The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 3, Episode 7 Quotes

Ted: Barney, what are you doing? You can't take this apartment from Marshall and Lily.
Barney: You think I have no morals whatsoever? I'm only pretending to live here so I can take this woman here, nail her and never have to see her again. I'm not a monster.

Barney: I met a girl last night.
Ted: Really?
Barney: She's so perky, and full of life, and not at all fake.
Ted: You are talking about her boobs, right?
Barney: Si... and that wasn't Spanish, that was cup size. Wuddupppppp!

- There, I said it and I'm not taking it back.
- Oh, my God!
- I love you, too.
- I'm finally not the first one to say it!
- How about you get in the shower, and I will make us some waffles.
- Uh-huh.

Meg: Who are these people?
Barney: They're my parents.
Meg: Your parents are Asian?
Barney: They're a Chinese couple who wanted a little white boy. It works both ways.

Narrator: Kids, everyone makes mistakes. Take this woman named Meg. She made a big mistake. A big mistake named Barney.

- This place is, is way out of our price range, and besides, we've only just started to looking.
- Is what Marshall should have said.
- I'm gonna stop you right there.
- I love it!
- Let's get it!

Marshall: Baby, real estate is always a sound investment.
Narrator: It's not.
Marshall: And the market is really hot right now.
Narrator: It wasn't.
Marshall: And because of my new job, we're in a good place finacially.
Narrator: They weren't, because Lily had a secret.
Lily: Hi, I'm Lily, and I'm a shopaholic.

Robin: He had a detective's club as a kid.
Ted: Hey, the Mosby Boys cracked a lot of cases.
Robin: The Mosby Boys? You mean you and your sister?
Ted: We solved the case of the missing retainer.
Robin: Let me guess... it was in the garbage.
Ted: Why do you like this?

Robin: What the hell are you doing? You can't buy this place - Lily, you have a debt the size of Mount Waddington!
Lily: Waddington?
Robin: It's the tallest mountain in Canada. It's like 4000 meters high.
Lily: Meters?

Marshall: I'm going to stop you right there. Don't bother with the hard sell. We can't afford this place just now, and besides, we just started looking.
Narrator: Is what Marshall should have said.
Marshall: I'm going to stop you right there. I love it! We'll take it!

Ted: Now all we need is a motive. The million dollar question: What were they fighting about?
Robin: I know what they've been fighting about...
Ted: Bap-bap-bap...! There is only one possible conclusion. Lily and Marshall were fighting about... peanut butter. Lily left the lid off, and Marshall blew his.
Robin: I know what they were fighting about, and it wasn't peanut butter.
Barney: Robin, just...
Ted: I appreciate your help. But there is a reason why your name is Robin, not Batman.

Ted: Why would you come in? You heard me shaving!
Lily: I thought you were shaving your face!
Ted: Well, clearly I wasn't!