The Best American Dad!, Season 3, Episode 2 Quotes

Hayley: I am a proud and evolved woman and I have nothing to be ashamed of.
[takes off her robe and poses]
Roger the Alien: Nice.
[waves at Hayley. Hayley gasps and covers herself]
Roger the Alien: Madam, please uncover yourself. Does anyone have any areola pink? I only have one tube.

Stan: [When Stan ends up in court for beating up the meter maid] This is humiliating.
Francine: Relax, Stan. Nothing's gonna happen. Punching a meter maid. It's like punching a fat person. No one cares.

Hayley: Roger, you had no right coming to that class and sketching me.
Roger the Alien: The subject telling the artist what he can and can't do? That's like a soup can telling Warhol where to buy speed.

Stan: Francine finally had what she wanted. She was married to a somebody and she was enjoying a taste of the good life. Unfortunately, I didn 't count on her having an appetite. The appetite of a good-life elephant. Does that make sense? It doesn 't need to. I was a meter maid.

Stan: [to Hayley] You can't go out dressed like that.
Hayley: Don't worry. I'll be taking it off at art class where I'll be posing nude.
Stan: You'll do nothing of the sort.
Hayley: I'm late. Can we just cut to the key yelling points?
Stan: Fine. I forbid it. Not while you're under my roof. I didn't raise a hussy.
Hayley: It's my right as a woman. Nudity empowers me. There's nothing sinful about the female form. We done?
Stan: Yeah, we're done.

Steve: Well, I guess it's back to squinting really hard till stuff looks like boobs.

Kristy: Francine, I heard you bullied your way into the "Parade of Homes". Too bad you can't strong arm your house into looking presentable.
Francine: I think it looks okay.
Kristy: Well, if you think "okay" is good enough then you're as stupid as your house is ugly. Oh, my God, I'm a bitch. Okay, vroom-vroom.
[drives off in her car]

Stan: Hi. We don't have a reservation, but I'm Stan Smith.
Maitre: Pf!

Roger the Alien: [after Francine destroys Roger's painting of Hayley] My art! You've destroyed my drawing of Hayley.
Steve: Hayley?
Roger the Alien: It's obvious what you have to do, Steve. You have to kill yourself.
Steve: What? Why? Nobody saw.
Roger the Alien: God saw. Everyone in heaven saw. Aunt Sadie, Great Gram-Gram, Star Trek's James Doohan...
Steve: Scotty saw?
Roger the Alien: Scotty watched the whole damn thing.
[Steve starts crying]
Hayley: You know what, Roger? This whole thing is your fault. I am gonna kick your ass!
Roger the Alien: You think you got a shot, porn star? Then bring it.
[Hayley punches Roger in the stomach]
Roger the Alien: I wasn't ready. This is how Houdini died!

Meter: [When Stan beats up a meter maid for writing him a ticket] Please stop.
Stan: Sorry. I already started.