingertips so you could not be identified.
Michael: You...
Dwight: And they would call me the Overkill Killer.
Michael: You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.

Creed: Today is actually my birthday and I want to pick the cake.
Jim: What do you want?
Creed: I want pie. I want peach pie.
Jim: You want birthday pie?
Creed: I want a nice cobbler.
Jim: I'll talk to Angela and we're going to see what we can do about a pie.
Creed: I don't care who you talk to you. Just make it happen.
Jim: It'll be Angela.
Creed: You tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means.

[Michael is a little hurt that he wasn't invited to Ryan's camping trip]
Michael: Just this whole Toby camping thing. I don't know, seems a little lame. I mean...
Jim: How so?
Michael: A bunch of guys in a tent making s'mores.
[Michael wavers his hand implying that circumstance warrants homosexuality because it's all guys]
Jim: [about Michael's motions] What's that?
Michael: Oh, I'm on Broken Mountain.

- I couldn't sleep. I couldn't concentrate on anything.
- And weird stuff, like food had no taste.
- So my solution was to move away.
- It was awful.
- And it is something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
- And that includes you.

- The red bar is what you spend on non-essentials, like magazines, entertainment. Right.
- Things like that.
- This scary black bar is what you spend on things that no one ever, ever needs, like multiple magic sets, professional bass fishing equipment.
- How did you do this so fast?
- Is this powerpoint?

Dwight: Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way. No, I do not.