The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 3, Episode 4 Quotes

Lily: I can't believe you got dumped by a six-year-old.
Robin: Whatever. He was just a stupidhead.

- Doug was right: You are a pain in the ass.
- So I had a really nice time tonight.
- Me, too.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
Barney: Hey, Ted, pucker up all you want, but I was here first.

Ted: But she's afraid of commitment.
Lily: But she's a gun nut.
Barney: But she's Canadian.
Marshall: But she didn't like
- Field of Dreams.
- I can't think of...
- You don't have a "but."

Barney: From this spot,
- I also launched an expedition to those two large ridges down there.

Ted: Robin hates kids.
Robin: I don't *hate* kids!
Ted: Well, you don't want to have any.
Robin: I like sports cars, but I don't want to push a Ferrari through my vagina.
Barney: Shotgun!

Ted: I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: People with real game don't need eyepatches.
Barney: Oh, Theodore. No, no, no.
[calmly removes eyepatch]
Barney: You can't spell 'game' without 'me', and 'me' has the best game.
Ted: Yeah? Well, I have so much game, I'm a Cornish game hen.
Barney: Oh, yeah? I have so much game, I'm New York gaming commissioner.
Ted: Well, I'm *The* Game, well-crafted, keep-you-guessing thriller starring Michael Douglas and Sean Penn.

Robin: [the guy she's dating has a kid] Why is this kid around anyway? Shouldn't he be with his mother? I mean, what kind of lawyer does this guy have if he has to take care of the kid all the time?
Lily: A good one. He won full custody.
Robin: [surprised] He won?
[confused]
Robin: He won? Oh god, getting the kid is winning, isn't it? Don't tell anyone I said that.

Ted: Even when you were a kid you hated kids.
[flashback]
Four: Robin, will you watch cartoons with me?
11: I spend all week at school. Can't I just have some time alone to read my Highlights and drink my juice?

Marshall: [to Robin] You can't blame us for thinking the kid would be a problem. I mean, if we were friends with Garfield, we wouldn't set him up on a date with Mondays.

Barney: Ted, I challenge you to a dating Olympiad. 26 games over 11 days, we'll go to a neutral city...
Ted: Or we each date someone and first one to score wins.
Barney: That works too.