The Best The Sopranos, Season 6, Episode 17 Quotes

Christopher: You ain't seen this many cops lined up since the centennial of Dunkin' Donuts.

- Have you been feeling suicidal, Anthony?
- A little bit.
- Have you ever tried to kill yourself?
- No.
- I mean, once, me and my friends jumped off my garage roof...
- But, you know, that was just to fool around.

Tony: [sees Chris barbecuing] Oh, look at that wrist action! All those years yankin' it are finally startin' to pay off.

- Come in. Come in.
- Oh, look at the baby.
- Very sweet.
- Can I play the Xbox?
- What happened to folding the napkins?
- How you holding up?
- I'm totally freaking.
- I gotta take the ziti out.
- Hit open.

Carmela: It's better to have loved than lost, A.J. It's better to have loved and lost, A.J.
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr.: [incredulous] What?
Tony: It is.

- Give me a dime at two and a half.
- If not, my father's sending my check this week.
- Fuck that. If not, you see this guy right here? Tony soprano Jr.
- Know what that means, right?
- Monday, bro. One way or the other.
- Come on, don't be a dick about it.

Christopher: My friends have abandoned me. I've been totally fuckin' ostra-fied.

Carmela: [after Meadow knocks on their bedroom door] Come in
Meadow: I need to talk to you guys
Tony: What's the matter? Finn?
Meadow: No, not about me: AJ
Carmela: what about him?
Meadow: [referring to his fiancé Blanca breaking up with him] I know his upset but his been saying some "things" that are really disturbing
Carmela: Like what?
Meadow: Like "Nobody gives a shit about him", "What's the point of anything", stuff like that. I told you about that girl Hadley sophomore year, the one who threw herself off the library balcony? These are the exact kind of "things" she was saying, I don't mean to get you all upset
Carmela: Of course not. I'm glad you said something

Stan: [Talking privately in a stairway] your boss is your uncle?
Christopher: Yeah.
Stan: That's got to add to the source.
Christopher: [Referring to Tony] we used to be some pair.
Stan: you produce movies? the stress is already too high.
Christopher: I have a happy marriage but there was a woman she worked with us in a club we had, she became a problem that had to be dealt with and I sided with him, but he never really appreciated it give, give, give, it's all I ever do.I think that's where our relationship got poisoned.

- How about faxes? E-mails?
- Make it even easier for the cops.
- This is a face-to-face business,
- Christopher.
- Yeah, I'll talk to Paulie.
- Believe me, there's a few things that he needs to hear.
- You figure out how much he owes for the tools and we're gonna deduct that...
- Against what you're gonna owe for little Paulie's hospital bills.

- Got him out of the house, around people his own age.
- At the fucking bing?
- Well, they're college kids.
- It's what they do.
- I know you'd rather see him in his room drinking cocoa...
- But this is the way back, believe me.
- And the way back to college.
- Fraternities, frat boys...

Tony: What the fuck's with you?
Carlo: Root canal, they got me on oxycodone. My whole fuckin' head is numb.
Tony: Well, that answers some questions.

Christopher: You know, and I know, they were there to boost that shit.
Paulie: It couldn't wait, OK? I promised a load to Lenny down the Joint Fitter's Union.
Christopher: What do I give a fuck? It ain't my union!
Paulie: Lower your voice, I got neighbors.
Christopher: Fuck your neighbors! When are you gonna pay me?
Paulie: When you suck the money out of my ass! Now get the fuck out!

- Me? I'm Mike.
- Paulie.
- Nice to meet you.
- Voice mail.
- Here, give me that.
- Yeah, ai, it's Paulie.
- Listen, we're here with Mike.
- We're gonna take the drills.
- I'll call you later about that other order.
- Let's go.

- You'd give anything in the world to trade places with them...
- So they don't have to suffer.
- And then to think you're the cause of it.
- How are you the cause of it?
- It's in his blood, this miserable fucking existence.
- My rotten, fucking, putrid genes have infected my kid's soul.
- That's my gift to my son.

- The one who threw herself off the library balcony.
- These are the exact kind of things she was saying.
- I don't mean to get you all upset, it's just...
- No, of course not.
- I'm glad you said something.
- Good night.
- Good night, sweetie.
- And get some sleep.

- You saw her again, didn't you?
- I knew it.
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- I love you, Anthony.
- It's killing me to see you like this.
- What's the fucking point?
- Point of what?
- Just leave me alone.

- Destroyed the bushes, the grass, and every fucking flower she planted.
- Just relax, okay?
- I am fucking relaxed.
- I'm not gonna do nothing.
- Because I love you, because I'm committed to my work...
- I ain't gonna do shit.
- I'm gonna sit tight and hold my tongue, and not cause no problems for you.

Carmela: You've heard the term "comfort food". Maybe it'll make you feel better.
Anthony: I know this is hard for you to believe, but food may not be the answer to every problem.
Tony: Neither is acting like a whiny little bitch.

- What?
- I have told you repeatedly...
- I do not wanna hear this shit.
- I let you be part of my movie.
- You let me?
- I'm pouring my heart out, man.
- And I'm very sorry.
- But we met in aa.
- Chris, you're in the mafia.
- Fine.

- What the fuck are you talking about?
- Come on, ton, huh?
- Between the coke, the vodka, whatever the fuck else...
- He was squirting up his arm...
- Let's be honest about the great Dickie moltisanti.
- My dad, your hero...
- Wasn't much more than a fucking junkie.

Christopher: [over the phone] Hey, T
Tony: Yeah, I'm here with some people and the Arabs from The Bing, what were their names?
Christopher: [confused] Some people?
Tony: exactly
Christopher: [realizing who Tony's referring to] Oh fuck, yeah. Ahmed and Muhammad, what'd they do?
Tony: [repeats the names to Harris and Goddard who are sitting nearby] Ahmed and Muhammad
Christopher: You know, actually I got a cell phone number. I called him recently but he don't answer no more
Christopher: [after looking at his cell phone for their numbers] 973-555-0146, tell me they're not gonna blow up the chemical plant or some shit
Tony: I don't know, I'll call you later

- Let's take a ride and talk about that, all right?
- Come on, guys, stop.
- What's going on?
- Nothing, we're just fucking around.
- No.
- Get in the fucking car.
- No.
- Get in the fucking car!

- What were they doing?
- Walking.
- But then they meet up with this other group and...
- I don't know, it seemed...
- You got a name?
- One was named Ahmad or Jamal or...
- Hold on, hold on.

- My shitty-ass pizza job.
- If it's so horrible, take a day off.
- My fiancée left me.
- That job is all I have in my life.
- It's better to have loved and lost, a.J.
- What?
- It is.

Carmela: [referring to AJ's depression caused by his fiancée breaking up with him] he's an emotional wreck!
Tony: [after letting AJ attend a party at a strip club] and seeing a pair of tits is going to send him over the edge?

Christopher: [rushes into the back office of the Bada Bing strip club] Listen, I gotta talk to you
Tony: Now?
Christopher: It can't wait, this fuckin Paulie
Bobby: What happened?
Christopher: [ignores Bobby, to Tony] He sent his idiot nephew and Jason Molinaro to my father in law's store: they boosted a palate of power saws
Tony: They did?
Christopher: Yeah, not exactly, Al caught them while they were there
Tony: So, they did or did not take the saws?
Christopher: They did, under a false pretense
Tony: [irritated] And this what you couldn't wait to talk to me about?
Christopher: They broke into the guy's store!
Tony: [referring to him, Sil, and Bobby] Yeah, I hear ya, I get it but we're in the middle of talking about an ongoing potentially multimillion dollar proposition here
Christopher: It ain't the money
Tony: [surprised, sarcastically] Oh really? Well, I'm glad you feel that way
Tony: [to Sil and Bobby] Palate of drills, you believe this shit?
Tony: [to Christopher] Go have a Lime Rickey or whatever the fuck it is your drinking these days, and we'll be done in a few minutes
Christopher: Forget it, alright? I got other shit to do

- I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
- Me too.
- Do this again, sweetie.
- And get him a club soda.
- You know what? Fuck it.
- Whatever he's having.
- You got it.
- Good times.

Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr.: I'm fuckin depressed, ok?
Tony: you broke up, how long you wanna cry about it?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr.: [referring to Blanca Selgado] She was my life
Tony: Your twenty years old, you barely have a life and you're better off anyway. She was cute, ok? But come on, with another guy's kid to boot
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr.: She was the best thing that ever happened to me
Tony: What you're going through, what you're feeling right now, it happens sometimes: everybody gets the "blues", there's a half a billion-dollar industry devoted to it
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr.: What, Prozac?
Tony: No, the music business: they write thousands of songs about this shit, "Tears on my pillow", "Mona Lisa", right?

- Stupid? Just hung up with Paulie.
- His nephew's got six broken vertebras.
- I know that, and I'm sorry.
- But this is the second fucking time
- Paulie flouted his authority to my face.
- The shit with the tools, he set up the deal with the Cubans...
- But this is my father-in-law we're talking about, Tony, my family.
- This bullshit could have been handled with a conversation.

- For some of us it is.
- Don't get cunty.
- I'm breaking your balls.
- What do you say we take a ride?
- Little prime rib? On me.
- Maybe next time.
- You watching your cholesterol now too?
- Yeah, you're fucking hilarious.

- She ain't adopted, Paulie.
- I'm kidding. What were you saying?
- My point... what the fuck? My...
- It's babies. They're the future.
- You realize by the time Caitlin's out of college, it'll be like the year 2027?
- She takes after you, she won't be out of fourth grade by then.
- Of course, by that time, she'll be working here, so who gives a shit?

Christopher: [Referring to throwing little Paulie out a window] I did a stupid thing Tone, I won't deny it
Tony: Stupid? I just hung up with Paulie, his nephew's got six broken vertebrates
Christopher: I know that and I'm sorry but this is the second fuckin time Paulie flouted his authority to my face. This shit with the tools, I know he set up the deal with the Cubans but this my father-in-law we're talking about: my family
Tony: In any case this bullshit could've been handled with a conversation
Christopher: I came to the Bing remember? I tried to talk to you about it
Tony: And I told you to wait and you left to go God knows where. I've got to be honest because this goes directly to what we've talked about more than once. If you were around more you'd have your finger on pulse problems like these would've squashed in the womb
Christopher: Whether I'm around has nothing to do with it. He needed the tools? He could've left me a message
Tony: [Sarcastically] we're supposed to leave phone messages about interstate hijackings now? How about faxes? Emails? Make it even easier for the cops. This is a face to face business, Christopher and yeah I'm going to talk to Paulie because believe me there's a few things he needs to hear. But in the mean time you figure out how much he owes for the tools and we'll deduct that against with what your going to owe for little Little Paulie's hospital bills

- And had to leave the Starbucks.
- I can't sleep at night without you.
- It'll get better, okay?
- I love you so much.
- I gotta go back to work.
- Stop. You're embarrassing me.

Tony: You knock off early, we, uh, go back to your place, christen those new sheets you were telling me about.
Lori: The man with the plan, huh?
Tony: Uh, the man with the erection.

Christopher: [raises glass] To business.
Paulie: You're goin' to jinx me? Toast with water?
Christopher: Club soda. What's your problem?
Paulie: You got the problem, my friend. You're a real fuckin' drip lately.
Christopher: When I was usin', I was a disgrace; now I'm sober, and I'm a drip. The fuck you want from me?
Paulie: How's about bein' normal? That so fuckin' hard?
Christopher: Actually, yeah, Paulie, for some of us it is.
Paulie: Don't get cunty, I'm breakin' your balls... What do ya say we take a ride? A little prime rib, on me.
Christopher: Maybe next time.
Paulie: What are you watchin' your cholesterol now too?
Christopher: Yeah. Fuckin' hilarious.
[gets up and leaves]

Tony: These fuckin' women, they'll drive you nuts with their emotions and whatnot. And I know it feels like you're never gonna love anybody again. But trust me, there's millions of girls that are dyin' to meet a guy like you. I see 'em every day.
Anthony: Oh, right. I'm so special.
Tony: You're damn right you are. You're handsome, and smart, and hard worker, and - let's be honest - white. That's a huge plus nowadays... Go out and get a blowjob.
Anthony: I don't want a blowjob!
Tony: Keep your voice down.
Anthony: Why? Who's listening out there?
Tony: Nobody.
[Carmela opens the door]
Anthony: Ah, fuck me!

Tony: It's in his blood, this miserable fuckin' existence. My rotten, fuckin' putrid genes have infected my kid's soul. That's my gift to my son.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I know all this is difficult but I'm very glad we're having this discussion.
Tony: Really, really? 'Cause I gotta be honest, I think it fuckin' sucks.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What does?
Tony: This. Therapy. I HATE this fuckin' shit! Seriously, we're both adults here, right? So after all is said and done, after all the complainin' and the cryin' and all the fuckin' bullshit... is this all there is?

- She was out of my life.
- Okay, fine.
- But he never appreciated it.
- Give, give, give, it's all I ever do.
- I think that's when the relationship between me and him got poisoned.
- Jeremy, you got all of them?
- Yeah.
- Let's go.

Agent: Hey, what's the good word?
Tony: Can't complain
Agent: Sure, you could, Phil Leotardo. My first assignment out of the academy was in Brooklyn. Never cared for him. He tried to set up this other rookie, a female for rape and beating
Tony: Listen, that subject we talked about: if I were to know something possibly terror related and help you out, could I "bank" the result in goodwill?
Agent: Well, what happens is, I would personally write you what's called a "5-k letter". It's a document setting forth your cooperation and service. It would be placed in your file, "if" you were ever convicted of a crime, it would be presented to a judge when he or she is considering sentencing guidelines
Tony: There were a couple of guys. Arabs, Arabians maybe, they used to hang around the Bing and someone I know may have done some business with them
Agent: At the port?
Agent: [to Tony, after gesturing to Ron not to interfere and interrupt] you were saying?
Tony: Alright, the point is they used to be around all the time these two, drinking, trying to tit fuck the girls whatever, and suddenly their disappeared. I mean completely: then a week or so ago I'm driving and see them with these other guys with the head gear, the beard and the whole "fundamental" bit, but there's nothing illegal going on over there, right?
Agent: What were they doing?
Tony: Walking, then they meet up with this other group
Agent: You got a name?

- With your relationship?
- I don't know. I mean,
- I wish there was a reason...
- But she says there isn't.
- I think maybe it's because...
- We have way more money in my family than hers.
- They're immigrants, and that might have scared her.

- I'm just a guy looking to punch you in the mouth.
- Oh, you can take a punch.
- I guess we knew that already, didn't we?
- You can actually land a punch too.
- You're pretty good, huey.
- Nice.
- Against a 36-year-old out-of-shape lieutenant.

Tony: I came here today to tell you, in all seriousness, that I'm done. I did what you said. I gave it a lot of thought and I decided, once and for all, it's over. The truth is this therapy is a jerk-off. You know it and I know it.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I actually don't know it but please continue.
Tony: It's a jerk-off.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Yes, you've said that.

Christopher: I look in her eyes, man, and she looks back at me...
Paulie: How the fuck do I put myself up for adoption?
Christopher: What?
Paulie: Nothin'. Go ahead.
Christopher: She ain't adopted Paulie.
Paulie: I'm kiddin'. What were you sayin'?
Christopher: My point... What the fuck?... It's babies. They're the future. You realize by the time Caitlin's outta college it'll be like the year 2027 or somethin'.
Paulie: She takes after you she won't be outta fourth grade by then. 'Course by that time she'll be workin' here so who gives a shit.

- Look, I'm fucking depressed, okay?
- You broke up.
- How long you wanna cry about it?
- She was my life.
- You're 20 years old. You barely have a life, and you're better off anyway.
- She was cute, okay, but come on.
- With another guy's kid to boot.
- She was the best thing that ever happened to me.

- Oh, what are you doing?
- Nothing.
- Come on, come on.
- We're just fucking around.
- Okay. It's late. I gotta go.

- I got like a 450 on my math sat.
- Fuck that shit, bro.
- I could hook you up in like 10 minutes.
- Can I dance for you, baby?
- I guess.
- Yeah, dude. Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Ai, this is a big fucking mix-up.
- I thought Paulie called you.
- The guy's waiting.
- So you break in?
- I got a silent alarm goes right to my house.
- He'll take care of you. Don't worry.
- Let me talk to my son-in-law.
- Chris?
- Fine by me, but if I were you, I wouldn't make a problem where there ain't one.

- Watching that scotch drool out of his fat fucking mouth.
- Embedded that dream into our culture, right...
- Hey.
- Turn up the metabolic heat with a fahrenheit of--
- What are you watching?
- Nothing.
- Oh, whoa, that's a good one.
- John Wayne.